Ship: Renkun
Genre: Highschool AU; Senior!Kun Junior!Renjun
Plot: The story of Renjun's tragic first Highschool love story
Words: ~3616~
Edited
Author PoV
It was in Renjun's Junior Year were he came to the conclusion that he was very gay and had a huge crush on his senior Qian Kun. He was on the rather popular side with his successful Cooking YouTube Videos where he has about 500k subscribers and is on top of that Renjun's best friends Qian Chenle, older brother
But still he cant help but stalk his senior go to every orchestra concert he's in, watch every single cooking video of him over and over again, draw him in every page of his sketchbook, rant to his friends Jaemin and Jeno about how handsome he looks till they make him shut up. I think at some point Renjun made a greek god clay statue inspired of him for his art project... yeah that's how much he adores his senior
The only thing that makes it wrong is that Kun has a girlfriend and sees him as another younger brother so Renjun was stuck to having one sided feelings
Flashback one week prior
Renjun's PoV
I woke up next to a snoring Chenle, I slept over at his house. I got out of the bed and made my way to the Bathroom, but on my there i was met with the best view I ever saw. Kun ge in a towel getting out of the bathroom "Holy Shit" I whispered and im guessing he noticed my presence cause he turned around making me squeal and cover my eyes "I-i'm sorry Ge!!"
I heard him giggle gosh his giggles sound heavenly like soft and warm summer rain, while you sit on a bench letting the droplets hit your face as it slowly starts to rain harder but you just start to dance around to the sound of it
"Renjun...RENJUN!" I was snapped out of my thoughts by Chenle "Why are u standing here like an complete idiot?!" he asked annoyed but in a rather making fun of me way only then I realised that Kun ge was long gone and just blushed "Sorry i'm gonna go to the bathroom" Chenle nodded making his way downstairs
I got out of the bathroom feeling fresh and clean so I went downstairs already smelling delicious food "Morning Silvia!" I greeted their Maid "Oh morning little one come on sit down i made breakfast fill your stomachs" she said placing a bunch of different dishes on the table
I ate while listening to Chenle talk about something that supposedly took place in school. I wasn't really listening cause I started daydreaming again. I imagined me on a field the light spring breeze dancing with the flowers and Kun ge in the middle of it looking like a prince he reached for my hand and took it gently in his softly kissing the top of it "Can i ask for this dance?" he asks and I giggle answering with a soft yes
He pulls me in, hands on my waist, as we dance away. There's no music playing but the wind and the sound of leaves where enough music for our ears we moved elegantly through the field as he smiles at me I could see the genuine love in his eyes I could feel his heart beat could smell his sweet lavender and vanilla scent and then- "Come on lets go now ge!" Chenle said pulling me to the car
We were in the car on the way to school i hate that place it's way to crowded for my likings but what can I do at least i get to see Kun ge and that just makes everything a thousand times better
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"Hey Renjun daydreaming of Qian Kun again?" Jaemin asked laughing sitting down beside me I just shot him a glare "Shut up" I answered while Jeno just sighed from Jaemin's other side "When are you gonna grow some balls and confess to him?" Jeno asked and you know what, that's a really good question and the answer is simple it will never happen "I don't know Jeno I don't think I'll be able to handle getting rejected..." Was what I gave him as an answer and i remember them just looking at me pitiful
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I should really at least try to confess to him maybe 'What if he rejects me though??' Well we can just simply move on 'How can I just move on if I liked him for 5 years?!' I guess that's true... but I don't know for sure if he likes me or not. I continued on having these fights with my own thoughts and came to the decision that I was gonna confess to him this week today is an Wednesday I've got time I just have to prepare myself
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Jeno's mom dropped me off and I was home finally. I was counting seconds to finally get out of school. The house was quiet my parents are probably still at work I went straight upstairs to my room. It's small but cozy my friends call it hobbit hole to make fun of my height and because of the aesthetic and maybe they're right
I sat my stuff down on the floor and sat on my desk searching through drawers for coloured paper and envelopes "There finally!" I exclaimed after hours of searching I took a pen and sat there "What should I write? I don't know how to write love letters" I started whining why was this so hard in the drama movies I watched it looked so easy
I huffed and pulled out my phone and opened google 'How to write a love letter' immediately thousands of pages popped up I tapped the first that caught my eye 'Easy 5 Steps on how to write an love letter'
1. Use coloured paper even better if you use their favourite colour for the paper. ' Kun's ge favourite colour? I never really asked him that I continued reading
'Maybe you don't know their favourite colour so just use a colour that reminds you of them' "A colour that reminds me of Kun ge...probably light green cause he's kind, helpful, refreshing, gentle, refreshing and on top of that absolutely ethereal. Light green paper it is!"
