Being in love with Kyoka is so difficult.
How would I know if she even felt the same way? What if I was hoping on nothing, searching for loose strands in a cloth that isn't cut the way I longed for it to be? What if she wasn't attracted to girls? What if she was and didn't want to pursue anything with me? What if she was in love with someone way prettier and stronger and kinder and cooler?
I was on the couch thinking of that, the idea of Jirou with anyone else made my nose wrinkle.
I didn't even know how I felt towards her until Mina pointed it out so blatantly that I couldn't deny it. I wasn't surprised at the fact that I liked girls, it was obvious enough that my sexuality or preference would be anyone I simply connected with, whether they were a boy, girl, or neither didn't faze me in the slightest.
"Do you think Jirou is pretty?" Mina asked, toying with my hair to make a braid that was extremely short, the process was difficult but the girl was only interested in being near me because that's what best friends usually did.
Jirou would be coming to sleepover later, but until then, it was only Mina and I inciting pointless conversations to fill the void.
"Obviously."
Mina kept tugging the brown strands, "I notice you guys spend an awful lot of time together, you even have your own sleepovers without us!" Her whiny voice signaled that she wasn't hurt, only suspicious but I couldn't comprehend why.
"Well, we just get along really well, Mina. Like you and I, but you know you're a tiny bit closer to Hagakure."
"True. Hey, Flo, do you like girls?"
I froze, gripping my hands nervously at the question. I didn't see anything wrong with finding girls attractive, but I knew not everyone had that mentality. Some would even blame my way of being for lack of religious devotion, but I knew better. Then again, I wasn't shameful in who I was, if I liked girls, then so be it.
"Yeah. I mean, I could be with a girl the way I would with a guy. But I don't like anyone." My pitch shifted in the slightest but it was enough for Mina to catch on.
"Florence, you know nobody in 1-A would ever judge you. If they did, Deku, Uraraka, and I would totally kick their asses." Her words meant a lot to me, I bit back the smile I had even if she couldn't see.
"Thanks, Mina. I'm glad you made me become your friend the first day of school 'cause I was too shy."
"Mhm! So, if you won't open up to me about your crush on Jirou, I'll bring in Aoyama. He's the expert in love."
"Huh?!" I squeaked out, feeling the heat creep up on my neck. I pulled away, whipping my head to face her as I stared in shock.
"Come on, it's so obvious, you guys stare at each other and hold hands and cuddle and compliment each other and blush and act like idiots! Just date already!" Mina gripped my hands, giving me a wide grin on her pink skin.
I frowned, letting it sink in. It made sense, actually liking Jirou had been the answer I was searching for with my behavior without even realizing it. I wondered why my heart beat so fast at times, why my stomach would grow tense and my palms sweaty as I tried to comprehend the warm feeling that surged all over my chest.
I was... it was more than liking. While Mina kept insisting for me to admit my feelings, all I saw was her. Her smile, her eyes, her eyelashes, the blush, the lips, the short, dark-purple hair that I'd praise constantly, the way her hand felt whenever she held mine in instinct, laying next to her when we would have her playlist on repeat.
Oh crap, I'm in love. Is that why my mother always looked at me like she knew a secret I didn't whenever the topic of romance was mentioned?
I love Kyoka Jirou. But there's a high possibility that I wouldn't cross her mind the way she did mine. I slapped my hands to my head, groaning while I felt the tears pool.
"Flo? What's wrong?" Mina was growing worried, her arms wrapped around me as she rubbed my back soothingly.
"What if she's you know... straight? What do I do? What if she likes nobody? What if she likes girls but not me? Like Momo?" I whispered those questions, feeling my heart ache in a way I never experienced. It was so true and real and painful that I couldn't even deny it to Mina anymore. I knew my feelings shifted to something deeper when I woke from the Earth that day in the peak of the cliff. When her face sparked a feeling in my chest that only multiplied with each passing day. It didn't help that we grew closer the more the second term passed on. A school festival was due real soon and days turned into nights spent together listening to all ranges of music and talking about anything while I fiddled with her various musical instruments.
