He had been serious about taking his time. Mike spent several hours, just sitting there and staring at me. He didn't speak to me or move to touch me. He just stared, and every once in a while, he would chuckle to himself or mumble something under his breath.
I spent my time trying to plot an escape. But there was only one exit, and he made sure to stay between me and the way out of the cave. My invisibility would be useless against him, since he could still see me. And I knew that I was too weak to make my scent and sound invisible.
That left me with my power to control the elements. I knew that my best bet was fire, since that was what could actually destroy vampires. But fire was also the hardest to conjure up. There was always air and soil around, and little water droplets were ever present in Washington State. But fire was something I couldn't just find and grasp on to unless there was already a flame nearby- it was something I had to create myself. And I just didn't have the energy to do so, despite all my hours of sitting on the cave floor and struggling to push a spark out from my fingers.
So was that it then? I was too weak to fight back, so I just had to sit and wait for death? For the millionth time in my life, I was furious at the human part of me, the part that allowed me to be weak. The part that allowed the blood to drip down my face, blurring my vision. That part of me that caused my tummy to growl and twist, despite hunger being the least pressing issue in that moment. The part of me that made me too scared to even try to stand up and fight.
"She didn't deserve it, you know," Mike mumbled, and it took me a few seconds to realize he was speaking to me, and not to himself, like all of the other times in the past several hours. His eyes were locked on me. "Louise never hurt anybody. She was mostly vampire, but the kindest soul there was. She loved to sing and laugh, and she could control the elements, like you. She would spend her days growing the most beautiful things."
His eyes hardened and a somber laugh escaped him as he glared at me. "No... Not like you," He mumbled. "That's the irony in all of this. You may look just like Louise. You may have the same power over the elements as her. You may have her eyes, and her laugh, and her golden hair. But it's all a trick. You fooled her into believing you were good, and then you destroyed her from the inside out. The bruises. The broken ribs. The constant pain. You made her last few months on this earth a living hell. You tortured that beautiful, perfect woman to death. You're the worst kind of demon there is. You can't fool me, you little monster. You'll pay."
I could almost picture her. My Mother, with my eyes and hair, laughing and twirling as she sprouted beautiful flowers up all around her. Her voice, soft and sweet, creating a beautiful melody that wove through the trees. Her smile as she watched butterflies land all around her, enjoying her creations.
And I had destroyed her. Slowly. Painfully. Sadistically. He was right. I was a monster. A horrible, vulgar monster.
But wait. An electric feeling pulsed through my chest, the faded throbbing of an old emotion. Something I had struggled to cast aside, but had remained somewhere, deep in me. The knowledge of what I was, the acceptance and empowerment behind that.
I was a monster. A strong and powerful and fearless monster.
I was the Queen of the Forest.
With a furious roar, I blasted up from my position on the floor. My legs hurt terribly, but I hardly noticed as I threw all of my weight on to Mike. He stumbled, but quickly recovered, his arms reaching for me.
But I had managed to squeeze past him as he staggered and regained his balance. The forest was in my sight now, and I saw a a huge oak tree just past the river. I thrust my hand out, knowing that if I failed here, my death would quickly follow.
From the nearest hanging acorn, there was a loud cracking sound. But it wasn't a treebranch this time- It was a whole new tree, bursting from its shell and growing outward, towards me. Dodging Mike's grasp, I ducked under the swelling tree and scurried out of the way as it flew into the cave, blocking Mike in.
Wood couldn't kill a vampire. Even a massive oak tree, growing at impossible speeds. But it could slow him down.
Knowing that I only had seconds before Mike punched his way either through the tree branches, or the rocks that made up the cave, I dove for the river. I could feel how injured I was, could feel my body screaming at me to stay still and stop making my wounds worse. But I forced myself to keep moving, knowing that the only thing that could save me was the water, which would hide my scent.
Luckily, this river was deep. It allowed me to fully submerge myself and then alter the current, helping me to speed off quickly with limited movement on my part... which was good considering how much pain I was in.
In my weakened state, I had to come up for air every few minutes. Each time, I would just barely put my face above water, taking a few quick breaths before diving back under. I wanted to make sure there was absolutely no way for him to follow my scent.
I kept swimming until I came to a big body of water. It was salty, like the ocean, and it hurt horribly when the water touched my wounds. Still, I kept going, swimming all the way over to the other side of the water before finally pulling myself on to land.
This area wasn't as secluded as I would have liked. There was a bridge nearby, with cars driving over it. So I dragged myself over to a patch of bushes and trees, hiding among the leaves as I coughed and struggled to catch my breath.
I had gotten away. But I was hurt. Really, really hurt.
My body was weak, and taking much longer than usual to heal. I was exhausted and sore and thirsty. But I was still too close to the body of water that I had escaped through, and I needed to keep moving, finding new bodies water to tread through until I was certain my trail was completely untraceable.
