"What do you want?"
Mato's voice didn't sound angry. Rather, it seemed like he was trying really hard to come across as bored. His eyes flickered towards me wearily, though, as if he were expecting a surprise attack.
I stopped when I was about a foot away, not wanting to get too close. Both to make sure he knew I wasn't here to fight, and also so I would have time to respond if he suddenly attacked, as unlikely as that scenerio seemed.
"I just want to talk," I assured him. Then, in what felt like an incredibly courageous move, I sat down on the ground. There was no better way to show my lack of hostility, but if he did decide to lunge at me, my position put me at an extreme disadvantage.
Mato just rolled his eyes at me. "You already got me in trouble. Isn't that enough for you?"
I took a deep breath, struggling to keep my temper in check. None of that would have happened if he hadn't followed me around the side of the house. Even if I had told Carlisle what had been said to me, without starting a physical fight, Mato still would have been in trouble for being mean. It wasn't me who caused that.
"I didn't mean to get you in trouble," I said simply, biting back everything else I wanted to say. "And I got into trouble, too, you know."
He scoffed at me, a sharp laugh escaping through his lips. "Yeah, no kidding," he mocked. "Everyone in a ten mile radius probably heard you crying about it."
Maybe I shouldn't have come to talk to him. Though I understood his disdain for me, and his anger at the world, I wasn't that good at staying calm when someone taunted me. I could feel my pride rising, demanding that I defend myself.
"Look," I told Mato, struggling to keep the irritation out of my voice. "I said that I was sorry. And that I didn't mean to get you into trouble. And I heard you crying, too, but I didn't come over here to make fun of you. So stop being mean to me. I'm not being mean to you. I'm not like the vampire that-" I stopped talking, realizing I was about to unintentionally cross a line.
"I'm not like other vampires. That hurt people," I finished lamely. But there was a spark of rage in Mato's eyes, making it clear that I had caught my mistake too late.
He shoved away from the tree, his hands shaking. At first it looked like he was going to step towards me, but he turned his back instead, clearly trying his best to calm down. "He told you," Mato fumed, clenching his fists. "Takoda told you about my Dad."
I nodded, feeling bad for giving away the secret.
"And you're still here for some reason," Mato said, spinning to face me. "You know why I don't want vampires on our land, and you still come back."
"A vampire killed my Mother too!" The words rushed out of me before I could think about them. "And I hated vampires, too. Because my father was one, and he left my Mom to die. All by herself, in the middle of the forest. And he left me all alone, stuck next to my Mother's body until I could figure out how to crawl away."
Though I hadn't really meant to reveal all of that, Mato's face was softening as he looked at me. So I kept going.
"Vampires can be bad," I whispered, glaring at the ground. "Really bad. And mean. And evil. But that doesn't mean they all are. Anyone can be bad. But some are good. And I try really, really hard to be good. So I just don't think it's fair for you to judge me for something some random vampire did. It wasn't me. Or my family."
We stood in silence, looking at each other cautiously. And then he nodded.
"Fine," he said hesitantly. "But if you ever do anything to hurt my tribe-"
"I won't," I promised, not even allowing him to finish. "I promise. I don't want to hurt anybody. And I'm sorry your dad died. I really am."
He was quiet, and I felt bad for saying that last part. But finally, after a long silence, he mumbled, "Thanks. And... sorry your Dad sucks."
I burst into laughter. He couldn't have explained my situation more perfectly. Mato tried to fight a smile, but eventually gave in, looking down as he chuckled. Glancing back at Takoda, I saw him still standing stiffly on the porch, staring at me. I waved him over, and he sprinted across the yard, reaching us quickly.
Mato rolled his eyes as Koda made a show of making a face at him and wrapping his arm around me. "Chill out, Runt," Mato said lazily. "We're good."
Takoda's arm shook a little bit around me. "Do not call me runt," he warned. "It doesn't even make sense coming from you. You're hardly older than me."
"Yeah," Mato laughed. "But I'm way bigger. At least I hit puberty before I shifted."
