TW: c/tting
The whip collided with her back again, sending another sharp, stinging pain spreading through her entire body. The pain seeped deep into her skin, tearing through her flesh and down to her bones. It felt like sharp claws were digging into her back, tearing deep gashes through her skin. Every single part of her ached or burned or stung. She bit her lip harshly, forcing her sobs back down her own throat, and she squeezed her eyes shut, keeping the tears from flowing out. The whip hit her again. How many was it? Twenty-five? More than that? She had lost count already.
There was a brief pause in the barrage of hits on her body. She raised her aching head slightly. Her breathing was harsh and ragged and her mouth was filled with the metallic taste of her own blood. Black spots dotted her vision, and she felt herself drifting in and out between consciousness. Was it over? Two more hits to her back caught her off guard, and a soft sob escaped her cracked and bloody lips. Her dark eyes widened in fear, and she clamped a hand over her mouth. But it was already done.
"Was that a cry I heard?" one of the men sneered.
She could not even respond. Squeezing her eyes shut and wrapping her arms around herself, she took the next few hits without letting out a single sound. Her whole body was screaming at her to cry, to let out a noise to release the tension consuming her muscles. But she would not let herself slip up again. Her mind was like iron, and it forced the rest of herself to keep quiet and just deal with the pain. There reached a point where she couldn't even hurt anymore. She just heard the thwack of the leather and the dull thump on her scarred and bloody back.
"My nerves must have been completely destroyed by now," she thought grimly to herself.
After what felt like forever, the whipping finally stopped. She had to force herself from breathing a sigh of relief when she saw the man put away the horrid object. She waited quietly on the floor, waiting for the next tortuous activity to commence. Her clothes were basically rags now, drenched with her own blood and sweat. But thankfully for her, the next hit never came. Instead, one of the men forced her to her feet. Her legs wobbled, but she refused to let them find a reason to strike her again. She stood as tall as she could, but did not make any eye contact with her tormentors.
"Has this taught you a lesson, 12505A?"
She opened her mouth to speak, and at first only a pathetic squeak came out. She tried again, this time forcing her voice to come out clear.
"Yes, sir."
"Good. Go back to your room now. There will be no meals for you for tonight or the next day. Do you understand?"
"Yes, sir."
"Now, get out of here."
Shakily, she made her way to the door and proceeded down the hallway. Pedagogues, Sentinels, and other students who passed her all couldn't help but slightly drop their stiff appearance to gawk at her and her haggard appearance. Each step was excruciating, and she felt like each one would be her last. She could barely walk straight, stumbling over her own feet with each step. She didn't dare put her hand up against the white wall for support lest she mark it with her own blood.
She barely noticed when her knees buckled, causing her to collapse onto the cold, hard floor. Trembling fiercely, she tried to force herself up, but felt too weak. Her body had seemingly given up on her, as if part of her had already given in to the pain and died. She wanted to cry. She wanted to sob her eyes out until she couldn't breathe. She didn't want to breathe anymore. She wanted to die.
The feeling of gentle hands on her barely registered in her mind. She did not move from where she lay on the ground. The grasp on her arm gradually turned from soft to tight and urgent.
"Hey," a familiar male voice said. "Come on. You have to get up."
She lay her eyes on a boy from her class. After her blurry vision cleared up a bit, she was able to make out his hazel eyes, neat brown hair, and the few freckles that dusted his nose. It was 81305B, the boy the Pedagogue had yelled at earlier. She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out.
"Hurry, which floor is your room?"
"Third floor...room 7," she whispered.
Without wasting another second, the boy placed her arm around his shoulders and his arm around her waist for support. Slowly but surely, they made their way toward the dormitories. Without realizing, she rested her aching head on him. But he didn't mind.
"That's it. You're doing great," he urged.
"You'll get in trouble," she whispered, her voice airy and weak. "You don't have to do this,"
The boy just shook his head. "It's alright. Don't—"
He was cut off when he spotted a person in front of him.
"What do you think you're doing?" a Sentinel asked harshly.
"I'm helping her to her room. Can't you see she's hurt?"
The Sentinel paused, staring down at the two of them with his beady dark eyes. She struggled to remain conscious while standing there. Her body swayed unsteadily, forcing the boy to tighten his grip around her in order to keep her from falling over. His touch was painful against her injuries, but she knew he was only trying to help. They both held their breath, waiting for the soldier's response.
