Watching Veronica walk through the field makes me smile. I finally decided it's time to tell her everything about me. Especially about Marisela. I can't keep avoiding it, eventually she was going to find out. If she's going to be a part of my life, she deserves to know everything about me.
I quickly get a blanket I always keep in the back, but when I'm about to close the backdoor I spot my camera. This is my first time coming to the field ever since Marisela passed. I've taken pictures but not here. It's hard losing someone you love, she was everything to me, it didn't matter that she was older than me. I always felt the need to protect her. No matter what.
Hesitantly, I reach for the camera and hide it beneath the blanket. I take a deep breath to prepare myself, this is for the best, I think to myself. I'm sure Veronica will understand and she'll be able to help me when I need someone. She's helped even though she doesn't know it. Her beautiful face is always on my mind. Her smile always brightens up my days.
It feels strange being here without Marisela.
I shake my head hoping that I don't back out at the last minute. Veronica is standing in the middle of the field watching her surroundings. Happiness is what I feel at this moment. It broke my heart when I saw her walk into class, she looked like she hadn't been sleeping good, and she just looked sad. Whatever is happening between her and brother I hope she'll be able to tell me but if she doesn't, I'm not going to push it out of here. Just being able to be by her makes me happy.
Placing the blanket down, I take a seat. Veronica turns around and makes her way towards me, she sits down on the blanket and leans back on the palms of her hands.
"So I brought you here for a reason," I say looking down at my hands. "I think it's best to finally tell you everything about me." I look up and see her brown eyes staring right back at me. She nods her head for me to continue.
"I never told you I had an older sister."
"Had?" She questions.
"Yeah." I clear my throat. "Her name was Marisela and she was my best friend. She meant everything to me. I would tell her all my secrets and she would tell me hers. We would always hang out all the time. Unfortunately, she passed three years ago." I mutter the last part quietly. This is harder than I thought.
"Mateo you don't have to te-"
"No," I cut her off. "It's for the best, it'll help me move on."
I look at the sun down in front of us trying to not let the tears fall. Suddenly, her warm hand intertwines with mine. I look up and she has a small smile on her face. She squeezes my hand for support and I take a deep breath so I can continue.
"It happened three years ago, she was planning to go on a trip with her friends to go out of town. My parents of course let her go because she was eighteen about to turn nineteen. She was beyond excited to go," I chuckled remembering how happy she was. "She couldn't stop talking about it. Umm that morning when her friends picked her up, she hugged my parents and Mariana goodbye. Mariana was still small at the time, so she was crying because she was leaving. But when Marisela got to me she smiled and reminded me to get everything for Mariana's photoshoot ready." I wiped my eyes with my free hand. I didn't want to cry but sometimes you need to cry in order to feel better.
"Once she told me that, she hugged me. If I would've known that was the last time I was going to hug her I would've never let go." I say in a shaky voice and Veronica scoots closer to me and starts rubbing my back. "Eventually we had to let go if she wanted to get there on time. Before she left she told me she loved me and to text her if anything happens. She was only leaving for the weekend, she was supposed to come back on that Monday. I guess God had other plans for her." I turn to face Veronica and see tears falling down her cheeks. I didn't want to make her cry, that's the last thing I wanted to do. I gently lift my hand up to wipe her tears away.
"During her trip she would send me pictures of the things she would do. She told me she was going to go swimming and I told her to be careful and I didn't think anything of it. On Sunday, she facetimed me and she looked really excited. We talked for a few minutes but then she had to leave. She said she would call me when she got back to her room. We said I love you to each other and I hung up the phone. I went on with my day and did what I normally did." Taking a deep breath to prepare myself, I squeezed Veronica's hand hoping the pain will lessen. I haven't opened up fully to anyone about what happened.
"Around six in the afternoon, I was playing with Mariana in her room. I could hear Mom's phone ringing down stairs and I heard her answer it. The next thing I heard made me run out of Mariana's room and storm down stairs. I saw Mom on the floor screaming and crying while Dad was trying to ask what was wrong. Dad picked up the phone and asked the person what's going on. His face dropped when the person on the other line responded to him. He turned to look and at me and I was still confused at what was going on. I was fifteen at the time, I didn't picture anything in my head." Tears are now falling out of my eyes. The only thing that is calming me down are the deep breaths I take continuously and Veronica.
