Chapter Seven: Lucky & Homesick
"I drove through the suburbs,
crying 'cause you weren't around,"
~ olivia rodrigo
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"When'll you be back?" Tilly questioned behind me, and I heard the bed squeak from her weight.
I quickly zipped up my grey luggage before standing it straight on the ground next to me. I lifted the handle up and peered over my shoulder, seeing Tilly lean against the wall, with her leg thrown over the other on her bed.
"Probably a day or two before the reading week ends," I explained, twisting my body around. I sat on the bed and yawned as I stretched my back. "Are you staying on campus?"
She shrugged. "I've got no shit waiting for me back home, Coco. Imma probably be with the dickhead." Dickhead no doubt referred to Vitaly, her brother.
It's been two and a half weeks since the party, and since I slept in Jared's room. Since then, October arrived and I had four midterms, which took up most of my time. My next one was after my reading week, though, which was frustrating. I wanted to get them all over with before going back home.
With it now being Friday, nearing closer to seven because I was in my three to six class, I would be heading home today. Thanksgiving would be on the upcoming Monday, and I'd be home for a week after that.
"I'm sure my mom wouldn't mind if you came with me," I offered with a small smile. "Maybe she will, but my dad would definitely invite you in with open arms."
Tilly chuckled at that, reaching to her head to straighten out the orange bandana. She recently dyed and cut her hair again, so it was much blonder but at the same length as before.
"It's chill, Coco. Imma just smoke some pot and watch shitty movies." She pointed to the candle on my desk. "You leavin' that?"
I nodded with amusement, making her smirk. "Perfect. Maybe I'll invite Michelle."
Michelle was the girl who'd been making out with Tilly that day, when I came back from class. She was sweet, shy and a pretty great singer—which was a rare combination. Ever since the party, the two had gotten closer, and I actually managed to have a proper introduction with her. After I caught them in the middle of a... session, last week.
Note to self: warn Tilly in advance if I'd be coming back to the dorm early.
"She's not going home for Thanksgiving?" I pondered, lowering my brows in confusion.
"No." Tilly pushed her head back and turned her attention to the window. "Her mom lives on the other side of Canada. It's expensive to fly there and back, but she said she's gonna visit during the winter."
Slowly, her eyes returned to me, and her smirk grew again. "Whatta 'bout you and that mal'chik, hm?"
According to Tilly, mal'chik meant boy in Russian. She'd been calling him that since I came back from breakfast with Jared and his roommates, but I hadn't told him that. I think that would wound his ego.
"There's nothing between us," I drawled, hoping my voice didn't uncover my nervousness about the topic. Just like Armando, I explained I knew him from school and that it was a small town.
I didn't have the strength to talk to Tilly about Adrianna. Just saying her name out loud would bring a swarm of memories and pain, and I wanted to avoid feeling that.
You can't escape me, Clove. Or the pain. Might as well embrace it instead of being a pussy.
Tilly's laugh took me out of my dark thoughts. I rose my eyes to see her stand up from her bed, walking to her desk to lift her ringing phone. "Please, Coco. You think I'm stupid?"
She glanced over her shoulder and gave me an accusing look before answering the phone, her back now facing me. "What, debil?"
There was a pause. "Go suck on a kaktus, Vit. I'm not going downstairs to open the door for you."
She grumbled something before hanging up, putting the phone back on the flat desk. "What happened?" I asked, standing up before walking to my closet.
"Vitaly was stuck downstairs, but someone opened the door for him. Now I have to see his face," she bit out, clearly annoyed at the thought of seeing her brother.
I chuckled, pulling out my navy blue sweatpants before stepping toward my bed. I noticed her laying flat on her stomach on the bed. "Why is he coming up here?"
"Because he wants to annoy me," she grumbled into the pillow.
Another laugh left me as I slipped out of my baggy shorts and into my sweatpants. They were the only pants acceptable, since they weren't fitted on my legs, but I'd still miss the warm weather.
Just then, someone knocked on the door. "Clover, you ready?" Cyrus called out.
I crossed the distance between me and the door before opening it, wide enough for him to step in. Like always, his brown hair was in a bun while his green eyes looked over my room.
He was dressed in jeans and a grey sweater, and I noticed his arms crossed with annoyance before lifting my gaze to meet his. "What's going on?" I pondered, stepping away to grab my luggage behind me.
He shuffled in his spot. "Mom is gonna be pissed. It's seven and it's a two hour drive. Dax will be asleep when we get there."
I furrowed my brows at that. "It's a Friday. He'll be up." My hands clasped the handle of my bag before rotating my head to Tilly. She was now sitting up, cross-legged. "You'll be okay?"
