SHIN
He lied.
He fabricated a lie when he said slash quoted that we would meet at the alter, because in a week Dad received an alarming call from the father Kim, suggesting a family lunch. which means they yearn to gather one full family together so that they could talk about me and him. This feels so soon, so real, and yet so weird. And Dad and Mom in a frenzy of fangirling over a political figure like Mr.Kim invited them to our house instead.
How beautiful is this scenario?
My sarcasm peaked soaring heights. And so did my patience. At eleven in the morning when I woke up to Hwan dragging my gaming consolers out of my wardrobe, I sat up screaming at the top of my lungs. My blood-related sibling, not that I have another one stared at me, his eyes wide as of a deer hitting a headlight. He then took off running.
"MOM BROUGHT THIS FOR BOTH OF US TO PLAY WITH"
crawling out in a half awakened state, I got out of my room. Cracking my knuckles as I got on my feet, he still wobbled around the stair ways.
"Mom got us so many things to share. BUT DID YOU LET ME HAVE IT?" I saw him miss two of his steps but I don't pause to pity. No one was here to rescue him. if Mom and Dad were here, they won't bother too.
"You are a grown-up woman, why can't you buy it" he doesn't holler this instant, but when I near the top of the stairway with him at the standing at the last one- he renews "be considerate, or else you will never become a friendly parental figure"
"You are not my child" I descend three steps while he hops to the ground. We circle each other like two blood thirsty hyenas. We were two blood thirty hyenas.
"Then I am not a priest" with that he attempted to bolt off, but I was quick to reach him, tackling him to the ground, I grabbed on the controller from his arm. But I forgot to acknowledge that he wasn't the slender, acne-prone and braces plagued kid anymore. So there wasn't much I could threaten him with.
Or else scratching his pimples always had him crying out in agony.
So in a second, I found a fistful of my hair imprisoned in his pudgy hands. I grabbed his ankles and soon we were a mess of bones, skull, and skin.
"Respect me. I am older" I grunted maniacally, I lost few strands of hair but it was worth it. I eventually had him in a vice clutch. I could perform a chokeslam, but I might end up with a broken hip if his weight was taken into consideration.
"Not in a million years" he grunted, dramatically croaking his voice. Dad walked in at the moment, when Hwan reached his hand out to a sleepy Dad, he received a hi-five. I grinned at his visage that left for the kitchen where I believe Mom was putting up the menu.
They were used to this, at least until we behaved in front of the guest nothing was a hassle. We as a family, cover-up good.
"Why did I have to be born in such a cruel household?" he lamented. Against my ethics, I smile- releasing him and collecting what was mine. Being myself around the family was stimulating. It's the only niche I fit in. And they probably are the only ones who know the real me. Not awkward me.
"You are getting good at self-defense I see. Though I was lenient on you" I don't roll my eyes in comprehensive manner, instead, I usually make a disgusted face. With my brows high and lips right- I convey my message.
"There wasn't a thing I wanted to defend"
"I wish I was the only son in this family"
"I could've been the only daughter if I had convinced Mom and Dad from-
My sentence was cut short as a couch pillow hits square on the side of my head, hwan smile slips as soon he gets attacked by one-too. Crawling and stumbling we ran up-we don't look behind to see who it was-
We just know.
Mom was pissed.
***
In the safety of my room, i steal a glimpse of the digital wall clock. It wasn't working so I had no idea of how late I was when I eventually got ready. Yes, I had my phone, but since I wanted to procrastinate- I dared my eyes to not look at it. So when Hwan gently knocked at the door- I got the message that our guests were home.
I opened the door to see him dressed in a decent dress shirt and trousers- I poked my skull out as he moved a little to the side confused.
"How do I look?" I whispered, vacating the door scantily.
"Like clown" he aggressively whispered back.
" A cute clown?"
This time he failed to club a genuine smile within.
