He was at the bar the next day. Which didn't surprise her when she first saw him. She'd been waiting for Alex to swing by just to catch up, and talk about anything but work, that was planned, but him being here and sitting across the room staring at a drink in his hand wasn't. Neither was her sliding into his booth but little did she know today would be full of surprises.
He knew it was her before he even looked up, hence he took his time doing so.
"Morning." His voice was dry and lacked a certain brightness to it, a brightness he usually had when talking to her.
"It's noon."
"Mm...well it wasn't when I got here." She sighed, not because she was disappointed or anything of that matter but because she was concerned. As far as she knew he'd been drinking less the last time she saw him, but now here he was in a bar for who knows how long. But that wasn't the concerning factor, the concerning factor is that he hadn't even drank anything. He was sober and lacked the smell of alcohol but by the look in his eyes he desperately wanted to get drunk.
"How long have you been staring at that drink
Mon-El?"
He checked his watch, thought for a-while, and when he was done just gave her a shrug.
"Well alright then. Are you planning on drinking that at all?" She asked signaling to the zakarian ale.
"Why? You want some?" She actually contemplated for a second before waving off his offer with a shake of her head.
"No, but what I do want is for you to answer that question."
Leaning back into the cushioning of the booth he smiled at her. It was small but regardless she felt a huge knot in her stomach form at the look he was giving her. It was a light look but the eye contact felt more than heavy to her, and that's coming from someone who can lift planes with her bare hands. She was just about to speak when he reached for the drink, held the glass to his lips, and let one of the strongest drinks he's ever had ripple down his throat. It burned a-lot going down—which was weird for him because he used to drink so much that he never felt more then a tingle when downing whatever he'd be having.
He knew he was no longer sober when he started seeing stars and everything began to feel a tad bit woozy. He closed his eyes to try and gain some stability, and because he too began to feel the weight of her eyes.
"Well I guess that answers my question." She couldn't explain why she felt so helpless in that moment. Just staring at him sitting there with his eyes closed, she could see how exhausted he was. Hell she knew how exhausted he was. But to see it on his face in that moment made her want to hold him in a-way she knows she shouldn't want to.
Feeling less woozy he opened his eyes, theirs aligned again then he made the mistake of opening his mouth. "You know it is taking everything I have not to drop my gaze right now."
"Mon-El..." His words hadn't stunned her because that was something she'd been forcing herself not to admit. Even now she has some trouble avoiding not glancing at his lips every once in a while, when they were dating she just didn't have to hold back like she has to now and that most certainly is still an adjustment even after all these years.
"Yesterday you wanted to talk, this is me talking— and to be honest with you if I wasn't drunk I don't know if i'd be talking at all right now." Kara knew that too, but something about him being drunk throughout something that could make or break their relationship just didn't sit right with her.
"I've never been a fan of drunken honesty"
"Isn't honesty, honesty?"
He had her there. "Are you sure?"
"I don't think it matters if i'm sure or not. I just want to be honest with you." As if timing couldn't get anymore perfect for the two, Alex texted her saying she couldn't make it, but that she could do dinner later in the day, and possibly bring Kelly too. Shutting her phone off she looked back at him with a mixture or nervousness and eagerness.
She nodded, letting him know that she was as also ready, well as anyone would hope to be in a situation like this.
"It's been hard adjusting to everything. I mean— I move into a new apartment soon. The DEO's gone. Brainy's different— a good different but...still different. It's just— coming back I didn't expect everything to change. This earth...this time has always felt like home and I expected it to change I really did but I just missed out on so much and— and now everything seems strange. Being back here is strange." That's more honesty than she was expecting, so she didn't know how to handle it much.
"Do you— do you want to go back to the future?"
With no hesitation he answered, "No. Home's still here even if everything's changed." She smiled at that. She wanted to tell him not everything has changed but was that even true? A-lot has happened since she last saw him. And that's a-lot to adjust to overnight so really what could she say to help? Nothing really so she opted to let him continue. "Everyone keeps telling me that i'll adjust soon enough and I guess that's true but I don't think i'll enjoy my life as much, after I do."
She couldn't help but ask. "What do you mean by that?"
He hesitated.
"You can tell me." The softness in both her eyes and her voice calmed him to the point where he began to feel a familiar comfort.