She nodded and shooed me. "Go. Eat lots of food for me."
With a soft chuckle, I nodded and waved goodbye before stepping out of my room with Cyrus. But my movements faltered when I saw Vitaly strolling around the corner, walking toward our room.
His eyes flashed with glee when they met mine. "Kukla. I see you're leaving me." His eyes dropped to my luggage before moving to Cyrus, who was on my right. "Who's this suka?"
Tilly's been teaching me swear words in Russian, so I knew that meant bitch. "Vitaly. I see you're as charming as ever," I smiled tensely. "This is my brother, Cyrus."
Next to me, Cyrus straightened, assessing Vitaly—who was now only a few feet from us. "Who the hell are you?" He interrogated, his voice hardening to a point that shocked me.
Was he trying to be a protective older brother? How adorable.
"Hopefully her future l—"
"Debil, stop being a shithead and come here!" Tilly barked from the inside of our room.
Vitaly looked over my shoulder, where the entrance to our room was, and rolled his eyes. "Whatever." He stepped forward and walked around me, but before he passed, he dropped his hand on my shoulder. "Don't miss me too much."
I choked on a laugh before stepping away. "I'll try my best."
With that, Cyrus and I walked out of my dorm building and made our way to his car, which was idling in the parking lot. He helped me lift my luggage into the trunk before we slid inside.
After buckling my seat belt, I clenched my shoulder bag, which laid on my lap. "Are we taking the highway?" I probed, viewing our surroundings through my window.
"Yeah," he cleared his throat as he pulled out of the lot. "We have to stop at the grocery store before we go home. Mom wants cheesecake."
"Sounds good." For the next few minutes, I looked outside and watched as we took the ramp down to the highway. My eyes focused on any potential threats before turning my attention to the left, glancing out the backseat windows.
I saw a truck speeding up just as Cyrus began to signal into the lane, only for the truck to drive faster. "Cyrus!" I screeched, my hands gripping onto anything to steady myself—even though the car hadn't even shaken yet.
My heads reached above my head and gripped the handle. My eyes were tightly closed as the car barely moved from underneath us, but my heart was still beating fast.
"Adrianna!" Jared called out, choking on tears. "For fucks sake, don't play a joke on me right now!"
I was crying softly, feeling a heaviness on my legs and seeing darkness everywhere. I couldn't see Adrianna. "Clover?" Jared called out.
"Y-yeah," I sniffed. "Do you see Adrianna?"
There was a moment of silence. "It's okay. I think she's pulling a prank on us."
"Yeah," I swallowed, but everything felt constricted. I couldn't breathe. "Jared, I can't. I can't."
I couldn't move from my seat, and I trying gasping for air. We were upside down. It was so dark. I couldn't...
"Fuck, Clover!" A voice rose, and clarity swarmed in. I felt Cyrus' hand shaking my shoulder, and I fluttered my eyes, hoping to steady my breath. "Please, just... breathe. You're scaring me."
I tried grasping for air, but my throat was closed up. I felt like I was back in the car again, hearing Jared crying for his sister to just answer him. "She's just joking. She's just joking."
After what felt like hours but was probably minutes, the car stopped moving from under me. My eyes were still focused on my lap as I tried to stop heaving and shaking. At this point, I couldn't stop.
Suddenly, the door next to me opened before my seat belt was unbuckled. Within seconds, Cyrus wrapped me in his arms and hugged me.
I tried to match my breathing to the sound of his heartbeat, and after a few moments, I managed to clear my vision. The gasps of air didn't burn my throat anymore, and I sagged forward.
"Sorry," I mumbled. "I just..."
"Don't apologize. Shit, Clover. Don't fucking apologize after you have a panic attack." He rubbed his hand up and down my back. "I thought... I thought you didn't get them anymore."
I swallowed before slowly moving my head away. I felt dizzy but managed to meet his wide green eyes, nonetheless. "I... sometimes it happens."
He stepped back, and I finally noticed us parked on the side of a road. "I'm gonna pick you up something to eat. Please just drink water, okay?" He waited until I nodded before slightly losing the tension from his shoulders.
After he managed to return to his seat, he began driving again, with low, soothing music playing in the background. True to his word, he picked up Chipotle for me to eat, but after that, I forced myself to fall asleep.
When we got home less than two hours later, I gave my parents a hug before excusing myself to my room. I answered Tilly and Armando's texts, but for some reason, I felt the urge to call Jared.
My finger hovered above his contact, but I fought against it.
That's my brother, Clove. Don't even think about it.
The feeling of disgust, about myself, rose. This was Adrianna's brother, why would I even think about wanting to call him? It was wrong. So wrong.
