Wordcount: 4335
I Know I shouldn't
5 Days Later// Day 8
The hot sun crept over the horizon, and as it did, the brunette male found himself staring up at the murky sky with a pensive look that soon morphed into utter frustration.
His horse was a little distance away from him, soundly sleeping with soft, light whines being released among every other long breath it let out, which was something Black sighed at, because it meant the creature had gotten a genuine, long rest the night prior.
It was rare on his travels, and he couldn't help but find it amusing, though in a cynical manner,
'to think...even the damn horse is getting more rest than I am,' He thought with a hint of annoyance. '- And here I am, not a lick of sleep,' He thought bitterly, having been awake hours in advance, ultimately stuck gazing at the sky until the stars moved away and became masked by the brightness of the better glowing one that brought light to the land.
'When was the last time?' Erron asked himself, trying to remember another sleepless night, eventually forced to dig through memories that exceeded entire decades, and went back to a time before he'd even set foot in another realm.
'It's been a while.' He recalled, hastily brushing away the past, determining it better to not dig up old skeletons that needed to see no light.
Huffing, he then trailed his eyes over to the woman just in time to witness an airy breeze waft past her.
It forced a little shiver from her, while simultaneously her face scrunched up, fussily pouting as she wiggled, getting more comfortable by curling her entire body into a tight little ball, cocooned by the comfort of the little blanket that had been draped over her.
It was not long before a content, little smile graced her while a sweet, little sound that was of equal peace left her, making him heave an irritated sigh.
"- Unbelievable," He grumbled, realizing that even the woman had lived through a better night than he had.
He then thought back to the evening before, right before they'd stopped because it was the main reason he just couldn't sleep.
Black hummed a soft tune, one that was carried off into the silent breeze, moving in opposition to his direction, instead, aimed back to the path that would lead the woman home.
Throughout the journey, he was surrounded by a rich fragrance that was in contrast to the desert, and more akin to a lovely meadow riddled with color and life.
'...Just like that ol' flowerbed, Nana loved so much,' He idly thought, cherishing a small piece of his childhood that actually brought a smile to his face, one that lasted as he reminisced back to the springs where the blossoms flourished on the old farm.
For a long, lasting minute, his eyes shut close before he brought his chin down to the crown of her head, secretly breathing in her alluring scent while she continued to rest in his arms, unknowing of the act.
By then, she'd lost every bit of resistance she had, unenthusiastically accepting that it was much easier than continuing another day of an aching back in failed attempts to further herself from him.
She'd had no choice but to fall back onto him, simply accepting his warm encasement, far too worn to keep opposing him, because, in truth, she did find comfort while cradled by him.
- But it wasn't as though she'd ever admit it to him.
It had been hours before she made a sound, but when she did, it was one that seemed startled and frightened, something that was not so frequent during the horseback travel.
Following the peep, his right hand then left the reigns, slowly inching closer to her in a blind path before he found her tightly wound hands.
'I've found...a remedy,' He silently told her, having quickly realized that if there was anything that calmed her, it was the touch of his hands. It'd only been a silly hunch of his at first, but then, he tested out the waters, realizing that a little graze to her arm rewarded him soft pleased sighs.
'So then...what happens if I do more?' He wondered, as his warm palm grazed the smooth skin of the back of her hand, daringly moving before eventually, luring out a little sigh of relief from her as his fingers linked with hers.
It wasn't long before her own fingers curled, holding his hand down with urgency, begging him to stay longer with the act.
'- It's much different than my own,' He realized while marveling at the difference.
'Her fingers don't reach as far as mine,' He mused, 'And her whole palm is nothing but heat,' he added while pressing his to hers, merging their warmth into one.
A smile then formed on his eased expression, the tranquility it had been rested with lifted with a very faint, yet glowing form of delight,
"This lil' biddy... all she's done is complain and nag." He hummed, overall entertained by his little companion.
' - But,' He then thought with a little chuckle,' if she were out draggin' her rope, she'd have just about every man reachin' out for it.' he added with unaltered confidence, finding it right whichever way he looked at it.
