6 months later
After that night I didn't see Cato for 2 weeks because of the camera crews. Of course they eventually left. The best day of my life. Well maybe that's an exragation but it was up there.
The party's calmed as well. I got to go to the victors training area and let me tell you it's amazing. It's not grubby from thousands of children running there hands along the equipment. There's also machines for things. Like running or weights.
Talking about weight I've gained quite a bit of muscle mass. First I was grouchy Enobaria would drag me over everyday for two meals. Eventually it became rountine and I would just walk over. I started avoiding her when I first realised I was gaining. But except for that I normally eat around Cato's now. In fact we're always over each others houses.
Luna says I practically apart of the family now. I can't eat by myself every time I try the guilt overtakes me. Cato and I both have moments of uncontrollable raw emotion but we're always there for eachother. Ness and Mae are there too. But they don't understand and they both have big mouths so I can't tell them about Cato and I.
All the victors came over at some point to learn to swim. It was kind of funny watching a big man like Brutus struggle against water. We all eventually learnt and Luna let us take Leo and Aurora in untill it got too cold for the pool.
Sometimes I would miss my parents ecpessily in the big house alone, but I knew I always had people to go to. It was the best feeling.
We had to come up with talents to present before the victory tour. We hadn't spoken about the victory tour. Every time it had come up I had avoided knowing I'd have to face the family's who children I at one point enjoyed hunting. Kids who I had murderd.
The talent needs to be somthing you can present on camera. We both couldn't be bothered to parade ourselfs around like show pony's so decided our talents would be somthing we already know. Brutus told us that's a bad idea and that we should do somthing new. We reluctantly accepted.
Brutus is teaching Cato proper form for weightlifting. Cato often excitedly tells me about his new highest weight. His starting to take the same build as Brutus.
We also recruited Lyme she teaches me how to weld metal and carve handles from wood to make my own knives. She's sarcastic and inpatient. She reminds me of my old trainer. She's grown on me but I'd never admit to that. I like her snarky comments although sometimes she does hit a nerve.
Thats what I'm doing now sitting in the spare room with Lyme. We've transformed it into a smithery. Today we're making a knife with a serrated edge. And it seems impossible.
"Your prep team are coming tommorw, hurry up, this will be the last one you make before you present it" she sighs
I'm healing the knife over the fire but it keeps cooling before I can finish.
"Arghh I'm trying and your not helping!" I shout
"Try harder then" she says
"Yes!yes!yes! I did it!" I shout. I'd finally got the saerated edge in place and I slipped it into the handle I had carved before. I tilt my head back "finally"
"Yeah finally" says Lyme not sharing the same enuthsiusm as I did. She grabs the knife out of my hand. "Not bad kid" she says
From her that's a high compliment so I smile. She puts the knife in the chest which has become quite full. And we head downstairs. I'm still wearing my welding jumpsuit which protects me from the fire and sparks, it makes my sofa dusty. I look around and sigh. I barely spend time in my house and it shows.
The cleaner of course comes around and makes sure everything is pristine, but that doesn't help the clutter or how generally messy it looks. Shoes and jackets are thrown around everywhere. There's at least one box of panemdoller in every room and the laundrypile is building.
Ive tried not to think of tommorw when the prep team will come around. It'll probably be Cinna and his crew. I like Cinna and all but I know he's rather be dressing katniss over me. I try not to think of tommorw but it keeps coming closer and closer.
I'm snapped out my thoughts by Lyme coming down on the sofa next to me. She's poured herself a glass of orange juice from the kitchen. She turns on the Tv and puts her feet on the coffee table. I roll my eyes getting up and pushing her feet off the table. She yells somthing at me. But I'm already out the room.
I boil a meteal pot over the stove and grab a mug putting coffee beans in the bottom. That's another thing there are mugs everywhere. I look around and notice the picture that Nimit had given me of Cato and I. It's fully on display at the moment. Cato brought it down after seeing it and I just haven't moved it.
Whilst the waters boiling a grab as many mugs as I can shoving them onto the island in the middle of the room. At least they won't be scattered now. I find 18 mugs dotted around the house in total. I didn't even realise I had that many. I pour the water into my mug and sit down next to Lyme.
She flicks off the Tv and looks at me with a sense of urgency.
"Rember to avoid the people I told you about. You rember how I described them right? You don't want to seem desirable to them. I've already had to persuade a few out of asking fo you. Alright kid?" Says Lime
When I got to know Lyme better she finally told me why she spends along time in the capitol. Snow sells her body, and he was going to do the same to me. Untill Lyme kept convincing his clients that I'm a kid and they should wait till I'm better at... well you know. It's disgusting that she even has to protect me. It's disgusting that snow sells her. And I understand her now. She's not mean she's just protecting herself. Protecting me. But she can't do it forever.
"Yeah I remember, I'll stay safe. I promise" I say
"You better, or I won't forgive you. I've gone through too much trying to save your ass for you to mess it up." She says sternly.
"Alright" I hold my hands in surrender.
Lyme sashays out of the room and I hear the front door close behind her.
I'll be ok. I have to be ok. I go up to the bathroom and pull off my sweaty jumpsuit and underwear and letting my hair out. The shower washes everything away. When I get out I don't bother brushing my hair, it so long now it goes to my upper thigh, I tie it in a high bun and dry myself with the towel walking into my bedroom. Cato's sitting on my bed.
"Hey" he says as I walk in.
"Hi, I should really lock the door to keep the pests out" I say jokingly.
"Really?" He says a grin spreading across his face.
"Yeah really" I say leaning closer to him for a kiss.
It become normal to show affection for each other within the walls of victors village all the other victors understand. We haven't really spoke to the two who won the 2 years before us. The two normally just stay together sometimes visiting Brutus or Enobaria.
