"Following into the deep night
The sound of you singing
Brings the red morning
A step and another step
The dawn passes
And when that moon falls asleep
The blue shade that stayed with me
disappears."
｡･::･ﾟ★,｡･::･ﾟ☆ - ☆｡･::･ﾟ★,｡･::･ﾟ☆
Bahn Hajun woke up. It was still dark outside, but one could feel that the sun would rise soon.
He washed his face to feel fully awaken. Raising his head, he could see a pale reflection of a face. It looked as if all the energy, joy, any minuscule of those positive emotions were all sucked out.
What remained instead was just an emotionless cold visage. He glared at the reflection trying to find something, anything in those empty dimmed eyes.
He didn't know what.
He had being living like a zombie for the past few months. All alone, in a lonely faraway home.
Reluctantly, he moved away from the basin. Off he went with heavy feet onto the terrace of the old house. A kite and a long nylon string in his hand.
His hands went into autopilot mode as his thoughts ran astray over the same thing again and again.
Cold but pleasant zephyrs blew past him, that was a good sign. The sky was clear, filled with dim stars which were disappearing. It was sad how for the fight between the moon and sun, the stars had to disappear when it wasn't even anything related to them. Who said the dead ones look upon others and guide them as stars? That person must have been drunk and delusional to think that shit.
He returned back to his mind, as he saw that everything was all done and the kite flew up in the fading night sky.
Some may think that he was weird, bonkers, crazy. Who would fly kite in the middle of night, right?!
But he didn't cared about it. The only person he cared about had left him all alone. He was like a small puppy left alone in a strange buckling city where people feed on each other's misfortune. He was afraid. Afraid of being alone, to move ahead, go on.
He had heard it millions of time. "The show must go on", "life goes on", "move on" "let go".
But as he repeatedly heard them, he grew numb to them. It wasn't that anyone was saying all this from their heart. And even if they were, well, he was in no condition to acknowledge it. He was afraid of the virtue, an idiot in the face of reality, a coward. Wasn't he? He knew that. He knew that all too well. It should have-
A strange melody, like one from a music box echoed around him. It was too familiar to not know. And it wasn't just any random one. He never expected to hear it ever again.
He looked around, but the sound was omnipresent. As he turned around, he realized that he had lost his kite. The string had fallen down next to his feet.
His heart was aching, tears threatened to fall. But he controlled them. He could hear that the melody start to come from a specific direction. Stumbling, he ran as fast as he could, as if trying to catch the intangible sound. He thought he had gone crazy to hear it again and like this.
The sound lead him to The Dusty Park in his neighborhood were he would spend most of his time after coming from school.
He hasn't entered the park since that time. He couldn't bear to.
He saw a lone old Victorian street lamp, the light shining down upon his usual bench.
The tears in his eyes broke free as if a dam had been broken. Still, he was unaware as a few droplets cascaded down his cheeks.
With heavy heart twisting in pain and wet cheeks, he somehow stumbled near the bench. Gently brushing a specific spot on the bench, his heart clenched harder.
After a few moments, he lightly sat on the bench as if it would break if he put on his whole weight.
There was a bird, singing the peaceful song. Hajun closed his eyes and listened to the song carefully. It was beautiful, just him, the bird and the moon. The peace and the cold gently brushing wind. The sky had started to turn the shade between the darkest of blue and indigo. It was a bit sad but hopeful time, the time just before the dawn.
He looked up to the moon thinking about him. Oh, how he missed him... It would not even be expressed in words. He started to imagine writing a 'small' letter to him if he could ever give it to him. But he couldn't. He just couldn't bear the heartache he felt.
He observed a few purple luminious fireflies flying around, moving infront of him. Slowly, they started to hum, creating the song he had created together with his best friend, but never told anyone else about.
It was their little secret, that only they knew. It was a song he had created with his Hyung (older brother or friend) back when he was small and crying for... He doesn't even remember it. The happiness he receive from playing with his hyung was far better memory to remember. That had calmed him down, and was one of the most precious memory of his ever.
The purple pixels started coming together forming an image like hologram. It was really fascinating and unreal! Slowly the form started to have a specific shape and what he saw left his mind blank.
It was a purple glowing image of his late best friend who died in a car accident, a few months ago.
B-but how was that possible?
The tears unconsciously started to drip faster, as his heart felt as if it was being twisted and squished.
"Hajun-ah, why are you crying? Don't cry. I don't want you to be crying and be in pain."
The all too familiar voice which he never thought that he could never hear again echoed.
