"Life is finite and fragile. Just because someone is there one day, they might not be the next." - R. Queen
He opens his eyes for the tenth time since he felt the heat of the sun against his bare chest. The coolness of rain making him shiver ever so slightly. It is exactly what it sounds like in the trailer, there's an odd rush of air in from time to time mimicking his mood that seemed a never-ending nightmare. It had been almost a year since he chose Addison. Yet for some reason, Meredith was consuming his mind. Running his fingers in his wife's long, thick, red hair that was too conditioned and reeked of pineapple, he kissed her forehead and she nodded quietly before pushing further into his chest. The sound of their pagers made them pull away from each other and put on their clothes. He dons jeans and throws on a sweater before sticking a toothbrush in his mouth.
Heading into the hospital, he carries his briefcase and stops as he sees her walking across the hospital. Her dirty blonde hair is tied in a low ponytail, glistening in the sunlight. His chest contracts and his fingers tingle, the presence of his ring fading into oblivion. His feet freeze as she unintentionally walks to him, holding 10 different binders and scribbling something harshly. She crashes into him on accident and her paperwork falls.
"Oh god, I'm so sorry." She moans in pain as she holds her forehead, rubbing a small bruise.
"That's alright. Looks like you were busy." He laughs nervously and hands her the papers.
"Yeah, sorry. I have a case on lionitis today and-" she gets cut off.
"Lionitis?!" He exclaims as she hands him the chart.
His eyes run over the words, analyzing every letter of her neat cursive. He gets to the bottom of the page and sees his name in thick, royal-blue ink. He was the surgeon, his must be why he was paged into the hospital so early on a Saturday.
"That's amazing Mered- Dr. Grey." He says smiling.
"Yeah. Thank you." She nods as he hands her the folder back. Their hearts are burning for each other, desperate for more than just casual speech. His hand falls on hers before he pulls away frantically. Whether or not they want each other- and they do, two undeniable facts stood out; he was married and he was her boss. The two problems had been his biggest burden from the beginning of his life which had started ever since he met Meredith. There was a feeling of liveliness around her, he couldn't breathe or eat properly when he was away from her and it was difficult to think because the air was too thick. He realizes that they've been staring at each other for a while and smiles gently. Kneeling, he picks up a paper and looks up from her legs. The scent of her skin fills his lungs and he holds his breath as she holds her hand out. He takes it and lets her pull him up. Their chests press and he can smell her minty breath. The hospital is empty at this hour and the morning sun outlines her face.
"Thanks." She says taking the paper and stepping back.
His hand slips out of hers as she smiles and walks away as nothing happened. All he wants is to pull her back and kiss her. It's all he has wanted since he chose Addison. He has an obligation to Addison because she is his wife. The hours pass by slowly in the hospital, loud and crowded at every second because kids and people are walking around. Even in the OR, nothing is quiet or silent. The silence that he feels with Meredith is the one he has but not the silence he craves. Before he knows it, he is signing an insurance paper. Looking up in hopes to see Meredith, he sees the man he despises. The black jacket he has stepped on before is being unzipped and the pen falls from his fingers. Walking out of the room, he watches as Meredith smiles and lets Mark drape the jacket over her shoulders. She laughs and raises her eyebrows like he just said something very perverted, which, to be completely truthful he probably did. Derek isn't in control anymore and his body has a mind of its own, pushing Derek's feelings forward, harnessing the pure rage into physical power over Mark. He walks to him and throws his fist.
"What the hell was that?" Meredith yells.
"That was Mark." He seethes as he rubs his red fist.
Meredith takes off the black, leather jacket and holds her hand out to help Mark up while Derek stares. Derek moves to punch him again but Meredith steps in front of Mark. She stares deadly at Derek, making his hand drop back to his side. Addie locks eyes with Meredith as Derek glares at a minimally conscious Mark braced on the counter. He watches in unexplainable pain or anger or denial... as she takes a hand over her shoulders and wraps an arm around his torso, carefully leading him to a trauma room.
Everyone is staring at him like he is the villain- as if he just did something so unequivocally wrong. Little do they know how she is the only one stopping him from killing the man. His body moves to act again- forgetting everything and only wanting to pummel his face in before feeling his wife's hand on his shoulder. Teeming with vexation, he looks at his pager as it rings, demanding that 'The Shepherds' be in the conference room. Addie takes Derek's hand in her own and starts walking when he drops her hand. They sit in the conference room and Derek can't help but glare at Addison angrily. Though some part of him is wondering what Meredith is doing with Mark.
"Punching out people on my surgical floor?! My head of neurosurgery punching out people on my surgical floor." Richard's voice bellows inside the room as Addison puts an ice pack on his bruised hand, his knuckles still red. He takes it off with the perception that he won't need it.
"Put the ice back on your hand Derek," Addison asks softly.
"My hand is fine." He snaps back louder than he needs to.
"Put the damn ice on your two-million-dollar-a-year hand!" Richard's voice shakes the ground making Derek adjust his posture and the ice pack.
"Now... someone wanna tell me what the hell happened?!" His hand hits the table angrily.
