It took a long time for Renesmee to release me. And it took even longer for Carlisle and Esme to do the same. Even after everyone stepped back from the embrace, Carlisle held me in his arms, not seeming to believe that I was real.
"Where have you been? We searched everywhere!" Renesmee cried, reaching out to grab my hand. Her hand was bigger than mine now, and easily covered it.
Wiping at my cheeks, I laughed giddily. "Oregon," I told her. "I've been moving around a bunch."
Carlisle finally set me on the ground, looking me up and down. At first I didn't understand what he was looking for- of course, I hadn't grown at all. But then he held my arm out, running his fingers over it, and I realized he was looking for injuries. Though they were very few lasting marks from Mike, I knew he wouldn't have been able to see them even if they existed. My arms were covered in dirt and dried blood.
Most of the blood wasn't mine.
"Are you injured anywhere else, Love?" Carlisle asked, still searching my body. He had pulled my dress up slightly and was frowning as he took in my scraped knees. Those weren't a big deal, though- they had just gotten a little banged up when I jumped out of the tree after Nessie had spotted me.
I shook my head. "No, Sir. My mouth doesn't even hurt anymore."
His eyes flashed up to my face and I winced at my slip-up. He hadn't known about Mike punching me, even though it had been so long ago. I hadn't seen him since that had happened.
Carlisle's fingers gently came up to my face, and he used his thumb to pull my lip up. Though he was carefully guarding his expression, I saw a flash of emotion in his eyes before he managed to bury it. It was gone so quickly I couldn't decipher if it was anger or concern.
"Did Mike do that?" I nodded, looking away as Carlisle examined my mouth. "How have you been hunting?"
Uh-oh. "Well... I don't really hunt that much anymore. It's sort of hard. I have to use my nails and stuff. And I can't get a tight enough grip on animals to get that much blood out. It just sort of... isn't worth the effort. Maybe."
Carlisle and Esme were both looking at me, and I knew that wasn't what they wanted to hear. They had always been so particular about me eating on time, making sure I had both a glass full of blood and a plate full of human food. And now they were learning that I had not only gone this long without human food, but I was also not getting the blood that I needed.
No wonder my invisibility had become so weak. My body just wasn't healthy enough to sustain my powers.
Esme began ushering me into the house. "Come on, Sweetheart," she summoned softly. "Dinner only just finished cooking. It's still warm. Let's get some food into you."
Though I knew that this wasn't part of the plan, and I had already decided to relinquish the Cullen's authority over me, I found it impossible to argue with Esme. It seemed to have been engrained into me to obey her, and my growling tummy didn't help me put up much of a fight.
The rest of the Cullens were standing just inside the front door when we entered. They all greeted me happily, countless arms reaching over to embrace me. My smile was a little sad, knowing that I would have to walk away from all of this, soon enough. But for now, I would just smile and enjoy it, and try to ignore the fact that letting myself be so happy in the moment would just hurt me more when it was time to leave.
I sat down at the table in my old spot, and Nessie took the seat on my left, just like she had always used to do. Carlisle stood just behind me as Esme put a plate full of food in front of me, but that's not what I was focused on. I watched eagerly as she poured a cup of blood, and snatched it up as soon as it was in my reach. Tipping my head back, I took deep gulps, feeling the horrible burning in my throat vanish for the first time in months, maybe even years.
Setting my cup back on the table, I leaned back and tried to catch my breath. Now that I didn't feel so awful, it was time to focus. "I came back to make sure Koda was okay," I told them, looking at Carlisle. He was the one that could give me some actual medical information. "Mato said he was sick."
"Mato knows that you're here?" Renesmee's voice sounded offended, and I realized she must have though I came to speak to Mato and then tried to run away from her.
Carlisle and Esme were also staring at me, and I wondered if I had just landed Mato in trouble. It wasn't something I had even considered when I had asked him to keep my presence here a secret from Carlisle and Esme.
"I... accidentally ran into him," I said slowly, trying to make sure there was nothing incriminating in my words. "He was at his Mom's house to... bring her food, I guess. I thought Koda might have been there, but Mato heard me."
Though I thought my excuse was a good one, Carlisle and Esme shared a glance. Hopefully they weren't too angry with Mato. He had just been trying to help me.
After a few seconds of consideration, Carlisle gestured towards my plate. "Eat your dinner, and then we'll go up to see Takoda," he told me. "I only just got medicine into him so he needs to rest for a bit. And I'll have to call the tribal elders to ask how we should proceed. They will know how to fix an imprint separation, I'm sure."