His crying intensified. He look at his hyung's form through the tears, that came hugging him. He could feel warmth spreading in his body.
Oh how he had missed this warmth.
"Hyung, I'm sorry... I'm sorry..."
He choked on his words. He had imagined this, many a times, what would he say if he has a last chance to see his hyung?
But right now, his mind went blank. He just wanted to bask in his warmth and never let him go. No, he couldn't evem imagine living without him...
"Why are you sorry Jun-ah? You dont have to be. It wasn't your fault."
Hajun hugged him tighter. He couldn't say anything. It felt as if he had lost his voice.
"On a second thought, I'm angry on you. Why are you all sad like that? Why are you all depressed? Why are you blaming yourself? You know Hajun, this hurts me that you're hurt yourself. And that's why I am angry."
"Sorry... Sorry, I didn't... Dont want to be alone, without you... I should have stopped you from going there. Or maybe I should have gone with you. Maybe that way, maybe I could have been able to save you..."
He broke down again... He felt a soft hand brushing away his tears.
"You know, I don't ever do this. I don't talk my mind or whatever. But just this once hear me out. I went onto that ride to Soeul myself. What you did or not, can't or even couldn't change what happened. You weren't involved in the equation. You can't blame yourself. It wasn't anyone fault. It was just, what it was.
Don't drag it on. Dont stay stuck on it. It does not do well to dwell on past and forget to live your present. I understand, you care about me and we are best friends. And I do too. And that's why I'm telling you, you have to let go of this accident, this memory.
Don't you see, you're hurting yourself and people around you? You're not all alone. The world hasn't stood still just because of me dying. And so should you not. You have to live you life to the fullest, you have to live and not just survive. And don't you punk, dare say that there is no one else."
He motioned his hand towards a direction. There was a silhouette coming nearer. One could trace the kite figure in his hand.
It was a boy around his age, and he had seen him in school. He had started to be around Hajun many a times. Everyone knew about the accident and Hajun's best friend and Hajun. But, no one dared to go and talk or comfort Hajun. And even if they did, what next? What could they do? It could have been awkward. But only this boy would go, indirectly helping and comforting him. He didn't care about anything else.
"You know, if you do blame yourself or hurt yourself or get angry in yourself, I'm gonna call other ghosts to haunt you forever. Would you prefer that?"
The warmth around Hajun started to disperse as he shook his head. He tried to catch him, but his best friend glared at him.
"Remember that it does not do well to dwell on past and forget to live your present. And it's not a total goodbye. I'll be there watching over you like what those 'delusional and drunk' people said. Sometimes through them, sometimes through other ways, so don't you dare forget what I said."
Slowly his figure dissolved into nothingness and all the fireflies flew away from the sight.
Hajun was still stupefied with what had occurred. He knew he had to accept that. But was that really real or all a part of his imagination?
The sun had just risen but the rays were soft and warm, not harsh. Like they were respecting the stars that went away with the night.
"Hajun, what are you doing here and that too so early?!"
He saw the kid, Jung Hoseok who had been the hidden fairy. He smiled gently remembering his Hyung words whether reality or imagination, he didn't care. He was sad, a little bit, but he was okay, now. He was happy, he was ready to let go... Or else his hyung would beat him later or send ghosts on his tail.
"Oh, I was just flying the kite, dont ask why. It somehow got cut and lost here somewhere."
"Ah, this must be your kite. But that mean you must have been out for a while! It's so cold, come with me, let's get something warm for you to drink. My family owns a cafe right around here. Come."
He motioned his hand as if to call Hajun. Hajun now had started to understand what he was missing while dwelling in the past.
He couldn't see the people around him who cared about him.
He understood that living his own life doesn't mean that his is forgetting about the ones who went. He cherished their memories but he also has to live his life. He decided to do so.
Smiling gently with a peaceful mind at last, he followed Hoseok.
He didn't knew that there were still a few fireflies behind the bushes, looking at him. They formed a smile like shape and then vanished away.
｡･::･ﾟ★,｡･::･ﾟ☆ - ☆｡･::･ﾟ★,｡･::･ﾟ☆
This was a story had written when I was in 10th grade. I made a few changes to this version though.
I think the meaning of 4 O' Clock is to find peace of mind and letting go. 4 O' clock, the time just before dawn (in Korea, that time, it is faintly bright) would be the time where both day and night exist. I hope you can get my interpretation from the story. Personally I think this is a childish but a cute peaceful story with a closure. What are your thoughts? What is your interpretation?
Don't forget your smile!
Stay safe, happy and
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Have a happy day/night!