"Yeah yeah," he waved pretending to be manlier. I did a small robotic twirl, very unhappy but attempting to be happy. I wanted to live my best life even if life has just been a plain loaf of bread to me. All I can do is choose the innards and spreads to enhance its flavors. Not letting it commence like a patient's diet.
"If you are done, let's go down," he says, annoyed "Mom must be ticking by now"
I make one last tour to my mirror, the peach illusion neck dress raved my cool blushy undertone. The coral makeup seems to hydrate my generally neutral features to something undeniably warm. I almost smiled at how good I looked with my tied-up hair.
But then I remembered what awaits me downstairs. A test. A test if I passed, I will be able to be one step nearer to my freedom. A release from my insecurities that I shouldn't even have.
We all are given a single life to flourish, and I was done being-
"Clown. No matter how hard you look- you are not-
As I walk out I smack his head hard. He tails behind rubbing the spot as we went down. Our parent had their back to us, while the family- when they said the whole family they had precisely meant it because it indeed was the entire family who sat in the middle.
When I requested my mind to provide me some aid in the said predicament, it shut off completely, and in emerged a word that my brain thought would help me-
it whispered sexily in through my cerebral cortex.
Footwear.
Yes, that's how random my wizarding geniusness was. I don't know what to do with the word so I smile as they welcomed me- the stunning mother Kim with open arms and a peck, the tough father Kim a pressed handshake, the Granpa Kim with thankfully a hearing aid gave a joyful pat on the shoulder, the big sister Kim- I wasn't aware of a sister but damn the breathtaking sister Kim hugged with a cold stare, the junior Kim winked and grinned while the most important Kim that I had ignored so far respectively bowed in acknowledgment with a subtle hard stare.
Though my family was dressed to perfection, it was evident that kims know how to carry a body with the fabric on. We were pretenders and they were natural. Still, it doesn't eliminate the validity that we live our lives caring less and loving more.
Nope. Not loving. Respectful and affectionate. That is if we cancel out the millions of fights we have in a week.
They had an authority among them, while we ruled our choices. Their body language says it all. Also the half-baked conversation I heard weeks ago.
"I hope it wasn't a bother finding the house" I get the question out, the way Mom watched me with a curt smile. I know I was on the right path.
"Oh no sweetie. The house is outstandingly elegant and the architectural scheme is so apparent that the chauffeur was quick to locate it. It beautiful" Mrs. Kim sings praises as I shift looking at my father who had a proud glint in his eyes as he gave me a told you so look.
When we had first brought and renovated the house, I convinced my family that our home was straight out of those murder mystery documentary shows in which a nanny murders the whole family because she wasn't given a raise.
Since that day- we never talked of how beautiful our glassy domicile was.
We lived in unsaid fear of mary poppins turning psycho. And we don't even have a nanny.
"It is, what Mother said" came a smooth batter like input of the sister Kim whose name-
"Sera. I am sera" she sips, her eyes warming up to the cold drink that service girl served us with.
"So Miss Han" began Mr. Kim. I wasn't fond of him so I let my eyes sweep over Lee- he seems to be much more invested at the three dollar painting I had mounted with a thousand dollar bracket framing it by the left wall to him.
"I must congratulate you and my son on making and believing in such a good prospect for the future. This is what I except from youth instead of.... We are elated to welcome you...I want to thank..."
I get it why Lee occupied himself with the portrait. His Dad- still thinks that he is a senator.
For a second our gaze intersects, and I felt the muffled smile on his face as he looked away. He was discreetly enjoying this.
Then so many questions were thrown on my way, I dodged it like a ninja who was ridden in paranoia but, still, a ninja so has to act up.
When Mom suggested we sit for lunch , I let out a staggering breath. So far both the parties had been phenomenal- throwing each other's success around like confetti. They had sectors of lands, private businesses, and political heritage. While my mother runs the nation's top two medical research centers- my Dad had his moment when he said he sells fortune cookies for a living. Yeah, I love my dad.
No. I adore my Dad. He is the best.
