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HE LOVES ME,
HE LOVES ME NOT
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THE NIGHT IS black and hollow as bone. Cracks, tiny and twisted and terrible little cracks, crawl along its length. There is an unidentifiable ache in the air.
Shattered orange fragments drift across the cave at random, tendrils of the fire snaking through the air. It almost looks as if the flames have been ripped apart by claws. An uneasy quiet had taken hold of the cave ever since they'd gotten back, and cold grief settles in Lyra's stomach. Something at Arkadia had gone very, very wrong.
In all honesty, Jasper's brief message through the radio had sounded insane. Shrieking about some woman named Alie, Jaha giving everyone chips, then babbling about how Raven slit her own wrists and that he and Clarke were on their way to the cave. How Clarke had even gotten to Arkadia at all is beyond Lyra ━━ last thing she heard of Clarke, the blonde was in Polis. Then again, with Lexa dead, maybe there is nothing left there for Clarke.
"I don't understand something about those chips," mutters Monty, pacing back and forth by the entrance agitatedly.
Sinclair reaches out a hand comfortingly, but even he looks uneasy. "We'll know soon enough."
Gritting her teeth, Lyra forces herself to remember everything Jaha had told her about the chip, or, as he calls it, the key to the City of Light: it's a silicone based device. Once ingested, filaments reconstitute in the brain stem and interrupt pain receptors, inhibiting certain neural pathways from firing.
Of course, he didn't say jackshit about some crazy bitch stealing peoples memories.
And what the hell is the City of Light?
She shakes her head, trying to clear her thoughts. Deeper in the cave, Octavia is shoving things into a small rucksack pack almost frantically. Bellamy, who'd been on the last two-man patrol Bryan had started running, strides towards her.
"O, wait. You can't just leave."
She doesn't even look at him. "Watch me."
"You heard what Jasper said on the radio," argues Bellamy. "Arkadia is not safe."
"What Jasper said sounds insane," Octavia retorts. She sheathes her sword and slings the pack across her shoulders, gazing at her brother coldly. "Pike's gone. I can handle myself. Grounders burn their dead."
His face is submerged in shadows. He seems miserable. "I know that. And then what? Where are you gonna go?"
"You don't get to ask me that!" Octavia snaps.
"O," he's practically begging now. "What do I have to do to prove I am on your side."
"Bring Lincoln back."
Well. . . thinks Lyra awkwardly, blowing air between her lips as her cheeks puff up. She wonders if the two siblings are aware of the fact that everyone can hear them right now. If they are, Octavia doesn't seem to care. Roughly shoving her way past Lyra, Octavia storms towards the entrance of the cave and into the looming darkness. Then she halts mid-step, pivoting to fix her brother with a frustrated glare.
"Turning Pike in doesn't make you one of the good guys, Bellamy!" Octavia exclaims sharply. "You did that to save me. Not because what you thought what Pike was doing to the Grounders was wrong."
Bellamy turns to face her swiftly. "The Grounders were starving us out."
"Because you massacred an army that was sent to protect us."
"That army could've attacked us at any time and you know it!"
"But they didn't attack. You did that," Octavia says lowly. She seems to have softened slightly, as if understanding where her brother had drawn his reasoning, but it is painfully obvious that she hasn't forgiven him. "You were hurting and you lashed out because that's what you do. There are consequences Bell, people get hurt. People die. Your people. Monroe's dead. Lincoln is dead. Lyra was next."
Um, thinks Lyra, a little alarmed. She'd really rather not get involved in their argument.
"Don't bring Lyra into this," Bellamy says darkly.
"Why? Does it bother you, that you almost got your girlfriend shot?" Octavia taunts. Bellamy's jaw clenches and she rolls her icy eyes. "Whatever. If Lyra died, then at least you'd know what it feels like."
OK. Lyra really wishes they hadn't brought her up ━━ and why does she have to die in this scenario?
