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t w e n t y - s i x
The beat of the water down her skin feels heavenly, the drops warm and almost scalding to the skin. Steam surrounds her, cushioning her protectively, clinging to the air droplets and pressing against the glass door of the shower.
The water that runs below her is murky, filled with dirt and blood streaks. She doesn't look at it, eyes pressed firmly shut, muscles swaying underneath the sensation of the hot pressure. Her limbs cry out in relief, the thick layer of grime that had accumulated on her skin finally being swept away.
It had been days since Nova had woken up in the guestroom, and she still was on the Adolfo compound. Her back had taken time to heal, with every slight movement causing the scars to rip open and bleed profusely. The stitches in her thigh had just begun to dissolve.
She finally had been given the greenlight by Aaron – the doctor whose care she was under- to move around now, but to be extremely cautious and not to overexert herself. Even now, her back stings, but the feeling of cleanliness trumps it.
Nova loved feeling clean.
The last few days being bedbound in that room had been horrible. She sweated during the night, and her skin begin to harbour all the salts. She felt gross.
It hadn't been uneventful – she was visited by her blonde a lot, and Sonya a few times.
Her mouth curves, head already throbbing with just thinking about the revelation of werewolves, and all the information that had been dumped on her by the two females over the past few days. She sighs; it was a lot to process, and it hadn't even properly registered yet.
But she's all too keen to accept the ideology – even thinking about the second attack, the moment where the rogue's bones started snapping had unnerved every part of her. In the night it's all she can see; all she can hear. It's horrific, forever something to terrorise her now.
This revelation was an explanation. One that didn't make her feel scared of the attack anymore.
She wasn't making sense in her thinking pattern.
A shiver crosses her body.
She walked in a world with werewolves.
She was in a mansion that was full of them.
Her stomach swirls uneasily, but Kelsey and Sonya both explained no harm would be bought to her. They had done a lot of explaining over the past few days.
Nova rids the thoughts forming a blizzard in her mind, settling the winds that were picking up.
She just focuses on herself, squeezing shampoo into her hand and lathering it between her fingers, gently massaging into her scalp, making sure she felt every single hand movement, relishing in it all. Her hair is washed twice, ends slathered in a conditioner that smelt nice.
Her body is next, lathering gentle cleanser over her skin, letting it sit before rinsing it off. The bathroom joint to the bedroom she was staying in was simply exquisite – she's nervous even using it, not at all used to the lavishness accompanying it.
Her hands fumble around the cabinets, picking up a heavy glass bottle of body oil, no doubt more expensive than anything she ever bought to herself. It's light and moisturizing, her skin soaking it up with no greasy residue. Her skin is looked at next, some patches near her cheeks and forehead having broken out – no doubt due to her hormone fluctuation in the past few days.
It's cold water on her skin, calming it down.
It's a quiet retreat to her room, pulling on some grey sweatpants over the her waist. Her door knocks, and her head turns knowing who it is. She uses the towel to cover her chest, letting the doctor come in.
Aaron gives her a warm expression, but no words are exchanged. She pulls up her wet hair, letting him properly bandage the back that was still amidst healing, but looking much better. He takes his leave after, and she shrugs on her black hoodie, going without a bra.
It's not like the difference was visible, and she didn't want the strap digging into the sore flesh of her back. Her hair is dried after.
Nova feels a little rejuvenated, but her body isn't used to being on her feet for so long, already growing a little lightheaded. Some breakfast would be good, and her eyes narrow into the clock. Sonya told her the night prior she was more than welcome to join them if she was feeling up to it, or she could just stay in her room.
Nova was done being bedbound.
The female quietly thinks as she walks, her shoes squeaking across the polished floors. She didn't really know where she was going, so just followed the buzz and hum of the house this morning.
She chants the word in her head, hoping that perhaps it would make something click inside of her, have her turn her heel and run before reaching the tiger's den.
Werewolves. Werewolves. Werewolves.
It doesn't work.
Maybe it was the bond that the blonde had told her about, making the process of accepting it easier. Maybe it was the fact that Nova's hurt and worn and exhausted – it was easier just accepting the extraordinary now. Maybe it was the fact that she was starving right now.
Even so, her mind mills over every encounter she's had. With Kelsey it was different. She's known the blonde for so long now, that their trust is simply something she doesn't question. Then again, she hasn't seen the blonde shift as they call it.
Not like Romaeus. Maybe that was why she was so hesitant to reach out to him. She'd physically seen him embody his fur form, something traumatic just to witness. It could also be due to the fact that she'd newly known him but had grown so attached extremely quickly. Whatever they shared was intense and seeing a new light to him scared her.
