A/N: Hello, hello, hello! So I know it's been 7 months since I last posted anything and I disappeared, but here's an update for this story for anyone who was still interested in finding out what happened to Laina and Griffin. Just FYI, the first two chapters have been edited/slightly changed in the last couple of days, too, in case any of you were reading to refresh your memory and noticed any changes. Thanks for sticking with me, it means more than words could ever express! Lots of love! xoxo (Photo to the side is of Laina.)
3: The Gin Delusion
Avoidance. Avoidance was the only possible way for me to get through today. Bloody hell. Holy, bloody hell.
My eyes flickered from side to side nervously, scanning the office as my heart pounded in my ears, making me feel sick. My heart hadn't stopped racing since the staff meeting that morning.
Shit. Get a grip on yourself, woman, I scolded myself. This wasn't anything like me, freaking out because of a person with a penis, more commonly known to the general public as a boy. This was ridiculous, stupid, and pathetic. I seriously needed to grow a pair of balls - the thing I had first admired about Griffin, I recalled grimly.
I wasn't even entirely sure why I was so caught up on avoiding Griffin: what was there to even be afraid of? It was partially the lie I had told him about being gay and in a relationship. Except there were other reasons - which I couldn't quite put my finger on - which increased my anxiety tenfold, setting my heart racing and my fingers tingling.
'Um, are you okay?' Emilie - the girl whose desk was next to mine - asked, her head tilted to the side as she turned away from tapping on her computer and surveyed me through her Chanel glasses. 'It's just that you look like you're about to heave.'
I swallowed, silently agreeing that it did feel like I was on the verge of doing so. 'Oh yeah, I'm fine thanks,' I replied quickly, giving her a weak smile and reaching into my handbag under the desk for the bottle of Evian I had stowed in there this morning. I took a small sip from it, before placing the bottle on my desk a little shakily because of my quivering hands.
After staff briefing, during which everyone - Griffin and myself included - was completely silent as Kate shot information at us, I was conscious of a grey gaze locked on me. Several times during the course of Kate's spiel, my own eyes diverted towards Griffin, eyebrows raised questioningly, daringly. Griffin merely smiled smugly back in response, the cocky bastard, that disgustingly pretty smile widening as Kate introduced me to everyone and I stood up and gave them all a smile and wave, even gracing him with a glance.
All I kept thinking and wondering during the meeting was how it was possible for a person to have such unbelievably shite luck as me. Of all the buildings he could have worked in, of all the companies in the entirety of bloody London, Griffin just had to work for the same shitting one as me.
I could hardly believe any of this. Some higher power had to be involved.
The most unnerving thing though, was that after briefing, Griffin had merely slinked away without a word, probably knowing he would rile me up even more by doing that. I bet he thought he was Daniel Craig. He effing well wasn't, I wanted to tell him pettily, no matter what my initial thoughts had been when I first laid eyes on him only last Friday. It felt like weeks ago that all that had happened, a slightly surreal experience that I could barely believe had actually occurred in the first place, when it had scarcely been three days ago in reality. And his shirt was a pissy shade of blue that did him no favours, I wanted to remark.
I looked around once more, trying to catch a glimpse of Griffin at his desk. For the last hour, I had been determinedly staring ahead at my computer screen, barely blinking as I glared at it and typed away furiously, which had resulted in my eyes burning whenever I did take a moment to close my eyes for longer than a split second when they became too tired every so often.
When my lunch break finally came round at one o'clock, I was the one acting like James Bond, furtively glancing around the office as I decided I would grab a coffee from the Starbucks I had spotted across the street this morning without risking having to run into Griffin.
Grabbing my handbag, I legged it out of the office as I made a run for it as casually as I could.
'Hiya, could I grab a tall mocha to go, please?' I said, rooting round in my purse for the right money. Upon looking up, I had to blink twice, momentarily distracted by the cute barista with mussed inky black hair and a dusting of freckles. He was clearly too young for me, probably no older than 21 and most likely a uni student, but that didn't stop me from appreciating a cutie when I saw one.