With that, Octavia whirls around, marching into the night.
"Octavia!" Lyra calls, pushing past Monty and Sinclair. She scrambles after Octavia and into the bitter night air. "Octavia, wait!"
"What?" Octavia spins around to fix Lyra with an icy look. If it had been anyone else, Lyra might have been afraid. But Octavia is her oldest friend. "If you're here to defend him, then forget it. What he did almost killed you."
"Trust me, I haven't forgotten," Lyra mutters. "I'm not here to defend him."
"Then what do you want?" Octavia demands.
"You're not the only one who left someone behind in Arkadia," Lyra says tonelessly. "In case you don't remember, my dad is there. And he's chipped."
"Fine." Something has shifted in Octavia's expression, her tone less crude now. She turns slowly and then Lyra can no longer make out her features as she faces the forest darkly. "Let's move."
Footsteps thunder in the foliage behind them and then she hears, "Lyra, wait, you can't just leave — "
Bristling at the sound of Bellamy's voice, Lyra starts to walk faster. But before she can get much further, there is a distant rumble that reverberates through the darkness. Her head snaps up. Somewhere among the dark blur of trees is a near-blinding white light. It draws closer and closer. Squinting, Lyra makes out the mountainous shadow as it pulls between two trees ━━ it's the rover.
"They're here," Nate calls from his watch position at the mouth of the cave.
Clarke staggers out from the passengers seat. Lyra is so startled to see her that for a moment the pair only blink stupidly at each other; vaguely Lyra wonders what had happened to Clarke since the Grounder took her to Lexa. There is something different about Clarke ━━ not only in the leathery Grounder garb that she wears now, but also in her face. Her eyes are sullen, features gaunt, cheeks sunken. Blue and weary, her eyes seemed pained with memories she'd rather forget.
Lyra's about to ask Clarke what happened to her, but then Jasper lurches into view, an unconscious Raven in his arms.
"Need your help!" He shouts, staggering under her weight. "We have to get her inside before she wakes up!"
"Were you followed?" Bellamy demands.
"Maybe!" Jasper exclaims breathlessly as Bellamy and Lyra rush forwards to help him. "I don't know."
"Get to the ridge," Nate orders Bryan. "Radio if you spot anyone. Harper will stay here on watch."
Bryan gives a curt nod, pivoting and then disappearing from sight. Harper seems less than thrilled with her new assignment but doesn't complain, also giving Nate a jerky nod. As Jasper stumbles across a branch and then nearly loses his footing entirely, Lyra hurries to steady him. Then she reaches out to help shoulder some of Raven's weight only for Jasper to jerk away from her. He gives her the nastiest glare he can muster, then strides forwards.
Rather hurt, she falls back. She remembers the last time she saw him, when he was drunk off his ass at the dropship camp.
Everything you touch dies.
She stands there, frozen to the spot for a long moment. Then her eyes find Octavia's, who hasn't moved at all. There seems to be a silent agreement between the two of them and Octavia starts for the trees again.
"Octavia, come on. We need you!" Clarke calls from somewhere behind them, going straight for the cave. "You too, Lyra!"
Lyra's teeth yank on her lip. Then, praying she doesn't regret this, she follows them.
She walks slowly into the cave. She can hear footsteps thudding behind her and knows that Octavia must have decided to do the same. Jasper is telling Sinclair all about how Raven is not Raven anymore as they rush to clear a space for her by the fire. Raven's head lolls to the side and Sinclair hurries to support her better. At that same moment, some of the darkness dissolves a little as Bellamy lifts his head wearily. Upon catching sight of Lyra, his shoulders slump as if a great weight has been lifted from them.
Her chest tightens. She looks away first.
"I don't need your help!" Jasper snaps viciously at Clarke all of a sudden.
Bellamy grabs him gently by the shoulder. "Just take it easy and explain."