"Fine. But as soon as you get to her room, you leave her. I don't want you hanging out there and any funny business happening, do you hear? You're lucky I'm feeling compassionate today and I won't report you," the Sentinel spoke roughly.
The boy nodded his head quickly. "Yes, sir. Thank you, sir."
The soldier stepped out of the way, allowing them to pass through. After what felt like decades, the two of them finally arrived at her room. At that point, her breathing was even more ragged and unsteady. 81305B knocked on the door, and 101505B opened it a few moments later. Concern swept across her face, twisting her mouth into a frown and draining the color from her cheeks as soon as she laid her eyes on her roommate.
"I'll take it from here," 101505B said simply.
81305B nodded and glanced over at her girl he was holding. "Are you going to be okay?"
She only nodded in reply, unable to speak. Finally, he handed her off to her friend before turning away and heading down the hall to his room. 101505B pulled the injured girl inside and shut the door behind them.
"12505A," she spoke softly.
She merely hummed in reply.
"Can you walk a little? I can't really lift your weight like 81403B. I need to take you to the bathroom so I help bandage you up. Hurry, we need to be in bed before 9."
12505A nodded even though she barely even registered her roommate's words. Just following the other girl's movements, she allowed herself to be led to the bathroom where she sat on the floor. She didn't even lean against the wall, for the marks on her back were still raw and tender. She simply closed her eyes and allowed the blond haired girl to take care of her. It stung a little when 101505B rubbed alcohol on her cuts to clean them out, but it was barely even a tickle compared to what she had just experienced. After most of her injuries had been bandaged up, 101505B rose up from the ground.
"We have to get to bed soon. Come on, I help you there," she offered.
The injured girl shook her head. "I'm okay," she said softly. "I'll follow after you. I just have to take care of something."
"Sure?"
"Yes, it's okay. Good night."
The other girl paused before rising off the ground and tucking a loose blond lock behind her ear. "Okay. Good night, 12505A."
12505A waited for the other girl to leave the room before placing a shaky hand on the sink and forcing herself to her feet. Gritting her teeth, she managed to hoist herself up, using the sink as support. She filled her hands with water and splashed the cool liquid on her face. After drying off her face, she slowly stripped off her raggedy clothes and replaced them with her nightdress. She was about to leave when she caught sight of herself in the mirror. She had been avoiding looking at herself, but once she caught a glimpse of it, she couldn't let it go. Her dark hair messily framed her pale, sickly looking face. Her brown eyes were almost bloodshot. She looked so much older than she actually was, her appearance weary and worn out. She took a hairbrush and quietly combed through the tangles in her hair.
While she was doing that, she caught sight of the razor in their bathroom. And she stared at it, with destructive thoughts seeping into her mind. Without realizing, she took the sharp object into her shaking hand, and held it to her wrist. She shut her eyes as she felt the cool metal brush her skin, but not heavy enough to bite into it just yet.
"It could be over," she thought. "It could all be over."
"12505A?" The sudden voice of the other girl startled her, causing her to drop the razor into the sink. Staring down at the object, she felt a lump form in her throat when she realized what she almost did. Tears began to well up in her eyes, but she forced them back.
"Are you okay in there?" the girl asked.
Quickly putting the hairbrush and razor back where she found them, she opened the door to face her roommate.
"Yeah, I'm okay," she replied softly, stepping out of the small room and shutting the light off.
With her roommate's help, she walked to her bed. As soon as she reached it, she climbed on and curled up under the covers. Her back still ached from the whipping, so she instead lay on her side. She wrapped her arms tightly around herself and shut eyes tightly.
"Is there anything else you need?" 101505B asked.
She shook her head slightly. "No, I'm okay. Thank you."
"Okay. Good night then."
"Good night."
101505B shut off all the lights before retiring to her own bed. 12505A lay in her bed, unable to fall asleep despite her exhaustion. She tried not the think about what had happened. She tried not the think about her pain. She tried not the think about her whole life falling down around her. She tried not to think about anything that would make her cry, but she could not. The aching feeling in her chest grew larger and more overwhelming, spreading over her shoulders and up her neck and down to her stomach. She pulled the sheet over her head as if it would hide her from everything that was trying to hurt her. A sob welled up in her throat. She knew that there were no cameras in the room, so they could not see her, but there were speakers so that they could hear her. If she cried silently, they would never know...
She shook her head to herself and just shut her eyes tightly. Fatigue swept across her entire being, and she began to drift into dreams, trapped with an aching sorrow that threatened to consume her.