_____________
You've spent a lifetime chasing happiness
You saw too much
You felt too strongly
Along the way, the objective changed
You lost faith
You abandoned hope
You'll spend another lifetime chasing peace
I know, mama, I know
~ Alisha E.
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Ruelle had a busy few weeks. After completely ignoring her father's anniversary, she spent her time packing and donating her possessions. Months of working with an interior designer meant she already ordered most of the things she would need for her new house.
By the time Zachari and his workers finished her house, Ruelle was all ready to go.
Ruelle smiled at the workers as she looked up at her brand new home. They were eagerly watching her reactions because, while she spent a long time away, they really liked their boss.
Of course, Ruelle ran straight to her kitchen. She fawned over her wide island and the marble countertops. She admired her hallways, the spiral staircase that led upstairs, and her intricately designed roof.
Ruelle clapped as she turned towards the crowd following her. "Y'all love me. It looks beautiful! Honestly, I'm not leaving this place for a good month. You guys did an amazing job."
She was ecstatic about the results. After years of bouncing from apartment to apartment, she finally had a place to call her own. It was beautiful and it embodied Ruelle. This house would be her foundation — the start of her final steps towards adulthood. Ruelle has been grown for years, but now, she was on equal footing with her peers.
As everyone drifted outside after saying goodbye, Zachari walked towards her. "You're satisfied?"
She nodded, "More than. I'm awe-struck. I know I helped design it, but it looks even better than in my mind."
Zachari grinned, his eyes glimmering with pride. He had worked extra hard to make sure this was perfect for her, and he was thrilled to know she loved it.
—
Before they knew it, Ruelle had officially moved in. To Ruelle's absolute shock, her birthday was tomorrow. She leaped out of bed, her mind racing. "Huh?? What day is it?"
Her mother sighed in dismay. The child remembered everything but her birthday. "I thought you would've broken this habit by now. It's March 9th. Your birthday is the 10th. Jesus, what would you do without me?"
Ruelle stood disappointed. Every year she always forgot her birthday. It annoyed her to no end, but she couldn't help it. She said her goodbyes to her mom and pouting, she FaceTimed Zachari.
When he picked up, she just stared at the screen. "What's wrong?"
Zachari sat up, watching her watch him. Ruelle grumbled, "My birthday's tomorrow."
He smiled at that, "Yea, I know."
"You know? Why didn't you tell me?"
He was back to frowning. "Because I assumed you knew your own birthday?"
Ruelle groaned frustratedly and fell back on the bed. "You're right. Uh, something happened on my birthday when I was little. My therapist said that in order to protect myself, I blocked the day from my mind completely. So, I never remember when my birthday is coming up. My mom knows but I guess I didn't tell you. I'm just upset. I never get to anything for my birthday because I always forget the day even exists."
The woman wasn't a crier, but she couldn't deny the urge to cry right now. Her birthday was supposed to be her day but, year after year, her mind worked against her. Sometimes, she would wake up to birthday posts, and she would scrunch her face up in confusion.
Zachari had never seen her cry for herself. For other people? All the time but never for herself. He was crushed but he worked against the ball of emotions choking him. "I guess you're in luck then, pretty girl. I already planned your day for you."
He had meant to surprise her, but he figured she needed the comfort. When she lifted her head to look at him, he smiled kindly. "Yea, I would never leave you hanging on your big day. It's a surprise, though, but it involves a whole of pampering for my pretty girl."
Ruelle felt like a child as she cried over her birthday. She was honestly embarrassed. She chose this of all things to cry about?
Zachari frowned, "There's nothing to be embarrassed about, Rue. It's an important day to celebrate — no matter what age you get. I'd be pretty upset if I was in your shoes. And even if it was something childish, you know I'd entertain you. If something makes you sad, I'm here to listen."
"Thank you, bubba."
He smiled as her face brightened up. "Anytime. Now get dressed, you and I are going out."