I wanted to argue that I should be able to go and see him immediately, but debating with Carlisle never ended well for me. So I just rushed through my meal, smiling as I noted Esme had added blood to the gravy over my mashed potatoes. It made them much easier to get down.
Renesmee stayed by my side the entire time, and rose with me when I went to go to Carlisle and Esme's bedroom. She walked next to me up that stairs, and it was hard to ignore how much taller than me she was now. What had once been a couple of inches difference was now closer to a foot. The top of my head didn't even touch her shoulder.
Once Carlisle opened the bedroom door, my eyes immediately landed on Takoda. He was laying in bed, with some beeping machine next to him and weird little tubes in his nose. I raced over to him and pulled myself next to him in the bed.
"Takoda!" I gasped, my hands shaking him, trying to wake him.
"Camellia, no, he's too ill-"
Carlisle's reprimand was cut off as Koda's eyes flew open, immediately focusing in on me. He stared at me with wide eyes, his breathing speeding up. The machine next to us made a weird noise, and Carlisle rushed over, putting a hand on Koda's chest.
"Esme, get Camellia, please."
"No!" Koda's voice was hoarse, but loud and clear. Carlisle went still, looking at Takoda with wide and confused eyes. Koda's hand reached for mine, and I allowed him to intertwine his fingers through my own. "Ammie," he gasped, his eyes glistening. "You're back? You're really here?"
I nodded, and Takoda sat up, leaning into me for a hug. Carlisle's arms came forward, gripping Koda's shoulders and trying to support his weight. But I was already doing that, noting how thin he was. I could see how bony his shoulders had become, and how weak his hands felt as they grasped at my dress.
But every second that passed by, with Koda holding on to me, his breaths got a little less raspy. His grip got a little firmer. And after several minutes, he pulled himself up to lean against the headboard, keeping his hand firmly in mine as he took in several clear, deep breaths.
"That was it?" Nessie asked softly, a hint of a smile on her face. "After all these months of not being able to walk or talk or sit up, and all you needed was a hug?"
Takoda chuckled with her, but I was trying to hide the shock on my face. Had he really been so bad? He couldn't even speak? All because I had left?
I would have no choice, then- I would have to take him with me when I left again. The idea was both terrifying and exciting. If we somehow managed to never run into Mike again, I would have someone with me for the rest of eternity. I wouldn't have to be alone. But if Mike found us, and Takoda was with me-
He would die. Because of me. And it would be all my fault, just like his fading health this time had been. And what about his Aunty and Uncle? What about Ani, who relied so heavily on him? What about his pack, who he saw as his family? And the Cullens, who cared about him enough to bring him to their house for 24/7 care when he was sick?
This made things much harder.
After close to an hour, Takoda insisted that he felt perfectly fine, and that he should be allowed to get up and move. Carlisle was hesitant, so I asked if he could come into my old bedroom with me. That would give me a chance to communicate privately with him, and try to find some way to make sure he stayed both safe and healthy.
Carlisle kept an arm around Koda as he carefully guided him down the hall. Takoda seemed frustrated, obviously feeling strong enough to walk by himself and embarrassed by the fuss. That gave me hope- clearly, he could recover from my absence quickly. Maybe we could set up secret meeting places, so once a month I could visit him without anybody else knowing. Maybe even every other month, if he could last that long. The further apart my visits were, the less danger there was of Mike or the Cullens noticing.
Koda was gently set down on my old bed, and I sat next to him. There was a little ball of fluff peeking out from under the blanket and I grinned. "Cuddles!"
Everyone watched as I swept the stuffed lamb up into my arms, squeezing her tightly. She was even softer than I remembered, and somehow made me feel safe... even though I knew she wasn't actually capable of defending me.
I would have to remember to take her with me when I left this time.
Esme and Carlisle didn't leave me alone with Takoda and Renesmee, as I had hoped. They lingered in the doorway, smiling and watching. That left me unable to discuss the plan with Koda, and he still seemed tired. After just a few minutes, he fell asleep on my bed.
Seeing my concerned gaze, Carlisle rushed to reassure me. "It's just the medication," he promised. "Takoda seems to be making a speedy recovery. Just let him rest, and he'll be good as new soon."
