It's been a little over a month since Evan and I have made it official and started to be more than friends. It was smooth transition to dating, we didn't have to have that period where we had to learn what made each other tick or try to ignore the other's annoying habits. We already knew all those from being friends for so long and living with one another for 3 years.
It was the night before Ev's road trip and we were lounging on the couch together. Usually it didn't bother me at all when he went on road trips, but this one would be different. I had gotten used to waking up beside him every morning and the activities that came with that.
"You sure you can't take a couple of days off and come with us?" he asks me.
"Can't Ev. I have a big deposition this week and besides you don't need me tagging along. You never asked before for me to come," I say looking up at him.
"That's before you started sleeping beside me at night and allowing me the benefits that come along with that," he says laughing a little.
"Ah I see how it is. So if I started to sleep with you sooner you would have invited me along," I say playfully hitting him.
"That's not what I am saying at all. I am trying to say that I am going to miss you when I go."
"I'll miss you too. I'll be sleeping in your bed the whole time you are gone. Just so you know."
"Please do babe," he says smiling.
"So why didn't you tell me Harrison asked about me," I say giving me a smirk.
"Well I didn't think you would be interested and besides when we got home from the club my mouth was occupied with other things," he says running his hand up my leg.
I bite my bottom lip loving the way his hand felt on my leg. "Defiantly not interested in him at all. I just found it very hot how territorial you got over me."
"You are all mine and I am your," he says moving over top of me on the couch. Looking down at me and smiling and god how I love how that man smiles at me.
My panties getting wet just at the thought of what I know he wants to do to me. His hands on my hips as he leans into to kiss me.
Kissing him back and running my fingers threw his hair. Tugging on those little ones at the nape of his neck. He groans a little and press into me.
He pulls back and looks at me, "Fuck I love you so much."
I just stare at him in shock. Looking at him and my brain is trying to process what he just said to me. "What was that?" I ask just wanting to make sure I really did hear it correctly.
"I love you Hayley. I have for sometime," he says running his hand down my cheek.
I try so hard not to cry, but my eyes betray me and a loan tear falls, "I have loved you for as long as I can remember. You were it for me since I was 15."
He smiles that famous Evan Donaldson smile and I know that this one is all because of me.
He gets off the couch and holds out his hand for me and I take. Leading me to his bedroom door. As we are walking to it there is a knock on the front door.
"Seriously," I hear Ev say. He lets go of my hand and heads to the door.
He opens the door and fuck me if it isn't that puck chaser Jen. "What the hell are you doing here?" he says.
"Now Evan is that anyway to talk to the future mother of you child," she says pushing her way in.
My face goes pale and I can see the same has happened for Evan.
"Fuck off Jenn there is no way," he says.
"Oh but it's true Evan, here is the proof. Our little bundle of joy," she says handing him the ultrasound photo.
"Still not proof that it's mine," he says handing it back to her.
"The dates match up to when we were together last and you know I don't mess around with more than one person at a time," she says smiling.
"Fuck," he says sitting down on the couch and running his hand over his face.
"I'm going to leave you two alone. You obviously have a lot to talk about," I say quickly heading to my room before I let her see me upset.
"Oh Heather I didn't see you there. Don't worry we'll give you lots of notice before we need you to move out," she says smirking.
"Shut up Jen. Hayley wait, please let's talk about this," Evan says.
"No you need to talk to her about this. I am not a part of this," shutting my door and locking it. Just wanting to be anywhere, but here at the moment.
I know what this means. Evan will do the right thing and it means whatever him and I were starting is done. My heart breaks and it hurts so badly. I lay down in my bed and cry. I hold the pillow close to me and it smells like Evan.
I eventually find some sort of sleep around 2:00 am. He finished talking to her around 1:00 am and spent from 1:00 to 2:00 trying to convince me to talk to him.
I couldn't do it because I can't bring myself to hear those words that him and I are done. My alarm goes off at 6:00 am and I get up to get ready for work. Hopefully I can sneak out and avoid him cause he is off on his road trip today.
