This is the first time that Chishiya is still asleep when you wake up, and he doesn't even stir when you turn around and hug him. Not that you'd blame him – it has been a very long night for both of you, and even though it has to be already late in the morning, you probably didn't have more than a handful hours of sleep.
You would have slept even longer if it wasn't for the cold, but the warmth inside the caravan has vanished completely. The constant ticking of the heater trying to produce more heat reaches your ear, and it seems that you ran out of gas somewhen during the night. But for now, the blankets and the warmth of Chishiya's body shield you from the low temperature, and you smile as your hands carefully move over his naked skin.
Parts of your body feel sore, and only a minor part can be blamed on yesterday's game.
Everything that happened last night, the things you did... how he allowed you to take over control, how you were able to discover what he takes pleasure in, how you spent hours without speaking one word and yet it feels like you have never talked more with each other.
And now you're here, watching over him while he still sleeps. You're doing exactly what he has asked you to: to be his strength while he is vulnerable.
It takes him around half an hour more to wake up. You can feel it in the way his body starts to shift, a slight movement of his legs, a turn of his head, a fluttering eyelid. He lets out a soft sigh and wraps his arms around you, pulling you tighter into a hug as if he doesn't want to wake up just yet.
Like this, you doze off for a few more minutes, but you can tell exactly when he fully regains his consciousness. His body tightens and he groans at the lack of warmth.
"We could just stay in bed for a while longer," you mumble against his chest, "it's still warm enough here."
Chishiya breathes out, something you can feel in your hair. "The gas bottle won't replace itself."
"Mhhm, maybe if we wait long enough..."
He snorts and pushes the blanket aside, which you quickly grab and wrap it around your body to replace the cold where his body has just been a moment before. Although it isn't the same warmth.
His skin is immediately covered in goose bumps now that he's exposed to the cold air, but this isn't what draws your attention to it. It's the red marks all over his back, traces left by your fingernails, and you know that they can be found not only there but all over his body.
Sadly, he doesn't give you much time to admire him, because he quickly puts on some clothes and shoes to take care of the heater. You wonder if he thinks about what happened, if he has similar regrets to when you first kissed. But it doesn't feel like he does, at least as far as you can tell.
While you watch him exit the caravan and hear the noises from the hatch that contains the gas bottle, you already make plans to get up as well and put on the kettle for tea and coffee, maybe even start to make breakfast. Something that will do him a favor, to show how good you know him already.
But when you open your eyes the next time, the water is already boiling and Chishiya is reading the Metamorphosis, and the heater is running on maximum.
"Oof, can't believe I fell asleep again!" You kick away the blanket now that the temperature is fully back to comfortable and stretch out in bed with relish.
Chishiya gets up to make his tea, but he stops midway and watches you. "Seems like you needed it."
As you feel his eyes on you, you realize that you're still completely naked and currently in a pretty exposable position. Surprisingly it doesn't feel embarrassing, you even enjoy the way he looks at you. You curl up for a moment longer and he eventually pours water into his cup before he places the pot back to the stove. "There's still enough for coffee. You better get up while it's still hot."
You first yawn, then sigh when you force yourself up into a seating position. "Dead honest, I love you."
A snort is the only answer, not that you'd have expected more from Chishiya, especially not so soon after waking up. Still you notice out of the corner of your eye how he lifts his head from book and tea now and then while you get dressed, and you hurry up inside the bathroom so the water will still be hot enough for coffee.
It doesn't take long for you to sit down on the table, a steaming cup of coffee and crisp bread with strawberry jam in front of you while the painkillers renew the feeling of cotton candy inside of your body and your wounds have been cleansed and freshly bandaged. You still miss the presence of a radio for music or a phone to scroll through social media, but the silence is not uncomfortable either. You just dwell on your own thoughts while you wait for Chishiya to get past his morning grumpiness, and you enjoy the sun shining through the window and warming your hands.
The street outside has almost turned into a small river, and the storm left a clearly visible chaos. Leaves and trash everywhere, branches as thick as your arms all over the asphalt. But the clouds have moved aside for the sun nonetheless, and it looks like it will stay this way for now.
