I froze for a moment, remaining completely and utterly still.
Maybe if I didn't move, he wouldn't see me, right?
Okay, fuck, we were holding eye contact in this exact moment, there's no way he didn't see me. Unless he went blind. Was it wrong to wish he was blind?
I stared him down like I were ready to stand up and stab the fuck out of him, but he just stared back with very wide, frightened and slightly confused eyes, and it was all very uncomfortable and awkward and God, how long does it actually take to get to Belmont?
I tried to break eye contact, but my body was frozen and I could barely bring myself to do so much as breathe right now.
The train pulled to a stop, and though it was only Divison rather than Belmont, I figured running for my life all the way to Belmont where Avery's apartment was would most definitely be better than continuing this ride.
So as people began scurrying out the doors, I stood up and broke eye contact with Ashton, desperately trying to lose myself in the crowd but honestly, you'd be surprised how hard it is to hide in a crowd when you're noticeably taller than almost everyone in it.
I tugged my hood up over my head, ducking down slightly into the rush of peope before pulling out my phone and redialing Avery's number.
"Luke?" he asked, chuckling lightly. "Weren't you the one who just hung up on me?"
"Shut up, Avery." I snapped, whipping my head in each direction, catching Ashton's eyes once more in the crowd. "Fuck."
"What's wrong?" he asked, portraying a much more serious persona.
"Ashton." I hissed.
"Holy shit, you sure?" he asked, slightly alarmed.
"I've known the guy for months, Avery." I said. "I've stared at that face more times than I'd like to admit. I know that face, I know that body, I know that everything. Trust me. It's Ashton."
"Damn." he mumbled. "Um, not to, like, say the wrong thing or anything, but what exactly do you want me to do?"
"Get down to the metro." I demanded. "I'm down on Division, he's right on my fucking ass, and I am losing my shit. Please."
"I--Yeah, okay, but it'll take me a bit. I'll get a cab so I don't have to wait for the metro." he said, and I could actually hear him pulling on clothes over the line.
"Hurry, pleasepleaseplease." I begged, before hanging up and scurrying up the few steps onto the sidewalk. I hurried over to the nearest taxi stand, making sure to keep my head down amongst all the people walking in every direction.
I sat and waited a few minutes, though they felt like years at least and I didn't know what could possibly take a cab so long to get from Belmont to Division--okay, maybe I did, but I was not in a situation that arose any patience in me.
"Luke?" a voice called out, though it wasn't Avery's and I could pinpoint exactly what curly-haired Australian called it, and I was losing my mind waiting for Avery.
I didn't look towards the voice, I just sat there with my hood up and my head down and my legs shaking anxiously before a cab pulled to the stand and my absolute favorite purple-haired human stepped out.
"Babe!" I called out, shooting a rather confused Avery a forceful look before I tugged my hood from my head and grabbed Avery's face in my hands, pulling his lips to mine.
To my luck, Avery wasn't nearly as stupid as I'd originally thought, and he very quickly picked up on what I was doing and grabbed me by the waist, returning the kiss.
I glanced out of the corner of my eye and I could see an indefinitely floored Ashton, who was all but marching his way over.
"Luke." he growled lightly.
I forced the lump in my throat away, forcing a grin onto my face.
"Ash." I said, very lifelessly before tangling my fingers with Avery's. "You remember Avery."
"Yeah," he scoffed, "we've met."
Avery raised his eyebrows in a rather annoyed fashion, and I couldn't blame him, really, because Ashton could be quite the arrogant piece of shit and at this point, I'd love to see him try to take Avery. Avery's not a fighter, I can say that much for sure, but I knew he hated Ashton probably more than I did.
"Can I help you?" I asked very dryly, trying to force an annoyed persona but it was so fucking hard standing here with the most beautiful boy in the whole world standing in front of me and I couldn't even do anything about it.
He looked me up and down, before his eyes flickered to Avery and he repeated the action. "You two a thing now?"
I scoffed. "What do you care?"
He squinted his eyes slightly, crossing his arms over his chest. "Never said I did."
"Oh, yeah, I'm sure." I nodded very sarcastically, "How's Andy?"