Love isn't real and it shouldn't be. It just an obsession that won't let you rest in peace.
Seated at the lunch table, with helpers swarming in and out prompting the delicacies as we are in cultural silence. With just some occasional talk of food and weather- it soon got awkward when Lee and I who sat beside became the center of attention. He was near- but his thoughts were so distant that his presence failed to capture my worries.
"So Lee" Dad started, his plate empty and the last bite nibbled as he patted his lips with a napkin.
"Yes sir" good to know he was listening.
"Where did you say you completed your schooling again?" Lee who had been minding his business like me, paused chewing on his mashed potato. Swallowing it he takes his time- not much fond of the topic was he?
"I graduated from Stuart, a private academy in Orlando. After that, I got into Brooklyn university"
My eyes were sharp to catch the short drop of conversation by his part and how he had been the quietest of all. I also don't miss the concerning gaze Mrs. Kim had on her son. Too infused by what was going on I totally was caught off guard when a similar question was thrown my way.
"Mrs. Han mentioned earlier that you were homeschooled, darling. But I don't see a reason why you wanted to stay isolated when there are qualified schools in our country for you to choose from" the pang that my chest felt at Mrs. Kim's doubts were physical. Concealing my abrupt difficulty to say something was getting on my nerves. It didn't help that Lee eventually tilted to look at me with a raised brow.
I felt a painful jab on my calf, Hwan chugged down his drink simultaneously as the second poke was felt. But before I could cover up Dad did it for me.
"We had many plans for her lessons, customized and certain languages that she interested in. But not a single educational institute in the city was so special to make my daughter feel satisfied" I know the tender guilt beneath his gleaming smile, the intention behind why Mom left for the kitchen to get wine when it was right in front of her was questionable- but Hwan and I know better. He managed the situation by-
"I once dislocated my shoulder while paragliding. Has anyone broken their bone before?"
And this is how I know we are blood-related. We don't know when and how to speak, but we do know how to reel out of it by our randomness. But when Lee randomly got up among the buzzing chatters no one gave heed. Not even when he offered me his hand-
"The hand is not for staring" I hear him say, when he twitches his fingers in a manner one uses to pet an animal I grab it. They were warm, really cozy. I go with him as he takes me out when we finally were by the backyard he lets it go. We trek through the enormous garden with him barely making an effort to do anything more. Walking next to him I had several questions lurking in dark. But I made a promise to myself that I won't speak until-
"Not much of a talker are you?"
He has no idea.
"What do you want me to say?" I stumble slightly, he doesn't move or attempt to steady me. With hands-on his pockets he for a second paused to amusedly stare at me as I wobbled by the dry dirt patch and gather my balance later.
I fancy wearing heels. Being quite flexible and having taken three year course as a gymnast- proportions with three to four inch heel had never been a problem. But today- it was more of the mental imbalance than any physical rhythm that staggered me.
"Don't you have questions?" his brows nipped, the stark sunlight falls on his face mercilessly.
So many questions.
But most importantly-
"Are you wearing sunscreen?" that was a question right? "It too sunny"
The voice around us visibly drops, I arc my palms against my forehead to clear my vision. Squinting I saw him narrow his eyes.
"I am not" he ultimately replies "are you?"
He asked me. I nod claiming yes.
"Let's go to the outhouse" this time I got ahead. I heard his steps fall next to me. When we got to the porch I smugly opened the door to my safe haven. It was the most artistic room in our estate. He hummed an appreciation. The white couch, vines of plants, the wooden swing, and slanted rooftop with cooling glasses- everything here screamed calm and peace.
That is until I ruined it by turning to him who now occupied a cot-
"Why are you here?" nope. Keep your tongue in check shin. "You said you'll meet me at the altar" too late.
Single of his brow perked, he chewed his lower lip in. It was pretty hot. Was he trying to be intimidating? Maybe or it could be dry chapped lips.
