After his conversation with Zemo Bucky hid himself in his room for the rest of the evening with no explanation. He didn't accept the sweets that were offered to him and only muttered something confusing between the lips before vanishing.
Zemo on the other hand had to find an occupation to fill the time with, given that both of his guardians who were supposed to check on him in case he ever came up with another mastermind evil plan had no intention to do so. So much for a prisoner. Everyone was way too tired to even deal with him. Sam came out just once to open the fridge in search for some food, he looked around with suspicion and then knocked at Bucky's door: a muffled voice came from behind. You okay? Yeah don't worry. Want something? No I'm good thanks Zemo raised his eyes from the pages of the book he was reading, he couldn't help but feel agitated for some reason, his foot was tapping on the carpet, he was unable to focus on his task. He let another two hours pass by, walking around and cooking to distract himself, but when the clock marked 10 p.m. he knew he had to do something to avoid his mind to implode.
He walked towards Bucky's room.
-James?-
-Yeah?- the voice was distant and feeble
-Can I come in?- Zemo waited for an answer and when he didn't hear anything back he just assumed that meant an implicit yes. He pushed the door knob and slowly entered in the room: the blinds were closed and there was no artificial light on, all was black. He had to squeeze his sight to see that Bucky was not there but in the adjacent bathroom: almost every bedroom had a personal one and that was probably the reason why he found it so easy to stay locked up for hours with no need to get out. Zemo had to advance with little and careful steps as once the door closed behind him the darkness had deepened even more
-James where are you?-
-Over here- the voice was no louder than what it sounded like outside in the living room. Zemo waved his hands in the air trying to find the wall and decided to get down on his knees: Bucky was probably sitting on the ground and he had no intention of tripping over the soldier. He happened to have a small keychain with a torch in his pocket, he turned it on.
- I am sorry but I need to see where you are- a fleble spot of light revealed an undefined human shape in a corner of the room, all curled up. Zemo pointed the torch towards Bucky, who instantly covered his face with his hands. He had changed his daily clothes into a random t-shirt and sweatpants, but he was so messy it looked like he had been in there for days without washing or sleeping.
By taking other mindful small steps at the time, he crawled near him.
-I brought you something to eat, but you seem way more thrown off than what I had imagined, is it something I said to you before?- Zemo could hear him sobbing, so he laid the torch on the ground and sat close to him, avoiding physical contact
-I lied to you- Bucky kept hiding behind his arms just like a young boy who just got caught doing something bad.
-Would you care to elaborate?- he tried to use the softest tone he could
-In Madripoor, when I told you I was in full control the moment you commanded me to attack that man in the bar. I wasn't. I still think I had a tiny bit of consciousness left, but I have no true proof. I truly don't. I thought I was free, the dora milaje tested me, I was so sure... and then you said those words. When...he comes...when the Winter Soldier takes over... I don't have a saying in anything anymore, I am stuck in a cage: he has the keys and throws them away-
That caught Zemo off guard. He genuinely believed James was no longer responsive to the code words. He did suspect something at first, both in prison and when he let his hands slip around his shoulders in front of Shelby. Yes, he doubted of James' composure, it felt way too easy for him to not react, but still, the night they had that conversation, he truly believed him.
-Do you think I am the only one who can trigger you?-
-I don't know, I think so. When Ayo tried nothing happened and then when I broke you out of jail I felt weird, but you didn't say the full sequence so I wasn't sure it really worked-
Bucky sighed, a crystal clear tear gushed out, he tried to wipe it away before Zemo could notice
-You should have told me that before. We would have worked it out, how did you wake up on you own?-
-I have no idea, I could still see and hear everything, but behind a curtain. When you shot Shelby and you grabbed me to start running... something clicked, but I wasn't fully me yet. Then you escaped in another direction, I genuinely don't know how I did it, but I forced my body to follow Sam- Bucky leaned a little bit towards Zemo, his hand laying on the floor -everytime, it's a fight between myself and me, and it's so exhausting, haunting. Waking up from the Winter Soldier is slow and painful as regaining control of your whole body after bathing in pure ice-
Zemo slowly put his hand on James', it was gelid, as if the life had left his body. He hoped it could make him feel a bit better.
-I know you don't see it that way, but it's good news. At least you managed to recover on your own, that's wonders, you never did it before. You don't have to worry: you will never go back to your original situation, that part of your life is gone behind you-
-Yeah but I also thought I was finally free- James looked down at their hands, on the top of the other - I will never stop being the Winter Soldier as long as you live-
His eyes turned red because of the crying, and the tired expression on his face was so miserable that managed to even peek through the Sokovian's heart. Zemo felt truly sorry for that sight, still he had no idea of how to fix it. In prison he simply didn't reflect too much on the consequences of his actions, he kept himself busy and it's true what they say, far from the eyes, far from the heart.