Before Takoda could say something rude back, I intervened. "Can we do something? Like play soccer or marbles. Or anything?"
Koda glared at Mato for a few more seconds and then sighed. "Fine," he mumbled, turning back towards the house. I followed after him, glancing back to see that Mato hadn't moved.
"Come on," I called, gesturing for him to follow. He rolled his eyes, but slowly began walking after us. Even if he did have a bad temperament, at least he didn't seem to be looking for a fight. Now he was just being a little rude and bored.
Takoda was more so the problem now. He was being mean to Mato, even though I had made up with him. Mato never let on that it bothered him, though- it seemed that he had a sarcastic remark at the ready for anything Koda may say to him. Eventually, Takoda gave up, and settled for just sending Mato glares every now and then.
Mato was actually sort of fun, when he let his guard down. He had a lot of brothers- he was the oldest of six. He spent most of his time watching them, and had to come up with games to occupy them. One of the games he had created was called "Knocker ball". We put a soccer ball up on a treestump, and took turns trying to knock it off by throwing a football. Mato was significantly better at it than Takoda and I.
After we had been playing for a while, Mato looked up at the sun. Cursing under his breath, he turned towards the forest. "I have to go," he mumbled, dropping the football. "My brothers get out of school soon. My Mom won't wake up to let them in."
He shifted into his wolf form, seeming to have little concern over his shorts being ripped, and sprinted off into the forest without saying goodbye.
"Aunty will be mad," Koda said. "He's not supposed to go into the woods alone."
I hoped she wouldn't be too mad. Mato was already sore, and it sounded like he had a legitimate reason for leaving so quickly. "Why won't his mom wake up?"
Takoda picked up the football, throwing it towards the stump again. "She's always had a drinking problem. It's just gotten worse since Mato's dad left them. She'll sleep through anything," he told me casually. "That's why he comes around here so much. He brings his brothers, too. Uncle Sam gives them clothes, and Aunty gives them all food every day. She even tried to get them to move in here. Their Mom didn't care at all, but Mato said no. Thankfully. He's scared his Mom will forget to eat if he isn't there to force her."
That sounded hard. But I also didn't know much about the human and werewolf world, so maybe I was overthinking it. Maybe that was normal.
It wasn't too much longer after that that Nessie came out to play with Koda and I. As usual, they fell into their usual teasing and bickering until it was time for us to go home. Takoda walked with us to the car, chattering excitedly about how he would see me at school tomorrow.
And then he, too, would see how awful I was at learning stuff. Great.
Nessie and I sat in the backseat of Carlisle's car on the drive home, and she taught me how to play Rock-paper-scissors. It was a pretty easy game, but I kept forgetting which hand signals meant what, so I never knew who had won that round until Nessie told me.
A loud noise made me jump, and Nessie laughed at me as I realized it was just Carlisle's cellphone. He answered it casually, but then hit the brakes to the car, causing Renesmee and I to jerk forward.
"When?" He asked loudly, glancing back at Renesmee and I. "Alice, just tell me what I need to know. Should I drive the girls somewhere else, or are we being tracked? Has he picked up our scent?"
Even though I couldn't hear the other side of the phone call, my blood ran cold. Someone was coming. Someone that had Carlisle concerned.
"I'll just head back to the house. Call the pack and ask them to be on the alert. We don't want them at the house, as having wolves around will just be more likely to cause conflict. But make sure they're close by. Thank you. We'll be there in five minutes."
Carlisle hung up his phone, and began driving again, more quickly than before.
Nessie and I looked at eachother, knowing that something was very wrong. "Grandpa?" She asked fearfully.
He glanced back at us, smiling calmly. "It's alright, girls." He assured us. "We just have an unexpected visitor."
"Who?" I asked, though I wouldn't recognize any name he gave.
"You know, Love, I'm not quite sure. Alice can't get visions too easily around you and Renesmee, so she couldn't see any specifics. She didn't see any malicious intentions, though. So we just want to hurry up and get home so we can greet our visitor. When we get to the house, I want you two to hurry inside, so Esme can clean you up."
