Xander had been living in his Godmother's pool house (yes, Aunt Vee had a pool house to go with her indoor-outdoor stainless steel infinity pool) for the past six days. He'd returned from Italy on Saturday, but instead of going back to his high-end bachelor pad in London, he'd spent the weekend "catching up" with his Godmother. She'd insisted on regular "catch-ups" ever since he'd come back into her life after the Millennial magazine fiasco, and as he had no family of his own, he had quite appreciated her interference. Vee was the strong-minded, independent-yet-doting kind of woman he could only but admire, and her maternal instincts were strong enough to make him feel like her adopted son, rather than her errant, fully-gown Godson. A weekend spent in the designer home she shared with her mild-mannered husband Carl, was no hardship, so he'd settled into their best guest bedroom, accepted their top-end wine and liquors, and allowed Aunt Vee to bring him up to speed on all the latest gossip.
He'd learnt that Mattie was still keen to have a third child (a ghastly notion), and that Rafe was adamant that no such thing would occur. "It won't be a girl anyway. I've got so much testosterone that I'm probably incapable of fathering daughters!" He'd learnt that Crisis Chris was concocting new crises at Paxton and Colville, and that if Xander wanted to, he could probably use it to his advantage and wangle some additional consultancy work from them. He'd decided not to bother, however, on account of his having hated working with the left-wing, ultra-PC Justin at Millennial, and Crisis Chris – despite voting Tory all his life – was trying to appear (the key word being "appear") to be of the same mindset. Xander didn't think he could cope with a man who was right-wing pretending to be left wing for the sake of red tape.
It was whilst learning all of this, that Xander had dropped into conversation that he was starting a new contract on the Wednesday, with the University of Surrey. Naturally, this had prompted Vee to offer up their pool house.
'Stay here darling! In the pool house if you want your own space; if you need to spread out your work. I know how you work late into the night. But stay here. It'll be a short commute and we'd be able to see more of you.' So, he'd agreed because really, they had very good wine and the pool house; it was almost as impressive as the main house itself.
Thus, Xander found himself working through the initial notes he'd taken at the university when Aunt Vee knocked on the door to his pool house.
'Are you okay?' she asked, stepping inside.
'Why wouldn't I be?' because she hadn't said it in a polite tone of voice, but rather, an enquiring one, so as to suppose that he ought not to be okay.
'No reason. Just checking, love,' she replied, but her lips were tight; the smile forced. She was an impressive woman, but a woeful liar.
'Vee?' he asked, brow lifted knowingly. And here was the conundrum. To tell, or not to tell? Rudy had told her not to, and she happened to agree. Just this once. But yet she couldn't say nothing. Not Verity Anderson. Not when she had something so important and explosive to share. But fate was on her side, it seemed, preventing her from doing or saying something which Rudy might have subsequently scolded her for, as before she could answer the unspoken question, Xander's phone began to ring. He looked at it, frowning. Amy, he mused. He'd not spoken to her since he'd left for Italy. He supposed he should have, but they weren't a couple, so messaging from abroad seemed inappropriate, somehow. As did dropping her a line upon his return to say, "I'm in your area. I've got a pool house to myself. Fancy coming over?"
'Excuse me,' he told Vee, holding up one finger, before lifting his phone to his ear. 'Amy?' he said, unsure what to say, because he was happy to keep sleeping with her, but they weren't dating and he didn't want to say something which might imply that they were. Vee heard the name, realised who he must be speaking to, and felt aghast at the thought that the woman might be in the process of telling him over the phone.
But no, because the next moment he'd hung up, and was looking her in the eye to tell her,
'I've got a friend coming over. You don't mind, do you?' He knew she didn't. She was no cockblocker.
'Of course not.' She smiled in relief. Face-to-face would be much better. 'I'll show her through to you when she arrives, shall I?' Xander scanned a glance over his work space, sucking on his bottom lip thoughtfully, before haphazardly throwing his notebook aside. He rose from his chair and stretched his arms above his head as though he'd been long sat hunched over his work and needed to stretch out his spine, before saying, 'I'll come in with you. We've not spoken since before Italy. I'm not really sure of the etiquette, but I feel as though I ought to be there to greet her, rather than have my minion send her out here to me.' Vee smiled. No one had ever had the audacity to call her a "minion" before. Primarily because she had minions, herself.