Mina squeezed me tightly, "Flo, I have a feeling that's not the case. Have a little more faith in yourself, I mean, we'll probably find out eventually right? How long can two people mutually pine over each other before one finally confesses?"
I giggled in melancholy, before I could open my mouth to reply, the door opened. I swiped at the tears quickly, pulling away to see Jirou looking down at our seated frames with a glare. I was surprised, she never looked mad for the life of her, but there she was, standing and glaring at Mina and I like we ran over her cat.
"Jirou?" I questioned, tilting my head to display the confusion but she only huffed, saying that Momo would arrive shortly.
"Flo, you okay?" That was Ochaco, she was nudging my shoulder in concern. I realized that I had been spacing out in the memory and I completely missed the events unfolding before me.
Our classmates wanted Jirou to have a concert for everyone, she would be the lead singer. I smiled at that suggestion, it made perfect sense. It was something unique for our class, and not only that, we would have a chance to redeem ourselves for all the attention we had drawn to the school in a negative light. I've listened to Kyoka's voice countless times to know that she would be perfect for the role, it was a beautiful pitch that demanded to be heard.
I smiled at the girl who was now backing away from us due to her nerves. Kaminari, Kirishima, Mina, Sero, Uraraka, and Todoroki had taken to egging her on, demanding that we work together to create a concert that would blow everyone hats off.
"Who can even play instruments?" Jirou questioned in panic, looking around us.
"I can!" I told her, waving my arm enthusiastically while Denki said, "I can't but I can learn!"
"I can play the guitar." Tokoyami spoke quietly, I whipped my head fist bump him, "That's totally cool, I always knew you had some musicality in you." He smiled and nodded.
"Oh, I know!" I had a secret up my sleeve that no one else knew, only because I forced it out of Bakugo once when he told me he could play piano.
"Bakugo knows how to play the drums," I stated proudly, crossing my arms over my chest while the said blonde came up to me to smack the back of my head roughly.
"Ouch." I whined, rubbing the spot while Bakugo acted haughty.
"I'm not doing it." He just wanted to be begged. Ugh, that cocky personality will be the death of this damn cactus.
"Yeah, you'd probably make us look bad anyways," I mumbled, knowing exactly how to get him to listen. He scowled, walking to the drum set in our commons to prove that he could in fact, play drums.
I watched, the crash of the symbols and the drum skin were rhythmic, filling the commons with loud bangs.
He stopped, giving me a defiant smirk while I only walked over to him to give him a high-five. "Pretty cool, Bakubro." He rolled his eyes to pull on my cheek. I felt my body being tugged away from him by Jirou, but she soon became distracted with Momo.
"Kyoka, your voice is gorgeous and it would be a shame if we didn't perform for others! Especially because there's so much raw talent in this room!"Momo's elegant voice was convincing, but my eyes narrowed in on the way they held each other's hands.
"Yeah, she's right, Jirou. We'll give them the performance of a year if you sing." I squeezed her shoulder in encouragement, noticing the way her cheeks burned. She just stared, too torn in her emotions to decide. There wasn't any use in pressuring her, so I decided to allow them to decide for themselves, I was content with anything they chose.
I shuffled to the couch, plopping down next to Sero. "Something the matter, Reyna?" He asked, and I looked to see him carry that welcoming beam he always had. I sighed, "Nothing, I'm just pretty tired." He nodded in understanding, letting his arm that hung off the back of the couch drop to my shoulders. I let it remain there, we only observed the chaotic discussions going about us in amusement. Kaminari was pleading with Jirou and she looked to me for help but squinted at the way Sero had his arm draped around me. I grew apologetic, but then frowned. Wait, why should I feel bad? Momo is always all over her and Sero is naturally affectionate with everyone, I don't even think he sees me like that. Still, I was impressionable and guilty and not one to act childishly. I stood from the couch and heard Jirou finally agree to performing with the concert we had in mind. They were planning on discussing all the important details in class tomorrow.
I decided to not use the elevator today, I was walking up the staircase when I heard footsteps. I looked down, seeing my favorite girl running quickly.
"Jirou?" I flung a vine to her waist, flying her up the steps and in front of me. When she landed, she placed her hands on her knees and breathed rapidly, trying to collect herself.