Derek gazes at Addison, his eyes filled with unrelenting rage and pain. She looks back for a while and nods feeling the pain too as her husband does nothing.
"That was Mark." She responds, looking around in case anyone was watching the conversation.
"Who's Mark?" Richard's voice is softer yet not the slightest bit angrier.
"He and Derek used to work together back in New York. And uhm... they were- we were all close friends. Until... Derek found us in bed together..." She utters quietly, partly ashamed of her actions and partly wondering what would have happened had she stayed with Mark.
Richard's eyes glance off Addison to Derek for a moment until he stares dead in Derek's eyes.
"You put your weight behind it?" He asks.
"Yes sir." Derek nods making him stand up and nod.
"Well alright then." The chief leaves the room with nothing so much as a slam of the door.
The toxic silence in the room makes him glare at Addison once more, a fire sparked in his eyes; a threatening one.
"What the hell is he doing here?" Derek snaps.
"I have no idea." She replies rubbing her temples.
"Derek and I always did have the same taste in women." He says as Meredith cleans off his cheek.
"Excuse me?" She questions, appalled by the rudeness yet attractiveness in the stranger.
"You're Derek's lusty intern right? I heard about you all the way back in New York. Your famous." The slightest smirk appears on his lips making her chuckle lightly.
"Well, I heard about you all the way here in Seattle so I guess we have a lot in common." She nods.
Her nerves are telling her not to flirt but she can't help herself anymore. The smile on his lips reappears as she walks to the trash and throws out cotton swabs.
"We're the dirty mistresses." He says.
"I suppose we are." She whispers, her hot breath making him shiver with pleasure as she turns.
"My 400-dollar-an-hour shrink says it's because, behind this rugged and confident exterior, I'm self-destructive and self-loathing to an almost pathological degree." He spills out, not knowing exactly why.
"Hey, we do have a lot in common." She laughs, putting a hand on his very broad shoulder.
"You know it's funny, Der-" He gets cut off by her gloved hand pushing his chin straight.
"Derek walks in with me naked with his wife- actually in the throes and he just turns around and walks away. But he sees me so much as talking to you and I'm on the ground bleeding... interesting don't you think?" He asks.
Meredith steps between his legs and his hands go instinctively on her hips. She looks straight in the gray-green of his eyes and nods.
"Derek left me. He chose Addison which means he can't come after me anymore whether he still wants to or not." She claims nonchalantly- knowing in full truth that it's a lie.
"Really?" Mark's brows furrow as he sits up straight.
"Yes." She confirms simply as she stitches.
Normally, he would never let anyone do stitches on him but something about Meredith makes him overlook his standards.
"So, McSteamy, we have to get you to an X-ray to check for missing bone fragments." She nods as she finishes.
"Is that really what you want?" He asks, raising an eyebrow and smirking slightly.
"I haven't the faintest idea what you are talking about." She laughs, helping him off the bed.
"You want to take me away, somewhere... hmm. Somewhere quiet and secluded where not a single one of you friends can hear nor see us." He chuckles.
"I can always ask someone else to do this you know?" She smiles wider than she has in a while, amused by the level of perversion in the grown man.
"No, no, no. No objections Dr. Grey. Take me away." He laughs as they head down the hall, his arm draped over her shoulders and her hand clutching his torso. Walking into the room, he sits up on a table and she brings a protective strap to him. Setting it on his shoulders, she leans over him and begins to click the buckle as his breathing slows. The sight of their faces is caught in a reflection and she clicks it fast.
"Lay down." She says softly.
"I don't think-" He starts but she cuts him off when her palms push his shoulders on the table.
"I'm sorry... are you okay?" He asks, sensing her hesitation to speak freely.
"I... I'm fine. I was just thinking." She nods bringing the X-ray over his head.
Her thumb closes his eyelids and he relaxes, holding the sleeve of her lab coat between his thumb and index fingers.
"About-?" He asks as she turns off the X-ray and he opens his eyes in cue with his words.
"Nothing." Her hand slips behind his head and he sits up.
She wonders what this feeling is. Knowing she wants Derek but feeling as though she connects with Mark. Would it be so awful if she were to make a move?
So caught up with her thoughts, she doesn't notice Mark's hands closing around her waist and his forehead against hers.
"You can't think about nothing Dr. Grey." He whispers making her close her eyes and take a shaky breath.
His right hand travels up her body and he retracts two fingers to tilt her chin up. Her eyes open making his heart stop. The green is so mesmerizing that he forgets why he came to Seattle. As if, she was his new reason. As if, she could possibly be the one. Her hands close around his neck and unclasp the X-ray gear which falls hard in the ground seconds later. Their lips are red, blood flowing substantially through them as her fingers tangle in the hair on his nape. He studies her features that he was oblivious to before; her slender nose and the freckles sprinkled so strategically across her face. Her feet shift closer and his arms move around her torso.
"May I kiss you, Dr. Grey?" He questions nervously.
Her breath shorts out and she sighs in pleasure as their bodies press against each other.
"May I kiss you- Mark?" She asks softly.