Jasper swallows thickly. "Jaha is using the chips to control everyone. You swallow it and it changes you. You forget who you are, and then you see this thing, Alie. Only she's not really there. Sergeant Jupiter was talking to her, and then he shot at me — "
Lyra feels as if she has been doused in ice water.
"I gave my dad the chip," she whispers, horrified. "Oh my god. . . what did I do?"
"You told him to take it?" Jasper asks, wide-eyed.
Trembling all over, she manages a nod.
Things become quiet. Bellamy seems at odds with himself, as if he doesn't know whether to comfort her or not. Meanwhile, Jasper searches her face for any hint of lie. But there is none; Lyra really had told her dad to take the chip.
Seeming to realize this, Jasper lets out a sharp chuckle. Then another. Then another and another until he is laughing shamelessly, almost crazed.
"Oh, man," he wipes a tear from his eye, still snickering. "Everything you touch really does die, doesn't it?"
"Leave it," Bellamy warns him in what's a near growl. His tone is barely controlled.
Jasper seems more than ready to rise to the challenge, straightening. But before either of them can say anything stupid, Sinclair cuts between the two of them. "Jasper. Just tell us what happened to Raven."
It takes a beat, but then Jasper's faux smile finally crumbles. "She made Raven slit her own wrists. She was trying to get it out of her head. I was trying to help her. But — "
"OK," says Sinclair steadily as Jasper's voice rises in panic. "So let's help her now. Did she say how?"
"She was working on building something," Jasper says anxiously. He wrings his hands together. "She needed one of our old wristbands, but Jaha destroyed all of them."
One of the old wristbands? Lyra's mind starts to race. What could Raven possibly want with one of them? She tries to remember everything from when they were first on the ground, when she and Monty had tried to build a radio out of them: They were biometric with transponders that relayed vital signs from tiny spokes in their wrists all the way back to the Ark. The signal managed to cut through the radiated ionosphere that is the atmosphere somehow, and Ark Station Medical got all of the data ━━
"Wait a second," says Clarke abruptly. She pulls a small tin from her pocket and takes out a small object. "Does it look like this?"
Lyra crosses towards her quickly. "Let me see it."
With great reluctance, Clarke delicately places it into Lyra's outstretched palms.
Lyra rolls it between her fingers carefully. Unlike the chip, this is more rigid, thick and grooved. The infinity symbol carved into it seems almost 3-D. It's a translucent blue that seems to glow even in the darkness. It is unnerving just to even hold it. And yet something about it seems to be calling out to her. She almost feels drawn to it. . .
"Lyra?"
Bellamy's voice draws her back to reality. Heat crawls into her cheeks as she practically shoves it back into Clarke's hands, taking a step back.
"It's silicone based, just like the chip," answers Lyra unsteadily. "But whatever this is, it's is different. It almost seems. . . more advanced."
At that, Raven's eyes snap open.
She shoots upwards with a strangled cry. Jasper is blocking the entrance and she slams her boot into his chest, sending him staggering backwards. Before any of them can stop her, she is sprinting out of the cave. She is somehow moving faster than any of them even with her crippled leg.
"Don't let her get away!" Clarke cries out.
"It's just woods!" Raven screams as Nate and Harper try to wrestle her to the ground. "I can't see anything!"
A chill shoots down Lyra's spine. She must be talking to Alie.
Jasper and Bellamy join the skirmish, all four of them hanging onto some part of Raven. She fights them with tooth and nail, vicious in the rawest sense of the word. Lyra had thought she'd seen someone driven to the brink of animalistic violence when she'd seen Octavia beat Bellamy, but this is something else entirely. Raven has gone absolutely feral.
"Stop!" Raven screams, thrashing wildly. "Let me go!"
"If Raven finds out where we are, so will Alie!" Jasper yells just as Octavia twists Raven's arm backwards. "She'll come for her!"
Drawing away from Raven, he reaches for something in his jacket. He plunges what looks like a syringe into her neck. Raven seems to deflate immediately, falling back limply into Nate's arms.