Nodding more to himself then to her he rubbed at his temple as he tried to find the words to begin. "When I first arrived here...my life was pretty shitty but even in the beginning I had you. And now it's kind of shitty again and— well you can fill in the blanks." He had to laugh after registering what he said. In that moment Mon-El felt like nothing but the biggest loser.
"Mon-El you still have me. I'm— i'm right here."
"Yeah okay." He couldn't help the sarcasm, as he continued to chuckle quietly.
"You don't believe that...why?" She was genuinely confused. He found it cute.
"Well for starters you've been distancing yourself from me." Mon-El voiced as if this couldn't have been anymore obvious.
"Oh and you haven't?"
"I have a reason."
Now it was her turn to laugh. So she did. "And I don't?"
"I think the real question is should you?"
He didn't think that though "I'm sorry— I don't think I should've said that." She was quiet for a moment, thinking to herself about what he said, and how he was right.
"Mon-el." Her voice was beautifully soft and he was about to tell her in that very moment but something came over him when her eyes seemed to dig deeper into him.
"Kara." He couldn't help but whisper back but lacking the softness she bestowed.
"Yesterday I told you that you were confusing me but to be honest with you, i've been confusing myself just as much." Kara's eyes dropped from his eyes to his glass which she hadn't noticed hadn't been empty yet. So doing what told herself she would never do again she picked up the glass and drank it's remains which might have been a mistake.
Clearing her throat she spoke roughly "Was it always this strong?" She asked running her fingers along her temple to soothe the sudden ache.
"You regret it already, huh?" He asked smiling at her with maybe a little too much affection.
"I regret it all ready...why's it that I always get drunk around you?"
"Well this time around you can't really say this was my fault now can you?"
"Mm." She groaned lifting her head out of her hands and looking at him again only to find him grinning at her with those beautiful teeth of his. "I missed your smile, you know."
Mon-El who'd forgotten he was smiling in the first place, blushed at her comment. "I missed you."
Why those words pecked roughly at her heart she didn't know but oh could she had not have related to that anymore then she'd like to admit. Watching as her eyes saddened and her shoulders drop to a noticeable degree he sighed to himself.
Should he not have said that?
"Too much?" He asked her, his voice soft with worry.
"I didn't think you were sober enough to notice."
"Your eyes always flicker down when you're...down." He chuckled to himself with his poor wording choice in that moment before continuing, "and exhale, you always exhale...it's never too hard to notice." She looked at him, long and hard, and almost forgot she couldn't kiss him then and there.
"You exhale too."
He nodded gently, tucking his bottom lip in between his teeth to suppress a grin that he couldn't explain.
"What?" Sometimes he was annoyed about how she could notice nearly everything if he was being honest.
"I'm just thinking." That received a obvious look of annoyance from her, so undoubtedly he knew she wasn't happy with that answer. "It's just...I think I almost need to thank you for moving on, because there's no way I could've. I mean i've tried right? I—I was forced to try..."
"And how'd that working out for you?" She managed to ask despite the lump in her throat.
He didn't have to answer, he just looked at her and let all the love he had for her show.
It was overwhelming to even keep his gaze so after a few long seconds she dropped it—she shouldn't have asked, because she knew she couldn't even dream of forgetting how he was looking at her right now. Kara didn't even know she was crying until he placed his hand on her face to swipe his thumb against the wetness of her cheek.
"You know i've always hated when you'd cry but I could never bring myself to ask you to stop, and I realize now that's because every time i'd cry you never asked me to stop. You'd let me feel what I needed to feel without judgement, you'd let me know you were there, and you'd tell me that everything would be okay...and you were right, every single time." He took his free hand and interlocked it with hers, not too tightly incase she wanted to let go— she didn't. "Now i'm no Kara Zor-el but..." he had to find her eyes before continuing so with his hand still glued to her chin he gently brought her gaze up to their hands to his eyes, "I still think everything will be okay."
Chuckling tearfully she squeezed his hand tightly appreciating how he always knew what to say or do.
"Mon-El," she already has his attention, but still his name always felt so right rolling against her tongue.
"Hm?"
"If there was another way to have kept you all those years ago I would've." There was more to that then what meet the ear and she knew it.
"I know." And apparently he did too.