Not soon enough. I had planned to be gone before sunrise. What if Mike made his way back before I could get out, and the Cullens got hurt because of me?
But I couldn't show my concern. I couldn't let them know that anything was wrong, or that I was planning anything. So I just smiled and nodded, my gaze moving over to Renesmee. "Wanna play dolls?"
For a second she looked shocked, glancing towards Carlisle and Esme. Then a little smile appeared on her face. "Sure. Let's play dolls." There was a hidden meaning to her words, something funny that I didn't understand. But she didn't make an effort to explain it to me, so I didn't ask. Maybe it was one of our inside jokes, and I had just forgotten.
I picked up the doll with the pink polka-dot dress, smiling down at it. I had missed this game. When I looked over, Renesmee was holding the boy doll. The one with overalls on.
The one we never used.
"Nessie, that's not your doll," I pointed out, looking at her in confusion. She didn't seem to understand, and just glanced down at the doll. "You always use the one with the white skirt," I reminded her. How could she have forgotten that?
She chuckled nervously, reaching for her usual doll. "Oh- right. Sorry. I don't really... play with dolls anymore."
I could feel my face hardening. Nessie loved playing with dolls. Dressing them up and pretending they were on adventures was our favorite game in the entire world. We had spent hours and hours sitting at this dollhouse.
Esme must have felt the tension rising, because she suddenly swooped in. "Actually, Darling, I think it's time for you to take a bath. Come on, now. Let's get all this dirt off so Carlisle can have a good look at you."
Renesmee trailed behind us as Esme led me to the bathroom. Bella was already in there, running the bath for me. I reached to take my dress off, and Esme helped me, pulling it over my head. She lifted me into the tub, and I immediately relaxed in the warm water. Somehow, I had actually missed baths- rivers were so cold in the winter, so I had just gotten used to the feel of dried mud covering my skin.
But it was melting off of me now, crumbling to pieces and falling into the water as Esme scrubbed me. Renesmee sat near the window, and I asked if she wanted to play with me. She nodded, walking over. I handed her one of the ducks, keeping the pink one for myself. I waited for her to try and argue with me over it- she usually wanted the pink one. But she said nothing, accepting the one I handed her.
Esme put shampoo in my hair, and I tried to keep my head still as I plunged my duck under the water. "Pew, Pew, Pew!" The underwater lasers shot towards Nessie's duck, but she made no move to dodge. She just looked at me.
"What should I do?" She asked. I sighed. How could she have changed so much? How could she have forgotten all of our games?
"You have to get away from the lasers," I demanded, pointing to her duck. "Use a jetpack or a sword or something."
Finally, she began to weave in and out as I shot at her, though she wasn't actually moving fast enough to avoid my shots. I shook my head at her, letting go of my duck. "You're dead." I told her seriously, giving up on the game.
She giggled, as if that were funny and not disappointing. It was too bad I had to sneak out later that night- I wouldn't get the chance to re-teach her how to play.
There was a sudden knock, making me jump. The bathroom door began to slide open, and I self-consciously slipped further into the water when Edward walked in. I had forgotten exactly how little privacy I got here.
He hardly glanced at me, shaking his head as if me wanting him to not walk in while I was taking a bath was a ridiculous thought. He turned to Carlisle, who had been looking at some scratches on my back. They were probably from Mike pinning me to the tree earlier that day.
"Carlisle, I believe Camellia has something she would like to tell us." Edward said flatly, his eyes coming back to me. Everyone else in the room looked at me too.
Dumb mind-reader. I forgot about my embarrassment, pulling myself up further in the bath to lean against the side of the tub. "Um... no, I don't."
"Really?" Edward asked, his tone reproachful. "So you are not planning on sneaking out after bedtime?"
Heat rushed through my face as he exposed my plans in front of everybody. Esme's hands stopped rubbing the shampoo into my hair, and Carlisle walked around the bathtub to look at my face. "Camellia?" He asked.
"I..." Had no idea what to say. My plan had been to leave without any goodbyes. They hurt too much. "I can't stay here. Mike will come back for me. I don't want to put you in danger. I only came back to make sure Koda wasn't dead."
Though I had known they would never allow that, I was still upset by how quickly my argument was shot down. "Don't be ridiculous," Esme chastised, her fingers once again weaving bubbles through my hair. "We have much better systems in place now that we fully understand Mike's abilities. I promise you, he has no way of getting back into the house. As long as you are here, you are safe. Do not go running off, do you hear me?"
