°°
I'll be gone too long from you
°°
Harlow Dean
I think this has been the best morning of my life.
I never even told Harry it was my birthday and somehow he still managed to go all out. This I was so unexpected and really unnecessary, but the guitar ring, the flowers and the fucking daydream believer vinyl almost made me cry with happiness.
Never in my life have I felt so appreciated by someone, it was a different type of happiness.
It was all so thoughtful and I genuinely didn't expect it at all. I mean last night he was so drunk that I didn't even think he'd make it out of bed alive this morning, but he did. He made it out of bed and decided to make me fall in love with him even more.
I'm gonna tell him today, I have to.
After the most amazing half hour of my life I dragged myself into the shower, got changed into a casual dress and put one of those scarf things in my hair because Harry said it'll make me look like a hippy and apparently I'm his modern day hippy...which is the cutest shit ever.
Harry made breakfast too, well he tried to make breakfast.
He burned our toast and cut his finger whilst cutting a banana so I ended up taking over, but it was the it's that counts.
He was actually getting really into it, told me that he thinks he was a chef in his previous life and that he wanted to apply to go on master chef as a kid. That's probably why he was so disheartened after burning the toast...that and the fact he thought he ruined my birthday which is far from the truth.
The funny thing is, Harry is the only person I've let cook for me I'm three years. Not even my mother was allowed to do that, I always had to be in control of everything because I was sick, however opening up to Harry and him being so subconsciously helpful has done a lot more than he thinks it has.
I'm so grateful he came into my life, so grateful my mother sent him to 'keep an eye on me' because despite the fact I lost her, I gained somebody who I believe cares about me all the same.
Recently I've been trying not to be so negative, so yeah losing my mother was absolutely fucking awful, but I met Harry and now I'm the happiest I have been in forever.
After we had breakfast Harry stuck his guitar in the back of his car and then we drove off to the graveyard because I need to pay my mum that typical birthday visit. I didn't apply makeup, because the chances of tears are very likely since this is my first birthday without her.
I asked Harry to come to her actual grave with me because even though they've already met and talked, I've never taken a guy to my mother that she's actually liked and it would be nice to do that with Harry. Even though I'm not really taking a guy to her in the way I have before, it still means the same, she just isn't physically here.
When we got there I was hit with that same melancholy greeting that the gates to the graveyard seem to give the second you step out of the car. I don't think it'll ever go away, but you just learn to deal with it and I'd say I've done a good job of learning to deal with it so far.
Through trial and error of course.
Harry held my hand the second he was close enough and then pushed the gates open for me, squeezing my hand reassuringly. The sun shining over all the gravestones will always be a pretty sight, this is definitely one of the prettiest places I've ever seen and I just wish it didn't have to have such sad connotations.
Hand in hand, I led him down the path until we finally reached my mothers grave, right in the bottom corner, only just reaching the sunlight. Harry was the first person to crouch down and the fall back to sit cross legged, then he patted the ground next to him inviting me to do the same, so I did.
"Hi Daphne, nice to speak to you again." He says confidently as if my mother was sitting down in person with us. "You weren't lying about this one being a proper sweetheart huh?"
"What are you doing?" I chuckle, shaking my head at him to which he just glares at me like I'm stupid.
"Talking to your mother, obviously."
Is this how he felt when I was tracing the outline of his butterfly tattoo? Because I totally get it now.
It's weird, because they've met before and that whole thing is still so strange to me, but after all this time it's made me realise that there was nothing Harry could have possibly done to save her, he did all he could. I just have to get used to the fact Harry was her dealer, it really isn't that deep.
"You know, I've never had a girlfriend before so I've never had to like...meet the parents so this is my first time, excuse me if I'm a little nervous." He smirks, glancing at me all proudly.
Is it weird that I find this so heartwarming. I mean Harrys never gonna get to 'meet the parents' in the traditional way so this really is the best he's gonna get, and he's treating it like it's completely normal. It makes me so stupidly happy.
I don't think I've ever sat here and been happy until now.
"I don't know what to say...your daughter means a lot to me, a lot more than I thought she would. Sometimes she's scary but in the best way possible, she's everything you said she was and more. You said we'd get on well, and we didn't to begin with but I'd say we get on now, what'd you think birdy?"
I nod my head, swallowing the lump in my throat because there's something making me so emotional about all of this.
"The thing is, I didn't know that you saying me and your daughter would get on, would later lead to me falling in love with her."
Harry diverted his eyes from my mums grave to me, smirking at me so confidently, as if he actually meant and understood what it was that he just said.
"Harry..."
"What?" He asks, smiling at me so proudly.
"Did you mean that?" I ask in disbelief.
My heart is beating so fast, I don't know if he actually meant that he loves me or whether he just...I don't know. Does he love me too?
"Couldn't risk lying in front of your mother now could I?"