'Special then, is she?' Vee hoped she was. It'd increase the chances of Xander taking the news... well, not well. That was too far-fetched. But, perhaps, with a modicum of self-control.
'She's...' He paused to consider it. 'I'm not sure. I've seen her more than I've seen most women, and I think I'd have kept seeing her if I hadn't been in Italy, so...' He shrugged carelessly, before offering his Godmother a nonchalant smile. Aunt Vee returned it, whilst inwardly thinking that there'd be nothing nonchalant about him in the next fifteen minutes.
Aunt Vee was not wrong.
'So, yeah, I'm pregnant,' Amy finished, looking to the father of her unborn child with bated breath. Xander stared at her, his eyes penetrating and unblinking. So devoid of blinking, in fact, that she realised that his gaze wasn't penetrating at all. It was dazed. His eyes were open and fixed on her, but she was quite certain that he saw nothing. 'Xander?' she pressed.
'What?' he uttered, with a minute twitch of his head. She watched his throat bob thickly.
'I'm pregnant,' she repeated. A further silenced ensued. She wondered how far it could stretch before it – or her sanity – would snap. Quite far, was the answer, because after uttering that one-syllable word, Xander appeared to decide that speech was unnecessary. 'Did you hear me?' Amy asked. 'You understand what I'm saying?' It wasn't normal, surely, to be so silent for so long?
'Of course,' he said, as though he hadn't been mute for the past four minutes.
'So...' Amy broke off. She wanted to say, "So... what do you think? Are you interested? Do you want to be involved?" but his silence made her feel pushy. The presence of a surprise child in her womb made her feel pushy. She didn't want to be pushy.
'It's mine?' he asked, hesitantly.
'Of course,' came her immediate rejoinder, determining not to launch into a tirade at his offensive question, because they weren't a proper couple, so she supposed that he was entitled to ask.
'There's literally no way it could be anyone else's?' Well, now she was a bit annoyed, because how many times did she have to tell him that his was the only penis she'd been in contact with in the past year, let alone the past two months.
'No. No chance at all.' He nodded. Wordlessly, of course. And so, another silence loomed between them; thick and cloying. Really, Amy thought to herself, he's making this far more awkward than it needed to be. He's being a bit thick.
'Excuse me for a moment,' Xander eventually said, unfreezing from his statue-like stance in the middle of the designer rug in the pool house's living area. Amy glanced at it nervously. It probably cost more than her car. She nodded her acquiescence, of course. Watched him step outside into the garden, assumed he was getting some fresh air to collect his thoughts, and drew in a relieved sigh at the temporary easing of the tension in the room. She'd been nervous earlier, about telling Vicky's husband that she was pregnant with his child. When she'd found out Vicky's husband was a handsome man called "Rudy", and not a lothario called "Xander", she'd felt relieved. Now she wasn't so sure. Certainly, she was glad she wasn't tearing apart a marriage, but preppy Rudy looked prepared to look after a child; equipped to deal with an adult conversation. Xander did not.
As evidenced by his return to the pool house with his Godmother in tow.
'This is Vee. Verity,' he clarified. 'But everyone calls her "Vee". Well, "Aunt Vee", mostly, not that it matters.' He was rambling. Xander Sinclair did not ramble. Aunt Vee winced.
'Hello,' Vee said, closing the door to the pool house behind her and settling into the sofa. It looked as though it cost more than Amy's recently-fitted kitchen. 'I'm Xander's Godmother. He's just told me your news.'
'Hi,' Amy said, looking into the attractive, older woman's warm face. Well, Amy sighed, she certainly looks like she could do enough talking for the pair of them. Xander was obviously of the same opinion, because he turned to Amy – still on his feet – and said, –
'Vee's going to explain some things. I'm going to – I've got some papers to see to. For work.' Then he leant across the dining table, picked up his papers and laptop, and left the pool house entirely. Vee smiled at Amy with a look of apology.