"You... why'd you leave?" She wheezed out, and I put my hand on her head, sending an energy booster in plants so she can recover some sort of breathing.
"I don't like inputting my opinion when it's not needed, I'm not gonna force you to plan a whole concert if that's something you don't wanna do, Jirou." I helped her stand straighter. I was surprised when her face showed defeat, she leaned forward, wrapping her arms around me as she buried her head in my neck.
Whenever she did stuff like that, I always panicked because my brain went haywire. It simply could not comprehend her being near me and I was afraid I'd do something stupid like stutter or say the wrong thing or kiss her and she'll hate me for sure with that.
"Can we spend the night together? You can help me write the song I'll be singing." Her offer was more of a demand, so I complied easily.
We were in her room, sitting at her desk while she mumbled to herself, jotting musical notes down in a sheet while I observed in amusement. Every so often, she'd suggest lyrics and I would tweak a few words here and there, she seemed to appreciate the help.
I grabbed the guitar she had hanging on the right side of her room, bringing it to my body as I strummed a few notes I had learned in middle school during my isolation phase. The soft sounds reverberated through the room while I hummed the melody we invented so far.
I did this for half an hour, changing my pitch to see what hers would sound like when she performed. We would add more guitar notes, I even took to playing the drums to add beats to where it was needed. She was jotting down notes for Kaminari and Tokoyami to learn because they and I would be the ones handling the guitar playing while Bakugo did drums.
"Hey, Flo?"
"What's up, Kyo?" She smiled at the nickname I gave her a month ago, passing me a paper with new sheet music to look over.
"Why were you so against performing at first?" I questioned, raising a brow at her while she shifted in her rotating chair to look at me.
"I don't know, I feel like diving into something that's just a hobby for me isn't right? I was kind of ashamed, like I should be focusing on hero work and that's it. I don't know, lately I've been so afraid to do anything because I just don't wanna screw up what's already good." Her voice was soft, purple eyes carrying confusion and sadness. I leaned closer instinctively, wanting to solve whatever was hurting her.
I contemplated over her words, biting the inside of my cheek in an absent-minded manner. How could I help her? She doesn't want to do anything new because she's afraid it'll throw away what she has? What could that mean? I trailed off with her ideas, trying to find the right words to say that would bring her consolation in her newfound worries.
"I mean, you don't want to remain stagnant, Jirou. There's nothing wrong with exploring your hobbies because you're so much more than just a hero-in-training or a U.A student. You're Kyoka Jirou, you love all kinds of music, specifically rock, you like savory foods, you can play all kinds of instruments, your favorite weather is the rain, and you like how the cherry blossoms look, even when they're falling off the trees. There's so much more layers to you than just focusing on becoming a hero, so you shouldn't feel bad about trying new things. Also, you'll never realize the possibility of trying something new even if it's scary. Yeah the risk wants to push you away from it, but isn't that also what makes it so ideal? To put yourself on the line for those what-ifs." I finished, giving her my best attempt at a reassuring smile.
She kissed me. It was so fast that my eyes were wide open as the butterflies that were already in my chest and stomach turned into raging dinosaurs that were tearing up the world inside me. Her lips were so soft, she tasted like grapes, her eyes were pressed so tightly together that her eyelashes were forced to spread out in different directions. I could only stare, admiring how she was so pretty even when she was nervous and fumbling over herself.
Wait, does that mean she likes me?
She was already pulling away, looking so guilty and apologizing profusely. Why is she reacting this way? Did I not kiss her back? I squinted my eyes, replaying the quick second it happened. I didn't, damn it, I didn't!
"Kyoka-"
"You should leave." I stood back, offended. What? She wants me to go? After taking my first kiss away from me and not giving me the opportunity to kiss her back? Oh hell no.
"I will after I do this." I snapped, huffing while I marched over to her. I always found it amusing that I was an inch taller than her, but she still was the one who always told me what to do, always scolded and demanded and I'd listen like the idiot I am.
She was startled, whipping her head to look at me while some of the strands of her hair fell over her face. I pushed them away, wanting to see her completely while I tucked them behind her ear.
