Austin
A stray beam of sunlight, hitting me square in the face is what wakes me. How is that even possible when I'm more or less completely mushed into Bruin? I really have to remember to close my blinds before I fall asleep. It's nice and dark when I fall asleep but waking because a stream of sunlight is looking for my eye is not my favourite way of waking.
I shift slightly to push my face even more into Bruin's neck and his arms tighten around me, for a moment his grip is strong enough that I can't properly get air into my lungs. Then he relaxes again and I realise he had stretched while he squeezed me. He's awake. He acts like he isn't, though.
It feels so endearing for whatever reason and I slide my hand, from where it rests under my chin, over his muscular chest to squeeze him back with as much strength as my sleep-ridden muscles can manage. Bruin chuffs quietly and kisses the top of my head. I cringe as I remember the state my hair was in last night, there is no way it got any better during the night. He doesn't let me raise my head, pressing it to his shoulder. "Bruin." It comes out muffled, due to obvious reasons, and I huff, making him chuckle in return.
My stomach growls then, resembling an orchestra of dying whales and seals, demanding to be filled. Dear stars, I think to myself as I feel myself redden at the unanticipated interruption. The sound makes Bruin sit up, taking my half-asleep body with him and situating me back on his lap. "I'm a bear and I know exactly what that sound means: somebody's going to be eaten and I don't want it to be me. At least not yet." The bloody bear has the gall to wink at me and in my nearly comatose state all I can do is stare at him in disbelief. "At least let me make you dinner before we go there." Is what my brain comes up with and Bruin's eyes tinkle with mischief as he replies. "That's exactly what I was thinking, baby. You sure you're not the mind reader here?"
Before I can come up with another smart comment, thankfully, he slides us out of bed and walks, with me still cradled in his arms, to the kitchen. There, Bruin sets me down on the countertop and I shiver at the abrupt change of temperature against my thighs. Luckily, Bruin is already immersed in the contents of my fridge, otherwise stars know how the man would've fretted over me. Of course I enjoy his attentiveness but he would drive himself into a frenzy, worrying about me and my wellbeing.
Bruin surfaces from the fridge and places eggs, butter and milk on the counter next to me before looking around my kitchen. He locates the jar of sugar on the counter and digs out a sack of flour from one of the drawers. That particular drawer is filled with packages of different nuts, some pasta and my snacks are there, too. It is a chaotic mess of dry goods.
He rummages around my kitchen some more, placing a plastic bowl and a whisk next to the food items. Bruin turns to me with a happy glint in his eyes. "I'm going to make us some pancakes." I smile at his enthusiasm and the thought of having pancakes. I very seldom make them myself.
Bruin starts mixing the ingredients in a certain order, mumbling it to himself under his nose. At one moment he pauses before turning to the drawer he pulled the flour out of. After a bit of digging, he comes back with the small pink can of baking powder. He resumes the mixing and then starts whisking them into a nice and smooth batter. I hop off the counter and his head instantly whips towards me, stopping the whisking. "I'm going to take out the pan." I state as I step around him. Taking out my pancake pan, yes, I have a pan I use only for making pancakes, I place it onto the stovetop and take the bottle of cooking oil out of the fridge.
"Aren't you going to put a pinch of salt in it?" I ask him as I come up behind him, peeking at the batter and then looking up at him. "I'm making sweet pancakes, why would I put salt in them?" His eyebrows scrunch up as he tries to understand why would somebody put salt into their sweet treat. I shake my head and shrug my shoulders. "My mum used to say that putting a bit of salt into sweets makes them taste better because it gives them this depth, I guess. She said it makes sure they aren't overly sweet where you'll feel like you're eating just sugar."
Bruin hums in thought for a few seconds before shrugging and reaching for the salt shaker sitting near the stove. Adding a little to the batter, he mixes it again thoroughly. I light up the stove as he reaches for the ladle and scoops up a ladle-full of batter out of the bowl. The oil I drizzled onto the pan makes the batter sizzle as it touches the hot surface.
We spend the next fifteen minutes making the pancakes together and I like the mundane feeling of it. It makes me remember the other morning he was here and sat with me as I ate my breakfast, the feeling was exactly the same. Homely.