Though I nodded, I knew that I couldn't actually do as she was asking of me. No matter how developed their methods of protection were, they still wouldn't be as safe as if I simply disappeared. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward staring at me. When I turned to meet his eyes, I saw the expression on his face.
He was going to be watching me closely. And listening.
Great. Now on top of worrying about how to keep Takoda from getting sick, I also had to figure out a flawless plan to escape.
I was silent as Esme finished bathing me, and as Carlisle had me stand still so he could examine me. He put band-aids over some of my cuts, but determined there wasn't any infection. Then he started assessing my mouth.
Once again, I was told not to use toothpaste- just warm water to brush my teeth. He showed me how to gently massage my gums where my teeth were missing. I asked him if they made fake teeth for vampires, but he said no. Nessie assured me that it didn't look strange, though.
"You still look like a little girl," she reminded me. "Missing teeth aren't shocking in children. Nobody will give it a second-thought, unless it's because they noticed how adorable you are, with your two front teeth missing."
I made a face. I didn't want to be adorable. And I especially didn't want Renesmee to think I was adorable.
As soon as my bath was done, I was ushered into my old bedroom. Koda was still sleeping in my bed, so I was put into Renesmee's bed. That was helpful- it put me closer to the window.
"But where will you sleep?" I asked Renesmee. "Wait- where's Pookie? And your pink alarm clock?"
She smiled at me, sitting down on the bed. "They're in my room." Seeing the confusion on my face, she went on. "My Grandpa added an extension to the house- Jake and I wanted to share a room, and this one was too small for both of us."
The blood was draining from my face, and I fought back the tears that pricked at my eyes. She... shared a room with Jake now? But she was supposed to share with me! What was wrong with this room? They could have shared it just fine.
"But you could have fit in here together," I protested. "Me and you shared this room for a long time. It can fit two people. And I wouldn't mind if Jake slept in my bed. That way you could be with all the toys and stuff."
She snickered under her breath, and I searched for anything that had been funny in my words. I couldn't find anything, though. What I had just told her seemed reasonable.
"This is a little room, Ammie," Renesmee told me gently. "It fits two children okay. But me and Jake would have to squeeze past each other. And we share a bed anyway. We didn't want two separate beds."
Children. It fit children. But not her. This wasn't her room anymore. Whether she knew it or not, Renesmee had just drawn a very clear line between us. I was a child. And she was not.
I slept in the children's room. And she did not.
I was still as Esme and Carlisle hugged me goodnight. And when Nessie asked if I wanted her to sleep on the floor of the bedroom for the night, I shook my head, noticing how she never made an offer for me to sleep in her new bedroom with her.
The door closed, and the same unicorn nightlight as before was still offering me a dim source of light. I listened as hard as I could to the conversations downstairs, struggling to hear their hushed voices. They had said that they had better protection now- that would mean they had to take turns running patrols.
"Jasper, you go out now," Edward said quietly. "I'll go at midnight."
My eyes flew to the sidetable, but the pink alarm clock was gone. Oh, right. It was in Nessie's new room. Instead, I looked to the clock on the wall, struggling to read it. This one wasn't digital, and instead had weird sticks that pointed towards numbers. But I vaguely remembered Carlisle trying to explain to me how to read a clock like that- the little hand was the hour.
So as soon as the little hand pointed at the twelve, I would make my move. Edward would be gone.
I struggled to think about anything but my plan. Until midnight, my thoughts were not safe- Edward would be too close. So I thought about everything I had done the past few months... or years. However much time had passed.
The fields and forests and waterfalls I had come across, never truly appreciating. The new skills I had learned, including my ability to turn other objects invisible- I had spent a lot of time turning rocks and little insects invisible. My adventures as I stole clothes off of laundry lines. My struggle to hunt, with my two front teeth missing.
The minutes seemed to pass by like years, but finally, I glanced up at the clock and the little hand was pointed straight up. It was midnight. I stayed quiet, making sure my mind was still wandering for several minutes. Just to be safe.
And then I used my ability to shield sound. I didn't need to focus on making my thoughts invisible, since Edward was currently patrolling the forest. I just needed to make sure my movements weren't heard.
I slowly stood, and the bed Koda was in was so close that I didn't even need to step towards him. With a small movement, I reached over and put my hand over Koda's mouth. Though his eyes immediately popped open, he didn't seem startled. He probably could recognize the feel of my hand, just like I could recognize his. And Carlisle's and Esme's.
