WIN'S POV
'Are we doing a séance or what?'
The soft wheeze from the airconditioning system in the room echoed inside, constantly breaking the silence between us as the circled on us on the floor. I looked over the television and smiled to ease up the mood only to be answered by a strict shake in the head courtesy of JJ; yeah, what a traitor.
I looked over Sammy who was sitting beside AJ and gave him my puppy eyes to be rejected flat almost immediately.
"Stop trying to change the topic." Khao spoke in a loud, strict manner. I straighten my back and slightly nodded my head, sighing.
I feel like I'm in an interrogation room and they are interrogating us for a crime so heinous befitting for a psychological torture. With everyone sitting in a circle, with us – me and Bright – in the middle. Just like a séance. My friends' sharp stares were all targeted at us that even if I try to look away, I could still feel them in my back. "C'mon guys... let's ... you know." I said, putting in a bit of energy to make it look jolly.
But no. I literally could feel my hands tremble.
The beating of my heart was too loud that it muffled everything else but my anxiety boiling in my body. It was supposed to be cold since my aircon was on full blast since this morning but for some unknown reasons I'm feeling extremely hot that I could feel my palms sweating.
If my head was spinning and my eyelids were giving up a roughly thirty minutes ago, then it isn't anymore. I so felt awake that no one would even thought I drank bottles and bottles of soju a few minutes ago.
"So, what's what?"
The tingling feeling I had in my chest as it thumped back and forth gave me a sense of danger when I heard Khao's voice echo down the silent room. I wet my dry lips before glancing over the guy who was sitting next to me and sighed.
Bright seemed to be too unbothered by everything that was happening. He's not even fazed, not an expression from his face. Instead, he looked like sleepy wolf than nervous – a complete opposite from what I'm feeling. I mean, who would think about sleep at this very moment?
FLASHBACK 30 MINUTES AGO
My eyelids were closing sending me to a series of mini-second sleep, only to wake up after. I felt disoriented as my head pulsed. The cause? Probably because of the amount of alcohol – and yogurt – in my body. Damn! I cursed when I got a reply from my head – yeah, an ache.
I turned my head to look at the guy who was standing beside me, both of his hands were kept inside his pockets, and the hood of my grey, cotton jacket were up to his head. It was Bright.
The truth is I've been feeling guilty at what happened today. I did not expect my friends to drop by and the fear of getting busted just rushed to my head and without even thinking, I literally shoved him to the bathroom and told him to stay in there. That was after everything he did.
Bright was literally the first person who took care of me today and all I did was ditch him out. I've been speaking about my confusion for the feelings I have for him, but before I could possibly figure out what this feeling is, I'd probably feel a lot of guilt, fear, and anxiety. So it's better to throw this feeling out the gutter while I still don't know what it is – before it could ruin me and Bright altogether.
I sighed, reaching for my head. Damn this. I hissed, 'Why did I even drink too much?'
I was trying to subtly massage my head when I noticed a white sedan pull over. I pulled my phone from my pocket and walked to where the car parked.
"Oh shi –"
I don't know what this is, but it was as if my feet were glued to the ground. I felt like there were dumbbells attached to my feet; my body was getting heavier with every thump I felt in my head. It was so much that ever a small pebble that was lying on the stairs was enough to trip me over.
As I feel my body lose its balance, I closed my eyes surrendering to what will happen. It could be the karma of what I did to Bright and I just hope that when I fall, it won't hurt as much as I –
My train of thoughts was immediately cut short, when I heard a loud thud. I felt a great deal of force in my arm, pulling me from falling to the cold concrete. Instead, I felt like I fell on something soft – no, the correct term was muscular. And as I slowly opened my eyes, I saw Bright's face just literally inches away from mine.
"I told you to be careful." he said in a dark, grim tone, quite contrary to the expression he had on his face
"O...oh." I snapped from my drunken stupor and stood straight by myself, feeling my cheek burning. "S...sorry. I just... just lost my balance a bit." I smiled, subtly shaking my hand – wishing that it would shake the uneasy feeling I have in my chest.
"You're too careless." he said before walking to the direction of the sedan first.