—
Zachari took her shopping. As in, he sat by the dressing rooms and watched as she changed from outfit to outfit without a word of complaint. Ruelle was convinced the man was perfect.
Eventually, he found the perfect look for her birthday. After, he picked out a set of lingerie to wear under her clothes.
The next day, as Ruelle ate the breakfast he had brought to her bed, she confirmed that Zachari knew how to woo a woman. He had mentioned his romantic talents before, but it was only to tell her that he wasn't in the right mind frame to charm anyone. Ruelle wasn't sure when that changed, but he was laying it on thick.
After her breakfast, he sent her off to do her hair and nails. When Ruelle came back home, she was feeling refreshed.
It had been a long while since Ruelle had been spoiled by someone other than herself. She was loving it. As she slipped off her heels, her long yellow dress wafted against her marble floor.
Glancing down, she found petals on the floor and smiled. "BUBBA WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?" She shouted, her bare feet swiftly following the trail of her petals. Ruelle was excited and her wide grin showed it.
She gasped when stepped through the entrance that led to her living room. "Zachari..."
Zachari grinned from his spot on the couch. He was surrounded by gift bags and flowers. Ruelle shuffled towards him, lifting her dress so she could sit on his lap. "Bubba thank you so much!"
He chuckled as he handed her a bouquet with a card on it. "You deserve it. Look at that wall," he instructed. She adjusted on his lap until she was facing the opposite wall. A banner-like flower and balloon arrangement surrounded silk curtains.
"That's your lil photoshoot space. My styling skills are not going to waste," Zachari joked. Ruelle laughed, standing up to touch one of the balloons with her name on it.
She fought tears as she smiled brightly, her hands reaching for Zachari. "Thank you, thank you, thank you."
They spent the rest of the day together, opening her presents, and per Zachari's request, Ruelle had a small photoshoot.
Ruelle's favorite part was baking her cake with him. He played his very-old school music as he twirled her around, his lips capturing hers every few minutes. Despite countless distractions, the two managed to bake a beautiful cake.
They played a few games after that, and after a few drinks, Ruelle convinced the man to have a dance competition with her.
Alone in Ruelle's giant home, the two had the time of their lives. The privacy allowed them to act like kids without sense, and they took full advantage of that.
Ruelle treasured Zachari's willingness to try almost anything with her. Even if that meant have a freestyle battle on her couch. His biggest gift to her was his time and she was so grateful.
"Happy birthday, sweet love."
"Thank you, bubba."
—
After two weeks of getting her space together, Ruelle decided it was time to have a housewarming party. Well, more like her mother decided that, but the details didn't matter to either woman.
So, on a late evening, Ruelle stood by her door in a gorgeous blue dress and greeted her guests. She was a wonderful hostess, and after a few minutes of warming everyone up, she had everyone relaxed.
Zachari and his family arrived a bit later, and Ruelle was grateful. The guests were starting to slip out, so that meant she would have fewer questions to answer.
Ruelle giggled as she introduced Zachari to her mother and Aunty. She was sure they were finding something to judge even though she personally thought her man was perfect. Her family just couldn't help judging.
She quickly pulled him away with the excuse of getting him a drink. Kwaye followed inconspicuously, hoping to slip away as his mother-in-law and Ruelle's mother became quick friends.
"Jesus, they get friendly fast," Kwaye said when they were far enough away. Ruelle laughed as she glanced back to see the trio chatting. "Yea I bet they're talking about someone."
"$20 says it's the man in the shorts?"
Ruelle lifted a brow, "Are you trying to scam me, Kwaye? Of course, it's the man in the shorts!"
They shared a laugh, but Kwaye winced when Kamora started crying. "May I?" Ruelle asked.
He nodded and passed the baby over. "Mora why are fussing at my party like this? Hm? You hungry?"
Her wide eyes blinked at Ruelle. Ruelle smiled, lifting her until they were eye level. "I thought I was secretly your fav. I'm your fav, right? Right? Right?"
Ruelle snuggled the child, and she giggled in response. "Well don't you have a pretty laugh! You're so cute. You definitely did not get your father's looks."
