Bad luck. Sure, Bennett was used to being unlucky. Bad luck had been his loyal companion for a long time, not a loved one, but he had become friends with it ...or...well, he accepted his fate. Actually everything worked out somehow in the end, whether it was through the help of others or by chance, it didn't matter, somehow he always made it through another day. And hey, if are used to bad luck, hardly anything can upset you. Or at least that's what he thought. What he thought until he was faced with a problem that was almost impossible to solve. Having feelings for your best friend, the one that doesn't understand most human things...oh archons...could there be anything more complicated?
-
"You sure you don't wanna come to the city? It's pretty cool during Windblume!"
"Wind..bloom?"
"Yeah! So actually it's a celebration to honor Barbatos but...I like to try the special food! And drinks! And it's great how happy everyone is!"
"Everyone is happy?...why?"
"It's the whole vibe! Some days off for the ones that work really hard, the decorations, everything...uhm...and..it's kinda...romantic..haha..Not that I mind that...but lots of people celebrate their love..and stuff."
"..hmm...too many...humans...Razor would rather not go there .. We could hunt ... that's what I like ..."
That wasn't exactly what Bennett was hoping to hear, but what was he hoping anyway? That he could take Razor into town, spend time there and that like a miracle he would suddenly reveal that he felt the same way Bennett did?
"..ugh stupid...", the blonde mumbled but shook his head seconds later, the usual smile gracing his lips again, followed by an enthusiastic nod.
"Yeah, let's go! Maybe we'll find enough to share with the others. We could have a little party of our own, only with those you like, of course."
This time Razor just looked at Bennett a little longer than normal but simply nodded after a few seconds, he noticed that something was off but was far away from being able to tell what it was.
-
"That was great! You're the best hunter ever!"
" ... voice frightens animals ... have to be quiet to hunt..."
"..I just..... ... sorry."
Razor nodded, focused on the prey in front of them again, all that mattered to him right now was the hunt and nothing else.
Bennett on the other hand sighed quietly, wondering why he even tried to compliment him.
"..so stupid..."
Actually everything was fine the way it was, right? Why ruin their friendship with stupid feelings? It wouldn't work anyway, Razor could never feel the same for him...
But what if he did...and he would be unlucky because he just said nothing? Should he just tell him directly?
He could just tell him later. That was good enough, it didn't need a stupid party for something like that.
All it needed was the two of them. Together with some food, a campfire and some rest.
After all, that often happened. So if Razor didn't like him, they wouldn't meet that often in the first place, right? Right!
With renewed enthusiasm, Bennett turned his gaze back to the boars infront of them, trying to be as quiet as possible.
-
It had felt like an eternity until they finally finished the hunt and sat around the campfire together. All day Bennett had been too distracted to concentrate on the hunt, but at least he hadn't caused any trouble. The fall down the slope, the burning bush, and the charred meat were hardly worth mentioning compared to the many times the blonde had been struck by lightning. But even though nothing too bad happened today, he just felt incredibly nervous right now. Much more nervous than ever before.
Bennett just stared at the other for a while, cleared his throat whereupon he choked heavily, coughed for an eternity and then just looked at Razor again, scratching his head, grinning stupidly.
"Uhm...Razor? I think I have to tell you something."
"You..say everything...I'm listening."
"Ahaha..uhm..It's a little more complicated, you know. I really want to tell you but..uhm, well maybe it's stupid but..I think I like like you."
"Like..me? Hm.... Yes. Lupical like eachother...I like you ... and the others ...Wolves are family ... you too ... little girl too ..."
"No, no, no, not like that! ..uhm..that's really great! I love that we're lupical, really! But I ... I don't like you, you know? ...Oh..oh archons I didn't mean it like that! I do like you! Of course I like you! You are my best friend! But I ... I like you more than that."
Razor had tilted his head a little, looking questioningly at Bennett. What he said didn't make too much sense to the wolf boy.
"Lupical ..are all the same...all are family...no difference...I do not understand.."