The adorable man stares at me with a smile that makes that sinful dimple of his pop out again and his eyes shine warmly. I absolutely love the dimple that dents his right cheek, makes me want to smother him with kisses. And that is precisely why that dimple is sinful and even deadly.
We run out of batter before I can give in to my dreams and Bruin places the platter of steaming pancakes on the dining table. I take out the plates, cups and cutlery we need, placing them on the table as well, not forgetting the little mats under the plates. Don't need no heat damage on my wooden table. While I set the table, Bruin clears the countertop of the items he used and swipes it with a damp cloth for good measure. I grab the carton of milk from the fridge again and place it on the table, next to the pancakes.
Bruin pulls my chair out for me and when he takes his own seat, he slides it as close to me as he possibly can. I roll my eyes in humor before reaching for a pancake. Smacking myself, I stand to take the small half-empty bag of homemade jam. I can't stand the store ones that are boiled through or whatever. I just smash my strawberries and mix sugar into them before bagging and freezing them.
I grab a spoon from a drawer before plopping down into my seat and scooping a few spoonfuls of the red substance onto my pancake before spreading it and rolling my pancake. I cut a piece off the end and stuff it into my mouth, momentarily having forgotten that the cake is hot. I'm quickly reminded by the burning feeling in my mouth and I breath through my mouth, trying to cool it down while grabbing for the milk. Pouring it into my glass, I gulp a mouthful and relax again as the cool milk soothes my mouth.
Bruin looks at me with concern, looking ready to jump up from his chair and rush me into a clinic or something. "I'm alright, I forgot the pancake just came off the pan." He doesn't appear mollified, looking at me like I had just him I didn't like his bear or something. Oh, wait, we need to have that conversation today. "Eat up, my bear. We've got some things to discuss and I'd rather not do it while eating." Bruin nods hesitantly and with that, the rest of the breakfast time is spent in a tense silence. Great job, you.
We clear the table, put the dishes in the sink to be washed later and place the pancakes, milk and jam into the fridge. I lead us to the living room and instead of sitting down on my favourite armchair, I take a seat on the couch so that me and Bruin could talk. He gingerly sits down next to me, slowly rising his eyes to meet mine.
"So, um... first off, I want you to know I'm really grateful you found me and so soon, at that. I don't know how long I could've held on down there. Second, I want you to also know that should you still... want to be with me, I would like to, uh... let you know that that is something I want, too." Dear stars, could you get any more awkward? "I mean, um... I've thought about it and I'm willing to give you that chance, should you still want it."
"Should I still want it?" Bruin asks incredulously. "Baby, there is no way in hell I'm leaving you. Honestly, I had half a mind of just dragging you into the woods with me should you object." Oh. Oh. I mean, sure, I expected he still wanted to be with me from the way he acted yesterday night and this morning, before I made it awkward. "Well, uh, thank you, for your... honesty?" Alright, that's it. I'm just going to go crawl into a corner and stay there.
Bruin smiles, clearly content with my decision. "So, just to make sure, you do understand that I'm part animal? That although I will do my best to control myself, sometimes my instincts just get the best of me? That I might just shift randomly? That-"
I cut him off before he can delve too deep into it. "Bruin. I understand and I accept it. I accept you. Animal or no animal, I accept you the way you are, alright?" The smile with the dimple finds its way onto his face again as he brightens up, muscles relaxing as he takes a deep breath in and blows it out. Opening my arms for him, he basically pounces, lightly suffocating me in his happiness. My bear's smile turns sheepish as he realises it and he turns us onto our sides on the couch, pressing me against the backrest behind me. He leans in to nuzzle me, which reminds me of another dire need. "Hun, I need to take a shower. Then we can do whatever for the rest of the day after I call Mr.Darby."