'She's sweet and soft all around,' He then observed,' But with a lil spice that just adds so much more,' he explained.
'At the first taste...It's enough to turn a man into a complete saphead,' he noted, slowly easing down, brushing his lips over the (h/c) colored hair.
The little, light press was short-lived before he pulled back, a low hiss escaping him as he realized what he did.
The small bubble of serenity he'd shared with her popped, and as it did, he burst from its carelessly floating state, soon crashing down to reality.
He snatched his hand back, the resistance she'd tried to retain him with easily overpowered by the sharp move.
The soft comfort she'd been graced with was soon stolen, and Yet again, she seemed upset, but the burn he felt was far too great to cave in and repeat his mistake.
The soft heat that had touched him burned, the scathing burn crawling up his entire arm, attacking his entire body with a violent forced that seemed vengeful, cursing him for lulling her to peace before selfishly taking it back.
"She's a vixen hidden in a guise of a sweet lil' cottontail," He fumed, suggesting her innocence was nothing more than a guise.
"I ain't no fool," He said with irritation, his glaring eyes lasting only half a minute before they softened, gradually losing their raging ardor as he continued to stare at her slumbering face.
"No," He puffed, " What am I sayin'?" He then added lowly, shaking his head at his accusation, deep down within knowing that it had no ground to stand on.
"She's drivin' me insane," he then grumbled, finally tearing his eyes from her before dragging his two hands over his face, repeating the process of rubbing them up and down until he felt more lively, forcibly brushing off his sleep deprivation.
His steps were languid as he moved toward the saddlebag, fishing out the well-seasoned coffee pot, needing a bit of the strong taste to start his day.
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" Been needin' a good brushing, huh boy ?" Erron said while sweeping his fingers through the steed's long, silken strands of snow, all with a hint of sweetness in his voice as he practically cooed at the creature.
Curiously, (f/n) leisurely trailed her eyes over to the man, quietly staring at the display, her dour expression that was a product of her sudden wake melting down as she continued to watch him.
" - Can't hope to impress any of the ladies while being tangled up like this, right?" Erron added while he grinned, by then brushing along the entirety of the animal's body, focusing on his stripped back and belly.
He was granted a small huff, one that made him chuckle, and if (f/n) hadn't seen it, she wouldn't have believed it, because there was no hint of maliciousness, or even mirth, just simple, wholehearted amusement that nabbed her.
"Good boy," He went on, sounding just as tender, the sunny sound akin to warm, caramelized sugar.
"Did yourself a good amount of work yesterday, didn't you my strong man?" he added with pride, wearing a wide grin that showed all of his teeth.
'At least one of us is doin' things right,' He added sourly, well aware he was slowly slipping, and if there was anything that he detested, it was the bitter savor of squandering his winnings.
The woman was putting it all at stake, and doing so in the most irritating fashion.
During then (f/n) continued to observe the male with interest, her curiosity peaked by his behavior, because she hadn't believed there was even a shred of him that was decent, especially not with what she'd been shown nights prior.
His deception still pricked at her, yet, as she watched him, she couldn't help but find the faint glow that lifted his face somewhat appealing.
It slowly drew her in, and in a sense, she felt as though she were being reintroduced to him.
There was a peace he moved with, and it reminded her of her own happiness, the same one she felt as she showered her blossoms with water.
It reminded her so much of the small bit of joy she felt when in the proximity of the blooms that a small, delicate smile formed on her features.
'When I was upset, it was the only thing that made me happy.' she mused, wondering if the grooming was something he used to reach his own calm.
Was it something that brought him peace?
Her light smile lasted only a short-lived minute before she stopped herself, her (e/c) colored eyes growing with slow realization,
'Wait...' She started, slowly gathering her thoughts, ' I can't really be identifying with this man...Right ?' She inwardly chewed.
'He's an awful man, and there are no two ways about it,' She then added, hoping not to budge in her belief, because it was so much easier to hate him when she thought of him as just some heartless monster.
It was much easier to fend off his effect on her when she pretended that he was nothing more than wicked-hearted.
'Nothing good comes from him,' She then thought with resentment before she released a soft, uneased breath,
'No...Not one good thing...'She added bitterly.