But he wasn't insensitive, not to the extent of ignoring the poor man in front of him. He made him like that, it was his fault and he had to find a way to make it up.
-James, if this can make you feel any better, I promise I am never ever going to use the code list again to harm you. It's my vow. I told you I don't consider you the Winter Soldier anymore and I meant every word-
-How can I even trust you? Why would I ever trust you? You give me one or two big speeches and expect me to fall for your lies? I am not that idiot- Bucky had started to tremble: the rage was building up in his blood and it didn't help his heart-wretching pain. He pulled his hand way, growling like a wounded animal, he swore he thought he could have died in that moment just for the overwhelming anxiety he felt spreading in his lungs
-James please calm down- Zemo sat in front of Bucky: he was shaking even more incontrollaby now and was no longer responsive. He grabbed his face between the palms of his hands, he tried to make eye contact, but his pupils were gone, only whiteness left.
-Can you hear me? Can you say something?-
Nothing came out of his mouth.
He could barely keep him in place, he was biting his lips, not a single feedback to any external imput: Zemo knew he was having an attack.
He forced him to lean on his shoulders, he held him as tight as he could while rubbing a hand on his back. He wasn't doing any better.
-James if you're in there and you can hear me, I am sorry for what I am about to do, but listen to me, it's the only way to prevent you from harming yourself-
He repeated the sentence twice, but no sign came from the man in his arms. He took a deep breath. It was late night, Sam surely didn't know how to handle an epileptic episode and truth to be told neither did he, still, there was only one way left.
- Желание -
longing
He was afraid James would collapse and choke with his own saliva or injure himself badly
- Ржавый -
rusty
Still no sign of healing
- Семнадцать -
seventeen
Just make this work for God's sake, it's the only time where's it's truly necessary
- Рассвет -
daybreak
Holding tight Bucky was now a little bit easier, he wasn't fighting him anymore
- Печь -
furnace
- Девять -
nine
He let the soldier go, slowly, checking on him. His pupils were a well of darkness, he had no expressions on his face, he was staring at the floor, his legs streched out like a puppet whose strings got cut, nonetheless he wasn't shaking any longer.
- Доброкачественный -
benign
- Возвращение на родину -
homecoming
Zemo could see the shift happening word by word and watching it happening felt so wrong.
-Один-
one
-Грузовой-
freight car
He inhaled the cold air, a shiver running down his spine. Time to check.
-Soldat?-
The Winter Soldier looked at him, eyes that pierced his own soul.
-Ready to comply- no emotions, no emphasis, just a flat straight line. Zemo tried to get him back on his feet but the Winter Soldier didn't need help: he wasn't weak or flawed, he was ready to follow any order at any time without further questioning. He inspected him to see if he would flicker, but he didn't find any break in the wall.
James is somewhere there, hidden, in pain
He knew he had done what was necessary for his own sake.
He switched the torch off in favour of the room's chandelier. He took the small tray he had left on the drawer and offered the sandwich to the soldier: he didn't touch it until he told him to
-I want you to eat this, then you are going to lay on the bed-
He watched him mechanically nibbling the bread.
What did I ever get myself into
Once he was done with his meal he walked to the matress and sat on it. He almost hesitated, but then he covered himself with the sheets and laid with his eyes wide open, gazing at the ceiling. Zemo felt a wave of tenderness flowing through his body while he plumped up his pillow and made sure James was warm and safe. In that moment he was both the equivalent of a small helpless child and a worldwide dangerous hitman.
-You're going to relax- maybe ordering someone to not be anxious wasn't the best way to get that person to calm down, yet it was the remedy he could think of - You're going to sleep, you're not going to have nightmares at all. If you'll need me, I'll be at the bedside - he pointed at the floor, where the other pillow and blanket James had previously slept on were still laying -when you will wake up, you will not resist but you will allow Bucky to come back. Do not whitstand, you understand? You will not, in any way, prevent him from taking control again-
The Winter Soldier was still staring at the ceiling, he didn't show signs of uncertanity
-Yes sir-
-Good, now go to sleep Soldat-
Zemo watched him as he closed his eyes and turned on his left. Only once he made sure he was fully asleep he allowed himself to crash on the ground and exhale all the tension that he had kept inside. Quite a ride, he thought. He knew he wasn't going to sleep no matter how hard he tried, he had already given up. He was just going to look after James, throughout all the night, making sure he would not wake up screaming.