Bennett sighed heavily but smiled again just a few seconds later. He had told himself that he had to say it directly, so he just had to do that. And well, if he didn't understand it, that would be...hm..frustrating, but they could just continue to be friends...After all, nothing would have been ruined and he would have tried. That would be enough, wouldn't it?
"Hmh lupical are family and I know that you like all of them. But sometimes there could be someone you like more..No not more, but different. That's how I feel for you, you know..I uhm ... I think I'm in love with you. So .. uhm I have a crush on you...ok? Ok cool."
For a moment, that felt way too long again, the gray-haired just said nothing, seeming to be a confused and lost in thought. For a brief moment he seemed to be talking to himself, but Bennett couldn't understand what he was saying. It was too quiet and indistinct, but with every moment and inaudible word, the blonde felt more nervous again. Had it been a mistake? Oh archons, of course it was a mistake! Almost panicing, Bennett jumped up to stop Razor from thinking to much about it, but before he could say anything he heard Razors voice again.
"For Razor..all lupical are the same ... not more..not different..don't know love but...I will ask wolves..now eat. Meat cold again if you don't eat."
Was that bad? It wasn't a rejection, but it was clear that Razor didn't feel the same, right? Well what did he expect? Although he wasn't expecting anything, it was unusually painful to hear that Razor didn't feel the same way. Ok, maybe he just didn't get it, but if everyone was the same to him, then Bennett was nothing special to him either...
"...Of course we are all the same .. Sure .. what else....", he whispered to himself, a pained expression on his face that he tried to conceal quickly again. He smiled a weak smile and nodded, shoving a piece of meat into his mouth to surpress the million other sighs that wanted to leave his lips. He was silent for the rest of the evening, perhaps for the first time since they had known each other.
-
"Well you know that he didn't grow up like we did. I don't think the wolves taught him such things .. honestly I don't even know if they know such social..uhm..things .. do wolves live monogamous? I don't believe that they live the way many people expect to live their lifes. After all, they're wolves. They don't care what others think about them. We shouldn't either, but you know how it is.", Amber talked and talked while Aether just nodded over and over again. After not seeing Razor for a few days, Bennett felt the need to speak to someone. Actually he liked doing that with Fischl, but she was nowhere to be seen either, so he talked to someone else he trusted. That Amber was the one who talked so much wasn't planned, but hey, it helped to distract himself.
"I don't think that's the point ... But yes, I also think that he at least doesn't know these ideas about relationships. Whereby feelings are feelings and you can feel them even if you don't know what they are called....
Sorry Benny.....I know it hurts...", Aether finally added to the conversation, placing a hand on Bennetts shoulder to show compassion.
"Ah no..It's nothing more than a stupid crush..that'll stop again and at least I'm lucky if we just stay friends. Maybe I'll just go to him and ask if he wants to go hunting. As always. I'll just ignore it myself, he might just forget about it too. And then we can be friends and maybe one day I'll find someone else that'll love me too. Just like my dads. That'd be cool. It's not like he's the only one in the world ..
Even if he's cute ... and pretty...and pure...and I prefer to hear his voice over anything else...and I like how soft his hair is .. ... ... Oh come on ... that's not fair!", for a moment Bennett had seemed like he believed what he was saying, but with every word about Razor he looked happier until he suddenly looked incredibly frustrated again. He couldn't deny his feelings. He didn't know since when they were so strong, but that wasn't something that came overnight anyways. They had known each other for a long time, spent a lot of time together, shared good and bad times. It didn't have to happen like that, of course, but it wasn't Bennett's plan after all. Feelings just happen. That's the way it is. And once they were there, they didn't leave anytime soon.
-
"Hey, so about last time, just forget about that...Isn't that important anyways...uhm..do you want to go hunting?", it had definitely not been easy for Bennett to go back into the woods. A thousand times he had practiced what he would say, but in the end it was just best to try to ignore it. He was convinced that Razor had already forgotten the whole thing, but when he saw the other shake his head, he knew that he didn't. Suddenly his heart prepared again to run a marathon, causing his hands to shake slightly.