'2. Decorate the paper make it likeable for the eye stick some stickers or pressed flowers' "Hmm I think I have some stickers I can also draw"
'3. Make notes of all the things you love about them' "All the things I love about Kun ge. That's gonna be a long list" I took out my notebook and started writing "He's very gentle and loveable, in everything he does he gives his all and try's his best to not disappoint, he takes care of you so you can fully trust him and rely on him, he wouldn't judge you, even though he's young his very mature and independent also he has amazing cooking skills, his presence is warm and cozy being around him feels like home, Kun makes everything seem fun he's always very enthusiastic and uplifts the mood. Last but not least he's beautiful from the way he parts his hair to his beautiful soft looking neck to his absolutely outstanding and adorable smile to the way he elegantly moves his hands to his strong looking legs he's just ethereal."
'4. Now try to explain how this person make you feel' "Kun ge makes me feel wanted even though all he does is greet me every day and make me lunch most of the times. The way he remembers small details like the fact that i don't like coriander or mushrooms in my food. It's the way you cherish me hold me close to you in my dreams. I dream of Kun ge always every night his hair is so soft, his eyes looking at me oh so loving as if I was his all, his voice when he calls my name which sounds so much better coming out of his mouth, the way he takes my hand and embraces me his touch only for me as if he was mine only and I'm his only, the way we become one in our own world in our heaven. I'm happy when Kun ge his smile his laugh is something I'd love to always see and hear for my ears only. It's when he sings every word means so much to me every heavenly tone you let out taste delicious on my tongue it makes my heart dance I want Kun ge to sing me to sleep while we lay underneath stars in each other's arms. Life is so much better cause Kun ge is a part of it. I just really love Kun ge..."
'5. Write everything down and steal their heart away with it'
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It's Thursday the next day I was up almost all night trying to write the letter but I finished it luckily. Now all i gotta do is give it to Kun ge "Hey Chenle where is your brother?" I asked running up behind him as he looked at me smiling "Oh hey he's staying home today cause of some kind of preparation? Why do you need something from him?" I shook my head "No just wondering. Also what kind of preparation?" I asked looking at the boy beside me confused "No idea man, he looked really happy and nervous tho"
Nervous, happy? Did he maybe get sponsored ? I don't know I guess i gotta give it to him tomorrow. I sighed and bid a quick goodbye to Chenle leaving to my classroom greeting Jeno and Jaemin sitting beside Jaemin waiting for the teacher to come in and start the lesson
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When I went to bed I couldn't sleep at all. I was way too nervous. I don't know how I slept yesterday. I was tossing and turning in my bed "Fuck!" I got off my bed and decided to choose an outfit for tomorrow something other than my yellow hoodie that Kun once complimented and that I now constantly wear
I chose a pastel sweater vest and a white shirt underneath it and some baggy pants, nothing too special but still neat "This looks fine I guess" I folded them neatly and put then on my chair
( Here the fit basically if it helps you imagine better )
I got my sketchbook and sat on my bed since I still wasn't tired. I started drawing random things till I eventually got sleepy and passed out
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I walked to school but when I entered it, it seemed less crowded then usually, but I just shrugged it off. During break I found Jeno and Jaemin at my locker they smiled sadly when they saw me "Whats with the long face do i look this terrible??" I asked laughing quickly "No no you look pretty- i mean you look amazing- good-" Jeno stuttered his life away, as I just watched him turn red, luckily Jaemin cut him off "It's not that it's Kun... he ehm just go to the sport field you'll see what i mean..." was all he said as he looked down apologetic
It worried me was Kun ge okay I thought of all the things that could have happened but the last thing i excepted was to see Kun ge on a stage with a...girl? I recognised her it was Chaewon noona, of course it was her, the prettiest girl in school
Was Kun really singing for her? I freezed not being able to do anything so I took in the music its 'Paris in the rain' my favourite song... then why was he singing it for her and not me? The song eventually came to an end and kun started talking but I couldn't make out the words. I was still standing on the same spot while everyone started cheering. They had kissed...