Forcing myself to my feet, I glanced around me. There was a big sign near the bridge, and I squinted, trying to make out what it said from such a far distance.
The words were too long for me to even try to sound out, but I still recognized one. Oregon. That was the state just below Washington- Carlisle had shown it to me on the map several times. That must have been the bridge that connected Washington to Oregon- I was in a whole new state!
Part of me, a big part, wanted to make my way back across the water. Washington had become my home, and I felt displaced as I stared at the land on the other side of the bridge. That was where my family was.
But I had been fooling myself. Whether the Cullens believed it or not, I was a monster. I had murdered the woman who had loved me most in the world. I was so evil that my own birth father wanted to kill me. So evil that I had spent almost a full day, huddled on the ground of the cave , trying to brainstorm ways to kill him- my own father. And I was the reason that a violent vampire had broken into the Cullens house, the reason Renesmee had been threatened by a red-eyed vampire as she slept in her own bed.
I didn't belong in a house. Or with a family. I didn't deserve love.
Turning away from Washington, away from my home, I started running, making my way deeper into the forest in Oregon. It almost physically hurt me to do so, knowing I was running away from my family. Knowing they would miss me, and be scared, and not know what had happened to me.
You have to do this, I told myself. You don't belong in a house. You belong in the forest. You're wild. Besides, if you go back to the Cullens, you put them in more danger. That gives him a reason to go back to the house. You'll lead him right to them!
I was wild. I belonged to the forest. And by not returning to the Cullens, I was saving them. This was a sacrifice I had to make. Living in the forest was something I knew how to do. But could I live with myself if I was the reason the Cullens were killed?
I didn't think so. This was my only choice. A life of solitude.
******************************
The seasons passed. Sometimes it felt like they were rolling by incredibly slowly, and other times they seemed to blur together, whipping by before I noticed. Winters were the hardest to deal with. Though most of my life had been spent braving the fierce chill that the Pacific Northwest could bring out, it was somehow harder now. Even with a coat and blanket that I had stolen, I found myself shivering through the days and nights, trying to shove back the memories of beds and blankets and crackling fireplaces.
Summers were a little easier to withstand. Physically, anyway. Just like before, I would spend my time in meadows and near water. But I didn't sing or hum anymore. I didn't try to make up new games. Most often I would just sit, watching the world change around me as I remained the same.
How had I found this fulfilling before? This isolation, this wandering? I didn't even have anywhere specifically to go- my journey would never come to an end.
Maybe it was the fear that caused this shift in me. Even though it had been a long time since I had seen Mike- how long exactly, I didn't know, but the seasons had passed several times over- that fear remained. I found myself passing through every body of water I could, every puddle and stream. I was constantly glancing over my shoulder, repeatedly waking up in the night to check my surroundings.
Every once in a while, I would feel a spark of my old self coming back- if I saw a rainbow, or a particularly pretty flower. But my excitement would quickly fade. There was nobody else there to see it, so soon enough, it would fade into a distant memory in my mind, with no proof that the beautiful creation had even existed.
Hunting was hard, too. Mike had knocked out my two front teeth when he had hit me, so long ago. It made trying to get blood much more difficult. Instead of just tackling and biting down, I would have to snap the animal's neck with my hands, and then use my nails to break through the skin and find the arteries. Hunting was an even messier ordeal than before, and took several times as long. Usually I got tired of it, and would stop hunting after a single kill, leaving my throat with a dull burning sensation.
And my tummy always growled. It had been so long since I had eaten human food. I tried not to think about that, though- the memory of human food also brought back memories of the woman who had once cooked it for me.
As I wandered through the forest one day, with no real destination in mind, I kept my ear open for any nearby animals. It had been several days since I had hunted, since the effort that I had to put into it now was incredibly irritating. But the burn in my throat had become too much to withstand.
I neared a patch of trees, and there was a faint rustling sound. Though a surge of panic overtook me for a second, I forced myself to calm down. It wasn't him, of course. It would just be another animal, a poor creature that didn't realize it was being hunted.
Birds and rabbits startled me now. Some Queen of the Forest.
Crouching down, I stayed completely still and silent as I listened for another sound to indicate where the animal was. There was the padding of paws, and I realized happily that this was a bigger animal- maybe even big enough to ease the burning in my throat after just one kill.
The creature came closer, and when it was just a few feet away, I lunged out of my hiding spot. My arms closed around it, trapping it as a loud whimper escaped the beast. I laughed victoriously, but my smile quickly dropped, and I released it with a gasp.
The gray wolf hurried away, disappearing into the forest.
Memories flooded back through me, despite my efforts to fight them off.
