okay first of all. i'm sorry for not uploading earlier but i had a super busy day yesterday. but here is chapter 5!! i do kinda know where i'm going to with the story line so stay tuned lol
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Rob Jetten's POV
I close the double doors behind me and look at Jesse while closing them. He has his thumbs up and there's even a smile on his face. "Good luck, and If you need anything, I'm here".
The room is small, and I believe it used to a office. There is still a desk, chair and a bookshelf inside the room. But it is now a walk in closet. Clothes are either folded or hanged, and everything is pretty tidy if you ask me. There's a small laundry basket on the floor and I bet Jesse must take it home every now and then because it's empty.
I don't really know if I even wanna call Sjoerd, but my gut feeling tells me otherwise. Because I will definitely make things even worse when I don't call him. I look at my phone, which was already in my hand and I have over 13 missed calls from Sjoerd, loads of texts from him and even my mother.
Maybe I should just call my mother first, she probably knows what to do. The relationship with my mother is amazing. And I truly believe she is the best mother someone could ask for. I grew up in a small town in the south of Netherlands and when I came out it was quite a taboo. And she showed me unconditional love and support, which was something I actually needed at that time.
I dial my mom, and I just wait for her to pick up the phone. It rings a few times before hearing her soft voice. "Hi, darling".
Her voice sounds just like usually, so I don't think she's mad at me. I can feel the weight of the world fall off my shoulders, even though I haven't talked to Sjoerd yet.
"Hi mom", I say quietly. A sigh of relief leaves my mouth. I just smile, and sit down on top of the desk. I don't get why Jesse likes sitting on desks so much but it'll do for now. I put my phone on the speaker and I place the phone next to me on the desk. "I'm sorry if I disappointed you".
It stays quiet on the other side, and I can't really tell whether it's a good sign or not. I truly don't want my mother to be disappointed in me, but if she is, I'll fully understand. While waiting for her to say something I just tap the top of my legs and try to distract myself. When she doesn't respond, I simply ask: "Are you still there?"
"I am, but I'm just thinking about everything", she tells me honestly. A lot has happened today and I can't imagine reading all those news articles about your kid. She must've gone through a lot today. "But I am disappointed".
Oh no. I close my eyes and let out a deep sigh, I mean, I saw this coming. But it's the worst feeling ever, the woman I love the most in this whole world is disappointed in me. I honestly don't want to cry but I'm close. "I know, mom".
"How could you do this to Sjoerd?", She asks me. To be honest, I wonder that too. I didn't even have sex with Jesse, but I don't really know why I did what I did. Is my relationship with Sjoerd not satisfying me enough? My relationship with Sjoerd is amazing and I'm the happiest person ever since I met him. But I do like the mystery that is Jesse Klaver, he confuses me constantly. All kinds of thoughts are in my head and I hear my mother say something else. "Sex, sex with another politician".
"I didn't, mom", I say, I hope she believes me. I stare at the phone on the desk. I stand up and try to calm down. "I know it's hard to believe, but I didn't".
"Robbie, you've been talking about Jesse ever since you joined the parliament", my mom says. I grab my phone off the desk and take it off the speaker. I put the phone to my ear and I continue the conversation like this. "You've been with Sjoerd for nearly 7 years, when you first met him, you didn't talk about him that much".
"I know", I sigh. I rub the back of my head with my spare hand and I try to relax. It'd feel so wrong to not be honest with her, she's right about me talking about Jesse but I don't wanna get into that too much. So I still try to be honest. "But I didn't have sex with Jesse, I wanted to, but I didn't. All we did was k- catch up, you know, trying to work this all out".
"Hmm, have you called Sjoerd yet?".
"No, I wanted to call you first. And ask you for advise".
"What do you mean, no? That poor boy", My mom sounds disappointed, and she's right about it. It's not fair to Sjoerd, not at all. "You're not gonna tell me you haven't talked to Sjoerd all day?"
"I haven't", I say honestly, and even though I now have over 20 missed calls from Sjoerd I still don't know what to do and I'm probably making this all worse. "I don't know what to say when I call him back".
"Nonsense, Rob". My mom is harsh, and I don't really know this side of her. She has always been this kindhearted and sweet woman, and like any parent, she'd raise her voice at you if you did something mischievous. "You have to face the consequences, you're a 34 year old gentleman and you know exactly what those consequences are".
"I know, mom", I say. She may have been quite harsh and honest, she is 100% right. I sigh and sit down on the desk again. I thank her for her time and that I'm gonna call Sjoerd after this phone call. "One more thing: can I sleep over tonight?".
"Of course you can, darling. I'll put a key under the doormat".
I end the phone call and look at my notifications. Loads of missed calls from Sjoerd, loads of texts from friends and even some colleagues. Even a national news website posted about me and Jesse and I got a notification about that. Although my heart is beating in my fucking throat I decide to call Sjoerd.
The phone rings about 3 times when it's being picked up. And I'm scared to say anything, I can't really say 'honey' or 'love' in a situation like this but saying 'Sjoerd' would also be awkward.
"Hi". Is all I can manage to say to Sjoerd. My hands are shaking and I can't help but shake my legs as well causing the entire desk to shake. I don't think I have ever been this nervous before, in my entire life. "Let's get straight to the point, I fucked up".
"You fucked him?", Sjoerd yells. Because of me being nervous, I believe I might have mispronounced the word 'up'. Fuck. I take a deep breath and I realize I'm the worst person on this planet.
"I didn't, I promise you I didn't", I tell him, I feel like crying but I'm trying my best not to. My hands are still shaking so I think it's best for me to put the phone on the speaker again. I look at the double door in front of me and I just hope Jesse isn't able to hear this all. I put it on speaker and turn the volume down a bit.
"You literally said that you had sex with Jesse", He says. And I literally can't deny that. I did say it, and I said it with my whole chest at that moment. I look at the phone and at the folded clothes next to me.
"I did say it, but I didn't have sex with him", I say. My hands are shaking again and before I even realize it I'm biting my nails. "I know it makes zero sense but I said it out of nowhere, like a joke". I half lie.
"Why would you say it then?" Sjoerd asks, his voice is loud but he's not yelling anymore. I'm wondering if I'd have reacted the same if Sjoerd did what I did. Our relationship was based on trust and I don't know what happened to that. Wait, why did I use was? I sigh and I'm honestly the worst boyfriend ever.
"I don't know", I tell him. I'm trying to be transparent with him but it's getting harder when he only knows one side of the story. And at this point I'm unable to tell my side of the story since I'm such a wreck. I don't even know what happened, well I know what happened but I don't really know how to explain it. "Today has been a rough day for me, but I don-".
"A rough day for you? Can you even imagine what today has been like for me? To read on social media that your boyfriend stared at another man's ass, and then hear your boyfriend say that he fucked that same man. You didn't even try to call me back, not even once. Not a single text, not answering any of my calls. You left me in complete dark this entire day and you're telling me it's been a rough day for you?".
The second Sjoerd interrupted me, I realize I said something stupid. His voice is loud and he's furious.
"I'm sorry, Sjoerd. I'm truly sorry. I don't know why I said that", I tell him. It's been the same conversation ever since this phone call started and I don't think it's gonna end well. "I honestly don't know how to make it up to you".
It stays quiet for some time before Sjoerd starts talking. "You know, Rob. It's been a lot for me today and I don't think you can save this. As much as I want to believe you, I can't. I think we should take a break for some time. Let this be a time to reflect and learn from your mistakes, I love you but I can't do this".
The phone call ends and I'm lost for words. Sjoerd is right and I give him every right to ask for a break but I'm heartbroken. This is probably what a heartbreak feels like.