Knowing that, I threw my phone onto my bed and slipped into the hallway bathroom I shared with Cyrus. I would just shower and go to sleep.
Tomorrow would be a new day. Maybe I wouldn't fuck it up.
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I woke up the next day from a memory wrapped in a pretty little nightmare.
It took some realizing, but it wasn't too long until I connected the dots. Being back in Waydale was bringing back memories, and every bone in my body hated it.
This was also evident when I decided on taking a run.
After the accident, I ran. A lot. An unhealthy amount, to be exact. But when I woke up at nine, it was the only option for me to distract myself.
Candle making could wait until later today.
I was running in sweatpants and a zip up, pastel green sweater. My headphones covered my ears, blasting out She Doesn't Sleep by Anthony Amorim.
My arms were pumping next to me as I continued to gasp for air. It was nearing hour two into my run, but I nearly fell onto the pavement after a few minutes, when I unconsciously ran into Adrianna's street.
Suddenly, my throat closed up, but not because I was running. I leaned against the round tree at the beginning of her street, keeping my eyes low on the leaves-covered ground.
I managed to force my gaze up after a few moments, only for my eyes to instantly land on her detached, two floor, red brick home with white window lining.
My eyes moved to the left, across the street where the public park was. I smiled to myself and without much realization, I was jogging to the bench, close to the edge of the forest surrounding the park.
I sat down and took a shaky breath before dropping my focus onto my hands. They were clasped together on my lap when I heard Adrianna's laughter.
"Why don't you like him again?" I asked, pumping my legs harder under me. Adrianna and I were racing to see who could be higher on the swing.
Her laughter echoed in the darkness of the night next to me. "Because he hates feminists."
"Why would any person hate feminism?" I groaned, throwing my head back in annoyance. "God, men infuriate me."
"He also said the whole, being kicked-in-the-balls is-worse thing to me! The nerve. That pussy needs a pussy to feel our pain," she exclaimed, going slightly higher than me on the swings.
I twisted my head and watched as her black hair flew widely. "I'm so happy you have good taste in boys."
"Boys?" She snorted. "Who needs them. I need men. Or my fictional book boyfriends."
"How can you want someone fictional—"
"Clover Fields! You better not doubt my love for my babies!" She shouted, reaching higher and higher.
At this point, my quads were burning. "Damn, okay. You win." I stopped swinging my legs and sat still, slowing down.
She grinned in victory when our eyes met. "Don't worry. I'm sure you can beat someone else eventually."
The sound of deep laughter took me out of the memory from last fall. I lifted my head and glanced to the sidewalk that circled the entire park, only to press my back against the bench when I saw a familiar face. Hell, two faces.
Jared, and his best friend, Matt.
While Jared wore a sweater and sweatpants combo, Matt was clean as ever, with ironed pants, a grey shirt and a buttoned up, navy blue cardigan. His hair was almost black and gelled back with shorter sides.
He was first to look my way, his dove blue eyes connecting to my brown ones.
He instantly grinned and stepped my way. "Why isn't it Clover Fields."
Hearing that, Jared's wide eyes snapped in my direction as I stood up, walking toward them. Matt reached me quickly and wrapped his arms around me, holding me tight before stepping back enough to have some space between us.
Slowly, Jared slipped next to him, his eyes looking me over with an unknown expression.
"Fields," Matt tsked, my eyes moving to his. "I haven't seen you in a while. And you're looking as good as ever. How's everything?"
Last I saw him was in the spring. He was walking in the morning during my run, but after a quick greeting, we went our separate ways. We usually talked when we were at the Harvey residence at the same time.
"Good. Just visiting for the week," I smiled, crossing my arms before rocking back on my heels. "You still live here, right?"
He nodded and grinned. "Yeah. Finished my two year program, so I'll be applying to police training soon."
"Police? Wow." I couldn't see him in that position, but go him.
My eyes scanned our surroundings quickly, only for me to suck in a breath when they locked with Jared's expected gaze. He was still standing on Matt's right, hands shoved into his pockets while fashioning a serious expression.
I opened my mouth, wanting to say something, but no words formed. In the corner of my eye, I saw Matt looking between us, smirking. "I actually just saw Felix walking. I'll go say hi."
With that, Matt jogged down the path and toward the main road, where a guy, Felix, was walking his dog.
I watched them exchange words before turning my head left, back to where Jared was standing. His eyes were still watching me, and I felt the need to fidget, so I uncrossed my arms and laced my hands in front of me.
After a few seconds, he spoke. "You're running again?" He mumbled, his eyes dropping to my shoes.
My hands tightened and I peered down, watching as they turned white. For a few seconds, I gave myself enough clarity to remember—he wasn't supposed to know that I ran to begin with.
