° 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 °
Isabelle
When I woke up my hair was a tangled mess and my eyes were puffy from the tears I had let spill as my head finally hit the pillow.
My body was littered with new bruises, I'll be wearing pants and long sleeves for a long period of time while I'm out doing my daily tasks. My daily task being sitting at the park and working. Something about sitting at a park bench watching the scenery really just does it for me.
Clipping my hair back I chose red sunglasses today to match my shirt. They had sharp corners that I felt made me look like I would curb stomp someone, I should join WWE. I would be a headliner. Woman empowerment.
Leo hasn't texted me, it's been two days actually. If he doesn't text me within another two days I'll throw aside my dignity and double text him if necessary.
I once triple texted this one girl, in my defense I had a crush on her, and I was only 14 at the time so that helps my case. Needless to say I found out the hard way she was straight as a line when she felt the need to throw a few slurs at me. Yeah.
I'm over it, but she had a side part and wore rainbow stripes and read bl so what was I expected to think? Now that I'm thinking back the fact she only read bl and nothing else should have been a read flag. I have just come to the conclusion she fetishized mlm relationships, disgusting. But the fact she read that while being homophobic is very confusing to me. That girl was a fucking walking red flag. But at last I was colorblind.
I shiver in horror at my old taste in people, what was I thinking?
I always thought that- fuck.
8:45pm.
Why must time fail me, I peered out the window met by darkness. I have 15 minutes to get to a place that's a half hour walk. Call me Usain Bolt because I'm not going to be late for a shift.
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My feet hit the ground. Hard.
I panted, my whole being tired and aches horribly, but I made it. On time may I add. Putting on a bright smile I walked in, the bell ringing as I did so.
"Hi Miss.Laurie! Am I working kitchen, table, or register tonight? Any is fine, I'm a well rounded individual truly."
"Tables tonight dear."
I nodded happily putting on an apron, tables was by far the easiest. Especially at night, it's always quieter with few customers versus in the day where it's lively.
Waking over to Larry's booth I smiled softly, "What can I get you today Larry? Your usual?"
"Yes, may I have a milkshake instead of coffee?"
"Feeling adventurous?"
"Very."
"What flavor sir?"
"Just chocolate, please."
I nodded,"I'll have that right up for you."
I scribbled it down and placed the little paper on the steel ledge that separated the kitchen from the dining area.
The bell rang making me turn towards the door, a group of teenagers around the age of 16 walked in laughing loudly at a joke made by their friend.
Sitting at the booth they looked at me before leaning in and whispering to each other, whatever they were whispering about had to be funny, the giggles that erupted from a few of them proved that.
"What drinks can I start you guys off with?"
"Why are you wearing sunglasses?"
"I like them," I shrugged, adjusting my standing position since my legs felt weird.
The girl who asked laughed, "They look dumb," she turned to the group of friends shooting them a glare, "right?"
They all nodded agreeing with her.
"Good thing I'm not being paid to care about your opinions then, huh," I spoke, my eyes narrowing.
Rolling her eyes she got a sprite while the rest of the table got milkshakes. I avoided their table as much as possible, weaving through obstacles to do so.
But 15 minutes later they beckoned me back over,
"Can you get me a beer," the blonde spoke.
I internally evil laughed knowing where this was going, "Of course ma'am, I'll just need to see some id."
She held out a drivers license, I scanned it before speaking, "We have the same birthday November 3rd."
"Oh my god, what a coincidence," she smiled at me.
"Your birthday is October 21st and mine is September 19th," I said flatly.
The picture was too clear and the lines didn't match to how they were suppose to be. The thing was too obvious, they had to take me for an idiot to even hand that to me.
"I think you should stick to sprite."
"Yeah, sprite is fine."
The rest of my shift went by boringly. There wasn't much commotion at all. I tried not to fall asleep all the way till I got to the park.
My bench was waiting for me as it always is.
I sighed leaning my back against the wood, no matter how many things seemed to leave me the moon and stars always remain the same.
I used to want to be someones star, to have them stop and stare for hours at my beauty, admiring at how I shine, contrasting from the dark background I'm laid against.
But then I learned stars are dead as we look at them, and I'm far from dead. They're also in the background simply decorations for the bigger picture.
I want to be someone's moon. The brightest thing in their sky, the one their eyes are automatically drawn to. Something that's always there no matter what happens, I want to be that for someone. I want to be the moon for them the one that I never got the pleasure of receiving.
And the only way that can happen is if you push aside fears. So fuck two more days.
"Chi cazzo sei, perché mi chiami al mio numero personale? È meglio che sia fottutamente importante o ti sparo in mezzo agli occhi," his voice spoke annoyed with venom laced in it.
[Who the fuck are you, why are you calling me on my personal number? It better be fucking important or I'll shoot you between the eyes.]
"Uh hi Leo."
There was silence before he spoke again, "Fanculo."