My heart sunk in a good way for the first time and a smile uncontrollably took place on my face. Water began to pool up in my waterline because Harry has just told me he has fallen in love with me, whilst having a conversation with my mother at her grave.
It probably sounds so stupid, but it means so much to me that he's even here and therefore the fact he has just said what he has makes me so overwhelmingly happy.
There's something about that cheeky smile of his that makes me even more happier too. The second he said that he looked at me knowing exactly what he had just done and that smile alone will continue to melt my heart until I die, I swear.
Happy fucking birthday to me.
"Harlow Dean I am so fucking in love with you." Harry chuckles, grabbing my hand and interlocking our fingers as I mirrored his innocent laughter.
Wow.
My heart is exploding and I'm so overwhelmed by happiness which is strange considering every time I've ever sat here there has been tears. I'm still sad that I'm sat at a grave on my birthday for the first time and not on my mothers red 70's couch, but somehow Harry has made this one of the best days of my life.
"Je vous aime." I tell him, wondering whether he's figured that one out or not.
Apparently not, he shakes his head and keys out a little chuckle, "I know you've told me that before, but I haven't-"
"I love you." I cut him off, and suddenly his face drops.
He reaches for my other hand, forcing me to look straight at him and his confused, stressed looking face. I'm still smiling like a child, now knowing exactly how it felt when he dropped that bomb and smirked so proudly at me.
"That's what that meant? When you said that that night?" He asks, smiling only a little as if he's scared I'll say no.
Obviously I don't say no, instead I nod my head and immediately Harry leans forward and places several quick kisses on my lips. When he pulls back he's smiling with his teeth on show and cupping my cheeks with both his hands.
"You love me?" He asks excitedly to which I nod, and Harry laughs a little, pressing his forehead against mine, "wow."
Never did I think that the muscular tattooed man with the devilish smirk who came waltzing into my club one evening was going to be a man I'm finding nothing but adorable. He's so fucking cute.
It's probably stupid that I'm emotional right now, but I've never been this happy in my life and the fact Harry just told me he loved me at my mothers grave means so much to me. My eyes are watering up and I don't know if it's just because I haven't worn my glasses in a while, but it looks like Harrys doing the same.
"Well Daphne, I hope you approve of me." Harry says, turning his head slightly to look at the grave. "Little birdy here has turned my world upside down in the best way possible."
We sat there for another half hour. I told Harry stories about my mother, about previous birthdays I had growing up and he just listened with a smile on his face. It was actually really nice to sit there and not be crying because she isn't here anymore. It was just nice to sit and reflect positively for a change.
After that we wandered off back to his car hand in hand, smiles on our faces and Harry saying 'I love you' a billion between the grave and his car.
He said he's never said it to someone like that and never felt it, so apparently he's never gonna stop saying it.
I've been in love before, with the wrong person that is, but this is more than that and it feels so different. This doesn't make me scared to be in love, it makes me happy which is the best feeling ever. This type of love is so foreign to me, yet so unknown to Harry so it's a new experience both of us, one we're glad to be sharing together,
I don't know where Harrys driving us and I don't think he knows either but I don't really mind. He has his free hand holding mines and playing through his speakers is a playlist he made with all our favourite songs. This feels like a scene movie, especially with the windows down and wind blowing through my hair.
I've never been happier.
Every couple of seconds Harry takes his eyes off the road and smiles at me, holding my hand tighter for a second and then looking back at the road, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel in time to the music.
He's the hottest man I've ever laid my eyes on. He's fucking beautiful.
"Wanna stop here?" Asks Harry as we're driving closer to the road that turns off to the hillside that looks over the city.
"If you want." I respond with a smile.
Harry smiles and eventually, we're driving into the empty car park at the top of this hill which is usually filled with cars belonging to people going on family walks. Today though, the car park was empty which is strange considering it's the sunniest day in a while.
Harry and I get out of the car, he grabs his guitar first and then we wander over to the empty grass area with the nice view of the city. He throws himself down, inviting me to follow and then he lies down with his guitar in his hands.
He never struck me as the type to lie on the grass and stare into the sky, I think it's sweet.
"Lie with me." He says, pulling me down by the arm.
When my back hits the ground, Harry sits up and repositions himself so he's lying with his head propped up on my thighs. He reached for my hands and placed them in his hair before shutting his eyes and lying there so peacefully with his head in my lap.
"How'd you say I love you in french?" He asks.
"Je vous aime." I chuckle back, playing with his soft brown hair.
"Je- say it slower."
"Je..vous...aime." I say slower, "or je t'aime."
He lifts his head and looks at me confused, "je t'aime?"
I nod, laughing slightly at the fact I've never heard someone so English speak french still in their English accent but it's sweet. French is quite a romantic language so I think it's cute that he's saying that, even though I could probably tell him I hate him in french and he'd think it's cute.
"Je t'aime birdy." Harry smiles, lying back down and shutting his eyes again.
