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And I'm gonna keep on lovin' you
'Cause it's the only thing I want to do
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Harry Styles
I took Harlow upstairs, carried her up in my arms and gently placed her down on top of the bed as I pulled her leggings down her legs, being careful of the painful looking burns on her ankles presumably caused by rope. Still she was wearing her poker face and that's how I knew she was hurting, because normally she blushes when I do this.
What did he do to my precious birdy?
After carefully pressing my lips against her forehead, I quickly rushed to the bathroom to turn on the shower so that it won't be cold for us when we get in, and I pulled the clothes off my top half as I'm wandering back to her. She's still sitting on the edge of the bed all sorrowful, eyes so heavy and her skin so pale.
"Can you lift your arms for me? Or is it too sore?" I ask her, however she just shrugs her shoulders and keeps her eyes focussed on the wooden floorboards of my bedroom floor.
Usually someone shrugging their shoulders at me when I ask them something really angers me, but right now it causes me a whole new rush of sadness. Harlow never fails to answer one of my questions and if it involves my undressing her, she's usually asking a million of them herself. Right now she's even too exhausted to do that, and it hurts to see.
With a sigh, I crouch down in front of her and bring my hand up inside her sweater, being careful not to touch her skin as I'm not sure where her sore rib is. With one hand inside her sweater, my other lifts her arm up carefully so I can pull it from the sleeve of the jumper. Somehow I managed to get both arms out the sweater without her crying out in pain, which is a goddamn miracle.
When I stand up to pull the sweater over her head, the second I start bunching it up from the bottom her eyes look straight into mine for the first time in too long, and she looks terrified.
"You're okay, promise." I whisper, "you're so beautiful, always."
A single tear escaped her eyes and then she closed them, dipping her head down slightly. Her hands held each other in her lap and I could see her digging her fingernails into the palms of her hands like I've noticed she does when she's nervous.
I gently pull the jumper over her head and place it down on the bed behind her before reaching to hold her hands and stop her from hurting herself. Her body is bruised and on one side of her chest just under her bra there's that blue and green mark forming, I'm guessing from the broken rib she says she has.
Seeing her sit there in her underwear, eyes closed and skin paler and void of all life, my heart begins to ache. I'm absolutely over the moon that I found her, but she's still so lost. This isn't her at all, and it hurts.
It doesn't matter though, because I don't love her any less. The girl I fell in love with is still in there somewhere and she'll come back eventually, I'll be here waiting until she does.
I stand up to kick my jeans off and then reach for her hands again, pulling her up to stand. When she does, I pause for a second so that she doesn't pass out and then guide her through to the warm bathroom with the running shower.
Harlow is very much like a ghost right now. She won't talk and she won't move unless I help her, but I don't mind, I'll do this forever if it means I get to keep her in my life.
I spin her round carefully and hook my fingers into the back of her bra to undo the fastening and then gently push the straps down her pale arms. The fabric drops to the floor silently and then I pull my boxers off and kick them over to the same pile. My lips meet her shoulders for a second to plant a reassign kiss before I crouch down and start removing her underwear.
She didn't even flinch, which says a lot.
I wish I could read her mind and see what's going on up there, however I don't really need to read her mind to know it's nothing but turmoil. She's probably got a million things going on, and on top of that she'll be telling herself all these cruel things that only causes her to become so lost within her own head.
Shuffling over to the shower, I keep her in front of me until I can feel the water crashing down on my back so that Harlow isn't fully submerged but so that the water is hitting her enough for it to allow the dirt to vanish from her skin.
I run my wet hands through her hair, being extremely careful not to tug too harshly until her long brown locks are completely soaked with the warm water. I gathered it all round behind her back, so her full head of hair was directly in front of me.
Times like these, I really wish I was a hairdresser or something, but it can't be too hard right?
"Trying so hard for you sweetheart," I say quietly, reaching for the shampoo bottle and squeezing some onto my hand. "You're doing so well."
I start to lather the shampoo through her hair and carefully massage it into her scalp. Usually when it comes to me I'm so reckless and wash this stuff out a couple seconds later, but for Harlow I want to do it properly so I'm lathering it into her hair pretending I'm a hairdresser.