"Don't you wanna go hunting?", he asked quietly, unsecure, staring at his feet to avoid the others stern expression.
"..no hunt today....Razor talked to lupical..now I have to talk to you.."
"Ehehe..uhm..there's nothing to talk about .. just forget about it."
"..no. Lupical said I shouldn't ignore it ..Should say what I think ..They explained ...what you said....I did not understand but crow.. explained ..what woman said .. now I understand...Wolves don't live like that ..not with humans. Not with me. They're Razor's family...but what you said is different ...I do not know... I do not know how... humans love.", Razor said, partly confused, partly convinced, and Bennett could swear that he had never talked so much in one go. It was nice to see that it seemed important to him to say something, but it was also incredibly exhausting. Exhausting for Bennett's poor heart.
"You don't have to worry too much. If we can just stay friends, that's really cool too."
"No."
All hope was dashed in that one second it took Razor to say no. Had it not been for Bennett's hands to tremble already, they would have started to tremble now. Violently and uncontrolled.
"..I...I..I'm always unlucky, huh?..."he mumbled quietly, unable to cover up how sad he suddenly was. He turned around in silence, dejected and discouraged, finally accepting that maybe it was up to him that no one wanted to be with him for long. He had already started walking when he felt a hand around his wrist that prevented him from walking any further.
Before he had even realized that the other had made him turn around, Razor's nose was already pressed against his, very lightly and carefully, the gray-haired's eyes closed. Bennett blushed in the darkest shades of red, his eyes widened, hands trembling even more than before, his heart missing several beats.
"W-whaaa..."
"Wolves ... do that ...if...they like each other ... I don't know ... how humans do it ..."
The words and the little blush on Razors confused face made Bennett grin bright, the happiest grin that one could imagine.
"D-do you want...to try? Kissing? You don't have to. Really not! It'd be cool but you really don't have to! Not that I would not want to .. I want to .. but... People don't do that when they don't want to..you know. Just because you said that you feel the same for me as you do for your other lupicals .. And it's ok if we just stay friends .. Ok?"
"...you..talk much.....about what I don't understand ... I want to understand .. I should try ...then I know ..."
"Hmh, cool, uhm..now? And here? Are you sure? You know that you really don't have to do that?"
"..Bennett..."
Razor rarely said his name but when he said it, he was serious about something. And somehow it was all worse than before. incredibly great but somehow so incredibly cconfusing. What if he then realized that he didn't like it? That he didn't like Bennett at all? That they couldn't even be friends? Wouldn't that be much worse? The blond's mind threatened to explode while Razor just waited patiently. He didn't know what to do so he watched Bennett wordlessly, a little irritated by his rapid breathing. It took a few more seconds until he nodded nervously, took a deep breath and leaned closer to the gray-haired. To say that it wasn't akward would have been a lie but nevertheless he couldn't have been happier as when he carefully placed his lips on the wolf boy's and closed his eyes, waiting for him to return the gesture. Razor still held him by his wrist, he could feel how he squeezed it a little when he hesitantly returned the kiss. It was a very gentle, careful kiss. Short and fragile but enough to get Razor's heart out of sync. When Bennett backed away, the gray-haireds face was tomato red, his eyes squeezed tight, the pressure on the other wrist almost painful.
"...Was it..bad?", Bennett asked cautiosly, fearing to hear what he didn't want to hear but Razor shook his head fast enough to make the worries go away immediately. He smiled when he opened his eyes a little.
"...can...we try...again?"
-
"Thanks for talking to him..You know, after I told him..."
"I did worry about your well being after my eye had seen with unmistakable clarity how your heart longed for the boy of the woods. A strange yet lovable companion of yours. I have not done more than necessary in view of the fact that I consider you to be my companion too."
"What Mein Fräulein tries to say: You're welcome, friend. If I may ask, how did it turn out?"
"For once, I'm no longer unlucky."