I scratched my head, internally cursing myself because of my own carelessness, before following after Bright.
The second we stepped in the pavement, the shotgun door opened, and we were welcomed by a middle-aged man sitting on the driver's seat. He graced us in a rather informal outfit – a simple Slipknot shirt paired with a comfy cargo pants and the ever reliable Crocs footwear.
"Sir?" I jolted awake when I heard him say; he smiled brightly before saying "good evening!"
I smiled back before bending down a bit while crossing my legs and leaning over his car's roof. "Good evening." I politely greeted back.
He reached for the phone from the stand on the glove box before wearing his glasses. Then he checked the cellphone application before glancing back to me. "I'm here for Sir ... 'Metawin'?" he asked after double checking.
I smiled and pointed at myself, "That's me." I said probably in a very slurred, gibberish manner. I felt my head pulse while I try to balance out as I talk, "I'm the one who booked the cab."
I pulled the phone out and showed him the booking receipt in my phone.
The driver leaned over to check the screen before glancing back at me, reluctantly nodding. "O...okay." he agreed.
I turned to Bright before backing from the door and asked him to enter the cab, which he obliged obediently.
He sighed, paying me one last glance before mouthing: 'take care' as he climb up the front seat. I gave him a nod and was about to slam the door shut when a very familiar voice echoed throughout the silence of the night.
"WAIT!"
I felt like all the blood from my veins were drained the second I turned to see whose familiar voice it was; and at that moment, I wished I would've just vanished from the face of the earth.
And that brought us here right now.
After that, everything was hazy. Honestly, I would like to blame the alcohol but I couldn't shake the thought off my head that everything is my fault – specifically my carelessness with it even though I'm a natural born weak-ass in terms of alcohol. Empty talk. I uttered a sigh.
My brain was screaming for me to go to bed but my nerves were speaking otherwise. It might've been because of it that I'm still awake – even if my subconscious says otherwise.
"So, what's what?!"
Khao repeated his question; only this time, with a scent and tone of annoyance in it. It woke me up from my drunken, sleepy thoughts – which I was thankful of because they were baseless nonsense anyway.
"What?" I stammered, hoping he'd be too good to reiterate everything once more.
AJ let out a sigh filled with disappointment. "Oh come one, you know what we're talking about." he mentioned, his tone still filled with the latter. "Or are taking us as fools?" he asked with the intent to uncover the truth.
I kept my mouth mum, not letting any careless drunken words to overpower my thoughts
"We're talking about you and Bright, obviously." he sighed after awhile. "So are you still going to pretend that nothing's going on?"
I heaved a sigh. Isn't this supposed to be none of their fucking businesses? They're poking their noses in all the wrong places.
I was nudged by another remark once more, "... you guys are already caught red-handed." JJ went to defend the case of his brother. He shuffled his hands together trying to implicitly tell me that they don't mean anything, they just want the truth. Which obviously unnecessary. "We just want to get to the bottom of this." he finally mentioned.
I uttered a deep sigh before scratching my head in disbelief. "There's no bottom of this." I replied, quickly thinking of a good lie to back my overdramatic remark. "We...we just..." I choked on my words as I try to figure out what should be said in this situation. "...coincidentally met outside while I was taking a walk." I reasoned, the closest and probably not so best lie I could've said.
Sammy cleared her throat, snickering. "And why were you outside?" she asked, looking at me with great suspicion - imitating the lawyers she saw in the lakorn that he often watches.
"I...it's not wrong to be out –"
Khao clicked his tongue creating a distinct 'tsk' sound that cut through my words while shaking his head. "It IS not wrong to be outside." he grinned, before dramatically opening his eye, turning to me. "But you're sick. And that would actually make us think that you..." he pointed at me, then glanced at Bright, "deliberately went outside to have a rendezvous with Bright somewhere ... in the middle of the night."
"Y...yeah!" Sammy pouted in disappointment.
Ah that was probably her supposed-to-be script.
"What do you think, P'Bright?" she turned
I sighed, 'But you're basically the same age.'