The barista smiled, but it didn't do anything to me the way Griffin's stupid smile had, I thought without thinking. I had to resist the urge to slap myself when I fully registered it.
'Absolutely. Anything else?' the barista asked me, tapping my order out on the screen.
I shook my head and handed over the money, our fingers brushing as I did so. I was such a loser and apparently now a cougar, watching our hands like they were moving in slow motion and thinking about sparks, even though there were none.
'Thank you,' I said with a smile as I collected my drink, before heading over to the little counter to pour one sugar in, glancing over at barista-boy once more as I stirred them in with one of those little wooden sticks that probably had a name. His gaze caught mine before he went back to serving the next person.
Despite it being late July, there was a certain chill in the air, biting at my fingers which wrapped around the white coffee cup. I sipped at my drink as I walked around, perusing the shops and taking small, sneaky bites of my chicken sandwich in the shops where food was prohibited. Laina Carter, criminal extraordinaire.
It was while I was browsing in Paperchase that I realised a number had been written onto my coffee cup. Blinking in surprise, I saw the name Alfie scrawled with his eleven digit mobile number, realising that barista-boy apparently didn't mind the older woman.
Whoa.
I felt flattered, biting down on the smile that rose as I stared at the name on the cup. I didn't realise things like this actually happened in the real world, ridiculous as that sounded.
Hesitating for a couple of moments, I rooted through my bag for my phone, tapping in the number and saving it to my contacts list as Alfie (Barista Boy). Just in case.
Usually I would have been on that before you had the chance to even say my name, but something today stopped me. I put it down to the unceasing anxiety about working with a certain boy with an irritatingly birdlike name.
Soon enough however, the caffeine began to kick in and I actually forgot about the newly stored number in my phone. I began to feel less daunted by the prospect of working with Griffin. It would be fine, things would work out in their own way. I just needed to chill out and try my best to avoid him in order to keep my cool. There was nothing to worry about.
There was absolutely nothing to worry about.
I was still on my coffee high as I walked back into the work building, grateful to find that the lift was on the ground floor when I pressed the button, immediately opening. Stepping inside leisurely, I pressed the button for the twenty-third floor once more, watching as the doors began to slide closed again when a voice rang out.
'Hold the doors, please!'
It was safe to say that the avoidance plan turned into a load of wank right on the spot, when Griffin himself stepped inside.
All right, this was getting ridiculous. Was there no justice in this ugly, polluted world?
'Sorry,' he began saying, rummaging in his pockets as he spoke, shifting his stuff from hand to hand, 'it's just that it takes absolutely bloody ages to wait for the-' Griffin stopped mid-sentence, and I heard him let out a laugh, which made me finally look fully at him.
Griffin hadn't looked at me properly when he stepped into the elevator, focused on finding whatever he had been searching for in the depths of his pockets, so I had huddled into the corner and tried to angle my face away from him. Except now he was looking at me directly, that grey gaze burning into my skin.
'Aaaand we meet yet again,' Griffin said, echoing his earlier words and letting out another sunshine laugh. 'This is hilarious. We go our whole lives without meeting each other once, and even though we work in the same place now - hundreds of people work in this building. We could have gotten this lift at any time, and now you're in here with me.'
'Unfortunately,' I quipped, raising my eyebrows at him.
Griffin snorted. 'Ouch GG, you really know how to hit me where it hurts.'
'Good,' I replied, smartly taking another step towards the other side of the lift to increase the distance between us, wishing I could just melt into it and disappear, and that this lift would just hurry up.
He knew what I was trying to do, taking a step towards me and grinning as he saw me flinch away. Sadist.
'I can taste the coffee on your breath,' Griffin said, mouth quirking up.
Immediately I clamped a hand over my mouth, causing him to let out a laugh.
The fact we were close enough for him to be able to smell the coffee, let alone taste it, spoke volumes. The four walls which encased us suddenly felt like they were a lot more claustrophobic than I had initially thought.
'Are you afraid of me or something?' Griffin asked suddenly, cocking his head to one side.