Though he didn't sound nervous, I was pretty sure he was hiding something. Why did we need to hurry to get cleaned up when we weren't dirty? It sounded more like he wanted us to hurry up and get inside so we weren't standing out in the open, completely exposed.
Emmett and Jasper were waiting outside, and walked in with us. Emmett stood on one side of Nessie and I, with Jasper on the other side of us. Carlisle trailed behind, and I realized they were boxing us in, forming a protective circle.
Maybe Alice hadn't seen any malice intent. But maybe she just hadn't been able to see any intent at all.
Once inside, nobody actually took us to get cleaned up. Renesmee was placed on Bella's lap, and I was placed on Esme's. Everyone else remained standing, waiting at the ready for this stranger's arrival.
There was a knock on the door, and both Edward and Jasper moved to answer it.
My hearing wasn't good enough to hear the conversation they were having with the visitor, but I could hear the footsteps as they all walked back into the family room. Edward and Jasper led the tall man into the room, and Esme's arms tightened around me as Carlisle stepped forward, his hand extended.
"Hello," he greeted kindly. "I am Carlisle Cullen. The leader of this coven. May I ask to whom we owe this visit?"
The vampire's eyes were red. And scary. Especially when they landed on my face.
Carlisle stepped between the man and I, offhandedly blocking me from his vision as they shook hands. "Mike," The visitor introduced. "Sorry for the intrusion. I was passing through and caught your scent. Thought I might stop by".
The tension in Esme's arms lessened slightly. And I understood why. They had told me once that vampires often came through, stopping by purely out of curiosity. This one wasn't here to pose a threat- he was just intrigued by such a big coven, made up of vegetarian vampires and hybrid children.
"Of course," Carlisle smiled, putting a hand on the vampire's arm. "Let me show you around the house. Esme, I believe it's past time for the children to have a bath, Love. Can you take care of that, please? It is a schoolnight."
As Carlisle led the vampire out of the room, Esme hurried Nessie and I up the stairs. Neither of us complained, despite knowing full well that it was nowhere near bathtime. Esme actually closed the bathroom curtains before undressing Nessie and I, which was something she didn't usually do.
Our bath was quick, and we were hurried into our bedroom. Rosalie and Bella were there, too, but the men still must have been talking to Mike. Nessie asked if we could play until bedtime, but Esme shook her head.
"I think today is a quiet night," she told Renesmee. "We wouldn't want to disturb our guest, would we, children?" I shook my head, sending a pointed look at Nessie. The last thing we wanted was to draw more attention to ourselves.
Esme put us into bed, sitting at the end of mine. "You two never did get to have your bible study today, did you?" She asked, opening the drawer to the bedside table and pulling out a thick book. "Let's do that for a while. I'm sure the boys will be back in by bedtime."
As Esme began to read the bible, I found myself unable to focus, constantly straining to hear any sounds outside. The curtain to the bedroom was closed, but I knew the sun was still high in the sky. It was the middle of the afternoon, still.
Sensing my tension, Esme pulled me closer to her, wrapping an arm around me as she continued reading. My eyes moved to the book, scanning the pages and trying to pull out any letters I recognized.
I fell asleep in Esme's arms, long before bedtime.
**********************************
Something shifted in my bed, causing me to wake up. The room was completely dark, so I knew I shouldn't be awake yet- Esme always opened the curtains when she came to wake us up. Felling around, I realized it had just been Cuddles, falling off the bed.
I stood and crept out of my bedroom, on high alert. The lights downstairs were on, and I heard voices. They must have heard me, too, because Esme and Carlisle both appeared in front of me, causing me to jump and almost fall backwards.
Carlisle reached out a hand to steady me. "Easy, Love. What are you doing out of bed?"
Shaking my head, I tried to figure out what to say. "I... I don't know. I woke up and Esme was gone. I didn't even know I fell asleep. Is the vampire gone now? Can I sleep with you again?"
Kneeling down in front of me, Carlisle placed a hand on my cheek. "Hush, Love. Calm down. Yes, he is gone. It was nothing to worry about. He was just a passing nomad. Remember how I told you they visit here fairly often? He was an acquaintance to our cousins in Denali. He caught our scents, and assumed we were the ones he had heard about, given the area."