"We could take a shower together, save water and all that." Bruin leans in again and I pull myself up with the help of the backrest, watching his face land on the couch where my head had been just a moment ago. I chuckle, heaving myself over the back of the couch before he can grab a stronger hold of me. "The 'and all that' at the end was very convincing but alas, I'm going to be taking this shower alone." Is what I tell him as I waltz into the bathroom, fortunately remembering to grab clean clothes from my bedroom before I could undress myself. How cliche that would be if I forgot my clothes... I think to myself as I close the bathroom door behind me, but not before catching a glimpse of my bear's pouting face looking at me from the couch. He really is a teddy bear, I think to myself with a smile as I get the water running to heat up.
I leave the bathroom, finally clean and fresh. The steam billows out from the open bathroom door as I throw myself onto the couch, next to Bruin who is still pouting. I can't help but tease him a little. "Aww, is my little bear still upset I didn't allow him to scrub me clean? Oh you poor little thing." I coo at him with my best baby voice as I scooch closer to him, reaching to pinch his cheeks. The unimpressed face he gives me soon melts when my side touches his and he wraps his arms around me. A tight squeeze, followed by a smooch on my forehead is his form of retaliation.
"So what are our plans for today?" I ask Bruin as I sit, nestled into his side. He hums for a few seconds in thought. "I thought that maybe, if you're up for it, we could spend the day out at my place and you could meet my..." "Your bear?" I ask, perking up excitedly because come on, it's not every day you get to be that close to a wild animal without fear of losing a limb or worse. Bruin nods, looking happier by the second upon witnessing my excitement. He's clearly relieved that I'm willing and ready to accept that part of him.
I bounce up from my seat on the couch and almost skip to my room, telling him I'll be right back. Retrieving my phone from the bag Bruin placed next to the chair he folded our clothes onto last night. Damn, it's ridiculous how much I like that gentle giant seated on my couch. The phone is at half battery so it'll do. I call Mr.Darby and raise the phone to my ear while I walk aimlessly back to the living room. Bruin opens his arms and I walk to him to stand between his legs. I run my fingers through his dark brown curls as I wonder whether or not Mr.Darby will pick up the phone. Just as I'm about to end the call, he answers the call. The old man is cranky, rightly so because I did just skip a few days of work, and I apologise for not informing him of my abrupt departure. And how could've you informed him? Told Justin you just needed to make a few calls? Dismissing the sassy little thoughts, I inform the old man on the other side that I will be taking off for the next week, using the vacation days that have piled up. The library owner grumbles but says 'alright' and hangs up. I wonder if I'll even have a job in a week... Oh well. What's done is done now, I guess.
Bruin has been rumbling happily under my hand and rubbing himself into my chest. I can definitely see those instincts rearing their head. He's so cute, though. I sneak a few pictures of him in his distracted state and slide my phone into the pocket of the sweats I pulled on after my shower. "Do we need anything from the store or will we just head over to yours?" My adorable bear chuffs and hums absentmindedly before my question reaches through his hazy mind. "No..." He finally mumbles and I chuckle, deciding to take his somewhat dubious word on it. "Let me just go get some things and we can go." I say as I wiggle out of his arms and he huffs, exasperated with me for interrupting his cuddling session.
***
Having left my bag at Bruin's cabin, we're on our way to the lake we visited some days ago. Our hands are clutched together, fingers intertwined. Bruin hasn't been able to really separate himself from me so we've been in some sort of contact throughout the morning. It's nearing noon and as it doesn't look like a storm is about to hit us anytime soon, we decided to have a small picnic at the lake.
It's not very far from Bruin's home and soon, we have a blanket laid out with a basket of snacks waiting on it. Bruin sits and gently pulls me by my hand to sit next to him, I'm practically sitting on top of him but it's not like I mind our closeness, strange as it is. He hums happily next to me as I open a packet of crisps and offer some to him. The cheeky bear only opens his mouth, indicating he wants me to feed him. I snort and pop a few into my mouth before putting the packet down and munching on my treats, deliberately looking at the lake and our surroundings instead of him.
I can see him pouting from the corner of my eye and chuckle. Bruin huffs and lays down instead, resting his head on my criss-crossed legs. The pout disappears quickly once my fingers drift through his hair and he closes his eyes, completely relaxed. "Tell me about yourself." He mumbles after a few minutes. "Huh?" Is my confused answer. "I've told you many stories about myself but I don't know even the basics about you. Tell me something about yourself, anything you're willing to share."
