This is all my fault...
I should have noticed it sooner...
How much you were hurting...
We can't lose you...
Please don't leave us, Leo...
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Looking back, It's hurts thinking about that smile of yours.
It hurts knowing it was used to mask yourself. No one knew just how much you were hurting. How many nights you paced your room at night, bitting your fingernails down till your fingers bled. How many times you fled to the bathroom because the air in the room felt like it was squeezing around your chest so hard you couldn't breath.
You didn't want anyone to see you like that. You were so scared of us seeing right through you. So you fled. You hid away in your room to scream at the world in your pillow. You hid away in the bathroom to mark how "worthless" you felt by hurting yourself. You hid behind your smile. The same smile you flashed whenever someone asked what was wrong. You'd lie. You lied so much trying to convince everyone that you were fine that you stared to believe it yourself. It became the norm for you to wish each battle would be your last. To do everything you could to avoid food despite how starved you were. To want nothing more than to be alone, but to stop feeling lonely all at the same time. Not once did you realize that you were never alone. That even in your darkest of times, I was there. Even if you pushed me away, I stayed nearby. I was always close enough to hear your cries from outside your room, to stop you from further hurting yourself when I caught you. I was there for you, even if it felt like you were completely alone.
But yeah. You were fine, right?
I'm sounding a little harsh right now, I know. Not that you can hear me anyway. Even if I was speaking out loud you wouldn't hear me. It's been hours and you haven't woken up yet. You're most likely in a coma. How many pills did you take? The bottle was empty when it fell out of your hands.
"LEO DONT DO THIS, PLEASE!"
Dammit. I cant get it out of my head. The look you gave me when I found you on that rooftop. There was so much fear. So much regret in your eyes. What did you regret exactly Leo? Did you regret what you did? Or did you regret letting me find you like that?
"I'm sorry Donnie...Please forgive me".
Those were the last words you spoke to me. The last thing I heard before you stepped off the edge and lost consciousness. You probably didn't think the fall alone would do the job. So you overdosed. Or maybe overdosing helped you go through with it. I don't know. I wish you were awake to answer. I wish I knew why. Why didn't you tell us sooner? Why did you think you disereved nothing but pain? Why did you feel like you needed to hide it so well?
I'm driving myself crazy racking my brain, reading and re-reading the note you left us admitting everything. The note that was meant to be your last. I was looking for answers that probably won't ever be found.
I can't keep dwelling on this. It's up to me to save you. With the other's help of course. I hardly know what I'm doing though. I have a whole lab and almost countless medical supplies but I'm better at making stupid gadgets. Not saving lives. What if I can't save you? I can't fail you again...
"Donnie!" Raph says rushing in with Mikey and Splinter. "We got what you needed". They place down the supplies in their arms on the table next to Leo's bed. "H-how is he?"
I fold up Leo's note again and place it under my phone. "Not looking good, but this will help" I said quickly grabbing the naloxone they brought me. I immediately injected it into Leo's IV. Naloxone is a medicine meant to counteract the effects of an overdose. I never thought I'd have to keep something like that in my medicine cabinet. All I had were things meant for battle wounds. So of course the others had to sneak into a hospital just to get it.
"Did we get to him in time?" Mikey asked almost in tears. I didn't know what to say. It was still too early to tell. So instead I hugged him. He hugged back tightly. "I don't want to lose him Donnie" he cried.
"I know..." i whispered. "I know..."
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To be continued!