He sighs, picking up his reading for college.
He turns on the TV and switched it to the sports channel.
This time, he didn't flinch when he saw Bokuto.
That night when he walked out and Bokuto didn't chase him, they lost contact. It's been a year since then. He's still in college and Bokuto is taking the world by storm already. As it should be. He could still feel the cold dread settling down his stomach, that dull throb in his chest; You can never unlove a person after all.
He takes a deep breath and read a message from Konoha.
(But you can love another.)
I'm a poet, the people I love will always be somewhere else.
Kait Rokowski
It was by accident.
He just finished having coffee with one of his teammates when he saw them; Akaashi pointing at the window of one of the shops out side the cafe, chatting animatedly with Konoha. The sky was a comforting, pastel blue, sun not too bright, but not too dim, either. His heart skipped a beat.
It's been a year. Akaashi still looks the same.
He then felt something cold within him when Konoha laughed and swung his arms over Akaashi's shoulders--but he shook it off and moved to approach them.
"Hey!" He yelled, and they both looked at him, Akaashi wide-eyed for a second before masking it up, Konoha blinking.
"Bokuto."
"Hello," he caught up with them. There was a long stretch of silence before he blurted out, "Why are you guys together?", surprising the three of them, including himself. He backpedaled, biting out an awkward laugh before jokingly saying, "Is Konoha your boyfriend?", expecting Konoha to laugh and Akaashi to deny it, hoping, for some reason, that they're not really together--
But, unlike him, Konoha didn't refute it at all.
"Yes."
Akaashi scowled at him, but Konoha just chuckled.
"Why did you say that?"
"Because it's the truth," was the reply, Konoha crawling over to him, breath tickling his face. It's cold and the room's only source of light is the setting sun, and Akaashi thinks of Spiegel im Spiegel, the reason why he loves it, the reason why his heart still skip beats when a certain name is mentioned. Konoha kissed him. Akaashi felt a little guilty.
"It's the truth."
Akaashi said nothing in return and just held him, and kissed him back.
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The night Akaashi left his wedding, Bokuto felt like a city left by a storm, in ruins and lost and just plain wrecked. His body was tingling, fingertips wanting to touch, to reach out, to hold. His face felt warm. Bokuto has always been irrational and impulsive, he knows that, but the kind of rebellion his body was demonstrating is unbelievable. It's illogical and he's denying it, trying to hold it down, cover it up, because no means no means no.
But the truth is the truth and he wanted to hold, wanted to kiss, wanted all of it and more. His body was responding by its own, but he summoned enough willpower to shut every want down.
He's not gay. He's married. He does not, in anyway that is more than appropriate for a friend, like Akaashi.
It's just a joke.
"Koutarou?"
Megumi called out, that night, surprised. Bokuto blinked back at her. His chest felt heavy. His consciousness kept on making him feel like he lost something; making him feel that he lost a part of him, something that was taken out and away. He felt so heavy and so lonely, and he's confused and upset and why, why does he feel lonely, even when his wife was there? Why?
"Koutarou, why are you crying?"
There was no answers, that night.