"Lili," my mom calls from downstairs. "The door's for you. Come down here."
Assuming it's Drew, I drag myself out of my bed and walk out the door. I wrap my arms around myself as I descend the staircase to keep away the cold. I look up, and find someone I was not expecting at my doorstep.
Caleb.
I immediately turn around where I am and start walking away.
"No, wait! Please-" Caleb says.
His hand folds around my wrist pulling me back.
"Let go of me," I say quietly.
"No," he says. "Not until you listen to me."
"I don't need to listen to you," I say. "Do you know what you did to me?" Then I laugh coldly. "Of course you do. You wanted this to happen."
"I didn't... I mean, I... I messed up," he says, shaking his head and looking away.
"Messed up...?" I ask. "On several occasions or just this once? Because all the evidence points towards there being a purpose to what happened."
"I need to fix this. I've never seen you like this," Caleb sighs. "That boy did something to you. He made you a happier person. Happier than I've ever seen you."
I stare at him blankly.
"And I realize now," he says, sucking in a breath. "I was jealous."
I blink once. Again. "What?"
"I have had a crush on you since the fifth grade, Lili," he sighs again, eyes diverting. "And I guess I felt like when you found someone else it was because I wasn't good enough. I was mad. Mad that I never had the chance to tell you how I really felt."
I don't know what to say to that. All these revelations are too much for me.
"When you started dating Brendan it sent me over the edge," he says with a hint if bitterness in his voice. "He was, and still is, every girl's dream man. And knowing that you were his dream girl was difficult for me."
There are no words to describe my shock. Caleb, I never thought... This is just so unexpected.
"And I knew that Shelby didn't like you two together either... So in midst of my rage, I talked to her about working together to drag you two apart. Do you know what she told me? She said, 'Looks like this might be your only chance at her. Go for it.' And I did. I invaded your space and my plan worked better than I ever expected."
He really was the first one to suggest breaking up Brendan and I. I can't believe it.
"And you changed. I realized how different you always were when you were dating him. And I knew and I know that you two are supposed to be together. I ruined that," he says the last part quietly. "I'm so sorry."
I stay silent for a long time, thinking over his words. It all falls on me like in a shock.
"I'm going to fix this," is all he says.
"He already hates me," I whisper. "There's nothing you can do to change that."
"I have to," he says. "I've already got the role of worst best friend ever. I need to at least fix what I've wrecked. You don't know how sorry I am."
There is no response from me. I don't even know what a possible response to that would be.
So Caleb turns around as walks through the front door that's still hanging open, a concentrated look on his face.
What just happened?
*•*•*
I don't know what to do with myself. I'm confused and angry and sad and tired. I feel like crap. I probably look like crap, too.
Everything that's happened has finally set in. And I can feel the weight of it on my shoulders now. Brendan hates me. Caleb ruined everything. Shelby's my least favorite person I've ever met on this planet.
'I heard what happened. I'm so sorry. Brendan's a freaking idiot.' -Danny
'It's okay I guess. I'm okay...'
'You don't have to be okay all the time, Lili.' -Danny
'You're right. I'm really not okay. Nothing's okay.'
'Do you want me to come over there?' -Danny
'No. Really, it's okay, you don't have to.'
A few minutes pass before I get the next message.
'I'm on my way.' -Danny
The knock on my door comes about five minutes later. I groan, trying to sit up from the couch. I decide not to get up because I don't feel like it.
"Come in," I yell.
The front door opens and Danny enters. He smiles as he closes the door.
"Hey," he says.
"Hi," I reply. "Thanks for coming over."
"Anytime," he says, then he sits down on the couch beside me. "I figured you could use a friend."
"Thank you," I say again. And I mean it. He's right. I really do need a friend. And having him here right now is wonderful.
"So," he says. "We're graduating in a month."
"That's so weird," I sigh.
"Yeah," he nods. "Sure is."
"Do you know what you're gonna go to college for?" I ask.
"I want to be a pilot," he replies with a smile. "I've applied a few places, but I don't really know where I'm going for sure yet."
"That's so cool," I reply. A pilot. I'd be too scared out of my mind to do that.
"Yeah," he smiles. "How about you?"
I let out a sigh. "I really just want to be an artist. Lame, I know. But that's what I want to do. Besides that, I really want to be a stay-at-home mom."
"No," he replies. "I think that's awesome. Really."
"Thanks," I say, for the third time in about two minutes.
"Can I see some of your artwork?" He asks.