I nodded, still feeling a little scared despite knowing I was probably overreacting.
"He frightened you, didn't he?" Carlisle asked gently. I nodded again, looking down in shame. Why did I always have to be such a big baby?
Esme's fingers ran through my hair, trying to tame my wild locks that were displaced from sleep. I leaned into her touch, feeling myself calm down a little. "Come on then, Darling," she told me, taking my hand in hers. "Of course you can sleep with us."
Once I was in bed between Carlisle and Esme, I felt completely safe. Just as before, Esme was laying beside me with her arm tucked under my head, and Carlisle was sitting on my other side, quietly reading aloud.
My eyes eventually drifted closed, and when I woke up again, the sun was streaming in through the windows. My body was sore, probably from going to bed so early and sleeping through most of the night. Still, I made no effort to get up, stretching and then curling further into Esme's side.
I could feel her smile against my hair as she kissed my head, her embrace tightening around me as she allowed me to rest for a few more minutes. Finally, she pulled me up, asking if I felt well enough for school that day. I wanted to say no, just to get out of going, but Edward was probably listening from somewhere in the house. So I just nodded and allowed her to put me back into my dull school uniform.
Just as I finished up my breakfast, Takoda came into the kitchen. I hadn't even heard him enter. He was wearing a uniform that had the same gray and white coloring as mine, but he was in dark pants and a long-sleeved button down shirt that he was tucking in angrily.
He threw himself into the chair next to mine with a sigh. "I didn't know I would have to wear a uniform," he grumbled, his head rolling to look at me. His disdain for uniforms made me self-conscious about wearing one in front of him, and I curled into myself a little bit. At that exact moment, though, Carlisle came in, telling us it was time to start lessons.
Slowly, I stood from my seat, crossing my arms protectively. Koda was looking at me, probably noting how awful I looked in the uniform he hated.
"You look pretty," he complimented, and I rolled my eyes. He had to be joking.
"Come on," I grumbled, leading him up the stairs to the study. Nessie was already seated at her own desk, fiddling with her pencils. Like me, she wore the white blouse beneath a dark pinafore dress. There was a desk right next to hers, and one closer to the chalkboard. I sighed, knowing I was about to bring unwanted attention to myself. But seats were assigned, so I slipped into the desk closest to the chalkboard.
Koda came to stand next to me, forcing me to hide the papers that had been left on my desk. I shoved them into the little cubby, hoping he hadn't noticed that I had been tracing the alphabet. "Koda!" I cried, the words coming out harsher than I meant in my panic. "You seat is over there!"
He looked a little hurt, but stayed where he was. "Sorry," he said, "I just wanted to... maybe sit with you. Or next to you, I mean. Why's your desk all the way up here?"
I shrugged, once again wishing he hadn't asked to be in lessons with me and Nessie. Carlisle was just walking in, and overheard the question.
"Takoda, Camellia has never received formal education," he explained. "She can't simply read and do work handed to her. I keep her closer to my desk so I can help her through every piece of work. She's still working on the alphabet."
My face reddened and I looked down. Why did he have to explain? Why couldn't he just tell Koda to go to his own seat?
Seeing my embarrassment, Carlisle put a hand on my head. "It's alright, Love," he assured me. "It's nothing to be ashamed of. You're doing quite well."
Ignoring his words, I kept my eyes down. Nothing to be ashamed of? Renesmee was reading giant textbooks, and answering questions all on her own. She almost never asked for help, or got an answer wrong. It was like she was perfect at everything. And here I was, struggling to memorize things that kindergartners knew, and having to sit right next to Carlisle so he could correct me all the time.
"Oh," Koda said. "Well, I know the alphabet. I can help her!"
I winced, hoping Carlisle would say no. The last thing I wanted was Takoda seeing the extent of my struggles.
"Thank you for the offer, Takoda, but you are here to learn. Not teach." I sighed in relief at Carlisle's words. "However, at times, you may be able to help. There are some benefits to student-teaching, and I'm sure she would appreciate you checking over her homework."