"Reaper stick," explains Jasper shakily. "Last dose."
Clarke buries the tin with her chip deep in her pocket. "We have to go."
"Why?" Bellamy asks gruffly. "Alie doesn't know where we are."
"Because I know where we can get a wristband."
Lyra and Clarke exchange a look. Lyra knows exactly who she is thinking of.
Niylah.
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LYRA GRIPS THE bench so tight that her knuckles are bone white. The rover lurches across the uneven forest floor, spiraling through the trees, crashing through the foliage. She soon finds that there's a way of hugging her knees to her chest that makes her feel more secure, so she does just that. Hugs her knees to her chest and prays that Monty's a better driver than her.
She doesn't think she's ever moved so fast in her life.
Wait. No, that's wrong ━━ she's been in a literal spaceship hurtling hundreds of miles per hour towards a radioactive planet. Probably the rover is not going nearly as fast.
Whatever.
Bellamy, whose sitting across from her, must notice how pale she's gone because he says, "Don't worry. You'll get used to it."
She's saved from having to respond because just then, the rover jerks to an uneasy halt. The force throws her forward a bit and she nearly falls out of her seat. Thankfully Nate manages to grab her by the shoulder, hauling her backwards. Shifting so that she's on her knees on top of the bench, she lifts her head and peaks through the windshield. The tumbledown trading post looks just as she remembers it, only this time thick fires blaze in the pits surrounding it.
Oh, and Niylah is standing at the entrance with a sword. So.
"I'll talk to her," says Clarke.
"Me too," Lyra announces quickly, not wanting to be in the rover any longer.
"I'll come with you," Bellamy says.
Octavia's the one who kicks the back doors open, leaping down from the hatch gracefully. Lyra hobbles out a lot more unsteadily. She's never gotten motion sickness before, so of course right now would be the perfect time to find out she's got it. With the way everything else in her life seems to be falling apart, it at least wouldn't be surprising.
"I thought you said she was a friend," remarks Octavia wryly.
"She is," Lyra insists, then takes another look at Niylah. The Grounder seems ready to chop them all into pieces. "Or, at least, she was. . . "
"We'll handle it," says Clarke firmly. "Just stay here."
Clarke turns, marching towards Niylah very determinedly. Lyra jogs to catch up with her. Clutching his rifle by his side, Bellamy keeps them both close by, his expression guarded.
"Skaikru is not welcome here, Wanheda," spits out Niylah with intense dislike.
Lyra frowns. In all three months that she'd known her, she'd never seen Niylah so angry. What could they have possibly done to piss her off this much?
Clarke seems to be thinking along the same lines. "Niylah, what's wrong?"
Behind them, there's the sound of scuffling as the others pour out from the rover. Monty shouts something unintelligible about Raven starting to wake up. Glancing back, Lyra sees Sinclair emerging from the drivers seat with Raven cradled in his arms. Just like Monty said, the mechanic is beginning to stir.
Lyra starts to panic. "Can we please come inside? Is your dad here or something?"
"My father is dead," Niylah growls. "Part of an army killed by your people while trying to protect you."
Well. That would explain why Niylah's so angry.
"Niylah, please," Clarke practically begs, becoming more urgent.
"I said no."
"We don't have time for this. Move!" Bellamy draws his rifle up impatiently. Much to Lyra's horror, he aims his firearm right at Niylah's head. "I said move!"
Wide-eyed, Niylah takes a step back.
"Get her in there!" Bellamy commands roughly. Sinclair and Jasper obediently rush into the post and Lyra chews anxiously at her bottom lip. On one hand, she wants to get Alie out of Raven's head before she can do something worse than making Raven slit her own wrists. But on the other hand, Bellamy marching around and shoving his gun into every Grounder's face is what got them into this mess in the first place.
"I told you, my mom was here, and so was Noah!" Monty exclaims as they jog through the cavernous main chamber, Sinclair leading the way. "If they're chipped, Alie's going to know we're here!"