Her heart pounds.
Soulmates? They were predestined to be together? The fact that he was purely made for her, just as she was made for him?
The idea was absurd, but both Sonya and Kelsey spoke incredibly highly of it, both firmly sure that it was between them. The moon goddess, or the being they regarded religiously, was something she didn't have faith in yet. She didn't know any of this, just following along until she did.
The breakfast hall is full when she enters, several men – or wolves- sitting around the table. They don't acknowledge her, eyes cast down to what they were occupied with. Nova is thankful for it, taking a deep breath and quelling her growing anxiety.
The atmosphere is different now; or maybe this was how it always was and she just never noticed. The testosterone is thick in the air, a primal and animalistic energy sifting through the air. She was seeing this in a newer light – it all had been swallowed down by her intimidation before. She had failed to see the source.
But she can see now.
These weren't mere mortals. They walked like gods. Ethereal. Out of this world.
Nova's vision is clear.
It's a clearly established where she sat in this hierarchy, at the bottom. The hairs on her arms and the back of her nape rise alongside with goosebumps forming, her heat pattering even harder with this newfound perspective.
She makes her way over, pulling up next to the blonde and Sonya, keeping her gaze down. Breakfast is served, and Nova eats aimlessly, feeling no desire to integrate into the conversation, and no one pushes her to do so.
Her mocha hues flicker around when they wait for tea though, curious of this new world she found herself in.
She finds Lyra first, Sonya's husband – mate. He's a tall male, broad and bulky with the same traits as Romaeus. She thinks it through, the dominance, the sheer confidence, and the reserved and logical nature. They were both Alphas.
Kelsey had told her about this. Wolves in such position had the highest ranking in the pack, males deemed worthy by the moon to coordinate and lead. It's a big responsibility, requiring a lot of sacrifice and time. It wasn't an easy feat to rule a pack; with it came protecting and educating.
She can see why Lyra and Romaeus would be described as Alphas.
Her attention turns to Sonya, whose position would be a Luna.
Similar to the Alpha, but the blonde told her she was the heart of the pack, the maternal figure. She was more important than the Alpha.
Lunas were said to have the most control because they were the neck that turned the head of the Alpha.
Here was where true power lay; Lunas mirrored the moon goddess herself.
Nova looks at the man flanking Lyra's right, brows furrowing when trying to remember. This was a beta she decides, the next position down from the Alpha, stepping in when needed as a second command. Also, very powerful. The man next to him must be the gamma, the last position of power.
These four roles were natural and could only be deemed through your blood, hand picked by the moon-goddess.
The other positions as Kelsey described – the high warrior, the high doctor etc- were all chosen by the respective Alpha's.
Everyone else were normal wolves. Like Kelsey. And Reggie – that was a surprise finding out. Nova couldn't believe how much of just her life had revolved around these mystical beings. Her heart quivers.
If that wasn't complicated enough, you then had to consider the dynamic of all the packs together. There were thirteen, and even then, hierarchy was established. It was just how wolves worked, always needing an order of dominance. If you didn't like it, you'd be rogue.
She knew who sat at the top, skin flushing,
Despite the fact that this was akin to a monarch, all the alphas worked together, forming a council of sorts, setting laws that were applicable to every wolf, for the safety of their species. The packs also tried to form tight alliances with one another.
It's a lot to understand, but Sonya and Kelsey had broken it down to her. She runs it through her head once more.
Her eyes sweep around, feeling uneasy when realising Romaeus hadn't made an appearance for breakfast, and she hadn't seem him once since they told her everything. She shifts in her seat, nibbling at her lip.
Was he avoiding her?
There's not much time to dwell on anything, Kelsey taking Nova. Nova wasn't allowed to leave the Adolfo compound just yet, not with the potential rogue threats beyond the walls and also because she hadn't healed properly yet. The blonde had been going back to her home to feed Leo.
Nova had no idea what fate put her in this position, but there was nothing she could do about it, so crying and complaining would do her no good. She didn't know what would happen from here on out.
This was the way the world worked - she just didn't know it before.
The majority of the day is spent milling around with Kelsey, who shows her around the mansion, explaining a bit more about what wolves were like. They stray away from the topic of mate bond – Nova knew all about it now.
Kelsey can only describe being a werewolf as having no latch on your emotions – they control ever aspect of you, they infiltrate every single decision you make. The stronger you were, the more you felt them. It's why Alphas were strong and respected – they thought selflessly, beyond what they felt even though the urge was too great.
Their nature is primitive.
Nova ends up taking a nap later, her recovering body too tired. It's evening when she wakes, and she's restless, mouth curving.