No. I couldn't think about Carlisle and Esme. Not now.
Putting a finger over my lips, I gestured for Koda to stand. He did so with a small nod, and I focused my energy on him, turning him invisible, as well. Now came the really hard part.
There was an alarm on the window. It was glowing red, which meant it was active. As soon as the window opened, it would go off and alert the Cullens that the we were leaving. So I would have to keep the invisibility up, and we would have to quickly get far enough away that Edward wouldn't hear my thoughts when he came back.
I held up three fingers and began silently counting down. Takoda's eyes were weary, not knowing what I was planning, but trying to prepare for it. And then I threw my arm out, shoving the window open and pulling him out of it with me as the loud alarm blared in my ears.
We ran quickly across the yard, leaping over the river. Takoda was already lagging behind slightly, and I realized I may have overestimated exactly how recovered he was from his illness. But it was too late- we had to keep moving. So I pulled him along with me, hoping he wouldn't fall to the ground. That would really slow us down.
After a lot of running, I was confident that we had made it far past the reservation and slowed. Takoda sat on the ground, struggling to catch his breath as I allowed the invisibility to fall off of us. I kneeled next to him, regretting that I had needed to push him so hard so soon after he had started to get over being really sick.
"Takoda," I urged, knowing I didn't have time to waste. The Cullens would all be looking for us now, and maybe even the pack. "I have to leave again. But I don't want you to be sick. We need a plan- some way for me to meet up with you every now and then to keep you healthy. How often do you need to see me to stay healthy?"
He was staring up at me, his breaths still coming out in gasps. "What? Everyday! I need to see you everyday! You can't leave again!"
I shook my head at him, my tone harsh as the adrenaline pumped through me. "Takoda! How long can you go without getting sick? I don't have time for-"
There was movement to my left and I stood upright, crouching down. We had taken too long, and Mike had been able to track us! And Koda was still weak and breathless- I would have to defend us both.
But it wasn't red eyes that were looking back at me. "Renesmee?" I breathed in relief. She stepped towards us as I gestured to Takoda. "Thank goodness! Ness, I have to leave again. Before anybody finds me! Quick, how long can Koda go without seeing me? Without getting sick?"
Nessie's face was hard, her eyes staring at me. "You weren't supposed to leave the house," She said. "And you took Koda with you- into the forest. After dark. Are you insane? Do you have any idea how much trouble you're in?"
What? Why wasn't she helping me? Didn't she trust that this was something I had thought about? I had to go- she had to trust my decision. She had always trusted me.
If I didn't know any better, I would have thought that Renesmee- my Nessie- was lecturing me.
I stared at her, confused by her change in attitude. "Renesmee, help me," I begged. "Why aren't you helping me?"
Her eyes softened slightly, and I thought I saw some regret in them. "I am helping you," she said softly. "You just don't understand. You can't. I-" She took a deep breath, glancing first at Takoda and then at me. "Sorry, Camellia."
Camellia? She never called me Camellia.
And then she reached out and grabbed my arm, holding me in place. I was startled by the sudden movement, but didn't try to pull away. It was just Nessie. She would never turn against me.
"I found them" she called out loudly, her grip on my arm tightening when I jumped. "They're over here!"
I struggled to pull away, but she was so strong now. Way stronger than me. She had reached full maturity, taking on the strength of a full vampire. Part of me wanted to force her off- to use the wind to launch her away from me. Maybe into a tree. But I couldn't hurt her. Just the thought hurt my chest.
But you're supposed to be on my side. You've always been on my side. Tears burned in my eyes.
Why was she doing this?
Carlisle and Esme suddenly appeared at by my side, and Carlisle stepped forward. He grabbed my upper arm, allowing Renesmee to release me. Esme was kneeling beside Koda, who was still on the ground, his breath only just starting to even out.
I could see their concern. I could see their fear. I could feel the tightness in Carlisle's hold, and knew that I was in for a horrible punishment. But I hardly cared about that. My eyes were focused on Renesmee. She was looking at me too, and though I thought I saw a hint of remorse in her eyes, it was hard to make out past her stern expression. Her expression that looked so much like Bella's once had as she had corrected me and Renesmee.
Meeting her eyes with a glare, I hoped she understood. I hoped she saw my anger, my hurt, my confusion.
I hoped she knew that she was a traitor.