I felt tears on my cheeks why am I sad when Kun ge is happy? Why am I crying while he's having on the brightest smile? Why was I being selfish? I couldn't breathe my lungs felt clogged I wanted to throw up. I ran as quick as i could to the bathroom hands on my mouth
I threw up but it was flowers Carnation to be exact they were pretty I smiled sadly "Kanahaki huh..." I cried why me why why why? Why wouldn't he love me, notice me hold me, kiss me. But then again, I get it Chaewoon noona is a girl. I wasn't. She had pretty long silk black hair. I didn't. She wore pretty skirts and dresses I didn't. She was head captain of the cheer team. I wasn't. She was smart and I'm not. I threw up more flowers it hurts
Of course Kun ge doesn't like me I was stupid. Stupid enough to believe he saw me in the way I saw him. It was idiotic really, it just made me feel worse.. I was nothing more than a friend of his younger brother and that's all I'd ever be. I threw up again this time blood was on them I cried some more
"RENJUN GE ARE U HERE?!" I heard a familiar voice "Lele..." I answered in a whisper before having to throw up again the door opened there stood Chenle, Jaemin and Jeno eyes wide open. They looked terrified. I felt bad having to make them look at their Hyung in this state. I sniffed tried to hold back more tears but it hurts so bad my lungs, I feel like I was drowning somewhere in the middle of the ocean I feel lost. My heart it hurts
"I'm sorry..." I sobbed out throwing up again and they just bowed down and hugged me crying with me "Fuck Renjun... it's okay it's not your fault. He's the idiot" Jaemin sniffed trying to find the right words of comfort and I felt thankful to have them around me
Days passed I wasn't able to go to school at some point so I stayed in my room locked away. My floor filled with Carnation, my parents felt regretful they didn't want to lose their son but the only way to fix this was taking the surgery. The surgery I refused to have because I didn't want to lose my feelings towards Kun ge I knew it would hurt to love him but still it was beautiful
I would miss the soft feeling around my heart when I see him the dreams I have about him. I couldn't die. I didn't want to but those feelings for Kun ge. I wanted to keep them I looked to my nightstand 'The letter' all my feelings were there I stared at it and decided for the best
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Happy ending:
Author PoV
Here he was laying so peacefully strings attached to him everywhere, his friends and parents beside him smiling they were grateful. Grateful for not having to lose someone so dear to them "The surgery was successful! he will soon wake up. I'm happy Mr. Huang made the right decision!" The doctor said and the parents could only thank him with tears in their eyes
Renjun opened his eyes getting used to the light after 3 hours of sleeping. It was the first time he hadn't dreamt about Kun it felt weird but he felt like he had to get used to it he looked to his side Jaemin, Chenle and Jeno were cuddled up sleeping peacefully he smiled he was happy to see them
The door of the hospital opened he looked who it was. It was Kun with a bouquet of flowers. But he didn't feel anything he just felt empty no butterflies no dizzy head he wasn't flustered nothing he just stared blankly at his face
He looked sad or more apologetic "Hey Renjun I heard what happened. How are you?" He asked hesitating to come closer and the small boy just nodded to give him confirmation "I feel great not to be suffocating actually!" He answered cause it was true his lungs finally stopped being clogged up and he could talk and breathe better
"Jeno almost beat me up saying that if you died because of me he would kill me too" Kun laughed remembering back and Renjun giggled over how overprotective Jeno was as always "It's okay...I'm okay now. It wasn't your fault its not like you put a spell on me to fall for you" he jokingly said but he knew deep down that being in love with Kun was like being under the strongest love spell ever existing
"Still I'm very sorry for not noticing earlier and making you go through so much... I got you flowers?" He explained as he handed me the bouquet red roses with some green Renjun hated them but smiled nonetheless accepting them and thanking the boy