"That's why we're putting her in the back," Clarke calls, pushing her way to the head of the group and sweeping back a few tattered clothes that hang over the threshold to the smaller back room. "Through here!"
Ushering them into the back room, Clarke pauses near the crumbling shelves lined with trinkets and supplies. All that illuminates the chamber are a few half-melted candles; Niylah clearly hadn't been expecting anyone to stop by this late at night. Regardless of the fact that they have nothing to trade, Clarke seizes a few thick ropes and other restraints before rushing into the room. Lyra wonders if she should leave Niylah an IOU note.
Wait. . . can Grounders even read?
There's no time to think about that.
Raven's strangled screams break through the air and Lyra hurries into the back room to find her thrashing on a bed carved from wood and adorned with animal pelts. Sinclair and Jasper are struggling to hold her down.
"Tie her to the bed!" Clarke shouts over the furore.
"Where the hell am I?" Raven demands.
Lyra snorts. "What're we supposed to do, give you the address? You're gonna have to do better than that — "
"LET ME GO!" Raven roars, voice raw with primitive rage. She thrusts her legs up, trying to kick Jasper backwards just as Sinclair wrestles her arms down. She is quivering from head to foot in anger. "LET ME GO!"
Lyra stares at her. "OK. Apparently you can do better than that. Um!"
A wrathful, bloodthirsty growl spews from Raven. Sinclair shouts something that's completely drowned out as the mechanic bucks wildly again. She tears frantically at her restraints before lunging towards them with her teeth bared, as if she is an animal caught in trap and ready to gnaw her own limbs off to free herself.
"Raven, stop fighting!" Octavia yells. At that same moment, Raven slams her fist into Jasper's jaw and there's an audible crack.
He staggers backwards, clutching at his jaw. "Why is it always me?"
"Lyra, get her leg!" Sinclair orders. "Go! Go!"
Doing her best not to get kicked in the face, Lyra throws all of her body weight down onto Raven's right leg. Monty and Jasper grapple with her shoulder as they try to chain her to the wooden bed-frame. In the meanwhile, Lyra's teeth snag on the rope as she tries to uncurl it while also holding Raven down. It takes a long moment and her fingers fumble precariously as Raven's leg continues to jerk up erratically.
"Sinclair, I need your help!" Octavia calls.
"There, got it!"
Raven's body contorts inhumanly, but it's no use. She's been chained to the bed. Upon realizing this, her eyes snap open. They're like bottomless pits, an empty, almost devilish black. When she screams again, her voice is contorted, almost demonic:
"LET ME GO!"
Lyra stumbles backwards, almost terrified. "Raven, please. You're killing yourself!"
Raven's eyes rake over her face, scrutinizing her with frightening intent. Then she speaks. And her voice is not at all her own: "Lyra Jupiter-Franko. Daughter of Valeria Franko and Noah Jupiter. Genius. Scientist."
"Um, what is she doing?" Lyra squeaks, eyes flickering to everyone else's in panic. The room has gone deathly quiet. No one seems to know what's going on. "Guys? What is she doing?"
Raven cocks her head almost mechanically. "You care about me."
Lyra decides not to respond to that.
"Do you want me to die, Lyra?"
"No!" Lyra exclaims sharply, her eyes widening. "No, I don't want you to die, Raven! Or Alie, or — or whoever the hell I'm talking to right now! Leave Raven alone!"
"Take the chip."
Lyra's mouth snaps apart. "What?"
"Take the chip." Raven's voice is deep and drawling, smooth and chilled like glass now. Gone is the animalistic rage. She regards Lyra with something like boredom. "Take the chip and I will leave Raven Reyes alone."
Lyra stares at her. Her heart is racing. "I — "
"No," says Sinclair loudly. "No, absolutely not! You've already taken Raven from me, Alie. You won't get both of them."