He shifted his weight onto his back foot, unfolding his arms and stuffing his hands in his pockets. "Didn't work out."
"Ooh, bummer." I mocked, tightening my grip on Avery's hand.
"Yeah." he said through grit teeth. "Guess so."
"What're you doing back here, anyways?"
He raised his head slightly. "I missed Nate."
I scoffed.
"You've got a lot of fucking nerve coming back here." I spat, tightening my grip even more on Avery's hand, but he just gave me a reassuring squeeze.
He leaned into my ear, pretending to mumble but raising his voice enough for Ashton to hear when he said, "I'm gonna leave you two to this, babe, but when you're finished, come home, alright? I'll be in bed," before he pressed a kiss to the corned of my mouth and went to catch another cab.
"You're really with him?" Ashton furrowed his eyebrows.
"Fuck off, Ashton." I scoffed, crossing my arms over my chest.
"Do we have to do this here? Now?" he hissed under his breath, leaning a bit closer to me.
I took a few steps closer, almost right against him before shoving my face in his. "I'd be in the right mind to beat the shit out of you right here, you piece of shit."
And with that, I glared at him a few moments longer before turning around and taking off in the opposite direction.
"Luke, for shit's sake!" he snapped, jogging over to catch up with me. "What the hell is your problem?"
I scoffed. "My problem? Why don't you think that one over, Irwin."
I rounded the corner, coming into view of the park. And I figured if I was going to have to beat Ashton down, here would probably be a good spot.
So I wandered across the grass with Ashton on my tail, refusing to say a word as I seated myself on the bench, inching a fair amount away from Ashton as he sat down next to me.
"I fucking explained myself to you already!" he spat, turning towards me. "What more do you want?"
"I want it all back!" I exploded, whipping around to face Ashton. "I want all the weeks that you were gone back! I want my two months clean back! I want my friends back! I want all the time I fucking wasted on you back! Because for fuck's sake, Irwin, I cannot spend my whole life obsessing over you!"
He sat silent for a minute, studying my features as I huffed for breath, using all of my utter willpower not to punch him dead in the fucking face.
"I'm sorry." he said, very lifeless and quiet.
I scoffed. "You ruined me, you piece of shit!"
And he didn't say anything to that, he just kind of winced in on himself, and even though it felt like needles in my skin to see, I was just too angry. I wasn't that irrational, immediate kind of angry. I was the kind of angry that just builds up, that you don't even realize is there until something triggers the whole explosion and you just lose it.
"Owen told me that, and I didn't believe him. I defended you. I punched him in the face. My only friend left after you, and I fucked it all up because I was so convinced you were actually worth it."
"You don't get to say that to me." he hissed through his teeth. "I get that you're angry at me for leaving, but you have no fucking right in saying that."
"I don't?" I scoffed. "I threw away two months for you!"
He stood up from his spot in a very immediate manner. "You did that! I didn't hold the needle to your skin, Luke! That's on you! Don't you dare fucking pin that on me!"
I jumped up to face him. "How the fuck would you feel if I up and left you without a single fucking word!"
"I'm sorry!" he yelled, seemingly silencing the entire vicinity and bringing the earth to a stand-still. His face was flushed a deep, angry kind of red and there were tears leaking from the corners of his eyes. "God, I don't know what you want me to do!"
I stared at him for a moment, and I wanted to speak, I wanted to yell at him and push him around and I just wanted to be angry at him, but my body was completely drained and my mouth was dry and I was absolutely losing myself.
"Kiss me." I murmured, surprising both Ashton and myself.
"What?" he asked, startled.
"That's what I want you to do." I breathed. "I want you to kiss me."
"Luke..."
"Ashton, for fuck's sake, I haven't seen you in weeks, and I can be angry at you later, but right now, I just want you to shut up and kiss me."
"Why?" he asked, looking like he was going to come forward and do it but never actually leaving his spot.
"Because, I am in love with you, you moron, and being without you makes me feel like I'm drowning, and I can't do that anymore. I can't keep drowning. I'm so tired, Ashton, and I don't even know what to do now that you're back, but please, kiss me before I kick your ass." I said all in one, big, breathy go.
He chuckled. "Okay."
And with that, his lips were on mine and I could finally breathe again.
x
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