'He's awful, ' the same inner voice that held bitterness pressed on.
'...Yet, somehow, every comforting moment that I recall in my sleep is riddled with him,' She then thought to herself, unable to deny his hand in the slowly growing comfort she was obtaining.
'I'm starting to remember bits and pieces,' She thought with satisfaction, having achieved something she thought was, at one point, hopeless.
' But... It's only when he's involved,' She interjected with unease wedged within the content.
'I forget where I really am.
I've never felt such peace and unease before. How can I even describe it? ' She started to wonder.
' Maybe...something like an absorbing fantasy within a nightmare,' she described.
'The darkness I blindly tread through has been invaded by him, and I'm afraid that it won't be long before there's not even a hint of the former horrors...
Only him.
By then, it will be only him.'
Her eyes momentarily closed as she slowly fell back into the vivid dream of the day prior.
(f/n) was surrounded by scorching fire that singed the very flowers she always thought of with tenderness, and as she looked down at it happen, she couldn't help but feel sorry for them as they turned to grey ash.
Slowly, her (e/c) colored eyes trailed up to a blurred figure, that was so close, yet, in a sense too distant, all to the point of being just a blurred mass.
Everything was clouded, save for the sight of a halo held upright by long, crystal horns.
Sharp pointed ends decorated both the pointed horns as well as the heavenly crown, and the sight was strange, yet familiar.
Ominous, fiery orbs then came into display, narrowed at the young woman during then, and while the face of their wielder was still a muddled blur, (f/n) fell into recognition at the sound of a familiar rumble.
'It's you...' She thought with widening eyes, her heart bouncing exited.
She had so many questions to ask, however, they jumbled up in her throat, and before she could even utter a word, the other woman spoke,
" Nature demands equilibrium." the voice declared with an unwavering belief.
" Balance is perfection," She went on, and as she continued to speak (f/n) couldn't help but feel her heart wrench.
'what does it all mean?' She wondered, not knowing why the words hurt so much. 'Why are you telling me this? What meaning does it have?' She wondered at a loss.
A sense of betrayal then flooded her, and slowly, (f/n) came to an understanding,
'I loved you.' She thought with certainty, knowing that the feeling existed, even while standing before her on what was clearly an opposing end.
The affection was true and so great that it lay dormant, lying in sleep.
'My mind forgets you... but my heart always has you there.' (f/n) inwardly stated.' You're there, but blocked by a pain that I can hardly manage.' she added.
'The betrayal, I know it's enough to blind me, and much more, It battles with everything beautiful that exists in my heart for you,' She conceded.
(f/n) could feel the tears that fell down her face as they trailed a hot fire that continued to burn as she silently cried,
'You've betrayed me in a way that is still haunting me, and has been slowly killing me,' she added while a bitter resentment flooded her.
'Is this why I forget? Because the truth is just too painful?' She brooded.
"You have stepped out of that order, and thus made that balance impossible," the being said while the land beneath (f/n)'s feet slowly crumbled. Bits and pieces of land rose at the lift of her hands, and as (f/n) watched, she frowned.
'The world moves to your whim...but I refuse to fall into the same direction.' the (h/c) haired young woman thought with resilience.
(f/n)'s hands then balled, the fists shaking as she tightened them, soon aching with the strain of their force.
Both love and tenderness were corrupted by her pain, twisting the affection until it bent into a rage that began to suffocate her.
"Stand down," The towering woman pleaded, a sudden strain in her voice thickening the tone, "Please," She murmured, but the plea only drove the younger female further into opposition.
'If I'm an obstacle...then why show hesitancy?' She sneered, insulted. ' If whatever made you betray me is so powerful...then why do you plead with me?
Why do you still pretend to care about a pebble in your path?'
"Resistance only ensures your suffering," The powerful being then added, it being something that struck (f/n) with a violent force of outrage.
"You!" (f/n) bawled while suddenly snapping, her body shaking with the power of her bark.
"You ensure my suffering!" she sobbed, the floodgates busting.
'You're the reason for these nightmares!
You're the reason for my abandonment!