"Later on when Mom calmed down, she called me to the living room. I was nervous at what they would tell me, I was still waiting for Marisela to call me but she still didn't. I sat down and looked at their faces, they looked like their happiness was taken from them. No color was on their face besides their red eyes. Mom told me to be strong for her, and that's when she told me Marisela had drowned. She said the currents were too strong and that she wasn't able to swim back. One of her friends also passed due to the same reason. At that moment I didn't know what to say. My best friend was taken from me and I didn't get to tell her a final goodbye. I never got to thank her for all the things she showed me, all the times she made me laugh, all the times she helped me through my problems. She truly showed me how to live my life and I never got to thank her."
Veronica wrapped her arms around me and that's where I broke. My tears hit her shoulder wetting her sweatshirt. My heart feels as if it has broken once again as it did that day. She's actually gone, there's no way to bring her back. It hurts. It hurts so much.
"I'm so sorry Mateo." Veronica says while rubbing my back. "She sounded like a great person." The sound of her shaky voice makes more tears fall out.
We stay in each other's arms until I finally calm down. I pull back and I stare at her. Her eyes are red from the tears that fell. I need her in my life more than she knows. "She would've loved you Veronica, she would be happy that I met someone like you." My hand moves up to cup her cheek and she nuzzles into my hand. I start to lean in once she opens her eyes. By the time our faces are centimeters apart, I look into her eyes. Those eyes that make my heart do a flip. I close my eyes and kiss her lips. They're soft and warm just like I had imagined. I feel her hands move to grab my face and she deepens the kiss.
Reluctantly, I pull away from her and smile. She smiles as well and it instantly makes me feel better. She's always there to make me feel better.
She's my person.
"Please tell me you won't leave," I lean my forehead until it touches hers. "Trust me, I'm not going anywhere." She says and I bring her into a hug. I lay my head on top of hers and breath in her scent. I feel more relaxed and calm. This helped a lot, and I'm glad I told the right person.
"I think it's time to tell you about me," she breaks the silence I pull away still holding her. "V don't feel pressured into telling me anything." She shakes her head side to side and clears her throat.
"No it's time to finally tell you."
I keep my arms around her as she looks at the field. The sun is already almost gone and the stars are about to begin to show.
"Growing up, Christopher and I were inseparable. We would always play together, talk to each other. Mom would always get mad at us because we would scream and run all around the house. I used to always want to be like him when I grew up, he was so outgoing, always willing to help out anyone. It all seemed perfect." She leans into me more and I squeeze her so she knows I'm here.
"It all changed the summer going into freshman year. He started ignoring me, stopped trying to talk to me. Whenever I would talk to him he just turned the other way. Even with our parents he seems different. I honestly don't know why he changed. The last time I tried talking to him it led to me yelling at him. He stayed quiet the whole time and yelled at me to leave when I mentioned something that he didn't like. He's not home most of the time, but when he is, he never leaves his room." Her brown eyes look up at me and I move some hair out of her face.
"That's when I started getting scared of the world. I don't want to grow up. I'm scared I'm going to be alone my whole life. I'm scared no one is going to want me anymore." She turns her face away and looks back out at the field.
"Hey," I gently grab her face. "You're not going to be alone. You have me now and I promise you I won't leave." I tell her as I run my thumb across her cheek.
"That's why after the party I didn't want to tell you anything. I felt like you didn't want to be with me anymore because I never told you about him. And what made it worse was I thought you wouldn't want to hang out with someone who's afraid of growing up." She tells me truthfully. I shake my head at her and sigh.
"Everyone is scared of something. But that doesn't define who you are. When I look at you I see someone who has not only made my life better, but you have helped me in so many ways you don't even know. So from now on I'm going to be with you every step of the way."
Her cheeks heat up and a smile forms on her face. At that moment I realized, no matter what it takes I will help her overcome this fear. She's not alone, and never will be.
Without thinking I grab the camera and turn it on. I turn it around so it's facing us and set the timer on, it sits on top of the extra blanket I brought.
Veronica looks confused and I turn her face gently towards the camera.
"Just smile sweetheart."
*click*