Playing soccer with Mato. Jacob watching carefully as Renesmee and I played near the edge of the forest. And Takoda- my Koda. Sitting in the treehouse with him, laughing with him as we sat in the grass next to our swing. Him naming my stuffed lamb for me.
And his voice, explaining to me that wolves couldn't be away from their imprints or they got sick. Really, really sick.
Oh, no.
Without stopping to think about what repercussions may come from my actions, I found myself racing back through the forest, heading North. I had traveled deep into Oregon, but eventually, came across the bridge that had signaled my separation from my home and family, so long ago.
Leaping into the water, I used the current to push me faster than I had ever moved, back to Washington state. As I came back up on the other side, back on my home soil, I realized I needed a plan. What I was doing was dangerous, and could ruin everything.
But what if everything was already ruined? How could I have struggled so hard to forget everything I had lost that I forgot something so important? It had been a pretty long time since I had left the Cullens- what if Takoda had gotten too sick? What if I was too late, and he was already-
No. No, I wouldn't think about that. He was alive. He had to be. I would go to him and make sure he was okay, and then leave again. By now, he had probably recovered, anyway, learning to live without me in his life. Imprints couldn't be that powerful, right?
I would just check. And then I would leave.
Using my power to turn invisible, I made my way cautiously towards the reservation. Koda's house was on the very outskirts of it, so it should be fairly easy to sneak in. Even if I was only strong enough at the moment to become invisible and hide my scent, I would just make sure to be quiet. I was good at that when I needed to be.
Sam and Emily's house came into sight, and I felt a dull ache in my chest. It was exactly the same as it had been before- the same faded paint, the same chairs on the front porch.
The same treehouse in the yard.
Leaving again would be harder than I had thought. But I would do it. I had to. For now, though, I just made sure my invisibility was carefully in place before creeping towards the house.
There was chattering in the house, but none of the voices belonged to Koda. They were younger voices, and I wondered if Ani had friends over. She had always been so quiet and withdrawn. It would be so amazing if she had made friends since I had left.
I knew which room was Koda's- it was the one with the little stickers on the window. I had helped him paint them. Looking in, I was glad that the curtains were open, allowing me to see in. But everything was different now.
There were two bunkbeds in the room, rather than just the single one that he was supposed to share with his sister. But despite the four different mattresses, not a single one of them had his quilt on it- the one that Emily had made for him on his birthday. And Nugget wasn't there, either- he never slept without his stuffed dinosaur.
So he wasn't there. But that didn't mean something bad had happened. Maybe he was just away, at a sleepover. Him and Mato had been becoming decent friends when I had last seen them. Maybe he was at a sleepover at Mato's house.
I rubbed my hand against the wood of the house sadly before leaving. I knew it would be my last time visiting it, and it hurt knowing that Aunty Emily was probably inside at that very moment, baking or cleaning. And Ani was probably huddled under the table, playing with her Winnie the Pooh stuffed animals. Yet, despite how close I was, I couldn't venture in to see them, or hug them. I needed to leave everything untouched, leaving behind no hint of my presence.
It had been a long time since I had been to Mato's house, and even when I had visited, I hadn't gone inside. Esme always left me in the car and walked up to the door when we went to pick Mato up to play. But it was still easy enough to find- his house was on the outskirts of the reservation, too. I just needed to follow the treeline.
Mato's house was even smaller than Koda's. He had told me once that it was just two bedrooms, but had gone quiet when I asked how him and all of his brothers managed to fit into one bedroom. It made even less sense when he said that his Mother had taken the biggest bedroom for herself. But it made it easy to find which window led to what must have been his bedroom.
Nobody was in the room. There were no bedframes, just mattresses on the floor. But even the mattresses had no blankets on them, and no toys were in the room, no books. No sign that children lived here. There were just wrappers and empty alcohol boxes scattered across the floor of both bedrooms. Mato's Mother was home, asleep on the couch in the disheveled living room, despite it being the middle of the day.
But Mato wasn't there. Neither were his brothers. Maybe it was a school day, and that was why everybody was gone. I would have to come back later.
With an aggravated sigh, I kicked at a pebble in the yard. I never stayed in one place for long anymore- it made it easier to be tracked. But now I would be forced to wait until later in the day to make sure Koda was okay. I couldn't leave until I knew his imprint being gone wasn't making him seriously ill.
I turned to make my way back into the forest. The only thing that made the most sense would be too find a tall tree to sleep in until night fell, and everyone was in bed. Then Takoda would be easy to spot, because he would be in a bedroom. I wouldn't have to search all over for him. I would be able to see that he was just fine, my worrying had been for nothing, and I would be able to run off again. To lose everything I loved again.
In my grief, I stopped paying attention. I didn't hear the footsteps approaching. I didn't sense the threat that was stalking me. And by the time I did, it was too late.
All I could do was regret every decision I had ever made when I was suddenly tackled and pinned to the forest floor.