Nevermind. Carlisle hadn't actually gotten me out of anything. He had just made suggestions on how to do it.
Lessons that day were grueling. I was trying extra hard to do everything right, because I knew Takoda was watching. Which made me that much more upset when I got so many answers wrong.
Why did O look so much like Q?
Why was a Z just a backwards S?
Why did so many letters have similar sounds, making it impossible for me to decipher which letter was supposed to go where?
"Camellia," Carlisle said gently. And patiently. He was always so, infuriatingly patient. "Pay attention, please. This will be the last one before lunch, alright? The word duck. Duh-ck. What do you think the first letter would be? What makes the Duh-duh sound?"
My hands were shaking, feeling the eyes on me. Takoda and Nessie were both done with their work, silently reading as they waited for me to finish.
Duh-duh-duck.
"It's a...B?"
Carlisle smiled softly. "Very close, Love. It's the letter 'D'. It makes a similar sound, though, doesn't it? B-uh and D-uh. That was a very good try."
Trying to play along, I nodded, then suddenly burst into tears. My reaction even caught me off guard, and I buried my face into my arms, putting my head down on the desk. Carlisle's arms were around me quickly, as he tried to reassure me.
"Camellia, you're doing amazingly, Sweetheart. You have made incredible progress for such little experience with reading. Just a week ago, you wouldn't have even known what the letter 'B' was!"
I shook my head, still crying. I knew that Nessie and Koda were probably staring at me, and that everyone in the house could hear. But it was just so hard. Everyday, I had to come and watch Renesmee excel at everything she did. She could read without stuttering, and do hard math in her head and her handwriting was perfect. She even knew cursive, which was like a whole second alphabet.
And everyday, she watched as I struggled to remember the basic sounds that letters made. And now Koda was watching, too. It was like I had an audience to my shortcomings, people who were always sitting back to witness my next failure.
And I always failed. Every single time.
Stupid, stupid, stupid!
"Takoda, Renesmee, I think that's enough for the day. Go on downstairs and get your lunch, now."
I heard someone quickly leave the room, but the other person didn't move. Their chair didn't even squeak, indicating that they hadn't made a move to stand.
"Takoda, downstairs please." Carlisle kneeled next to my desk, pulling me out of my seat and into his embrace.
"But she's crying!" Koda said frantically. "Is she hurt? What can I do?"
I felt Takoda's hands on me and I pulled away, humiliated that he was seeing me so upset. If Carlisle hadn't been holding me so tightly, the force of me yanking away would have sent me tumbling to the floor.
"She'll be alright, but I am sure Camellia would feel better if you would allow her some privacy. Go eat your lunch, please, Takoda. I promise I'll take care of her."
After a few seconds, I finally heard his footsteps fade away, the door closing behind him. Carlisle shifted me in his arms, pulling me away from his chest so he could look at me. "Camellia, what's wrong, Darling? Are you just getting a bit too frustrated?"
I tried to answer, but my breaths were coming out in gasps, so I just leaned into him as I struggled to calm down. "I can't do it," I sniveled, wiping at my eyes. "Please don't make me do lessons, anymore, I can't. It's too hard and I'm dumb and I can't do it. I'm sorry!"
He was quiet for a moment, just holding me tightly. "You are not dumb," He insisted, forcing me to look at him. I tried to twist my head away, not wanting to look at him as I cried, but he held my face firmly between his hands. "A girl who was dumb would not have survived that long on her own. Or understood rules and consequences so quickly. And she certainly wouldn't have adapted so well to a new environment, leaving such a mighty impact on those around her. You are not dumb, and I don't ever want to hear you call yourself so again."
I nodded and he finally released me, allowing me to huddle back into a ball on his lap. "But I feel dumb," I whispered regretfully. "Every day. I can't help it. Please don't be mad."
His hand rubbed up and down my back soothingly. "This is all still quite new to you," he told me. "You've never tried to read before, so of course it will be a bit difficult at first. And you've never been in social situation before, so of course it will take some practice. But Darling, what takes most people years to learn, you have picked up in a month."