"Je t'aime aussi, Harry."
"Sounds better when you say it." He pouts, taking his guitar into his arms and just laying with it on his chest.
I don't think I've ever felt so free and at peace in my life. Harry looks so beautiful and lying under the cloudless sky with his guitar in his hands, he just looks so carefree. It's nice to see him look so free of stress considering he lives a very hectic life, I like seeing him relaxed and smiling.
He starts strumming away, not to a song but just doing his own thing. It sounds amazing though, there's just something about hearing someone you love play music that makes it sounds ten times better.
He stopped playing and dipping his hands into his Jean pockets, pulling out a packet of cigarettes and then placing one between his lips. He asked if I minded to which I just said it was fine. Smoking definitely isn't a good habit, but he makes it look so cool.
Each time he breathes out the cloud of grey smoke, he blows it away from me, making sure I don't get a whiff of the smell. The wind still blows it back at me, but I don't mind. He looks too good to be mad at right now.
It feels weird to just be watching him, but I can't take my eyes off him. He just looks so picture worthy but sometimes the best moments are too good to be captured in a picture. Often the best memories are kept strictly in your mind and this is one of those moments.
When he's done his cigarette he puts it out with his finger and tosses it the the ground as if his finger was made of metal.
"Doesn't that hurt?" I ask him curiously, noticing how he didn't even flinch.
"Nope." He responds, popping the P with his lips. "proper weapon I am, love." He sarcastically adds.
I laugh back at him and then let my head fall back to rest on the grass. I put both my arms behind my head, however Harrys sighed dramatically and reached over to pull my hands back down, threading them into his hair.
God I love him.
"Can you play me a song." I ask him.
Harry sighs, placing his hands back on his guitar, "what'd you want? I'll play you anything."
"I don't know, make something up...anything sounds good." I smile.
Harry picks his guitar up and strums a very happy sounding song. Immediately a smile comes onto my face and I can see the cogs turning in his head as he tries to decide what he's about to sing.
Maybe an original, maybe one I already know but either way I love hearing him play guitar. I don't recognise the happy song he's playing, but it sounds good.
"Gotta see it to believe it, the sky's never looked so blue..." he sings, clearly making the words uo on the spot which is cute.
"So hard to leave it, that's what I always do...So I keep thinking back to, a time..." he pauses to think, "a time under the sky with you"
He cringed as soon as he said it, as if those words were gross and horrible but they weren't, I think it's cute. Not bad for writing a song on the spot I'd say.
"Quick pause in conversation, she plays songs I've never heard... An old lover's hippie music, acts like she hates the words..."
The smirk he wore the second he sung those words made me giggle, because I know exactly what he's referring to; all those times I pretended to hate when he'd play daydream believer and practically scream 'cheer up sleepy jean' at me.
Of course I never did hate it, how could I?
Harry groans frustratedly, "I can't write songs."
"Stop being dramatic, I loved that." I tell him, running any fingers through his hair.
Harry placed his guitar down and lay there with a smile on his face for a few seconds, eyes closed and arms crossed in front of his chest. My hands are still running though his hair and Harry seems to be enjoying it, so I just keep doing that. I mean I hope he's enjoying it after forcing my hand into his hair.
"je t'amene birdy." Harry says with a smile.
'I bring you'... not quite sure that's what he was going for there.
"je t'aime." I correct him, sitting up on my elbows which meant my hands left Harry's hair and he looked at me with furrowed brows.
"I said that." He pouts with a dramatic eye roll.
I just laugh, shaking my head at him and then Harry rolls over so he's lying on his front, perched up on his elbows next to me with his face just inches from mine. He looks so happy, and I feel it. Harry looks so innocent right now and it's just so pure.
It doesn't feel like the world consists of billions of people right now, it feels like we're the only two people in the whole universe and I wish things were like this forever.
This has been the best birthday ever.
I can't believe Harry remembered by drunken confession that his guitar string ring was cool and I can't believe Harry got me a daydream believer vinyl with the cutest message on the sticker. Most of all though, I can't believe he said he loves me...especially in front of my mother's grave.
That was so special to me, this whole day is.
"You look beautiful." Harry smiles, "I like your hair like this, you look like a movie star or something."
He's referring to the scarf tied round my head that's keeping my hair out of my face. The silk scarf Harry spotted this morning and forced me to wear because it made me look like 'his modern day hippy'.
"Do you remember that time you came to that fight and we climbed up on that ledge and I said that's what victory looks like because we were winning?" He asks, kissing me quickly before I can nod my head.
"I lied." He admits.
Stroking a stray hair from my face, he keeps his hand in place on my cheek and then leans forward to kiss me whilst smiling.
"This is what victory looks like."
°°
Before anyone says anything, yes I know he lyrics to Canyon Moon. I had to make the song fit the story somehow... don't hate me.