"Sinclair — "
"I'm still Chief of Engineering, which means I'm still your boss. And I said no," Sinclair snaps. He seems uncharacteristically angry. "Get out of here, Lyra. Go back into the main room."
She nods shakily. "Yes, sir."
Grateful for the excuse to leave, Lyra starts for the door. Behind her, Raven cackles.
"That's right, Lyra, leave me here to die just like you left Wells! You know, it's a shame neither of us are Bellamy — you'd do anything for him!"
Someone catches her around her midsection. "Woah, woah. Easy, Lyra!"
It's Bellamy. Sniffling, Lyra realizes that she'd practically bolted from the room at Raven's words. She slumps against him, her eyes shutting tight. She clenches her fists. She can feel her eyes starting to well with tears as Raven goes back to screeching in demonic pain, fighting against her restraints.
"What happened in there?" He asks lowly.
"She, uh, really knows how to get under your skin," says Lyra weakly. She wriggles from his grasp, feeling pathetic. "She told me she'd leave Raven alone if I took the chip."
His eyes darken. "Alie can go to hell."
"Yeah, yeah. . . " Lyra is already trailing off, gazing almost unseeingly into the distance. She tries not to think of Wells. "I dunno. Guess it's a good thing I didn't end up taking the chip in Arkadia."
"You almost took it?" Bellamy asks, jaw tightening.
"I like to run away from all my pain, remember?" She exhales shakily. "But you joined Pike and his fascist dictatorship, and then I didn't. So. Thanks for that."
The tattered cloth overhang shivers and then Sinclair emerges, Monty and Clarke just behind them. Raven's wrathful screeches trail behind them. Clarke's face contorts with worry.
"How the hell do we get that thing out of her head?"
"Working on it," answers Monty. "Lyra, you did most of the work with the wristbands back at camp — any idea what Raven could've used them for?"
Lyra's fingers curl frustratedly. "No. Anything I can think of, the battery in the wristbands is too weak for."
"Give me a second. I designed them. I should be able to sketch out the rough blueprints for them," says Sinclair. There's a glass jar of charcoal pencils and he takes one, starting to rough out the metal bracelets on an uneven sheet of cream that must be paper. "The transponders were pretty strong. They could send out a signal."
Across the room, Clarke is speaking lowly with Niylah. Bellamy stands between the two groups, arms braided across his chest as he watches wearily.
Monty starts to ask Sinclair something about the spokes. Lyra grits her teeth. She should be able to think this through. She's never felt stupider in her entire life. She wishes she hadn't left for three months at all ━━ if she'd kept up with all her studies and work, maybe she'd be able to think of the answer by now. Stupid — stupid — stupid!
She chances a glance back at Bellamy. His face is submerged in the shadows.
Not for the first time, she wonders how he could possibly be feeling right now. Pike had caught him in his most vulnerable states, then manipulated him to commit a massacre. She knows Bellamy. She knows he is not a killer. So to stand here with Niylah and see the aftermath of what he's done up close and personal. . . well, it probably doesn't feel very good.
"Bellamy," she begins softly. "You all right?"
He looks startled by her question, then gives a slow, hesitant nod. "Yeah. I'm fine."
He's obviously not fine. Lyra's about to press the matter further, but then Clarke strides towards them, pushing a metal bracelet onto the table. One of the old wristbands.
"Niylah said we can work here. So, how do we do this?"
Staring at the wristband, Lyra briefly feels overwhelmed with memories. She wonders whose wristband this was. She wonders if they're dead. How they could've died. The two from the dropship on re-entry, maybe the acid fog, Murphy, Grounders, the virus, the war at the dropship, the war at Mount Weather, the list goes on and on. . .
Then she freezes. "An EMP. That's what she was trying to make — an EMP!"
Clarke stares at her. Fortunately Sinclair seems to catch on at once, his eyes widening.
"That's freakishly brilliant."
"It's Raven," says Lyra. "Of course it's freakishly brilliant."