Kamora giggled louder as if she knew what Ruelle said. "Right, Mora. Imagine being one of those kids who steal their daddy's faces? You could never. Purr, I know that's right, mama."
Kwaye shook his head but allowed himself to be the brunt of the joke. Kamora was calming down. That's all he could ask for.
He left the two alone as he trailed Zachari. Ruelle didn't even notice the two men leave — Kamora had stolen her attention.
Eventually, Kamora's head fell inside the crook of Ruelle's neck. She had grown tired again, and Ruelle patted her back until her breath evened out.
She held the young girl as she said goodbye to a few more guests. Parties weren't as fun when you were the host.
Ruelle took a seat on her patio for a moment, caressing Kamora as she watched a few people mingle. She looked up when she heard footsteps beside her.
Zachari's mother shared a smile with her before taking a seat beside her. "I'm surprised she slept through all this chatter," the older woman said.
"Kids love me," Ruelle grinned.
"And so does my son, it seems."
Ruelle opened her mouth to refute the words, but she got brushed off. "Even if he doesn't, he's well on his way. I know what a man looks like when he's falling in love, dear."
So Ruelle stayed quiet. Who was she to deny a mother's intuition?
"Do you want kids?"
Ruelle chuckled as the woman changed the subject. "Yes, ma'am. Maybe in a year or two."
"Call me Juliette."
Ruelle nodded, turning towards the older woman. She took in her weathered face and blank eyes. Unlike Kwaye, who had his loss written all over him, Juliette took after her son. All Ruelle could find in the woman's eyes were strength and determination — not pain and heartache.
So she asked, "How are you, Juliette?"
Zachari's mother clacked her tongue. "Kwaye was right. You read people's souls. That's quite a skill."
Ruelle shrugged. In her mind, her observations weren't that special. She just paid attention to the right details.
"I'm doing fine, dear. Just fine."
They stared at each other for a bit before Ruelle smiled. "You said that the last time I asked too."
That had been Juliette's answer each and every time. She was always fine.
"Child, I have seen things that would make a grown man lose his mind. Once upon a time, I was a very happy woman. Traumatized but happy. Now? I am fine. I will always be fine. Fine is all I know how to be."
Ruelle nodded, "Time does not heal all wounds."
"No, it does not. We just learn to forget the pain until we're reminded."
After a moment of quiet, Juliette spoke up again. "I suppose it helps that I have no one to blame this time. It was just life doing what life does. That helps me sleep at night."
"But, missing her is what keeps you feeling empty during the day," Ruelle added.
Juliette smiled sadly, "Yes. There comes a point where you get used to pain. You learn to expect loss. So when I say I am fine, I'm not saying I cry every few hours. I'm saying that I am numb. I'm like a dandelion floating in the air...being led wherever life wishes. This old woman is just waiting for her time."
Ruelle knew this would hurt both Zachari and Kwaye. She was their mother and, knowing her state of mind would absolutely crush them. Juliette knew this too. Which is why she was confiding in Ruelle, and she knew the younger woman would keep her secrets.
"That's no way to live," Ruelle whispered.
"Who says I'm living, child?"
It was frightening but Ruelle knew well and truly that people never heal from some things. They learn to survive despite the pain, but they're never the same.
Ruelle had no desire to give Juliette advice. She was sure Juliette knew all the wisdom Ruelle might possess. And still, she was ok with being adrift. This was a woman who had succumbed to life's hardships. No amount of positivity would change her mind.
Ruelle didn't blame her. Not one bit. Just like some things are unforgivable, some things are unforgettable.
"Maybe it won't happen in this life, but I hope you find peace. One day, you'll get the rest you deserve," Ruelle promised. Whether in life or death, this woman would find tranquility. Simply because she deserved it.
"I guess I'll have to wait a little more, huh?"
Ruelle smiled at that. "What's life if not a waiting game?"
Juliette chuckled, "I can't argue with that."