Before I could muster up a reply, Jared's soft chuckle stopped me. Raising my head, I studied how he shook his head, focused at the park on his left.
"You know, my sister wasn't slick." His eyes seemed to stay on the swings for a few seconds before he turned his back to me, flashing a smirk. "She was too obvious."
I stared at him, confused. He noticed this and grinned. "Weed, Lucky. I swear I could hear you guys from my room, and hell, when you got inside the house, the walls were basically shaking."
It took a few seconds to realize what he was talking about specifically. Adrianna and I usually crossed the street and sat on the swings, sharing a blunt before going back to her house, high as hell. We ate almost all the snacks in her kitchen after that.
Turning my attention back to Jared, I only snorted a laugh before crossing my arms again, leaning back slightly. "That's dramatic," I defended, cocking my head. "Plus, you were way, way worse."
"What are you talking about?" His brows raised, almost to his hairline. I didn't miss him stiffening, and I could have laughed. He thought I'd come unprepared for any comebacks?
"At least we smoked when your parents weren't home. I remember when Adri and I were sophomores, you came home and fell on the stairs. More than four times. In the same night."
He cringed, recalling the memory. "After prom. I had the shittiest sleep that night."
"Maybe because you got half a dozen bruises," I deadpanned, which only made him smile lazily.
"I can handle some bruises, Lucky," he mumbled, lowering his voice as he cocked his head. "Feel like I proved that."
I stared at him blankly, not wanting to show that I hated the idea of him fighting. "You're changing topics. You ashamed?"
"Ashamed of having the best fucking pain tolerance? Hell no," he smirked amusingly before sinking his gaze to the space between us. I watched as his expression sobered before his eyes met mine again. "You didn't come to my game."
Although I knew he was changing topics again, probably because he was embarrassed of that night and didn't want to talk about it, I still succumbed to the topic as my cheeks flushed.
"What are you talking about?" I asked pathetically, making his eyes darken as he stepped forward. The space between us diminished until our feet were almost touching, and I felt myself gasping for air.
I tilted my head to meet his waiting gaze. "Last week. You weren't there."
With a shocked chuckle, I licked my lower lip. "How would you even notice that?"
"I notice everything, Lucky," he stated with a lopsided smile. "You not interested in football anymore?"
"Did you trip again?"
He glared. "No."
"Then, the answer is no." I smiled and reached up and tapped his shoulder. "You don't have to lie to me, by the way. You can say you trip—"
"God, you're frustrating." I shrugged, not arguing with that. His eyes stayed on me, though. "But seriously. Why didn't you come?"
"And you're annoying." I shuffled on my feet and avoided his eyes as I scanned the park again. "I had midterms. Four, to be exact, before the reading week, so I was getting my study on."
When he didn't respond right away, I forced myself to stare forward and peer up. Jared's eyes roamed around my face before nodding once. "I expect you to come to my next game."
"I will. Just so—"
This time, he reached out and clasped my mouth shut with his hand. My wide eyes met his narrowed ones, only to notice that our chests were almost touching. "I'll win that game, just to shut you up."
I nodded weakly, and he smirked. "And then I'll teach you to throw a ball. Make a good fail video that you love watching."
His eyes stared into mine for another few seconds before he pulled away. I didn't look away until there was some distance between us, and I cleared my throat. "How do you know I like watching fail videos?"
"You try being in my room at two in the morning, hearing you and Adri trying to recreate one of the fails," he deadpanned, staring me down. His eyes seemed to soften, though, when he saw me grinning.
"As much as I like them, between the both of us, you'll be the one starring in it."
"I'm gonna make you regret even suggesting that."
I snorted. "How? By fall—"
"Yo, Jar!" Matt suddenly called out, and we both glanced to the road, where he was currently coming from. He smiled when our eyes met before jogging on the sidewalk.
In front of me, Jared nodded his head once in Matt's direction. "What's up?"
Matt didn't answer until he was standing between us. "Felix invited us over. You down?"
Jared's eyes moved to me before nodding slowly. "Sure."
"Great," he grinned before his dove blue eyes rounded back to me. "Hope to see more of you, Clove."
I gave them both a smile before Matt crossed the space between us and gave me a hug. When he pulled away, Jared was watching him soberly before giving a smirk in my direction.
"See you soon, Lucky," he drawled before stepping away, with Matt on his side.
In the end, I found myself walking back home instead of running. And entering my room, I felt myself having less of a heavy heart.
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November = non-stop
assignments and due dates
alas, pulling through is a must!
I say this as I'm working on a
lab that makes me wanna pull
my hair out ...
anywho! I hope you lovelies
enjoyed this chapter, and I'll see
you next week for a new one :)