Bellamy's brow furrows. "I don't get it."
"A targeted electromagnetic pulse from the transponders could destroy the chip's circuitry," Lyra explains. "We could use this to send an EMP along Raven's own nervous system. Just need to reverse the polarity, a wire for external input, and attach a battery."
Lyra feels more herself now then she has in ages. Already she feels lighter on her feet.
"But what would that do to her?" Clarke asks.
"Well, EMP's don't affect our bodies," Sinclair points out. Then his expression darkens. "But I don't know the mechanics of how this chip integrates with her brain."
"This was Raven's plan," says Bellamy gruffly. "She wouldn't do it if it would destroy her brain."
"Depends how bad she wanted it out," comments Octavia, striding out from the back room. Raven seems to have quieted down for now and the trading post is uncomfortably quiet without her screams.
Lyra tries not to look at her. Octavia has been her best friend for so long, but now. . . all she can see is that feral gleam in Octavia's eyes, the unbridled rage when she attacked Bellamy. He might not be her favorite person on the ground right now, but he's Octavia's brother.
Well. Then again, she supposes that's that. He's Octavia's older brother and Octavia's his little sister. This fight is between them ━━ Lyra shouldn't get involved.
Lyra doesn't want to get involved, anyways.
"Regardless, without an electromagnet, this is all just talk," says Sinclair.
"Where do we get one?" Clarke asks.
It's Lyra who answers. "The Ark. Every station had a pulse inductive thruster for maneuvering. Seeing as Alpha Station made it to the ground in mostly one piece. . . that makes it our best chance. Our only chance, actually."
"Arkadia's out of the question," says Bellamy at once. "It's too dangerous, you heard them."
"We use the dropship," Monty says suddenly. "It has PI thrusters just like the Ark."
"You're a genius," Lyra tells him, almost grinning. "Brilliant. No one has to step foot in Arkadia or get close to Jaha and his cult of druggies. It's a win-win."
"That's good," agrees Sinclair, nodding. "OK. I'll go salvage the magnet."
"Uh, no," says Monty, jerking an arm out to stop him. "You should stay with Raven and figure out how this thing works. I'll take the rover. Be back by the time you finish the device."
"Salvaging the magnet's a two person job," Lyra says. "I'm coming, too."
Octavia's jaw sets. "So am I."
Bellamy's stormy eyes flicker between the two girls. He steps forwards to say something at once, mouth snapping apart, jaw clenching.
Octavia's refutation is immediate. "Don't."
She pivots away from her brother without another word, striding towards the door. Monty is just ahead of her. Lyra is on their heels at once, swiftly jogging out from the door and back into the frigid night air. But before she can start for the rover, someone grabs her roughly by the arm and she jerks back around to see Bellamy. Being so close to him now. . . Lyra notices for the first time how painfully lonely his eyes are.
Tired. Ragged. Unfathomably sad. Coldly clear.
"Don't go," he pleads lowly. He looks exhausted.
She starts to weakly pull away from him. "I have to."
"Please," he begs, his voice shivering torturously. "Everyone on this planet hates me right now. I can't do this if you hate me, too."
"I could never hate you," she promises sadly. "I swear. But. . . it just hurts too much to be around you right now."
Swallowing painfully, she tugs herself out of his grasp. This time, he does not fight it.
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"WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT it'd be good to see the dropship?" Monty asks as the rover rumbles to a shaky halt just within the scorched walls of their old camp.
Octavia's expression is dark. "It's not."
She practically wrenches the door open, jumping onto the smattering of dead leaves littering the ground. Watching her uneasily, Lyra climbs from the back of the rover and into the front, following Octavia back out into the bitter night. Monty is the last to leave, keeping the headlights of the rover on. They are blinding, aimed directly at the dropship itself, illuminating everything in an almost nauseating white.
"I heard you tell Bellamy you're leaving," Monty calls after Octavia as she strides towards the dropship. "Is that true? After everything we've been through?"