"No..." Bright replied which made each of us turn to him; his low tone breaking the immaculate balance of silence and noise in the room. The crisp on his tone wooed us into an inescapable trance. It buffed everything, even Sammy's deep breathing.
"I came here to check on Win." he said, immediately shifting into a more comfy position – with his legs crossed to an Indian squat. "I read from the University News that he was involved in a scuffle last night that involved a few Engineering seniors."
Sammy winced. 'Che' she grunted, rolling her eyes in disappointment. But it just showed who her bias was, she was into Bright all along, and whatever happens, she'd still believe whatever Bright says. How convenient. I smiled.
But nonetheless, I was still thankful to Sammy for a different reason. Her gesture effectively caught our attention that the tension between the two parties eased one or two levels down compared to how it was a few seconds ago.
Yeah that should settle –
"But..."
I, instead of sighing out of relief, grunted. I celebrated too early.
I turned as the ever witty, clever, and mischievous in the most unfortunate way, Khao suspiciously remarked, stroking us with wary stares, seemingly breaking through our not-so well-though lies. "It doesn't make sense."
"If you're just here to check him out then..." he turned to the direction of the front door before turning back at us, "... then why didn't you just come in?" he said.
Damn, that makes sense. I bit my lower lip as I watch in horror while Khao was impressively showing his deductive skill off. Why does he seemed to be so intelligent in all the wrong places?
Use that in class, man.
"I mean, we're all friends here." he continued barraging us with his words. "Why did you even need to be so sneaky about your visit, right?"
"And in the middle of the night, seriously?" Pluem added, finally talking after just playing with his phone all this time.
"H...he's right!" Sammy butted in; her resolve slowly getting revived.
I rolled my eyes. You were giving up a few seconds ago.
"My theory is..." Khao took a deep breath before stroking his chin with his finger – like a scholar who just found out the recipe of the elixir of life. This is stupid. "Bright was here from the start."
Then a gasp echoed throughout the room from JJ and AJ.
"That's impossible!" AJ exclaimed, "We didn't see anyone when we came inside. And knowing Win..."
"He never let anyone step inside his place." JJ shrugged. "Unless..." he slowly, meaningfully , turning to our side. I watch as his pout slowly turned into a smirk.
"It's not like that at all!" I took a deep breath before sighing, finally speaking out.
I've been keeping my mouth shut but these idiots were just speaking too much. If I don't, we might get our covers blown – and neither Bright nor I would want that.
"It's just that, Bright here feels responsible why I've been beaten to a pulp like this." I said, turning to Bright. "The one who did these were the same seniors who were chasing after us 'that night' after all." I turned to JJ.
And JJ, who seemed to get what I'm talking about, raised his head and as if a bulb went on popping from the top of his head, 'AH!' exclaimed.
"Those seniors?"
I nodded.
"But the thing is ... Bright and what happened last night weren't related at all." I held my hand at my back, crossing both of my fingers together. First lie.
Khao curiously popped his head, "So you mean ..."
"Of course!" I let out a smile, "Bright wasn't here even before." Second lie.
"So there's basically nothing going on?" Khao asked probably to clarify.
Almost immediately, I shook my head hard – hard that I was even scared it would fall off from my neck. It left me dizzy afterwards.
"There's nothing going on between us." I gasped, "Th...that's for sure." I let out an awkward chuckle. Third lie.
"Then what on Earth is happening between the two of you?" Pluem asked from the back, his forehead crooked still confused with everything – literally everything – that was happening. "Win has been too sneaky these days; he won't even come to our daily dinners anymore. You seem to busy every single time." he ranted, "It's impossible that it's just coincidence."
"N...nothing." I just said. "My schedule getting busy doesn't have something to do with Bright." And again, lies. All lies.
"Don't even try to fool us, we have the same majors and we aren't as busy as you are."
Ohshit, right. I panicked as I pace around the room looking for a some alibi – at least. Then, like something that was sent by the Gods up high, I saw a small taint of paint in the wall near the room.