"I came, it's a sign that I am not mad" he draws out as if he was making a kid understand his theory. But no- I had my own,
"You don't understand. You ruined the aesthetic of such a good dialogue. Imagine us directly facing each other at the alter with no clue of how what we are thinking of it" I say, donning a stoic face. His goes stern too. He listened as if he cannot believe his ears. So when I couldn't hold it any longer and cracked up- did his eyes diluted into recognition. Surprisingly soon he was laughing with me.
"You are so problematic" he muses, settling in his breathing looking away shaking his head in disbelief.
"Well, that's because I aggressively ignore my problems until they go away. Turns out- in the end I just became one without realizing" I sigh, taking off my heels, noticing that I was wearing to different shoes of similar color.
Is this what my mind tried to warn me?
I was too deep staring at my shoes to notice that I had his full attention. Thankfully he speaks first, breaking the void filling the room.
"I am sorry about that night"
He said the same that night too.
"I know what you are thinking" he then caught his slip, he clicked his tongue " no, scratch that. I don't know what you are thinking. I can't. You are unpredictable"
I nod. Accepting the tag.
"I get that a lot" shrugging I wait.
He continues after he too noticed my shoes, he doesn't comment. Probably too much for him.
"You see. Since we are going to do this. I want to make it sincere"
What?
No. It wasn't in the plan.
He must've seen my ridiculed state as he lifted his arms in surrender.
"Not what you are thinking. But if we are going to fake it for the world- I want it to look real. Real enough to be on the covers of magazines and under my family's eagle eye" he licks his lower lip. Surely a dry skin. But that is not what's important.
"What can I do to be convincing?" My query lingers in the air. I watch him as he got up and walked towards me. He then sat next to me putting some decent space between us. He turned, this is the nearest we had ever been.
And his lips aren't chapped. They are simply pink now as a result of his toothy assaults.
"We can be friends" his voice was thick as if he was precarious of what he was suggesting. As if the thought itself was crazy. But I want to assure him that it's not. It serves as the plot of any cliche novel across the globe. So he wasn't alone.
"Friends?" It was lovely. Playing dumb. But no, the word was alien to me. And he was giving me what I'd wanted him to say.
Terrific.
"Yes. I think it'll make things easier for us. I am good with friendship" his smile accompanied by a smoldering one-shouldered shrug was cool. So cool. "I make a good friend"
I believed him. At that moment I don't have anything else to keep my faith in. Only if I had known that this friendship would be the start of so many others ships in making.
But no- I was naive as I grinned. I had this gorgeous dimpled smile that can melt chocolates. It doesn't melt him because the next thing he asks of me is just a tease.
"So where do you want to tie the knot shin?" He smirks, one of his shoe tipping to push the cot- it craddles us deliberately.
I thought of the list. My list of locations I've always wanted to visit. This wedding was my ticket to freedom. And I am going to do it my way.
"The sin city" I reveal with a twinkle in my eyes. His vanishes as he looked at me through side. His entire demeanor changed, as if had suggested something that I shouldn't have.
"Las Vegas?"
I nod once, afraid what has had him on edge.
"Why?"
I fish for a reason.
"The greater the wedding destination, the more the media speculate"
He is silent for few seconds. Then-
"You are smart" he asserted. Composing but yet apprehensive.
"I am Asian" I announce. For the sake of stereotype.
"I am Asian too" this seem to disperse the strangeness as he defended. But I had to enquire-
"You don't think you are smart?"
He gapes, I could map the lines of agitation in him. He was questioning himself and his existence.
Nothing was exchanged anymore. Not when my brother stormed in with the dessert platter and a creepy grin.
"I was dying out there with boredom, They drain me" he declared openly. As Aaron walked in behind him.
"It's no better. My brother is worse"
They both paused to look at an harmless us.
"Oh trust me, he sure can't beat my demonic sister"
Lee and I passively stared at the inconvenience. Then we turned to look at each other- a gloomy agreement looming among us. As if we silently were whispering-
I can relate.
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