"Do you know where Romaeus is?" stopping someone in the hallway when she's left her room, sweeping her hair to the side. The female she's stopped looks the floor meekly.
"Alpha Romaeus is most likely to be in Alpha Lyra's office," she tells her. Nova frowns.
"Could you please direct me to where that is?" and the female does so.
Nova pushes the large oak door open, the weight heavy against her palms. Her stomach flutters, heart beginning to pick up pace and blood warming her face with a rosy flush.
He's not in the office, his presence extended to the outdoor balcony, patio doors wide open, relishing in the night that blackens above him. Her footsteps are quiet as she makes her way to him, but even beneath the thin material of his button up, she can see the way his shoulder blades tense.
He knew she was here, though makes no indication to turn. His finger holds a cigar with one side of the blunt alight, smoke coming from it. It's placed between his lips, another inhale before stubbing it out. His inked fingers twirl it around, forearms resting against the banister lazily.
His sleeves are rolled up, showing the paint tainted into his skin, black silky locks falling into obsidian curls on the crown of his head.
"Is everything all right?" he speaks first, tone low and husky. It's been several minutes since her arrival, finding herself standing loosely next to him, hands resting on each other.
The stars greet them, the glow of the moon heavy.
Nova looks up at him, watching his side profile and the tautness of his jaw. He hadn't looked at her once, features eerie in dark thought.
"I didn't mean it," she's first to speak, pricking at the guilt she buried deep down since their last encounter.
His eyes finally lift to her, golden hues curious and thick brows curving in questioning. Her heart jumps at the sight of his pupils, gallant and majestic.
"When we last talked, I insinuated that whatever happened to me was because of you," her words are spoken carefully. His mouth opens to protest, completely agreeing with the statement. Her hand comes up, asking him to let her speak.
Nova sighs, the notion heavy from the depths of her chest.
"I've been thinking a lot about everything. Since the attack, since I know what this all is-," her arm waves out to the moon in particular. He watches her, eyes in revere.
"It's strange, to put it nicely. But I guess it's something I need to get used to," she starts, a swallow from her throat.
"It scares me too," it's a quiet confession.
"But I'm not scared of you," she reiterates to him, her eyes twinkling. Nova clears her throat, before moving on.
"I don't blame you," her words cause a hollowness within him. The wolf within him whines, broken over the fact that she got caught up into this.
"I don't. I don't blame you because you weren't the one who decided to do this," turning around and pulling her hoodie down from the shoulder, exposing the claw marks.
"You weren't the one who did this," pulling the front of her sweats down, thumb tracing over the curve of her thigh, marks textures.
"Or this," her stomach, over the first scar. He listens silently.
"That wasn't you. You didn't make the conscious decision to harm me. Those lone wolves did that. The rogues I mean. They were the ones with the intention, and they were the one's who actively carried it out," and he just sighs.
"Nova-,"
"I'm talking," she cuts, features determined.
"I know that it can be argued that the only reason why I was sought out was because of the bond we have. But that's not your fault either. It's the moon goddess, or whoever decided to pair us up. You didn't ask for me as a soulmate. You didn't know these attacks would happen. So, it's not on you. None of it is," she finishes.
His mouth curves, running tatted hands over the back his nape and through his hair.
"I will always blame myself for every single mark on your body," he murmurs, tone on the break of a tremor. The wolf within him is sullen; he failed as a protector.
She uses the pad of her thumb to wipe a lone tear away from him.
"But I will never," she murmurs.
"That day with the attack, I was terrified. My entire reality just shifted on its axis, and it was scaring me, even when you came into the room. But I know deep down, that if you wanted to hurt me already, you would have," she murmurs.
It falls quiet between them.
"I didn't know if my feelings were ever genuine, or whether it was just the bond pushing me. Kelsey told me everything, how it intertwines with your heart and pushes you towards your half. My first day was spent figuring out our dynamic. So much makes sense now," thinking back to how she found comfort and safety in him.
"But then she explained how the mate bond was from your end, as a wolf. I thought my feelings were intense, but apparently humans barely feel the surface, at least not without the mark. You've felt everything a thousand times over than me. Wolves fall in love at the first sighting," her brows furrow.
His gaze sticks to the stars.
"And you're an Alpha, so that makes it worse. Kelsey's told me stories of wolves that take their mates in extremely possessive and savage ways, immediately claiming them. But you didn't do that," Nova's confusion is visible.
"You-you took me to a dinner, you went to the arcade with me, you got ice-cream for me and we even went grocery shopping together - twice. You took me on walks, you respected my boundaries, and you gave me space and time whenever I asked. That's not normal. For wolves," a sigh comes from her.