"Sure," I shrug.
Then I lead him up my stairs and into my bedroom. My paintings and drawings all hang around my walls. I gesture to the room around me with a smile.
"This is it."
"Wow," he says, examining all of them. "These are amazing."
He continues to the next wall, shaking his head in disbelief.
"You're so talented," he says, turning to me.
I smile and my cheeks tint pink.
"Thank you." Four times.
*•*•*
"Lili?" Drew asks, walking into my bedroom.
"What?"
"What are you doing?" He asks, raising his eyebrows.
"Is it illegal to take a nap?" I ask.
"No," he says. "I just... Did you not get my text?"
"I was asleep," I reply with a blank look.
"Yeah," he says. "Well, Brendan says he needs to talk to you."
"Really?" I ask, quirking an eyebrow.
"Really."
"Is this another stupid moment you're setting us up for? Because if you don't recall, last time that happened, he yelled, 'Good riddance, Lili. I hope you have a good life.' I'm pretty sure that isn't a successful 'talk-it-out' moment..." I say.
"No. No, he says he needs to tell you some things..." Drew replies.
"Tell Brendan I say he isn't allowed back here," I tell him tiredly, laying my head down on my pillow.
"Lili." It's Brendan.
No. No no no. I don't want to hear that voice again. That accusing voice. That demeaning voice.
"Lili," he says again.
"No," I say out loud this time.
"Look at me, Lili," he says. "Please."
I stay silent, refusing to change my focus from my hands. I won't give him that satisfaction.
"I was wrong," Brendan says. "I was more than wrong. I was, and still am, a terrible, terrible person. I know there's nothing I can say to ever make you forgive me. I was heated up by the moment and the things I said were so, so out of place. An apology won't fix this. I know that. But Lili, I am sorry like I never have been before."
I look up now, shocked. Is he actually trying to apologize to me? First of all, he's right. After everything he said to me yesterday, am I really going to forgive him? No. And also, why the sudden change of heart?
"Lili," he says, green eyes holding so much intensity. "I promise you," he lets out a deep breath, "I promise you that I don't mean what I said. I do care about you. I do trust you. I do love you. And thinking that I accused you of something like this without even knowing everything makes me feel sick."
"I don't understand," I shake my head. "Why are you so suddenly going against every word you said... yelled... at me yesterday?"
"Someone finally shoved some sense at me," he says.
My focus turns to Drew. He shakes his head, raising his hands up innocently.
"Wasn't me," he says. "I tried to knock the stupid out of him many times, but no, this time it wasn't me."
"Who..." I drift off. I'm going to fix this. "It was Caleb, wasn't it?"
Brendan nods slowly.
"Wait, Caleb's the guy who..." Drew says, looking at Brendan. He nods. "I can't believe he got to talk to you before you knocked him out cold."
"I punched him," Brendan says. "But then he said something that made me stop. He told me that he deserved that, after everything he forced on you. And so I listened to what he said to me."
I stare at him in shock. Caleb actually went and talked to him. He probably knew he was going to get beat the crap out of. But he did it anyways. And Brendan listened.
"I don't know why it took me so freaking long to come to my senses," Brendan continues. "I was an idiot. I was a jerk. And I am so, so sorry. You don't deserve that. You deserve better than me. And I'm not saying that to gain your pity on me. I mean it. I don't expect you to forgive me. I just want you to know I'm not mad at you anymore. The only person I'm mad at is myself."
I draw my eyebrows together in confusion. "But why... Why would you never even listen to me? Hear any part of my story?"
He sighs. "It made me feel sick," he says. "To even see your face made me think of what I saw and I was so angry. I couldn't even look at you. I didn't want to think about you."
"But that doesn't change that you never gave me a chance," I reply.
"I thought I had all the evidence pointing to you cheating on me," he says. "And I was more than wrong. I was selfish. I was positive that I was right."
"Brendan..." I say, running my hand tiredly down my face.
"I know," he says. "I know this isn't a simple fix. Not by a single stretch. I messed up bad. Worse than I ever have. And it won't be the same. I know."
"I just... I need some time," I say, shaking my head.
"I understand," he nods his head.
"You're right," I say. "This isn't an easy fix."
He lets out a shaky breath.
"But I'm grateful for you coming here," I say.
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Hey guys! PLEASE go read my newest book Pour Out Your Heart. I've been working so hard on it and it's getting no reads. So anyways I would appreciate anyone willing to give it a try.