I stayed quiet. It didn't feel like I was making progress. It felt like I was stuck in the same place, as if my mind had stopped growing with my body.
"I know it isn't easy, Love," Carlisle told me softly, his hand cupping my cheek. His thumb wiped away some of my tears. "But that isn't a reason to quit or not try. If you do that, you're not even allowing yourself the potential. You're giving up on yourself. And I will not allow that, because I will never give up on you. So I expect you to help me fight for you. Can you help me do that, Camellia?"
It was the first time Carlisle had truly asked me to do something for him. Even if it seemed all twisted around, because it was actually for me. But I wanted so badly to say yes. To please him.
A seed of doubt was planted, though. What if I couldn't do it? What if I agreed, only to fail him? Wouldn't it be better to just not try, and to go in knowing it wouldn't work, instead of doing my very best, and still failing?
"It's so hard," I whispered into his chest. "I try so hard. And it's never enough. I just want to make you-" My voice cut off, and I couldn't bring myself to finish.
Somehow, he understood. "It is enough," he promised. "You are enough. And you make me proud. You make all of us proud, everyday, just by being you."
It sounded like he was being honest, but it was just unfathomable. I couldn't even read. What was there to be proud of?
"Perhaps it's too much," Carlisle permitted. "Camellia, I apologize."
What? No, this wasn't what I had wanted. He shouldn't have to say sorry because I wasn't good enough. He shouldn't feel bad because I couldn't do what I should have been able to.
"Trying to teach you in a schoolroom is not beneficial to you," he continued, looking into my eyes. "You learn best by doing things. We still need to have some review time, but at least for now, your schooling in this room will be limited to an hour and a half each day, alright? I will work on finding other activities for you that will help further your education."
And he did. The next day, I got dressed in my school uniform and went to lessons with Takoda and Renesmee. And for an hour and a half, Carlisle reviewed letters with me, encouraging me whether I got the correct answer or not. And then after my hour and a half was up, Esme came into the room to get me, asking me to come into the kitchen with her. She wanted me to help make cookies, and she showed me how to mold the cookie dough into different shapes.
"Look, Sweetheart," Esme said. "I made the letter 'C'. Do you know any letters we might add to it?"
Grinning, I molded my cookie dough into an 'A'. "I'm making the word 'camellia'," I told her. She smiled and helped me form the rough looking letters. Hers looked much better than mine, but it was still easy enough to read. Maybe because I already knew what it was supposed to say. After that, she showed me how to spell out the words 'family' and 'happy', and she even showed me how to make the word 'forest' with the dough when I asked.
Later, Esme asked me to come and help her in the garden. She seemed confused, not able to figure out how many seeds she needed. "It's a bit difficult to figure out," she told me. "I have three different lines in the dirt, and 21 seeds. I can't figure out how many I should put in each one. What do you think?"
It took me a little bit of time, and a lot of finger counting, but I eventually figured out that she needed seven seeds in each hole. Esme smiled and thanked me as we began planting the seeds. "You just did multiplication, Darling," she said quietly, glancing up at me as we watered the soil.
Had I really? Three holes. 21 seeds. And I had figured out we needed seven seeds in each hole. Because three times seven....
Oh.
I grinned as I placed my hands on the soil, drawing in energy for the seeds. Esme had a big smile on her face as the flowers started to sprout before our eyes, first as little buds, and then blooming into bushes and stems.
She reached over and gently plucked one of the flowers. I had maybe gone a little overboard, because I was sort of sure flowers weren't usually as bright as the ones I had just created. But she held it in front of her, admiring it.
"Look, Darling," she said, holding it out to me. "Isn't it absolutely perfect?"
I nodded. It was dazzling. Some of my best work, really. Which was saying a lot, since a lot of my freetime in the forest had been spent trying to grow random things.
"What kind of a flower is it?" I asked.
Esme smiled, gently tucking it into the curls of my hair and securing it behind my ear. "It's a beautiful little camellia".