Chishiya closes the book, most likely because he's finished reading it, and once again you feel his eyes resting on you.
"What?"
He smirks and sips some of his tea. "That silly smile of yours has not vanished off your face since you got out of bed."
You haven't noticed yourself, but you're not surprised either. "I'm just glad the sun is out again."
"The sun. Sure."
Your lips turn into a smile as you rest your head on your hand and watch the outside. It would be nice to go for a walk, to enjoy the warmth on your skin despite the remnants of the storm, but somehow you're afraid that a certain blimp will find its way to you again if you do. It is a miracle that you survived an encounter with the King of Spades once – you won't be that lucky again.
"It doesn't matter where you are," Chishiya returns after you have spoken your thoughts out loud, "because the King doesn't rely on eyesight to find you."
With eyes growing big, your eyes turn from the window towards Chishiya. "How so?"
Chishiya leans back against the cushion and places the tea cup on his knee. "I've seen the King wear a special kind of gadget on his wrist, something that appeared to be a GPS-tracker to me. I didn't have the time for further investigation, obviously, but I doubt it's something else."
"You're saying he-... how unfair!"
He shrugs. "Adequate enough for a King."
But if that's true and the sniper King has knowledge of the positions of every single player, why didn't he kill everyone already? How many players remain, after all?
Without thinking about it too much, you have assumed that the pianist gave their position away by the noise they were making by playing the instrument. It is a sad thought that bringing a little joy into this world will get you killed, but if it was not the piano... if it was just bad luck that killed them...
"Well then, since it doesn't seem to matter if we're outside or hide in the deepest parts of Tokyo – would you go for a walk with me?"
Chishiya empties his tea and puts down the cup onto the table. "As long as you don't ask me do carry you again."
Rolling your eyes so clearly that he can see it, you get up and put on your shoes. You didn't really ask him to carry you yesterday as well, but there's no point in starting an unnecessary discussion. Besides, your legs won't cause problems as far as you can judge. They ache slightly, but so does the rest of your body. The only troubling parts are your hands, which still start to shake uncontrollably now and then, but that you can handle.
Right before you leave, you open some of the caravan's windows so fresh air can get inside. Most of the time you don't even realize how stiff it gets inside such a tiny space, but when a fresh breeze greets you now you can't wait to get outside.
Without the heavy wind it's actually warm, and you put out the jacket and wrap it around your waist. It is wonderful to hold your face into the sun and close your eyes for a moment, and you don't even care about Chishiya's mocking snort as he watches you.
He doesn't wait for you to start moving, and you quickenyour steps while you blink into the sun a few times to adjust to the light. You reach for his hand and feel how his warm fingers entwine with yours, and neither of you speaks for a long time.
Something leads you down the road towards the water, and you watch the mirroring surface with fascination. Tokyo has never been known for its clear rivers, but there is no sign of pollution any longer. You can even see the colorful pebbles on the river bed, together with remains left by human hands – empty and broken bottles, a car wheel, parts of a bicycle. Most of it is half buried into the gravel, overgrown by algae or converted into homes for the animal life inside the water.
It is no longer an uncommon thought for you that this world would be quite beautiful to stay in if it wasn't for the games, and it leads to a couple of other questions that have also grazed your mind a couple of times already.
With all the things you have gone through, the cruelty you have witnessed and the pain you have suffered, it feels impossible to return to a normal life ever again. How are you supposed to just return to the other world, pretending that nothing weird has ever happened? With all the scars you carry, both outside and inside, how can things ever become normal again?
At least you find solace in the fact that Chishiya will be by your side. You don't have to search the inside of your pocket to know that it is there: the little note with Chishiya's medical university written on it. It is no longer the note he has given you back in the Beach, it is in fact a copy you have made not long ago because the original note was about to fall apart. Though you doubt that you will need it. Your eyes have scanned over the letters so many times that they are deeply burnt into your mind, and even without it, you'd be able to find him just by his name.