This man. I could just kiss him. Then why don't you? Because I'm a chicken, that's why. But seriously, he is just the absolute sweetest man anyone could ever meet. How does he know exactly what to say? Gahh, this man. Or bear? Both? I shake myself out of my thoughts because he is still patiently waiting for an answer. Have I mentioned that his chocolate eyes are hypnotising?
"Okay, um... when I was smaller, I used to wander into the forest behind our house. It drove my mum mad because I, more often than not, went a little too far from the house and got lost. She would send dad looking for me and it usually took an hour or two for him to find me and carry me back to the house. Then I would get a scolding and mum would try to keep me in the house with her for the next few days, having me help her with cleaning or cooking. Some days I just had to sit inside and as I had nothing else to really do, I started pulling books out from the living room shelf. The ones I could reach were mostly children's books so I started reading them and I think that's how I became such a bookworm."
Bruin chuckles on my lap, probably trying to imagine a smaller version of myself traipsing around the forest. "But after you got into reading, did you still wander into the forest?" I wink at him cheekily as I answer. "Sure did, it was just easier for dad to find me because instead of moving around like I used to do, I sat somewhere, reading." He starts laughing and I giggle along, reminiscing the childhood memories.
The sun travels across the sky, though hidden by clouds now, as I tell him stories about myself and the adventures I had. The air is getting chillier as we sit there, our basket of snacks now empty. Bruin notices the slight shivers that wrack me and sits up, proposing to head back to his place. I nod and we fold the blanket, placing it into the basket filled with empty wrappers and packages.
"Would you, um... would you like to meet the bear?" Bruin asks hesitantly as we walk, one hand clutching mine while the other holds the swinging wicker basket. I slow down at his question and look into his nervous but hopeful eyes and nod. He hands me the basket and I watch as he takes a few steps back, breathes in slowly and closes his eyes. Bruin appears hazy and a few moments later, I'm staring at his furry form, just as big as I remember it to be.
The eyes that stare back at me are the same dark chocolate Bruin's eyes were like back at the police station. I tilt my head as the bear sniffs and slowly raise my hand towards it. The bear's ears twitch slightly as my hand rests on the top of its head but there is no other form of reaction. He's probably waiting for me to determine what I'm comfortable with.
I start scratching behind the ears and he steps closer. Upon seeing that I'm not backing away from him, the bear starts to rub itself onto my front and I chuckle. "Bruin, you there?" I'm not sure what exactly happens in his head when he changes forms. Does he know what's going on? Is he partially in control of what his other form does or is there nothing else but him just switching physical forms? The bear huffs and I take it as an answer to my question.
Just to make things clearer for myself, I decide to call this form Bear, just in case there is something more to it than just different physical appearances. Bear rubs himself all over me but at least he doesn't pull me to the ground to cuddle. I don't particularly feel like rolling around in the cold and wet leaves covering the forest floor beneath our feet.
I start heading in the direction we previously did, counting on Bear to lead us back. The big furry creature walks beside me and I keep a hold of his brown pelt with one hand. He sniffs at the ground a few times but keeps walking forward. As the lake is relatively close to Bruin's cabin, we reach it quickly. Bear chuffs and I realise it was his way of saying 'bye' as moments later, Bruin stands next to, his hand finding mine again as our gazes lock, chocolate on metal.
The inside of the cabin is dark, the evening sky blocking out the sun with dark clouds. Instead of switching on any lamps, Bruin starts lighting up candles around the house. I smile softly as I realise where the night is heading. Too soon? No. It's just perfect, it really is. He closes the latch on the small lantern he just lit and walks towards me, hands easily gliding around my waist to pull me to him.
His face comes closer to mine and I reach up, accepting this and accepting him. Accepting the now and anticipating the future. Bruin's warm lips touch mine and my mind blanks, no fireworks are bursting like all the stories depict. Instead, it's a warm glow, rising steadily like a fire has been lit in me. My hand curls around his neck as I kiss him. I want this. I need him.