I smiled as memories flowed inside my head slowly occupying my mind up to the time when ... wait ... my head was filled with nothing but Bright's soft, forceful lips pressed unto mine, the way he moved his lips in mine and the way our noses doesn't even touch ... STOP! SSSSTOPPPP!
"I... I have an art-related elective." I said, quickly recovering from my shit. "I had a lot of problems regarding that subject."
"But you already know how to paint though." JJ remarked. "Not pro-level but... probably enough to finish your project on time."
"I'm certainly good at painting already, but that's not the problem." I said slamming my hand on the flood, "When you're dealing with art, you ought to have inspiration."
I knew the books would come in handy.
"To have that, you certainly need time." I said, a stroke of appeasing smile showing in my face.
"Fair enough." Khao nodded, convinced.
I smiled feeling extra proud of myself. I'm certainly not named Win for nothing.
"But..." Khao spoke, breaking the excitement I had in my head.
Ugh. Can he stop?
"That doesn't explain your relationship with Bright."
"I told you that there's nothing going on between us." I forcefully said, raising my voice, annoyed of what was going on. "We're not even friends to begin with, we're just merely acquaintances." I exclaimed.
Then just when I finished talking, a simple realization hit me hard. I slowly glanced over Bright who was looking expressionlessly at me as I wallow from the guilt that started to boil in my chest. Why do I have to say that...
"There's... there's really nothing going on between us..." I thoughtlessly said, once again.
Suddenly, it was silent.
The then noisy abode suddenly turned still. The quietude overwhelmed everyone in the room; the clamour that reigned over was no more – just overwhelming tranquillity.
Bright sighed, and with my peripherals, I watch as the expression on his face turned, his shoulders dropping down before he broke the silence with another sigh – a sigh of clear disappointment and pain.
He met my eye and I saw how the side of his lip twitch.
Oh.
I felt my heart thump as I watch how his cheekbones moved, the magnificent smile on his face, now gone, only expressionlessness and a stroke of slight annoyance. Immediately, it sent my mind into a rabbit hole of questions: what did I do wrong? and why was he making that expression?
Endless ... endless of thoughts ran through my mind while I endure the not-so-judging stares my friends were shooting me with, as if they weren't sure of my replies either. As if they knew all along.
"Then I think I should go." Bright spoke in a stern, calmed tone. We watched as he stood, harrowing our heads with his magnificent height. "It's true that I came to check Win's condition and most importantly..." he turned to me and smiled.
"There's nothing suspicious between the two of us." he said with a bright smile on his face, slowly averting his eyes, shooting each of my friends a reassuring gaze, "... except for my wish to be friends with Win, I can assure you that there is nothing more."
"I mean... there's nothing wrong of wanting to be friends with your brother's best bud, is there?"
"N...no..." AJ shook his head slightly, choking on his words. "There's no problem..."
Bright smiled, "Then..." he glanced at me, sarcastically grinning before stepping out of the circular formation created by my stupid friends; while I sit there, looking at him turn his back at us – at me.
While I sit there, feeling as if my heart was squished into a pulp in my chest. The feeling as if I did and/or said something wrong kept on haunting me inside. For some reasons, I've been feeling unbelievably guilty.
It was as if my gut was telling me to not let Bright go... that if I will, I'd regret it for life.
"Win?"
I turned to Sammy; the worry and guilt on her eyes seemingly mirrored mine as she gently shook her head – like asking me to go after Bright.
"What's wrong?" Unable to react, I turned to Khao who was looking at me.
I shook my head, "N...nothing." I choked on my words, "Nothing's wrong, what could've gone wrong?"
"You were staring at Bright with such intensity..." he added.
I sighed.
Apparently, I was looking at Bright with pain in my expression.
I looked over the door and then to the sofa. Fuck it! I cursed, grabbing my phone lying in there and stood up. "A...ah..." I brushed my nape, awkwardly smiling. "Aystu (that guy)..." I bit my lip, pointing at the door, "... he left his phone behind..." I raised the phone I got in my hand, while keeping the case inside my pockets. "I'm... I'm just going to give this back real quick." I said before sprinting out; not even waiting for their side comments.