Then I step back slightly so that the water is only just hitting the back of her head as I begin to rinse the lather from her hair as gently as I can. She's still standing there lifelessly as I'm doing so but hopefully me washing her clean will help her liven up a little, even if it's not much.
I don't know how else to fix this, I don't know how to make it better and I really am trying so hard.
Worst boyfriend of the year award goes to...yours truly.
Once the shampoo is fully rinsed from her hair I repeat the process with conditioner, however only putting this in the ends of her hair because that's what the back of the bottle says to do and I'm not the best at this.
"Smells like summer," I point out, lifting my hands to my nose to smell the fruity smell of the pink coloured conditioner.
When I rinse it out, I brush through her hair with my fingers so cautiously so I wasn't causing her any pain. Her hair is so soft and so shiny, therefore hopefully that means I've done something right.
"Don't really..." I pause, thinking about how to word this properly, "don't think I'm doing a very good job but erm.., just tell me if it hurts?"
Harlow remained quiet with her back to me and I knew that was as much of an answer I was going to get, so I squeezed the lavender scented body wash I bought after seeing it at her house into my hands. I begin to slowly rub it into her skin and watch it form into small bubbles that cascade down her spine.
Washing her body was a much easier task than washing her hair, I was so gentle going over all her bruises and I don't think I can go too far wrong with that task, so thankfully it was completed without her whining out in pain.
I push her forward slightly, causing her to start using her legs and I shuffle her forward until we're both out the shower and standing on the cold tiles dripping wet. I reach for a towel from the rail and I wrap it round her, tucking it in under her arms and using another towel to squeeze out the water from her hair.
Once that's done I move her over to the toilet and pull down the lid so she can sit there whilst I wash myself. The temperature of the bathroom turned her scarily pale cheeks a light shade of pink however the darkness around her eyes remained and only seemed to turn darker with each second that went by.
I made sure that I was quick in washing myself and before I knew it, I turned the shower off and wrapped the Owen I used to dry her hair round my waist. Before I lift Harlow up from the toilet seat, I press my lips against her forehead and tilt her head up to look at me properly.
"Everything's gonna be okay birdy," I smile down at her reassuringly. "you and me against the world."
When we make it through to the bedroom Harlow stays hovering by my side as I search through my wardrobe to find something for her to wear. I could easily give her something of her own, but she looks much better when she's wearing things of mine and I hope that she finds my clothes comfortable, because she needs all the comfort she can get right now.
Helping her into a pair of my sweatpants wasn't difficult considering they're massive on her, however pulling a sweater over her head and not wanting to move her in caseI hurt her rib was a task and a half. I got there in the end though, and I changed myself into my own version of the outfit I had just given her to wear.
Before we headed upstairs I made sure to bring up a bottle of water, some painkillers and a banana because they're all things she desperately needs right now. That and to be showered with love for the rest of her life so she never feels an ounce of pain again.
Surprisingly when we sat down on the bed she took the painkillers with no objection, and she drank quite a lot of water which is great, because hopefully that'll help with the headache. She shook her head at the banana though however I was distracted by the yawn that followed before I could think too deeply about it.
"Let's get some sleep and we-"
"The club." She cuts me off, her voice still quiet and strained.
She doesn't know, does she?
Guilt hit me like a ton of bricks that crushed my heart straight away. I sit myself down next to her and tuck the wet strands of hair back behind her ear, looking at her as that familiar melancholy feeling returns to my chest causing it to feel like it suddenly weighs ten tonnes.
"Birdy..." I sigh, pausing to think of what to say.
"It's gone." She speaks out, taking me by surprise considering she hasn't been very talkative, which is completely understandable however I just wasn't expecting this. "He got rid of it didn't he?"
When her sad eyes look into mine my heart shatters, and when I reluctantly nod my head watching the realisation hit her it hurts even more. Although she didn't react much, just dropped her eyes to stare at the ground and then let out a disappointment sigh.
She didn't cry, she didn't shout, she didn't speak and she barely even moved. For somebody who just found out they've lost something that meant so much to them and for somebody who has lost absolutely everything, her reaction is really concerning me. It's almost as if she hasn't actually registered that it's happened, and I have a feeling that when it hits her it'll hit her hard.
