Thump
Thump
Thump-
"Nina, stop that."
Thump "Stop what?" Thump
"Tapping your foot."
Thump "Oh."
My mother looked at me suspiciously as I urged my foot to keep still. "What's up with you? You've been fidgety all morning." She asked.
I could feel myself turning red in the face and sputtered "What? No I haven't. Why would you say that?"
Had I really been fidgety? Oh god, I had. Was she on to me? Did she know?
My mother sighed. The kind of sigh that told you that she was exhausted and didn't have the time or patience to deal with you. She did that a lot. "Don't act dumb with me Nina, something's going on with you and you know it." She sounded conclusive, the type of tone she had used to scold me as a little child. I could almost hear her say 'Mother is always right.'
"Nope, I'm fine." I lied "As a matter of fact, I'm more than fine. I'm good." I stretched the o's before shutting myself up at the look on my mother's face.
Hold it together, Nina.
She sighed that same sigh again. "You're a terrible liar."
I averted my eyes from her and frantically moved them around the parking lot as Capitola High came into view. Just a few feet away from safety.
So close. "Nina?" She stopped the car.
"Oh hey look, we're here!" I said as if it wasn't already obvious "I'd better get going, class is about to start. I love you, bye!" I snatched my bag from between my feet and jumped out of the car, shutting the door behind me before she could bring out another word.
I didn't dare look back at her as I ran across the parking lot and into the school. My mother was right, I was a terrible liar, and I was the worst at keeping secrets. That didn't matter though, because right now I no longer had a choice. It was like Sophie Kinsella had said in Twenties Girl "The thing about lying to your parents is, you have to do it to protect them.
It's for their own good."
This was for my mother's own good, and probably for my own too. I guess it made me a coward, telling a lie with the purpose of escaping punishment and responsibility, but it was mostly for her. For her happiness, for her sanity and for her ability to love me. Because who could love a disappointment?
"Nina, hey!" I froze in my footsteps and whirled around to face the direction the voice had come from. There stood Poppy, leaning against her locker surrounded by her group of friends, her eyes focused on me.
Oh crap.
In the midst of getting fired and deceiving my mother I'd completely forgotten about that part of yesterday's events; Caden had asked me out to homecoming.
"Hi Poppy." I smiled nervously as I took a few steps in her direction. Caden couldn't have broken up with her already, right? I hadn't even given him my answer yet, which of course, was going to be no. She gave me a quick hug as I approached her and asked "What's up?"
I assessed her with my eyes. Her eyes didn't look red or puffy, her nose wasn't showing traces of being rubbed one too many times with a tissue, and she definitely didn't look like her boyfriend had just broken up with her.
Still, I remained wary as I replied "Nothing much." You know, besides your asshole – excuse my French - of a boyfriend asking me as his date to homecoming and mentioning something about dumping you.
"Good." She smiled "When I didn't see you in algebra yesterday I worried that maybe you'd gotten sick."
I almost flinched at the tone of her voice. Why did she have to be so... so nice? As if I hadn't been feeling guilty enough already. Now I had to tell her.
I guess it was the right thing to do anyway, surely it was written in some kind of girl code.
"No, I'm fine." I forced a smile "I just had something to take care of, but thanks for thinking about me."
"No problem." She smiled, though hers actually seemed genuine "I guess I'll see you around then?"
I cleared my throat "Er," come on Nina you can do this "I was actually wondering if I could talk to you for a moment..." I gestured towards her friends with my eyes before adding "alone."
Poppy looked from me to her friends hesitantly before nodding "Sure."
We walked side by side until we found a slightly secluded area in the corner of the hallway. "What's going on?" Poppy asked.
I took a deep breath before saying "There's not really an easy way to put this..." and bit my lip, avoiding eye contact with Poppy. What was the correct way to tell someone that their boyfriend was semi cheating on them?
"It's ok, I can take it." She encouraged me and softly nudged my elbow to urge me on.
"Well..." I took a deep breath before releasing it in a quick jumble of words "Cadenaskedmetohomecoming."
Poppy chuckled softly before frowning "What?"
Come on, you can do this. You have to. I repeated the words, this time slowly and slightly apologetically "Caden asked me to homecoming."
I caught a momentary look of surprise on her face, but she quickly masked it with a smile "Oh, that's fine. You can go with him if you like to."
Wait, what?
I frowned "But aren't you two..." I left the sentence hanging, waiting for her to fill in the blanks.
Poppy shook her head "Oh no, don't worry, I dumped him over the weekend."
My mouth fell slightly agape. She dumped him? "What? Why?" I asked with slight disbelief.
She shrugged "He just wasn't the one for me, you know? I mean I'm not crazy about territorial guys or anything, but I got asked to homecoming by Danny Salido last week and Caden't didn't even bat an eye. It's like he doesn't care."
I frowned "Oh, right..." I didn't know a lot about being in relationships - nothing to be precise -, but that seemed like a silly reason to break up with someone.
"Anyway, I should really get to class. Feel free to go to homecoming with Caden. I don't mind."
I smiled and thanked her, even though I didn't plan on taking Caden up on his offer. Despite us having a little moment yesterday, Caden was still Caden, and quite frankly that was enough reason to say no.