"It's okay Ge I'm very happy for you and wish you the best!" he simply said and he wasn't lying he was happy for him "Can I- can I hug you?" he asked carefully and Renjun nodded and was taken into his embrace. It was warm just as he always expected it to feel like. He felt safe but his heart wasn't beating quickly his breath didn't hitch he wasn't blushing nothing. It felt like hugging a good friend
After that he had left the three boys were awake through it all and made sure he was really fine and after reassuring them many times they finally believed him "Thank you guys" he said he hadn't been able to make this decision without them around him they just smiled brightly and it confirmed for Renjun that he had made the best decision ever
Sad ending:
Author PoV
Here the boy was laying on the bed looking oh so beautiful with pale skin wires everywhere his family and friends crying. It hurts them. Why did the gods had to give him such a cruel faith? He didn't deserve to lay there. Yet still here he was on his deathbed flowers scattered around him as a familiar beeping was heard and the cries only got louder
"Huang Renjun declared dead at 12:30 pm on the 6.2.19" the doctors said as they wanted to bring him away but they weren't ready to let him go yet. Not like this they hadn't hugged him one last time but there was nothing to do. He was gone. Huang Renjun was dead...
On his funeral it was raining his mother was crying and so was everyone else. They couldn't believe it, they didn't want to. The only thing that slightly made them feel comforted was that the boy was free from his pain. He was able to be at a place loving the person he wants to without having be in pain
Meanwhile Kun was regretful he was told many times it wasn't his fault but he felt responsible he felt like he could have done better looking out for the boy. He stood there at Renjun's grave gripping the Umbrella tightly for his mom and little brother, who was currently crying on his shoulder. He felt like it was all his fault but no one blamed him. They gave him the letter a love letter saying that it was meant for him he took it even though he felt like hd didn't deserve it
'Dear Kun,
you must wonder why I'm writing you this letter. I could say it in one sentence or two but I want to make you understand my feelings and talking is hard for me so I'm writing this letter to you. :D Do you remember my freshman year when people used to pick on me for being small? I had no friends and no one talked to me but then you moved here with Chenle you protected me when no one else did. Told me that they were just jealous and you counted up all the benefits of being short. That was funny and I was really thankful for you to that time. That's when I started looking up to you! Later on in my sophomore year I came to the conclusion that I was gay but didn't really wanna believe it. I kept on pushing these dumb feelings and thoughts I kept having about you Ge. I daydreamed about you everyday my head was full of you and only you. I even made my greek god statue based of you (//-///-//) and I don't really regret it cause you told me you felt honoured and that it was very pretty. All i wanted to say to that time was 'Of course it's pretty it looks like you!' That's what i wanted to say but I only thanked you shyly while Jaemin and Jeno laughed at me in the background. Even they had noticed how head over heels I was for you. Now I'm in my Junior year you're in your Senior year and i accepted that I really really like you Kun ge. I want to spend the rest of my time on earth with you. I want to sleep with your arms around me while your soft voice lulls me to sleep. Want to make food with you knowing that you're sharing your biggest passion with me. Want you to hug me look at me with those lovely and gentle eyes, look at me as if i held the whole universe in my eyes. I want us to dance to slow music in the rain. I want your soft lips on mine while you tell me you love me. I want to you to love me like I love you Kun ge. I really love you!
Best wishes
Renjun'
"I'm sorry Renjun..."
Requested by softinjoonie_
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Hello everyone as a quick end note i wanted to mention that this was also an attempt of trying a different writing style! I also couldn't really decide on the end so there are to ending options. I really hope you guys liked and cried like I did when i re read it.🥲 Anyways thanks for all the love on my last update love u all kisses mwah<333 See you guys next time👋