It hurt me to find out the club was gone because we shared so many memories there such as our first conversation and our first kiss, and now it's all gone. That makes me so devastated, therefore I dread to imagine how much it hurts Harlow.
She had the club when her mum was still here so they probably have some really fond memories there, she has memories with all the strippers and with her staff too. Then there's the amount of hard work she put into making it perfect. Of course there's the charity nights that mean the world to her too.
Everything she's ever found happiness has been taken from her.
"I'm so sorry baby, we-"
"Maybe I should just stop loving things because they always get taken away from me," she sighs painfully, "you'll be next."
The second her voice cracked I reached for her hands and slid off the bed to crouch down in front of her. She has her eyes closed like I've noticed she does when she doesn't want to cry or wishes she could disappear. But like I said, it's those that want to disappear that only ever want to be found. Harlow and I found each other and I'm never letting that go.
"You're so wrong Harlow. I'm never leaving your side, ever." I remind her, squeezing her hands gently. "I love you, and I didn't even think I was capable of love until I met you, so I promise that I am never gonna give up on you as long as you never give up on me, yeah?"
Harlow opens her eyes revealing the beautiful blue irises glossed over with tears yet to fall from her waterline and slowly she nods her head in agreement. I want to squeeze her so tightly and never let her go, but unfortunately I don't want to hurt her so kissing the backs of her hand will have to do for now.
It's so upsetting to hear her say things like that, and the worst part is that those words are only a fraction of the ones swimming round her head right now.
"We have to go back."
I look up at her confused, unsure of whether I heard those words correctly or if she even said them at all. Judging by the fact she's thankfully found her voice again and that she's staring at me like she does when she waits for a response, it sounds as if she did actually say those words.
Unfortunately, I know exactly what she means by going back and I just don't feel comfortable taking her back to wherever she's been since leaving that club, because something tells me she wasn't at her mothers grave all night.
"Harlow, you need to rest darlin-"
"Demi needs help. Harry we have to." She pleads quietly with her voice still a whisper presumably because too much volume will give her an added headache.
Demi also sold you out to the man who's the very reason you've got a broken rib, minor concussion, and the reason you're nothing but a ghost right now, but sure, let's go and save Demi.
It almost hurts how selfless she is sometimes.
She's also extremely stubborn though, and even though she's not at all herself right now, I know that that stubbornness of hers I've grown to love will definitely not have vanished as easily as you'd think, so it seems like a compromise will have to be made.
She hasn't even had time to process everything yet. It's only been an hour since I picked her up from the graveyard and it's been minutes since I told her that her club is gone. She needs to slow down and take things in, because I'm scared something happens and it knocks her down even further.
"We can go once you've had a rest. Harlow you really need to-"
"You don't understand, he's doing to her what Owen did to me." Her voice is sad and desperate this time, making it increasingly more difficult to say no. "I don't want to go back there either, in fact I actually never want to leave the house again but I can't..."
Harlow paused, her eyes filling with tears and her voice breaking. It's such a difficult topic to talk about and just hearing the pain it brings her makes me understand just how important this is for her to do.
"Fine. But I'm calling the boys and even though you'll have to guide us there, you need to promise that you'll let us handle things and when we get back you're actually going to rest and take care of yourself. Birdy you've been through hell-"
"I promise." She cuts me off, lifting her hand to her mouth so she can bite her nails, another nervous trait of hers but at least this ones less harmful than digging her nails into her palms.
"I'm doing this because I love you."
If something happens to her I'll never forgive myself, and the thought of taking Harlow back to wherever she's been is absolutely terrifying. I'm scared it triggers her and she remembers something she doesn't want to, and I'm scared that she gets hurt again. I don't think I can take much more watching her in pain without being able to help.
She's too selfless for her own good. I mean she's absolutely broken right now, in every single way possible to the point where she couldn't even talk, and the first thing she does the second she feels the slightest but better is say that she needs to go back and help someone who caused half of her pain.
By the sounds of it, it's time to go and pay Daniel a little visit.
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Thanks for your patience, gold stars all round xx