'Xander has some issues,' Aunt Vee said, before explaining that Xander's childhood sweetheart – his fiancée – had been killed in a fight that he'd started with some locals when they'd been travelling in South America after they'd graduated from university. She explained about how Eloise's parents – his fiancée's parents – had blamed him entirely, and how he'd agreed with their assessment and always felt responsible. She explained that a year after his fiancée died, both of his parents had been killed in a sea plane crash. Then she explained how he'd cut himself off from everyone – including her – with no family or real friends, and had almost worked himself to death for the ensuing fifteen years.
'His only reprieve was casual sex,' Vee sighed. 'He refused to have a proper relationship. He wasn't ready to have one, of course – he hadn't dealt with his grief at all – but ultimately, I think he was scared to let anyone get too close to him in case he lost them, too. It's only in recent years that he's even let me back into his life, and I assure you, I can be very persuasive. I didn't really take no for an answer once I realised what kind of life he'd been living, but...' She sighed once more. 'He's not good at talking about his feelings. He's not good at commitment, but he does have a good heart. He can be a good friend – a staunch defender. He just has to take things at his own pace. And this baby,' Vee said, inclining her head towards Amy's flat stomach, 'is going to do things on its own schedule, whether Xander's ready or not.'
'So...?' Amy said, feeling a combination of painful sympathy for Xander, and sympathy for herself, because of all the people to have a child with, an emotionally crippled one was not ideal. 'He doesn't want to be involved then?'
'I've no idea,' Vee declared. 'He simply came into my living room, told me you were pregnant, and asked me to explain his situation to you. "Sex and all", he said. I assume he wants to see what your reaction is once you know the ugly truth.'
'Well,' Amy mused, her brows furrowed, 'my reaction is that I'm still pregnant with his child.' Vee have her a glad smile, making her feel as though she'd just passed a secret test.
'Lovely!' she declared, before rising with perfect posture. 'I'll go and get him then.'
He returned not two minutes later, his Godmother now lingering just outside the pool house.
'Hi,' he said, with none of his usual confidence.
'Hi.' Xander licked his lips.
'Vee explained everything...?'
'Yes.'
'And you...' He pressed his lips into a firm line, as though bidding the words he'd been about to utter, to die unspoken. Trying again, he said, 'I know it's not ideal – me, I'm mean, as a prospective father, but...' He waved his hand at her. She presumed at the tiny foetus in her womb. 'Obviously, if you're having my child, I want to be a father to it. To try to, anyway,' he corrected, with a doubtful frown, 'but I don't have girlfriends and I don't really do family, and commitment makes me feel a bit sick,' he finished, turning green.
'Have you got any other children?' Amy asked cautiously. 'Your Godmother said there was a lot of casual sex?' She wouldn't stop him from being involved, of course, but a man who'd fathered numerous children by a hareem of women wasn't ideal.
'No!' he scoffed defensively. 'I've always been very careful. Extremely careful.' Except with me? Amy said to herself. 'Obviously,' he continued, as though he realised how stupid what he'd just said sounded, 'this is different. You told me about the fertility issues with your ex, so we didn't think... And I was seeing you for longer, so...' Although his idea of "longer" was not long at all.
'So, all things considered,' Amy said, attempting to get a concrete response from him, 'you do want to be involved with the pregnancy?'
'If you still want to have my child, knowing what you'll be getting yourself into,' Xander replied doubtfully. Amy gave an incredulous burst of laughter.
'Xander,' she said, with mild consternation. 'I've always wanted children. Sam and I broke up because I couldn't get pregnant. Then I thought I was too old to meet someone else and try again. The way this has happened is far from ideal, but I'd keep this baby whether you wanted to be involved or not. The fact that you want to try...' She shrugged. 'Well, I guess that can only be a good thing?' She didn't sound too certain though.
'You don't mind, then?' Xander asked, in a rare display of vulnerability; his hand moving back and forth between the pair of them. 'You don't mind me coming to the scans and things?' At this, Amy smiled.
'No. Of course not.' Xander nodded, unable to feel anything as carefree as relief or happiness.
'Okay,' he said. 'So... how do you want to do this then?' Amy frowned. 'I mean, we were seeing each other, I guess, but we weren't dating and –' But Amy cut him off.