Her face is unreadable. "Yeah."
"Octavia. . . we're your people," Monty says quietly. He walks closer to her. "We were sent down together, we survive together."
"Lincoln was my people," she retorts. Something fiendishly hot crawls into her eyes and for a moment, she looks almost alive again. No. . . not alive. Like a corpse resurrected. A cursed half-life. A shell of the girl she used to be. "I'm not Trikru, I'm not Skaikru, I'm nothing."
"You're one of the hundred."
"Not anymore," says Octavia darkly.
In the silence that echoes, Lyra starts to learn how someone could die and still be painfully, painfully alive.
Monty starts for the dropship. But Lyra lingers there.
"If you're not one of the hundred, then neither am I," she declares rashly.
Slowly, excruciatingly, Octavia turns to face her.
"C'mon, Via," says Lyra, her shoulders shrugging up haplessly. Her heart is kicking at her ribs. "You were my first friend, remember? And we all know that I never belonged down here in the first place. All I've ever wanted to do is go back up there."
"Yeah," says Octavia hollowly. "Guess that's what made it so easy for you to leave, huh?"
Lyra winces. "I get it. I made a mistake."
"You did," Octavia responds, her voice like a sleek bullet. "You left all of us — your dad, your friends, me. . . Bellamy! You had the choice to be with him and you left him! You had a choice! I didn't!"
A sob shudders up Octavia's throat and claws at her voice. Lyra knows that this isn't just about her anymore.
Her heart starts to crumble. Burrowing her nails deep into her palm, she blinks furiously to keep herself from bursting into tears. Octavia's features are so maimed with despair that it hurts to look at her and Lyra tilts her watery eyes to the heavens. The starlight is cold.
"Do you know how lucky you are?" Octavia cries out. Cold, torrential grief surges from her words and crashes over Lyra. "I would give anything for five more minutes with him! But you left Bellamy like it was easy! Like it was nothing — !"
"I know," mutters Lyra. Her mind is roaring with thought: I fucked up, I fucked up, I fucked up. "I know, I know, I know — "
" — and then he almost got you killed," continues Octavia loudly, ignoring her. "But you're going to forgive him because that's what you always do — "
At this, Lyra starts to bristle. "He's your brother, you'll forgive him too!"
"Will I?" Octavia challenges, eyes flashing. "Because I can't even look at him! Every time I do, I see Pike putting that gun to Lincoln's head. I hear the gunshot. I see him fall!"
"Bellamy didn't kill him!" Lyra yells. "He tried to help him! There is blood on his hands, but not Lincoln's!"
"Bellamy didn't pull the trigger, but he loaded the gun! None of it would have ever happened if Bellamy didn't join Pike's side. The gun was at your head because of Bellamy, so why would you stand there and defend him? What he did was wrong — "
"I LOVE HIM!"
The three syllables explode into existence like a bomb. Chest heaving erratically, Lyra feels almost as if all the air from the world has gone. Her chest tightens almost painfully at the admission. She feels as if she could scream and scream and scream until she cannot breathe. And yet she stands there, rooted to the spot. Tethered to the earth.
Because she hadn't been sure of it until now.
A visceral silence follows her words. Lyra blinks furiously as her nails drive into her palms. Her chest tightens and she knows it's because of love. It must be.
"I know."
Octavia's response is so quiet, so broken, that it nearly shatters Lyra into two. Some feeling comes back into her fingertips. But her heart does not stop thundering against her ribcage. Vaguely she wonders if she should say something, but words seem to die in her throat. She can barely think.
Thankfully, Octavia speaks again, her voice so low that Lyra nearly doesn't hear it;
"Loving him is killing you."
It's Lyra's turn to draw a painful breath. "I know."
͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙ ✩ *̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙ ✩ *̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙
that last bit w/ octavia & lyra is a last minute addition, hope it's not pure shit 🤪
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