So, I'm working on two stories right now, BUT just took a break from them to write this one, because I basically needed to write this. It basically is a hurt/comfort fic.
Yeah, anyway.
[Loosely –or maybe not so loosely, you'll never know– based on true events].
Published on June 2021
...
When Y/N returned home from work, she was alarmed by how quiet it was. She closed the door as she turned on the lights, removed her coat and placed it, along with her shoulder bag, onto the couch. Loki was usually at home by that time –and when he wasn't, he'd text her to let her know he would be late. Maybe the Avengers have to face some sort of emergency, she thought to herself. She headed to the kitchen, and then she heard it; a muffled, almost inaudible whimper coming from a nearby room. Was he home? And, most importantly, was he crying? He wasn't in the best of moods lately, but what could have happened to make him cry?
Y/N walked towards the bedroom, and now she could hear it more clearly –yes, those were definitely sobs. She stood in front of the half-closed door for a moment; even though the lights in the room were off, the faint illumination from the streetlights that came through the window allowed her to see Loki sitting on the bed with his back turned at her.
She pushed the door fully open and walked towards him. He soon noticed her presence for he turned his head around abruptly, and when his eyes met hers, he quickly brushed the tears that were running down his cheeks away.
"Hey..." he muttered when Y/N came and sat right beside him.
"Hey. What's going on?"
Loki didn't speak immediately. He stared down at his hands for a few seconds, and then closed his eyes and sighed. "I'm sorry –I didn't want you to see me like this," he responded then.
"There's nothing to be sorry about, Loki. Just tell me what happened."
"Marty happened," he replied and, behind all the sadness and pain in his voice, there also was anger.
Marty was... Well, he was Loki's best friend. Or, to be more accurate, Loki's only friend. Y/N furrowed her eyebrows as she wrapped a hand around her boyfriend's shoulders; she knew that, to him, this friendship meant a lot –mainly because he had never had the chance to make actual friends ever before.
"We were good friends. We were doing just fine until this... this damn bitch jumped in. You know, his girlfriend, Caroline. I mean, I didn't really like her, but didn't really dislike her either –I just cared little about her. And, yeah, I understand he wants to spend more time with her, but barely talking to his best friend who has no other friends is just... It really stressed me out, you know –it's the reason why I've been moody lately. And the worst of all was that whenever I brought it up in a conversation, he would act like he didn't know what I was talking about. And..."
Loki paused for a moment to take a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair. He felt Y/N's arm wrapping tighter around him, and he leaned closer to her as he carried on talking.
"And I started to fear that I was being paranoid, that I was losing my mind. For someone who's been there, that's not an endurable fear at all. So, at some point, I told him: 'You know what, if I truly am your friend, we really need to have this talk, because I just see you getting further and further away from me, and it's terrifying, and I don't even know if I can trust you anymore.' And, do you know what he did? He tried to make me seem paranoid. Again. And, even worse, he started telling me that the fact that I cannot trust him anymore hurts him and that how can I doubt him and our friendship so much after all this time? It basically was a fight, and, when it ended, along with my fear of paranoia, I also felt guilt. And it almost drove me crazy –all I needed was something to prove me right or wrong."
Loki was tearing up again, and his voice now sounded raspy. He made a pause, breathing in and out as if he wasn't sure whether he should say what he wanted to.
"I remembered that he once said that his password in every social media is Caro's phone number because he's bad at remembering stuff, and it's easier for him that way. And... I know it was wrong, and I know I should have never done this, but when I came here, I... I logged into his Messenger account... I don't know what I originally thought I would find, but... well... I found stuff. The last messages he had exchanged with Caro were about the fight we had... And he was saying shit like 'I can't stand him,' and 'I have no idea why I'm still pretending to be his friend,' and 'he's so crazy he might stab me or anything if I tell him we're through,' and so many other similar things. I don't know whether it had always been like that or Caro changed his mind about me, but, whatever the case... it hurts... a lot..."
Loki felt a lump in his throat, and he hid his tear-stained face in Y/N's shoulder. More tears came up, and soon he was sobbing again –Y/N had never seen him cry so intensely. She ran her fingers through his hair and kissed his cheek softly, whispering a rhythmic "shh..." until he finally seemed to calm down.
"Look," she said when Loki pulled away, wiping his tears away. "I'm not going to scold you for logging into Marty's account without his permission –I understand the reason why you did it, and I also know that you know it was wrong, so there's no point in making a fuss about it. You just need to realise that since he thought and said these things about you, he didn't deserve your friendship at all. And I know you hurt and feel betrayed, but, trust me, it won't last forever. With time, you're going to realise that this friendship wasn't worth it. You said yourself that it is the reason you were moody lately –so it was basically making you feel bad and consequently poisoning your other relationships."
Loki sighed as he wiped some newly formed tears away. He ran his hand through his hair and then looked at Y/N, and a wan smile appeared on his lips.
"What would I do without you?" he asked, and his voice cracked as he spoke. "Thank you. Thank you so much." He leaned over and gave her a chaste, close-mouthed kiss on the lips. He still hurt. But he was also grateful that he had Y/N. "Look, I'm gonna have a shower, and then we can make dinner together, okay?"
"Yeah, sure."
Loki stood up and took a towel from the wardrobe before exiting the room. Y/N left the room a few seconds later and went to the kitchen to prepare dinner. When Loki came about a quarter later, having finished his shower and wearing a loose t-shirt and grey baggy pants, she was half-finished at making their meal. He approached and began helping her finish and lay the table.
Y/N could see he was still preoccupied –and that was completely normal; she would worry more if he wasn't. She knew he would be alright eventually, and she would be there to help him through the hard times. Always.
I know I'll be alright, but I'm not tonight
I lost a friend, I lost a friend
I lost my mind...
~"I Lost A Friend" by FINNEAS
...
Just wanted to say that, if any of you is going through something similar –if you're losing (a) friend(s) you loved very much and they betrayed you, taking everything they've given you that has sentimental value because it's "tied" to that friendship and throwing them away is going to help a lot. And you're gonna be alright, even if today you feel hurt and angry.
Like I said at the beginning of the chapter, I'm currently working on two stories, so I'm going to publish something longer at some point.
Until then, take care. 💚