Poppy and I went our separate ways and I thought about what she had said as I made my way towards class. If Poppy had already broken up with Caden over the weekend, then why did he act like they were still together yesterday?
I took my seat next to Jenna at the front of class. "Hey Jen." I said, pulling her attention away from her phone and towards me.
"Hello there Mrs. Future Journalist." Jenna wiggled her eyebrows and nudged me with her elbow playfully. I rolled my eyes, but couldn't hold back the smile that graced my lips at her words.
Right after getting off of the phone with Veronica last night, I'd called Jenna to tell her about my spur of the moment decision. After making me admit that she had been right, we'd spent an hour going over all the possible directions my life could be going in from now on.
Becoming famous and marrying Zac Efron weren't excluded from the list.
"So, I was meaning to tell you something." Jenna announced as she turned around in her chair to face me "I spoke to Matt this morning and I told him homecoming is off."
I frowned "What, why?"
"Well, I thought about it last night and I realized that your friendship means so much more to me than some stupid homecoming date. If you're not going, I'm not going." She smiled "We're in this together."
I felt my heart warm at her words, but couldn't stop the guilt from seeping in at the same time. It was no secret that Jenna had been excited to go to homecoming with Matt, and it didn't feel right to be the one to hold her back. It was unfair for Jenna to have to suffer from my inability to attract someone from the male species. Despite having blamed Caden for my lack of date a yesterday, I very well realized that I wouldn't have been able to get one myself either way. It was just how the world worked; boys stayed away from me, and I stayed away from boys.
"You don't have to do that. I'm perfectly fine with going by myself, I have been for years." I reassured her.
"That's ludicrous. You don't deserve to sit at the sidelines Nina, and I'm not going to let you either. We're either both taking dates, or we're both not going. We're a team." She tried to convince me, keyword being tried. I wasn't unfamiliar with the look she was giving me, it was the same look my mother had given me when she'd come up to kiss me tonight after taking a beating from my father. Those eyes said it all. I was the reason my mother couldn't run from my father, I was the reason she had to endure his mental and physical abuse, I was the reason she couldn't be happy.
This time around, I was the reason Jenna couldn't go to homecoming, I was the reason she couldn't have a normal night like a normal teenager at a normal school dance with a normal guy. I was the freak and I was dragging Jenna down with me.
They all had the same reasons; they loved me and they would sacrifice themselves for me.
And so I did what was expected of me; sacrifice myself for them. Not only because deep down they wanted me to, but because I loved them too.
"Well actually, I did get asked by someone." I admitted.
I could see her eyes light up, and there it was; that little sparkle of hope. "Really, who?"
"Ehm, well..." I glanced towards the back of the class where Caden was sat, and for a moment I thought I'd caught him staring back at me, but I couldn't be sure since his gaze had already settled somewhere else "It may have sort of been Caden." I whispered.
Jenna's eyes widened and a broad grin appeared on her face "I so knew he liked you."
I couldn't tell Jenna how wrong she was. He hadn't asked me because he liked me, he had asked me because he pitied me. Though if I admitted that to her, there was no way she'd let me go with him. So instead I just nodded and plastered a fake smile onto my face "I guess you were right."
That was the moment Mr. Donnely decided to walk in and shush the class. I silently thanked him.
That afternoon, I gathered up all of my courage to stride across the cafeteria with my head held high and my chin tilted forward.
I already had my speech planned out, now all I had to do was walk up there and perform it.
"Fine." I concluded as I set my backpack down on the lunch table in front of Caden, drawing his attention from his food towards me.
"Fine?" He repeated questioningly, one eyebrow tilted upward in amusement.
"Yes, fine. You can take me to homecoming." I elaborated, trying to keep my voice firm and my eyes focused on his.
It took a second for my words to sink in before a lazy smirk appeared on his face as he leaned back into his chair "Couldn't resist my charm, eh?" He asked cockily.
I took a deep breath to calm myself. I wasn't going to let him have this power over me. I was stronger than that.
"What was it that you said Caden?" I tapped my finger against my chin, pretending to be deep in thought before I repeated his words from the day before "Oh that's right, don't flatter yourself. I'm only going with you to help out a friend."
He chuckled "Sure."
I narrowed my eyes at him but refrained from making any further comment. He's not worth it Nina.
"Though," Caden spoke up again "I'm going to have to refuse your offer."
My mouth fell slightly agape. He couldn't just do that.
"Why?"
He rolled his eyes "Clearly I was only joking."
I stood there in silence for a moment, letting his words sink in. I could feel the blood rushing to my ears, the trembling of my hands and the unmistakable prickling of tears behind my eyes.
No Nina, stay strong. You can't let him do this to you.
"No."
"What do you mean no?"
"No, you can't take it back." I hissed through gritted teeth "You're going to meet me here at nine, you're going to be wearing a suit and you're going to buy me a freaking corsage. But most of all Caden, you're going to be a goddamn decent human being for once in your life and be nice to me." Then I reached into my backpack, pulled out my dictionary and said "Here, in case you need to look up what nice means" before throwing it in his direction.