'You've just told me not five minutes ago, that you don't have girlfriends. I don't want to force anything. You can be involved and we can be friends, but let's not try to force something romantic if it was never going to happen.' Xander nodded stoically.
'I agree,' he told her. But despite being in agreement, neither of them looked especially happy with the outcome of their conversation.
Xander was not happy with the outcome of his conversation.
'This is a f*cking nightmare,' he told Vee, as she met him in the hallway and laid a placating hand to his shoulder. 'How the Hell am I supposed to be a father? I mean, I've spent time with Evie and Isla, and Raffey's boys, but I could give them back. I didn't have to wipe their arse or clean up snot. They didn't cramp my sex life or put their sticky fingers all over my stuff.'
'Is that the real problem here?' Vee asked. 'The practical reality of eighteen years of childcare?'
'Yes!' he hissed. Vee smiled indulgently. Gently, as she ushered him towards her living room, pressing him into the sofa, she said, –
'So, it's not the commitment? The unbreakable bond between you and a woman? A woman who'll always be in your life now, expecting things and needing things? A child, who'll expect and need things?' She arched her brow at his stubborn silence. 'It's not the fact that there will be two human beings that you'll start to expect and want things from? Things beyond your control?'
'It's all of it!' he complained, with genuine horror. 'It's the baby and the fact that it'll need me and I'll have to care, and I don't want to care at all. Except obviously, I do, because I'm not heartless. I obviously wouldn't abandon a child. And Amy,' he continued, 'I don't believe it was deliberate on her part – even though she's always wanted children – and even if it was, it'd be just as much my fault because I didn't follow my own rules.' He shrugged. 'I've told her,' he said bitterly, 'that we'll try – as friends – to raise this child, but if it wasn't a shit thing to do I think I'd flee the f*cking country.'
'You wouldn't,' Vee consoled. 'Family means too much to you. Don't think I don't know it. I understand you too well.'
'Do you?' he asked, giving her a hopeful, plaintive look; the look a much younger person would give their mother.
'Yes,' Vee promised, before pulling him into her embrace and kissing the top of his head. His arms automatically came about her body, clinging and needy. 'I'm here for you. No matter what.'
'Even if I f*ck up?' he asked; his voice muffled by her neck. Vee laughed and squeezed him tighter.
'Darling,' she told him, 'I've f*cked up countless times in my life, and the people I love have always stood by me. I wouldn't dream of turning my back on you.'
'You've never f*cked up with a child though. You've never let Rudy down.'
'No,' Vee said, 'because he's always been my life. But his father – Byron; he f*cked up by not even trying. Not once. That you're willing to try, tells me – and Amy – that you're a good person who's worth patience and forgiveness.'
'I'm crying,' he scoffed in self-reproach. 'I'm crying over knocking up an almost-stranger.'
'I know you are,' Vee whispered softly. 'I can feel your tears on my neck.'
'I'm embarrassed,' he confessed.
'I'm proud of you,' she replied.
'You'll be this baby's grandmother, won't you?' Xander asked, pulling away from Aunt Vee so that he could see her face. 'You'll love it as though you were my real mother?' Verity blinked, her eyes welling with tears. She swallowed thickly, and clasped Xander's face between both hands.
'Foolish boy!' she chastised. 'I love you as my own and I have for years. I can't think of anything I'd want more.'
'I still feel sick,' he told her, as he wiped his eyes; Vee carefully dabbing at her own damp cheeks.
'Of course, you do. Babies are ghastly. As are awkward encounters with people we've had casual sex with.'
'Turns out it wasn't so casual after all,' he corrected.
'Perhaps not.'
'F*ck!' Xander cursed, with renewed distaste.
'What?'
'She lives in Surrey. In a cottage. I live in London. How the Hell am I meant to... Jesus Christ,' he said, more to himself than to Vee. 'This is not casual at all.'
*** Author's Note ***
The secret is finally out! Xander took that well, I think? Do you have high hopes for Xander and Amy, or is this a match made in Hell? And what of their child; will it live in his fancy London bachelor pad, or a cottage in Surrey? Worst case scenario, there's always Aunt Vee's pool house...