My hallway seemed too spacious as I ran to them, when it was obviously too cramped in its own accord. Is it because I got too comfortable having that guy around? I thought, putting in random slippers on before running outside the room.
If this is wrong...
I sighed, turning to the left. None.
Please Bright...
I bit my lip then turned to the right. No Bright.
I sprinted to the direction of the elevator.
Then even before I could make a turn, I saw him standing before the elevator. He kept his hands inside his pockets while tapping his feet on the floor as he wait for the elevator doors to open.
Then at that moment, I felt strange.
I became deaf to everything around me, and the only thing I could hear was the sound of his soft, deep voice. Like an ocean coming forth and coming go in my ears, the whispers from his heartbeat echoed, resonating to every part of my body.
Do I really like this guy?
I thought to myself before dramatically running towards his direction. Everything felt so slow, that I think I could even see the wind hitting my face as I ran. Damn. It is like something that I never felt before. The adrenaline that I felt was too much that I didn't even know where did I get the strength to literally run with my injuries.
Just by the thought of him going ... sent me to overdrive.
And my body immediately went autopilot.
I grabbed his arm and without saying anything, I pulled him off.
"W...Win?" He protested.
But I didn't reply. No. The best way to describe it was... I cannot reply because to be honest, I felt like I'm inside my body and at the same time not.
And, I found myself dragging Bright inside the floor's male CR. I let him go at once and locked the door behind me as I catch my breath.
"Win?"
I raised my head, looking straight to him as he curiously stares at my pathetic self panting for air.
I closed the distance between us in this spacious room. He, probably unconsciously, backed away until he cornered to the granite lavatory, mirror clear at his back.
I closed the distance more, before pulling his nape as he curiously looked at me doing this.
I closed my eyes as I pulled his nape over for a kiss.
My nerves finally came to a stop as I felt his soft lips over mine. The tranquil it brought me was like water flowing freely over the creek. The unbelievable feeling of relief I felt in my chest engulfed my raging senses.
With a deep breath, I stepped off, backing away, finally waking up to the realization that I kissed Bright... AGAIN.
I kissed Bright again.
It sent me into a blushing rush.
"Why..."
"NO REASON." I just blurted, out of proportion. "Don't ask me, I don't know myself."
"You..." he scoffed, "You're not making any sense." he sarcastically chuckled.
"How about you?" I grunted, still catching my breath. "... 'is there something wrong with wanting to be friends with your brother's best bud?' ..." I scoffed.
"So this is all..." I scoffed, "Because of Saint?!" I exclaimed.
His expression slowly soften, "N...no. Win, it's not because of that."
"Then what is?" I raised my brow.
"You were set on telling them that there's nothing going on..." he sighed, "How am I supposed to phrase it not to sound like that?"
"I don't want to force myself to you ... or even use your friends to my advantage!" he said, "I want to win you over without those things -"
I grabbed his hand, moving it to my loudly beating heart.
"I don't know what this means." I looked at him straight to his eyes. "I still need to know why my heart responds to everything that you do."
He smiles.
"I still don't know if whatever I feel in here is the same of what you feel in there." I sighed, squeezing his hand that was still in my chest. "...That's what I want to find out."
"I don't know when will I figure this out – it might be later, tomorrow, next month, next year... or ... sigh"
"I'm willing to wait." he sighed in relief.
And in one pull, he wrapped his strong, muscular arm to my waist, pulling me close.
"I have been waiting for years - a few weeks, months, or another year won't matter." he said, "So take your time."
He looked at me, his shallow breathing slowly turning deep, then to a sigh - a timid sigh.
"But... I have one request, at least."
I raised my head up to him.
"Uhmmm."
he bashfully chuckled, before finally fixing his own composure.
"Can you just let me be around, at least."
"I... I want to spend time with you."
I smiled, pushing him off, "Isn't that what you've been doing all along?"
"Oh... is it?" he said and it was his turn.
In the most gentle way as he could, he pulled me back until our bodies touched. The electricity it brought trailed through my skin, giving me goosebumps which was fair enough. I gasped when I felt his warm breathe trailing over my cheeks until he finally pulled out his cards before meeting my lips once more.