'No,' I said too quickly, hands clutching my handbag a little more tightly.
'I think you are,' he said thoughtfully.
'I'm not,' I insisted.
'Are you sure? Because - oh.' Griffin stopped again and repeated his 'oh' as if he had had some sort of epiphany sent to him from the heavens, and I turned my head to face him, eyebrows raised.
'What?'
'Are you scared that I'll out you to everyone?'
Internally, I collapsed with laughter on the spot. On the outside however, I somehow managed to keep my face straight (no pun intended) and remained completely composed.
I didn't think he had actually been convinced by my bullshit. Irritatingly, some small part of me almost felt disappointed by that, as if I had wanted him to see right through me.
Idiot, I scolded myself. What a stupid thing to want.
'No,' I told him earnestly. 'I never even considered that, actually.'
Griffin's smile seemed to soften involuntarily as the lift doors opened and he stopped to let me walk out first before he followed. 'Good. Because I did mean what I said, you know. I do just want to be your friend; it's just that it's also massively fun winding you up, too.'
I prodded his arm lightly, a kneejerk response to his teasing. 'You're a bitch!' I said, exasperated.
'Isn't that why you broke up with me?' he said with a joking wink.
'No, you moron. It was because you were crap in bed, remember?'
One of the girls at the reception desk looked up and over at us, eyes widening and flicking from me to Griffin.
'Shit, maybe I shouldn't have said that so loudly,' I muttered, wondering if I should go over to the girl to clarify that it was just a joke.
Griffin merely grinned. 'Don't worry about it,' he said, waving a hand airily. 'People in the office don't actually care that much about gossip - all of our lives revolve around the stuff about celebrities. Speaking of, I've got to go and sort out some photos, but I'll see you later, yeah?'
'Er, sure,' I said.
'Great,' Griffin said, and he genuinely looked pleased, which warmed my heart. 'See you later, buddy.'
I snorted and went back to my desk.
*
By the time five pm rolled around, movement in the office gradually began to slow down, people becoming weary and a couple of them rubbing their eyes blearily as they yawned. Today had been busy, manning the internet and social media side of the makeup recall Kate had handed me a ring binder on earlier.
'We're heading to the pub if you want to come?' Emilie walked over to my desk and asked me tentatively. She seemed reserved and genuinely sweet, reminding me of Cassie and in turn the rest of my old work friends, who I thought of with a pang, although my thoughts did flicker to wonderment of who went out drinking on a Monday. It was too early in the week, even for me.
'Oh, really?' I said, blinking, feeling my mouth quirk up in a happily surprised smile at her asking me. 'I would love to, thanks so much for inviting me.'
She nodded and smiled back in response. 'Come on then, it's just across the road.'
I clicked a button on the computer to log off before I stood and reached for my bag from underneath my desk. There were about fifteen desks in the room, all relatively spacious and with plenty of room to make it my own little workspace.
Emilie and I took the lift downstairs as we made small talk, where two other people I recognised as working in our department too - a girl with flaming hair and one tall guy - were stood in the foyer chatting, but stopping when we walked over and reached them.
'All right, Emi?' the redheaded girl asked, grinning widely at Emilie before turning to me and introducing herself. 'Laina, right? I'm Felicity.'
'Hi,' I said, smiling warmly back at her. 'Great to meet you.'
The tall, fair-haired guy stood beside Felicity introduced himself as her boyfriend Ronan, towering over her tiny frame. They immediately struck me as a cute couple, balancing each other out not only in physical stature, but in personality. Without me wanting to think about it, they made me wonder what the company's policy on romances and relationships in the workplace was.
Not that I would ever need to know.
'Man do I need a drink,' Emilie sighed as the four of us began to walk. 'I've been bombarded with calls from the press all day because of the whole Drew Turner drugs bust and you guys know I'm not usually one to do much talking. I'm absolutely shattered.'
'Don't take this the wrong way guys, but er, do you usually go out drinking on a Monday?' I couldn't stop myself from asking as we exited the building and made our way across the road.