You're the one that has caused me so much pain...and yet, somehow, you have the arrogance to shove the burden of my suffrage aside!'
"You pretend to care for me, but you hurt me!
You hurt me for a cause you don't believe in!
That's how much your love amounts to!
Nothing!
- Absolutely nothing when you're willing to cast it aside for an order you don't believe in yourself!" She rambled on, the words spilling before she could even think twice.
" You'd rather cast your own daughter away than defend her!" She cried out, her palms bloodied as her nails dug through the skin.
'Daughter...' the suffering woman then sniffled, 'Daughter?' she then repeated with wide, wet eyes.
' My mother... this woman is my mother,' she inwardly grieved before hanging her head.
'The same person that causes me to suffer... is my own mother...' She then realized.
(f/n) continued to lament, her breath coming to a strong hitch as hands then reached out to hers.
Tightly shutting her eyes, she grimaced, expectant of more pain to come, all in the form of a brutal lashing,
- But it never did.
Instead, larger palms enveloped hers, slowly unwinding the little balls with little caresses that felt comforting.
Slowly looking ups, the suffering woman then found herself gazing up at a dark-eyed man, one who smiled faintly at her sight.
His dark eyes, which were as rich in the color as the bitter coffee he indulged in stared down at her with mirth that made her feel light, as though the only worries she had were what came from his teasing.
All of the chaos was gone, and there was nothing but a desert land behind the man, one that held a few scattered blossoms, each one living its best life, even while stranded throughout the barren land.
They waved at her as the light breeze swayed them, luring more tears to fall from her (e/c) colored eyes.
She continued to cry, but with a different pain in her chest that felt rather sweet and melting.
'I'm so happy to see you...' She mused. 'Just why am I so happy to see you?' She asked herself.
His two hands proceeded to hold her own, his fingers slowly weaving through hers as he held each limb dearly.
"You sure cry a lot," He chuckled, the statement forcing a little huff to leave her, softly bemused by his words.
'I do.' She thought miserably, 'And I must be a nightmare to live with,' she added, not knowing how he ever got rest with her there when she sniveled so much.
Her fingers then pressed against his hand, squeezing them as she tried to hold him back, just in case he wanted to draw back from her.
'right now, your hands feel comforting.' she mused, 'right now... you're the only thing I have.' She thought sweetly.
'Just hold me...' she begged.
"Darlin'," he murmured, a teasing tone in his voice greeting her as it traveled to her.
"What should we do?" He asked with the same playfulness that held a warm drip of honey, filling her stomach with a heat that left her suddenly starving.
'I should run away,' She thought to herself, instead, closing her eyes with another little breath as her arms wrapped around his strong neck.
"-Stay like this," She said while he took the chance to wrap his arms around her.
'I don't know you,' She reasoned, 'You're a stranger after all,' She said to herself, not even knowing what name to call him.
'I don't know you...But much worse...I don't know myself anymore,' She sorrowed as she let him take control of her, not a single complaint whispered out as his mouth claimed her (s/c) flesh.
'This feeling makes me forget. It masks the pain,' she added while melting.
'This smell...it's so strong...it's so strong that I could lose myself in it forever.' she confessed.
'It's much sweeter than blood.
It's more comforting than burning flesh and earth', She thought with certainty.
'- I'm so afraid of you...I'm afraid of all of this,' She then thought with the same distress, though not backing down.
She then continued to watch him, curious to know if he had any other expression that was just as kind, her heart desperate to know.
'- Could I be mistaken?' She wondered.
Realizing he had a spectator, the dark-haired man stopped, taking a pause in his actions and speech altogether, because he knew he was being watched.
He could feel her eyes on him, and by then his sweet tongue was bitten, the gunslinger choosing to continue in silence instead while feeling strangely reserved.
During then, he let his eyes travel to her, eyeing the restrained woman as she continued to stare at him with the same enchanting eyes that had bound him before, and now haunted him without relent.
He then stopped, the motion in his hand-dying out until he took a long pause, doing the only thing that he had a mind to, and that was to stare at her.
There was a pause between them, filled with silence and the female's curiosity as she continued to study him, all to a point it was unnerving, rattling him.