Kyoka wasn't the moon, she was something bigger, something so bright and beautiful that I always wondered how her small frame could contain the magic that she is.
That's it, she's magic. The kind you wish for when you want to see otherworldly things, the kind that illuminates you and whispers tales of the supernatural.
That's what she is. I love her, and I didn't care if people saw it as right or wrong or usual or unusual. We were as natural as breathing, and I wouldn't fight something that was bound to happen.
I leaned forward, pressing my eyes closed to feel her lips press against mine. Our faces were so warm from how awkward and shy we were, doing something that was unfamiliar to us both. She cupped my face, bringing me closer while I grinned in victory.
I didn't see her as some prize or thing to conquer, she was human but I was certain to adore her like a treasure.
When we pulled away, I fought back the urge to run to Mina's dorm and tell her the news, squealing like two fangirls.
We both stared at each other with wide smiles, I giggled sheepishly, slapping my hands over my face to turn away from how flustered I was becoming.
"So you like me? Like romantically?" Her whisper was the only sound in the room, her balcony doors were open and I liked the way her deep raven curtains moved with the nighttime wind.
"I mean... I thought it was obvious enough." I mumbled out, scratching my cheek and looking away.
"Pft. No it wasn't, you're always with Mina."
This girl, is she serious? "Huh? I don't see Mina like that, aren't you the one always with Momo? You guys are like two peas in a pod, I thought I didn't have a chance." I bit out, crossing my arms and giving her a glare before dropping it.
She walked towards me, wrapping her arms around my waist to lean her head against my chest.
"I thought you would've figured it out. You really are clueless, Tokoyami was right."
I reeled from the news, "You told Tokoyami?!" I slung an arm to her frame, pressing her closer while I leaned my cheek against her head.
"Yeah, he's supportive of it, I was going to tell Momo but she would have only forced me to confess when I didn't want to yet."
I laughed and so did she, I liked the way our voices blended together. "So this is a confession, hm? Is there any way I can reject you now?" I teased, and I felt her fist jam into my stomach.
"Sheesh, it was a joke." Only her guffawing could be heard as she released me to walk to the balcony. I followed her and now we both felt the outside air pierce us directly.
We were both peering up at the cloudiness that surrounded the moon, I heard an owl hooting and I sighed, finally content.
Her hand pulled at mine, she was gripping it tightly but her face didn't look away from the evening once. I admired her features, she reminded me of a fairy with purple tones, she was too pretty.
I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, pulling back to act dumb and stare at the moon like I never did a thing.
She did the same, and I side-eyed her when she glanced at me through her peripheral vision.
We both burst out laughing, and the noise must've notified Mina who was on the same floor.
She stepped out of her balcony, waving at us with her crazy pink curls bouncing around. I had to tell her the news, I moved my hand around
enthusiastically before pulling out my phone to text her.
Me:
Guess what? She likes me back and we kissed!
Hot Alien Queen:
GJRJSJSJW-
Her head snapped up and she started squealing, I was so excited that I returned the bright and cheerful attitude. Both of us were jumping up and down on the balcony and giving each other high fives through the air.
"That's so cute! The ship has sailed, ladies and gentlemen!" Mina's voice was ecstatic as she danced randomly and I laughed, looking away to see Jirou watching us two in amusement.
"Idiots." She mumbled, ruffling my hair before giving a small grin to Mina who only cheered louder.
All three of us said goodnight, I walked back inside her dorm to lay on the mattress she always set up for me near her bed. She crawled into her own, peering at me from above as we were only separated by a few inches.
Her hand hung over the bed and I lifted mine up to tug on her. She smiled, giving me a quick kiss to my fingers while I looked away and questioned how lucky I had to be to have her.
I shifted my head to remedy the distance between us with a quick kiss to her lips. "You're so pretty," I whispered and she squealed, blushing and shoving my head away from her as I collapsed back onto the mattress.
"I should probably take that back," I grumbled, shoving my head into my pillow as sleep was working its way into my head.
Her hand was grazing my back, she trailed her fingers along me and I hummed, it was a nice feeling.
Eventually, we both found comfort in our subconscious and drifted off after hushed whispers of 'I love you.'