Chishiya Shuntarou. A name you will never forget, no matter what happens.
How will it be, meeting again in the real world?
"Hey, Chishiya?"
He hums without looking at you. Without thinking about it too much, you both head towards another street leading away from the water and deeper into the city. You remember this place with its hundreds of shopping malls, restaurants and whatnot. A place that used to be crowded and noisy, and now it is just... empty.
"What is going to happen once we leave this place? With us, I mean."
Hunger is not such a big issue so far, but you wonder if some of those stores still have something to nibble. Chishiya takes his time to answer, and you drag him towards a food store. The door is blocked from something inside, and he pushes it open with his shoulder, waiting for you to enter. "We live, I suppose."
You squeeze past his figure, trying to make out something in the dim light and toppled shelves. "Yeah, sure. Genius. I meant... we'll live together, right?"
Not much is left inside that could still be called edible, and it seems that other players or animals have taken most of it. You're lucky enough to find a dried fruit and nut mix and some crackers, which will do for a small lunch.
"I doubt you'll leave me a choice other than that." It is said with a chuckle, but somehow it causes a sharp pain inside your heart. Your fingers tighten around the plastic bags and you don't dare to look up from the mess on the ground as you speak up with a voice far more hesitant now.
"Do... do you want me to? To leave you alone?"
You hear something shuffle behind you, and the following silence causes you to turn around to him eventually. He has taken a step inside, causing the door to fall shut again, and you almost bump into him. With a smirk, he takes the crackers out of your hands, and when your hands touch, his fingers remain on yours a moment longer than necessary. "No. I don't think so."
The shaky breath you exhale is the only sign that you actually were afraid for a second, but it is forgotten the moment you look into his eyes. They still bear the condescending and mocking glance in them most of the time, but sometimes – like in this moment – they actually seem to carry warmth.
"Good." You open the door again, which is easier now that Chishiya has pushed away whatever has been blocking it, and step into the open. "Now that it's settled that we'll live on together... will we, like, live together?"
Chishiya's hand reaching into the plastic bag makes a rustling sound and you wait for him to grab some crackers before you reach into it as well. "As long as it's close to my work, I don't mind."
You recall the location of his university, which is not exactly close to the place you used to live in. "Oh... I might get troubles with my workplace. And I'm not sure if I can give it up."
He shrugs and calmly eats another hand full of crackers before he answers. "That's your decision to make, not mine."
It's impossible for you to hold back a slightly annoyed sigh, and you decide that this topic is not too important right now. You don't have to move together the moment you leave the Borderlands, and there will be plenty of time to discuss it further when time has come.
The rustling of the bag and the sound of crunching crackers is the only noise accompanying you for a while as you continue to stroll along the road. You don't know exactly where you are, but somehow you'll find back to the caravan, even if it means walking all the way back to the river and follow its path from there.
At some point, you hear the feint buzz of a blimp, but it's too far away to make out the face card attached to it. All you know is that it's not moving, so there is no direct danger coming from it. And you definitely don't want to attend a game today.
"What about children?" You ask eventually as you take the now empty bag out of Chishiya's hands and throw it into a bin. He'd just have dropped it on the street, you know that, and somehow you feel better if he doesn't do that.
Chishiya shakes his head, a move that you'd almost have missed if you wouldn't have watched him just in that moment. "No."
"Why not?"
You're not surprised, but it still makes your curious. Chishiya has never wasted a single word about his family other than that his father has been a prolific surgeon, and it's impossible for you to imagine him as a child, surrounded by loving parents and cheerfully enjoying a child's life on a playground.
"I won't talk about that."
Stuffing the still untouched nut mix into the pocket of your jacket, you reach for his hand but it is withdrawn and hidden inside his hoodie the moment your fingers touch his skin. "I thought you'd trust me."
Chishiya's voice is cold when he answers, and it's just fitting that a sudden gust of wind announces dark and heavy clouds quickly approaching the city once more. "It has nothing to do with trust. This is simply none of anyone's business."