'Sorry, it was my idea, and not usually,' Felicity said with a laugh, although her face immediately dropped into a glare as she began to elaborate, 'Bitchface basically made me write her entire report today, claiming that she's suddenly developed arthritis in her claws and can't write or type. I wanted to throttle her, the lazy cow! She blatantly just didn't want to ruin her manicure.'
Ronan frowned. 'Maybe you should report her to Kate or something?' he suggested. 'That's not fair.'
'Bitchface...?' I hesitated to ask, as Felicity mumbled something about 'Psh, yeah right.'
I hadn't witnessed workplace drama since before I'd started working at Light My Match. All of us had been great friends there, so the concept of bitchiness at work seemed unfamiliar and a little bit alien now.
'She's talking about Corinne,' Emilie explained, biting down a giggle as we heard Felicity make a hissing noise at the mention of the offending person's name. 'Trust me Laina, if you haven't seen or met her yet, count yourself lucky. Lazy cow doesn't even begin to describe her, either.'
Ronan held the door open as we entered the White Hart pub and Emilie and Felicity filled me in on everything I needed to know about Corinne Matthews, Felicity's "sworn mortal enemy" (her words, not mine).
'Can I have a gin and tonic, please?' Felicity ordered, handing over the money.
'Make that two,' I chipped in, thanking the bartender as our drinks were handed over and we all found a place to sit.
Go hard or go home, as Cassie used to quote when we would all go out, I recalled, deciding that I may as well have something a little bit stronger to relax me.
'Can't me and you do both together?' Benji had asked flirtatiously one time, completely drunk and out of character after pining over Cassie for a full year. Next thing we knew, apparently they had done both, since they turned up to work the following day finally a couple.
Forcing myself into a new environment and trying to make friends was harder now than it had been when I had been working retail jobs. I had been so comfortable at my old job, but I was glad that Emilie, Felicity and Ronan were obviously so nice, bar the vicious discussion of Corinne Matthews.
I was tugged out of the memory and my thoughts by Felicity whispering to me, 'Actually, speak of the devil - Bitchface is over there, if you wanted to catch a glimpse of Jezebel herself.'
Looking over to where Felicity gestured with her head, I curiously looked over to where she pointed. I was surprised to see a brunette girl at the bar who was pretty but relatively ordinary: I had imagined a girl with peroxide blonde hair and a tight, short skirt.
'Contrary to the name you've given her, she doesn't have a face that's all that bitchlike,' I murmured with a laugh.
Felicity cocked her head to the side. 'Hold on, are you sure we're looking at the same person? Oh, not her - the blonde girl over there with Griffin.'
Oh.
Oh.
Okay, so the actual Bitchface looked exactly as I had expected her to, hair and skirt like a second skin included. Too much bronzer on her face and fake tan caking her arms into a muddy orange which made me cringe.
Internally, I scolded myself for being such a judgemental cow.
I wasn't usually one to judge anybody, let alone a girl I had never even spoken to or met.
She had the right to wear whatever she wanted; her decision to (badly) fake tan was completely her own choice. Goodness knew I'd had a horrific tanning experience before my Year 11 prom, where my legs had ended up such a disgusting colour that I'd had to end up wearing black tights, and I had almost boiled to death in the August heat. I was pretty sure I owned the skirt she was wearing, too, although I saved it for clubbing and not the workplace.
But something made my chest and teeth clench in a bad way when I looked over at who had their arm around her.
It was irritation, I decided. Irritation tinged with disgust, at the realisation that he had asked me out barely a few days ago, and now his tongue was practically in someone else's mouth and his hands were grazing up her hips.
Ew. I had been so wrong about him.
I tore my gaze away from them and saw Felicity making gagging faces, which Emilie couldn't help but crack a smile at, while Ronan rolled his eyes.
'You can stop making retching noises, Fliss!' Ronan said a little exasperatedly, but still running his hand over her lovely hair and biting down on a smile.