He blushes hard and she sees blood from his cheek. Stepping away, she grabs a tissue and presses it to his face. Leaning up, she stands on the tips of her toes and hovers her lips around his.
"You don't have to ask... Meredith." His voice is deep and calming, almost reassuring her that he won't leave as Derek did.
"Neither do you... Dr. Sloan." His ears tilt forward wanting to hear her voice louder.
His hands have already slipped into her scrubs on her torso but he restrains himself, not desiring to make her uncomfortable. Her left hand, free now moves back into his hair. Gently, their heads tilt, and their lips press. Shocks start spreading both of their bodies as her upper lip is encased in his and his lower lip encased by hers. Their tongues are twitching rapidly but neither makes a move to take things further. She moans quietly as his fingers trace her loin, leaving no room for air. Her fingers tangle in his hair and they enjoy the feeling of their noses rubbing each other's cheek. He smells something, possibly a flowery scent; from her conditioner he assumes. They pull away unable to contain the desperation for air. They don't push away because they want to be close again.
"Uhm... I'm sorry." She says quietly, catching her breath and blushing heavily before smiling gently.
"You have absolutely nothing to be sorry about." He replies, the deep voice soothing her as she caresses his cheek with the tissue.
"I'm your doctor." She says pulling back and releasing her grip on his hair while he grudgingly lets go of her torso.
He stays silent for a moment just watching her feet shuffle and he sighs knowing she isn't over Derek yet. But honestly, he isn't over Addison yet.
"Let's go look at your films." She says softly, walking out of the room, feeling hot.
"What do they say?" He says walking behind her into the room before standing on her left.
"No bone fractions missing." She says softly as he gently caresses her pinky with his.
"So when are you leaving Mark?" Derek says harshly as he comes in clumsy upon seeing Meredith.
"I don't know. A week." He says as Meredith pulls her hand away frantically.
"Can I talk to you privately Dr. Shepherd?" She asks.
His expression changes drastically and he nods before following her out of the room. As she turns the corner, Mark locks eyes with her, the air immediately leaving his lungs. Time freezes as he reads the expression on her face.
Don't worry, I will be back.
She walks into the intern locker room with Derek by her side, his breath faltering with every step she takes and every hair she brushes behind her ear; a task obviously fit for him: in his opinion.
"Are you alright?" He asks softly in her ear as her fingers run over her locker, the memories of him coming back once more, those of which she has tried to push far back.
"I... have something for you." She says quietly, opening the locker and pulling out a sweater.
He hovers over her shoulders, his back straightening so that he can take in the soft scent of her hair that he has waited to adore.
"Is that mine?" He utters his words soft, once again afraid he will be too loud and impolite.
"I was trying to find closure but I... it's time." She says as he steps back and lets her turn to him after gently closing the locker.
"You don't need closure anymore-?" He asks softly, leaning into her ear again, his nose gently tracing the helix of it.
His palms facing upwards await the sweater. She looks up from his neck and into his eyes, breathing deeply as she places the sweater in his hands. He groans softly feeling the impactful pain of the thought of her moving on from him. His fingers unfold it and bring it up to his nose and he smiles.
"You wore it." He claims to make her chuckle.
"It is rather comfortable, I won't lie." She nods.
He opens the collar and reads.
"Made in China, much like everything else I guess; which you seem to find pleasant." He chuckles as she laughs, resting her head on his shoulder.
"Shut up. You're an ass." She laughs looking up to him as she rests her hand on his, some of his fingers tangle with and some gently caressing her hand.
The laughter dies down and he stares into her emerald green eyes. The ocean blue in his eyes is sending waves of emotion, confusing her greatly about what she wants. The deep blue pools slowly fade into a mysterious gray which pulls her in. She tip toes and he holds his breath as moves to kiss her. The sweater drops out of his hands. Mere seconds before she means to close her eyes, the gray flicks back to a blue and her hand rests on his chest as she falters.
"I'm sorry." She whispers as he holds her cheeks.
"Okay. What about now?" He asks, gently pushing against the lockers, knowing she wants him.
"No, I... can't." She replies fast.
"Are you sure?" He asks, running his fingers into her hair.
"I..." She gasps as his lips encase her ear.
"Shhhh." His index finger presses her lips as his explore her neck.
"Stop." Her voice is stern and he pulls away, his lips red.
"I'm sorry. I-" He starts before she takes a shaky breath.
"No, it's okay. I gave mixed signals. Boiled down... you have a wife." She says as he picks up the sweater from the bench and hands it to her, his hand shaking.
"Keep it." He nods but she doesn't take it.
"No, I'm good. I do have to go though." She says taking few strands of his hair from behind his ear and curls it in her finger.
She tiptoes once more and hovers by his ear.
"Thank you." She whispers, kissing his ear gently.
He breaths deeply to suppress the tears daring to stream from his eyes as his hands grip hers.
"I'll see you later." She nods and walks out of the room.
He falls back hearing the door closed, his head buried in his hands, and his tears running down his arms. All he needs is her but she just told him about moving on and it destroys him. The flames in his heart nearly burn him out completely but he knows he has an obligation.
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