"We both know I'm not anyone." This is exactly the point where you should stop talking. You are very well aware of the fact that every word will make it worse, that you have reached a point that shouldn't be crossed for now. It's not even about talking about children, it's the fact that there is something he doesn't want to tell you. Which should be fine, because Chishiya has never been too open about himself, not even with you. So why do you keep talking?
His lips are nothing but a thin line now, and he doesn't look at you. "Hence you should know better than anyone else when to stop."
"Will you tell me at some point?"
"Maybe. Maybe not."
The sound of the blimp is becoming louder with each step, and you crane your neck to catch a glimpse of the face card. It feels like you're heading right towards that game, and you wonder if Chishiya is aware of-
"Wait a minute, hold on. You have to be kidding me."
The moment you recognize the Jack of Diamonds banner, you place yourself in front of Chishiya with crossed arms. He could have easily walked past you, but he stops, watching you with a raised brow. There is no sight of the warmth in his eyes anymore, and the following silence is more than enough for you to understand.
You shake your head in disbelief, trying to find the right words to express what's going on inside of you. "Chishiya. We just cleared the King of Hearts yesterday and barely escaped with our lives! You can't possibly think of-"
A thick raindrop interrupts you as it lands directly on the tip of your nose, and more follow soon. Chishiya doesn't resist as you pull him close to a shop, hoping that the battered awning will keep you save from the rain. "We literally just talked about getting out of here alive!"
Chishiya doesn't even try to seem bothered by your words. "It's no secret I have been looking forward the Diamonds games since the second stage was announced."
"And you got to clear the Queen of Diamonds. Isn't that enough? You've had the Jack of Clubs and King of Hearts as well! Don't you care about us enough to leave it at that?"
Finally, his eyes lock with yours. But they're so cold that it makes you shudder.
"Stop pretending to see a person in me that I am not."
A couple of noises escape your mouth while you're unable to build a proper sentence. "But I know you care! Can't I ask you to set back your own desires of some stupid games, just for once? For me?"
Chishiya doesn't respond immediately, causing you to give in to the sudden fury heating up inside of you. "Why would you waste your life like this? We might soon be free of this world, and you're taking the risk of just another game without even blinking!"
"That is exactly what I am talking about. In the end it seems that you know nothing about me."
Now it's your turn to stay quiet and blink away the confusion. How are you supposed to know him if he doesn't tell you anything?
"You want a Prince Charming, but that's not me." He shifts a bit without removing his hands from the pocket, and his eyes still watch you in an almost calculating manner.
"Dammit, Chishiya! I love you, I really do, but sometimes you can be so annoying. I don't want a stupid prince. I want YOU!" You don't care that some tears have started to run down your cheeks again, and you don't try to hide the trembling of your hands. It makes you feel helpless, out of control, but that's exactly what is going on right now.
Chishiya sighs and drops his gaze. When he lifts his eyes again, they stare into the distance, probably at the Diamonds blimp hovering close now. "Is that so, really? To me it seems more like you want someone to marry and have children with, someone who would wake you up telling you that he loves you and doing all those pathetic romantic things you like so much. And if I am so annoying to you – why are you still here?"
He doesn't shout. He doesn't sound angry. In fact, Chishiya's voice is as cold and hollow as you feel inside.
"What... what do you mean?"
"Stay at my side if you are ready to accept who I am. But if you continue to pretend I am someone else... You better go."
This is the moment where you have to take his face into your hands and kiss him over and over again, tell him that it's okay and that you will stay with him for forever even though he can be an annoying jackass. You are sure that this is exactly what Chishiya expects you to do as well, but for some reason... you can't.
The tears cascading your face make it hard to see anything, but they're soon washed away by the rain descending from the dark grey sky now. Every fiber of your body screams and shouts that this is wrong, that this is not supposed to happen. And yet you don't stop walking without a direction in mind, as long as it leads you away from the blimp.
One single time you turn around and search for the shop entrance in the blurry distance.
Chishiya is not there anymore.