He then turned back, leaving the thought of her in the back of his mind, shoved away, but still, stubbornly there, occasionally teasing him to look back and get another glimpse.
- It wasn't like him. It wasn't something he could counter, because he'd never had the problem before.
"Damn it.." He gritted.
Annoyed, he huffed, the frustrated blow of wind conveying his inner stresses, the vexation further accented by the sudden way he threw the brush aside.
Cowering, she then looked down at her feet, drawing her eyes down with a hard swallow forcing a thick glob down her throat. Nervously, she brought her eyes down to her feet before rotating them, seeing as it was the only thing she could really do.
It brought little entertainment, but at the very least it distracted her enough to ease down how rattled she was by his strong-voiced bark.
'How long is this going to last?' She wondered, her (e/c) colored eyes trained on a little flower that was rooted right before her, visible only as she pointed her toes in different directions.
'How long...' She added.
"Hey...you..." She started, not sure of how else to get his attention.
"Sir..." She breathed.
With a short huff, he shot his eyes to her, watching her as she continued to look down at her feet,
"How long until we get there?" She asked him, her voice low and soft as she questioned him, wanting to know just how much time she'd be spending with him, curious as to why they hadn't even left as they usually did.
'Are we close?' She wondered.
"- Soon." He said simply, the dry answer not pleasing her because it wasn't a definite answer.
"What does soon mean?" She proceeded to ask him, her voice growing with concern, "A day...A year? or are we just a few hours away?" She added impatiently.
" Just-"
"We'll get there when we get there!" He then snapped at her, something she flinched at, and as he saw the effect, he bit his tongue.
His steed then stomped its right front leg, all in a way that seemed annoyed, and maybe even disapproving, something Erron huffed at.
"Inconceivable," He grumbled, shaking his head at the idea that his own loyal creature defied him, and much more, was scorned over raising his voice just a little at someone who was nothing more than a prisoner.
'- She just asked a simple question,' he then reflected, recognizing that she hadn't really been hostile with him, simply asking with the unease that would come naturally for anyone in her situation.
'She's not as lively to begin with ,' he observed, seeing how quick she backed down.
'And here I am...' He thought before trailing off.
He looked down at the grooming brush with hardened eyes before he went to it, silently picking it up before he cleared his throat.
"We're nearin' a stop," He informed her, "there's an upcomin' village we're going to be staying at, "He then went on.
'we'll stay there till I can get word on what to do with you next,' He silently went on, doing just what he'd been instructed.
"It'll take us about a couple hours; about two to three," He told her. "We're a short way from the location," he stared.
"We could have made it yesterday, " he added, "...But ol' Boots was gettin' fussy," He added in a low murmur, sounding both embarrassed and irked.
Catching the last bit, (F/n)looked back up at him, her head tilting with curiosity.
'Wait... Is that...? Did he really name that giant such a silly little name?' she wondered with amusement that slipped through.
A little smile sprouted on her face before a sweet giggle escaped her, perking his ears,
"Boots?" She questioned him, her eyes skimming over the creature, the (e/c) colored gems catching the dark coloring that decorated its legs, only reaching halfway to his knees on both the backends and front limbs.
"-Because he's wearing little shoes, right?" She asked him, it being a question that forced a lil grin out of him.
'I wish,' He thought to himself.
"Nah," he breathed, shaking his head at the reasoning behind the given name.
"The damn thing has a thing for chewing my boots," He explained to her, sighing lowly as he recalled all the pairs he'd lost to the creature's nasty habit, and the part that killed him most was that, even after all that, there wasn't a more loyal horse around.
'Sometimes, he doesn't even wait till they're off,' he thought bitterly, shooting a frown right toward the animal as it playfully whined, well aware he was being talked about, because he'd caught his name slip out more than once.
During then Black could hear the woman continue to chuckle, and as he did, his stomach turned, left upside-down after one well-preformed flop.
As he continued to listen to her, and much more gaze at her, he began to wonder if the price that'd been offered to him was really fair.
' Is there really a sum that can amount to this woman?' He thought while admiring her, yet again entranced by her.