I grab some clothes out my wardrobe. Cato lays back on my bed looking up at the ceiling as I get dressed. I put on black leather pants and a long sleeve top and a thick wollen jumper. Then lay down next to Cato.
"I'm scared" I say still looking up at the ceiling
"We'll do fine" he says
"What if they think I'm fat now?" This seems a completely illogical question I'm more worried about seeing the dead children's family's and having to act like I have no regrets, but this question seems the easiest to ask.
"They won't, they never will. When will you get that into you head, we should say goodbye to Our friends before the tour" says Cato
He grabs hold of my hand and we walk down the stairs. The wind instantly travels into my lungs. I close the door behind me. We hold hands untill we reach civilisation. Cato plants a kiss on my forehead and then we go our separate ways.
The dirt roads give off no dust today. They're covered with a thick layer of frost. The streets are absolutely desolate. Nobody wants to be out in this cold.
It's quite a long walk to town and past it into Mae's house. We agreed to meet at Mae's house last week. To say goodbye for a while. It will be 16 days away from them. Some days in different parts of Panem and it adds up more hours in train travel.
I get to the front door and am about to knock when Ness pulls it open.
"Hey kentwell! Saw You coming" she says
Mae limps quietly behind. I step in the door closing it behind me cutting off the cold. We head upstairs to Mae's room as normal and throw ourselves onto the sofa.
"What you doing in school?" I ask them
I'm always curious. There's some stupid rule about Cato and I not going to schools anymore. It makes us seems attainable or something. They tell me I'm a God. And if a year ago someone told me a Victor was a God I would've believed them. But every single one of the people I share a village with has some sort of damage.
"Eh, it's boring we're learning about bricks in science, like the components or somthing. Honestly I don't know why you want to be there so much" says Ness
"We like capitol studies though, when's the capitol people coming here?" Mae says quickly.
I know she likes to see the dresses. I had got into fashion myself a-bit over the months after being supplied with a whole new wardrobe.
"Sometime tommorw" I shrug
"Come onnnn I need specifics" Mae begs
"I honestly don't know, look if your that bothered just drop by to give me something I left at your house. I'll open the door and you can see them" I say
I think the plans quite clever.
"Ohh yeah I could do that... wait no I could never do that. They'd probably be peacekeepers and everything besides it takes an hour to walk" Mae says
We talk about school. About the boys at school interested in Ness, she says she's been getting a lot more attention since I won the games. At least once a day somebody she doesn't know will come up to her and ask about me. Mae's life hasn't changed a lot. But her limp actually lessened since she started swimming. I wonder if it's building the right muscle up. It must be.
I'm only gone for just under a month. A month in mid-January is going to be cold whereever though. They put it purposely half way through to keep the games fresh in everyone's minds. The interviews and party's at the capitol will mark the end of the games at least for Cato and I because Enobaria and Brutus will keep mentoring. It's the little positive thing I'm looking for.
For most the convosation I'm must of be spacing out thinking about tommorw. If the two pick up on it they don't say anything. We haven't been as close as we used to be. Because of being a Victor, because I don't see them at the academy, because I don't see them at school and it's an effort to get to each other's houses now we live far away from eachother. It was circumstance that pulled us together, so I'm sure circumstance can pull us apart.
The idea of that is threatening, it's circumstance that brought Cato and I together. Could he be as easily pulled away from me as Mae and Ness was? I believe what we have is stronger than any capitol, it can survive anything. Or am I being naive to think this this will last? No I don't think so.
Almost like Mae read my mind she asks "how's Cato?"
"How should I know" I reply.
I don't think I'll ever trust them enough to tell the a secret that could threaten us.
"Ohh you never tell us anything about the victors" complains Mae
"Yeah all the people at school are asking us for the gossip and we have nothing to tell" Ness joins in complaining "it's all Clove, clove, clove. People barely talk to me about me anymore! They're only interested in you!" She snaps
"Well i can't do anything about that!" I shout back
Ness' face calms. It probably felt good to finally get that off her chest. "Yeah, I know it's just so... annoying. Nobody seems interested in me anymore. And now the tours coming up it will all be about you again. We used to be so close and now I barely see you" Ness says
Mae nods her head in agreement.
"Come round once I get back from the tour. We.. well you can skip school like we used to and go to the academy." I say
"Are you even aloud to do that? Go to the normal academy?" Mae says
"No, but who's gonna know. Just don't tell anyone. I don't want crowds" I say
We're all excited about this day together I'm planning. It's hard to plan days together outside. Every time I step into the open there seems to be gaggles of people staring and pointing at me. But if we go during school/ work hours we should be fine.
We talk excitedly about this plan and I realise I've gone abit over-time. I have to get back to victors villiage before the rush of people leaving work. I say bye to both of them and start the walk back home. Well not my house Cato's.
Luna was cooking for us all before we leave for the tour as a farewell dinner. It would be a lie to say I'm excited. I'm never excited about food. The rational part of my brain that I'm learning to Listen too tells me it's a necessity. But the irrational part sometimes drowns it out.
Your out of control
You don't deserve this
The most common dialogues I have with myself. It's completely exhausting.
I reach the village and unlock Cato's door with a spare key he gave me. The house is quiet when I walk in. Too quiet.
"Cato!" I call
No answer. From anybody. Somethings wrong, I can tell, something is defiantly very wrong here. I walk up the stairs quietly and am instantly confronted by two stern looking men standing etheir side of the office door. What are they doing in Cato's house? Before I can demand some answers they push the office door open.
What I see on the inside sends a sharp shiver down my spine. President snow is sitting in Cato's office.