"Why did you follow this route?" she wants an answer. He plays with his rings, eyes slipping to her.
"I wanted you to have a choice. That was my intention. I wanted you to fall before the bond became fully set. I wanted you to choose me before exposing you to this. You always have a choice," he confesses. Her cheeks flush.
A choice.
"If I don't choose you?"
"You'd be free from me. You are never bound to me Nova, even now. I told you, I'm always here for you as you need. Platonically, romantically, even if you hate me," he murmurs.
"That got me thinking. You, an Alpha, restrained your primal urges for me, day after day, fighting with your very innate nature. This was over the course of months. Just so I could have a choice. Then I knew whatever I was feeling was genuine," she tells him. His eyes glow.
It's quiet for a moment, eyes on eyes.
"Now I don't know where we go from here. I know about your world. I know what we stand as. I don't know what happens next," she looks to him for an answer.
"I was planning on telling you everything, before the second attack occurred. It was never my intention for you to find out like this. I was planning on taking you with me. To my home," her eyes narrow.
"Your home?" clarifying and he nods, expression watching her carefully. She stiffens.
"Why?" her eyes flicker to her hands.
"Because you aren't safe here," his words are hard with truth. Nova thinks. Two attacks. She didn't ever want to be at the receiving end of another.
"This offer still stands?" and he nods.
"I would prefer it if you came back with me. It's the only way I can guarantee your safety. There's only so much I can do on a land that isn't mine,"
It's quiet for several minutes.
"Is it guaranteed that I would be safer there with you, than here?"
"Yes," his tone is confident, holding no doubt. Her mouth curves, a heaviness settling in her.
"Hypothetically, if I choose to take up this proposal, what does that mean for this bond we have? I said this before, I don't know if I can be with you like that. I don't know if I can be in a relationship, be your other half. I'm not ready. I don't know if I'll be what Sonya is. I don't think I want you to mark me and turn," she tells him.
"I liked how it was before. Before the attack, but all of this-," she shakes her head.
"I'd never pressurise you into any of it. If you go back with me, it's not to do with the bond. It's to do with your safety. If you don't want to see me, then consider it done. If you just want to be friends, consider it done. I have no expectations for you to take up any position – you need to live the life you want. I've always wished this for you, fate or not. My principle still stands – it is always your choice, here or there," she sighs.
"I'll need to think about it, and then I'll get back to you," and he nods, expression soft.
She picks herself up from the bannister.
"Nova?" she turns, eyes landing on his broad and bulky frame which is turned to her. He seems hesitant in expression.
"Nothing-," he murmurs, turning his head away. Her eyes narrow, noticing his stance and how he was facing her.
It's done quietly, her arms around his torso. She can feel the relief fall from him, his body melting with just the contact.
Her cheek lays flat across his chest, his arms coming around her, letting the wolf within him sniff at her wounds and ease himself. She was right here. It's the faintest skim of his lips on her head before she's gone.
Nova lays in her bed later with a heavy mind. The blonde curled around her senses this, pulling her so they face each other.
The brunette tells her everything, Kelsey listening quietly.
"I want to be safe because this place doesn't provide that anymore. But I don't know-," her mouth curves. Kelsey sighs, turning to her with a clear mind.
"Nova Blaire you hate living here. You've been dreaming of an out for so long. So long. And it's here, given to you on a gold platter. You can make yourself a name somewhere else, focus on your business and grow with it. And you're right, you will be safe. Romaeus lives in a pack different to here, less human involved but more protected. Everyone in that pack will protect you. And so many horrible things have happened here, maybe a new environment is something that'll trigger the healing process. It's a brand-new start. I know he won't force you into pack customs. So, what's holding you back? You have nothing tying you here,"
The blonde's words strike hard with truth.
Nova tears up.
"I have you," her tears spill. The blonde chuckles, pulling her into her hold, kissing the top of her head.
"You will always have me baby. You hold my heart," kissing the top of her head.
"I think you should do it. This place is too fucked up for you, and you deserve the new chance, a chance to blossom. With or without him. And me? Don't worry, I'm making sure he's flying me out every week," they both chuckle.
"I just don't want to be hurt again," Nova murmurs.
"Is he the best person for that?" seeking reassurance. The blonde nods.
Nothing more is said.
The blonde falls asleep.
Nova stays awake for several hours, thinking.
Her decision is made with careful consideration, texting him about it before letting her eyes closed.
She'd take the offer up.
Kelsey was right. If anyone deserved a new start, it was her.
A/N - lmao i hate this. it's so long and word vomit. i feel like it moved fast, and idk.
also, probably need a break from writing so much icl