'I know, I know,' Felicity responded, batting his hand away. 'But I expected him to have better taste than that. I wonder how long they've been a thing for.'
'Mm,' Emilie agreed.
All four of us looked over at them, so it was inevitable that Griffin and Bitchface would eventually catch eyes with one or another of us.
Griffin was leaning against the bar talking to Bitchface when his grey eyes locked onto mine over her shoulder, and he smiled amiably in recognition.
He smiled.
Who the hell did he think he was, smiling at me? And why did it feel like that smile was getting closer and closer to me?
It suddenly felt very much like the Jaws music was playing as the soundtrack to the current situation.
'Oh wanking bollocks, they're walking over to us,' I whispered to Emilie, turning around quickly in my seat so my back was to the couple approaching us, clutching at her arm. She looked at me, curious at my reaction.
'Hey guys,' Griffin grinned at us. That smile of his was blinding. I had to resist the urge to squint. 'Mind if we sit with you?'
I could see that the girl behind him was surprised and a bit disgruntled at Griffin's unexpected request.
'Yeah, of course,' Ronan said kindly, scooting up closer to Felicity and putting an arm around the back of her seat to make room.
It was Felicity's turn to look disgruntled; I was pretty sure she'd either kicked or pinched Ronan beneath the table, because he suddenly jumped like he had been stung by something.
Griffin's smile was unwavering.
I downed my entire drink in response.
He beamed some more.
Yeah, I was going to need another drink.
I was about to excuse myself to go and get one when Griffin finally spoke, preventing me from standing up.
'Nice to see you're settling in well, GG,' he remarked, sliding in next to his blonde friend, who finally looked at me. Her blue eyes raked up and down from my hair to my eyebrows (obviously to see if they were on fleek, which they bloody well were; I had spent a large part of yesterday evening taming them into perfection), down my nose - even to my boobs.
'Gigi? I thought your name was Lana,' she said, bracelets clinking as she took an elegant sip of her drink. We weren't having tea with the freaking queen, I wanted to say. She didn't have to sip so daintily.
'It's Laina,' Griffin corrected before I could open my mouth. 'Sorry - GG's my name for her. Do you want to introduce yourself or should I?' Griffin addressed her with a slow, easy smile, his arm slung casually across the back of her seat, my eyes zeroing in on the way his hand hovered close to her neck, imagining the warmth that radiated off him.
I was thrown off by the way he was acting - overly cool, and distant as a consequence.
'Corinne,' she said, holding out a manicured hand.
I nodded. 'Hi,' I said a little awkwardly, taking her hand and dropping it as fast as I could.
I didn't like the way she looked at me. I could feel her judging my appearance and my demeanour, glancing from the River Island handbag by my side to my clothes, and it made annoyance and self-consciousness creep up my neck. Usually I would have said something, anything - I wasn't normally afraid of calling wankers out on their...wanking. Wankerishness. Whatever the verb was.
What was wrong with me? I wasn't a particularly insecure person, either, but everything about her stare suddenly made me start to over-think the way I did things, from the way I held my glass to how my hands were arranged on my lap or on the table. I loathed the unfamiliar feeling of being too aware of myself, tucking my hair behind my ear self-consciously as I retreated a little bit into my thoughts and let the others carry on with their conversations.
'Ah - I've just remembered that I've got something to do, guys,' I said, abruptly standing up, mostly addressing Emilie, Felicity and Ronan. 'Thanks for bringing me with you tonight, though - I'll see you all tomorrow.'
I squeezed Emilie's shoulder gratefully, giving Felicity and Ronan a wide smile and small wave.
I thought I must have imagined the way Griffin's eyes went to my hand when I touched Emilie's shoulder. Regardless of whether he had stared or not, he looked like he wanted to say something but stopped himself from uttering any words.
I smiled tightly as I made my way out of the pub, grateful for the fresh air as soon as I stepped outside - well, as fresh as the air in London could get - and took big, deep breaths.
Rooting for my phone in my blazer pocket, I took it out and pondered only for a split second before I hit call on the name I had been looking for.