I get showered and dressed feeling like I am on auto pilot. I open my door and head to the door quietly and go to open it.
"You don't think I know what time you get up?" I hear this deep voice say to me.
I turn around and see he's slept or not slept on the couch over night.
"I can't do this right. I have to go to work," I say.
"I am sorry. I had no idea about any of this, but she's carrying my kid and I have to do right by them," he says coming over to me.
"I know. I wouldn't expect anything less from you, but it doesn't make this hurt any less, but I know you'll make a great dad," I say trying to force a smile, but all I get is tears.
"Please Hayls, don't cry," he says wiping my tears.
"I have to get to work. Good luck on the road trip and I'll start looking for a place while you are gone," I say backing up from him.
"You don't have to go. I want you to stay," he says stepping closer.
"I can't stay, if you are going to try and make this work for your child."
"Just please be here when I get home from the road," he begs me.
"I can't promise that. The longer I stay and see you the harder it will be for me. Just know I'll never stop loving you," I say walking out the door and heading to work.
I am a miserable bitch at work, snapping at my assistant and clients. I probably should have stayed home, but I had to get out of there this morning. My heart was in a thousand pieces and on top of that I had to look for a new place to live.
Amy comes in and sit across from me, "Hayley what is wrong? I have never seen you act this way. I mean even when you get mad, it's never like this."
I take a deep breathe, "Jen came over last night and told Evan she is pregnant. He wants to try with her for the sake of his child."
"Oh god, I am so sorry," she says getting up and giving me a hug.
"So if you know any places for rent or sale, please let me know," I say trying to keep it together.
"He kicked you out? What an asshole," she says.
"No, I am moving out. I don't want to be around them playing family and I know for certain Jenn doesn't want me there," I say.
"Hayley go home, doesn't he have to leave for a road trip tonight? You don't need to be here."
"This is the only thing keeping me sane at the moment," I say with a fake smile.
My phone rings and I grab, "Hayley Maddison, how may I help you?"
"Hey Hayls, it's Nic. Greg just told me what happened. Come over tonight okay. You can stay with me while the guys are away," she says.
"Thanks Nic, I would really appreciate that. I get off work in a couple of hours," I say.
"I'll pick you up around 5:30 and we'll talk and have a girl's night," she says.
"Sure sounds good," I hang up.
I finish up my work for the day and say good night to Amy on my way out. Heading back to the condo and walking inside. Funny how just one thing can change a feeling. This doesn't feel like home anymore. I head into my room and start to pack an over night bag.
I see something on my dresser and pick up the envelope and open it and see it's a letter from Evan.
"Hayls,
I don't know what to say that will make this all better. I know I messed up and I am always so careful, you have seen how many condoms I have. Anyways I love you so much and that will never go away, but the love I have for this child is so strong I have to see if I can work things out with Jen for them.
I want you to know that I will never get over the pain I caused you and I know when you do and move on it's going to crush me to see you with him.
I am going to try again to ask you to stay until I get back because there is so much I want to say, but I understand if you aren't here when I get back.
I love you and my heart will always belong to you.
Love,
Ev"
I hold the letter to my chest and start to cry, sitting down against my dresser. I don't hear the door open and Nicole come in.
She finds me crying and just hugs me and helps me up. She grabs my bag and helps me to the car.
We get to her place and she just lets me cry and talk once my eyes start to sting from crying too much.
"Hayls you can stay here as long as you need too. I practically live at Greg's anyways," she says.
"Thanks Nicole, but I have a few leads on some places to see tomorrow, you can come if you want too?" I say.
"Sure," she says.
We watch a movie and she doesn't really talk about what happened which I am grateful for. Around 10:00 her phone rings and I see it's Greg. "I'll just go to the spare room," I say wanting to give her some privacy.
I head to my room and see I have messages text and voicemails from Evan.
I want so badly to hear his voice, but I can't till I process all of this. My heart is never going to mend and I have to find a way to move forward without my best friend and the man who I will always love.