[fuck]
"What does fanculo mean?"
"It means night," he told me.
"Well how's your fanculo going so far?"
I could hear Leo's chuckle, "It's 5am Sunshine."
"I forgot, did I wake you up? I'm so sorry. I'll hang up now," I apologized.
"Don't hang up."
"Okay."
Wait.
"Did you call me sunshine?"
"Yes."
A grin spread across my face, if someone were to walk by they would probably think I'm going crazy,"That's so cool. I have an actual nickname someone calls me by."
"Didn't you say your friends call you Izz when we first met?"
"I lied. No ones actually has called me that, but as soon and I make a good friends then boom, they'll be calling me that left and right. But I think Sunshine is an equally good name."
"Are you okay with me calling you Leo now? I mean obviously you didn't like it the other day, can I call you Leo?"
"Fine," he started, "quello che vuoi."
[anything you want]
"Cool! Are you doing anything tomorrow? I don't have work actually, so if you want we can get something to eat and I can show you the best places in the city."
"Okay, I'll pick you up at 2."
"Actually meet me at the diner, I have to pick my paycheck up around that time anyways," I smoothly lie to him. I can't have him anywhere near my home.
"I'll see you then."
"Bye Leo, have a good fanculo or uh morning I guess," I said before hanging up. I need to work on my phone conversational skills.
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"You're late," a voice in the darkness of the house spoke.
"Miss Laurie had me stay later than usual since we had a midnight rush," I tried explaining, my feet sore from standing for eight hours and running home.
I was about to add another comment further explaining when he yanked my wrist and a blow came down onto my eye.
I spaced out after that.
But the stinging of the shower brought me back to reality. I didn't dare look down at my body, I truly couldn't handle it.
There's two types of people in the world. Those who are living and those who are simply existing. I'm not sure if I want to live or just stop existing, if I'm being honest.
Not everyone is meant to live, but I think we all deserve a chance at least, and I'm waiting for mine.
When I was fifteen I wore the baggiest clothes I can find, throwing up my tangled hair so it had no way to bother me. I left my face untouched. I only ate the blandest food, since I didn't care. Then I just sat in the park, my fingers tracing the grass. The color of my shirt or how I looked simply wasn't a priority anymore. When you're simply existing you realize how much effort everything takes, the effort I only had when I was living.
But when I hit eighteen something changed. I did everything possible to distract myself, listening to music or collecting sunglasses. Working two shifts back to back. Staring at the sky and talking to strangers.
And it worked.
I only have one man to thank. His name is Ellio. He's like an older brother figure I met one day when I was walking alone at night, two men approached me for my wallet. A wallet I didn't have.
"Listen I don't have a wallet, I'm broke," I held my hands up.
They pointed their gun at me, their faces sporting evil grins,"We don't like liars."
I closed my eyes waiting for impact but didn't feel a thing. When my eyes opened a tall man with blonde hair stood in front of me, "Look as I said to them I don't have a wallet. I just want to go home."
His eyes were soft, "Do you need a ride?"
My mind screamed to say no and run but he could easily catch up to me, if I go in the car I have a better chance of getting out alive. I watch self defense videos on YouTube in my free time. Half of which are how not to get murdered in a car.
"Yes."
He led me to his car. It was black and shiny, it resembles the batmobile. I felt a tad better.
Once he started to drive he asked questions, "Why are you walking home by yourself."
"I had a night shift at work."
"You shouldn't walk home by yourself, it's dangerous."
"I carry pepper spray, most of the time at least. Those guys just caught me on a bad day, if they did that to me yesterday they would have been down for the count."
He laughed, "I believe you."
"But if you ever need someone to walk you home, since you're scared I'm the person."
"I doubt you would scare anyone off."
"Is it because I'm a woman?"
"What no. I didn't mean it like that," he quickly explained, defending himself.
"Mhm."
A smile sat on my lips,"I'm Isabelle."
"Ellio."
I haven't seen him for two years, but I did see him a few times after our first interaction. He become a big brother figure to me. One that I'll always be thankful for.
Finally getting out of the shower, I glanced up into the mirror.
I cried.
Tears ran down my face, I couldn't recognize my reflection anymore. The sickly looking girl couldn't be me, no. My hand reached out touching the glass, my face hot from the tears. At least the mirror cried with me and didn't laugh instead.
It's all eating me away, everything is.
No one will ever know, I'll keep it to myself.
I'll swallow every inch of sadness before it can swallow me.
° 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 °
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words:2114
°。°。°。°。°。°。°。゜。°。°。°。
I PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE SAID THIS IN THE BEGINNING BUT IM USING GOOGLE TRANSLATE FOR THE ITALIAN LINES, I DONT SPEAK ITALIAN.
My grandma speaks it to me but I literally can't pick up on it for the life of me, let alone write it.
So sorry if any native Italian speakers come across this.
Don't rip me apart if something is off:/