I sat inside the vehicle with Carl sprawled across my lap. I was too wired to sleep, too overcome by disbelief. My hand stroked Carl's head while the other one fidgeted with the bottom of my lip. Despite being reunited with Rick, Michonne, and Daryl, I couldn't bring myself to pay much attention to them. All my worry and focus were on Carl. Something traumatic happened to him last night—Sure, nothing happened, but the idea that something could've was enough to scar him for life. I was in the same predicament just a few nights ago, but the difference is that I have been through this once before... I know how to cope and deal with it. Carl doesn't. Understandably, he didn't want to be left alone and wanted me there. We talked a bit before he passed out, and he knew what would've happened to him if I hadn't come when I did. I shared my own experience with this group, reassured him that they would never hurt him again, and reminded him that I loved him very much.
I pursed my lips and leaned down, placing the slightest kiss on Carl's head before slowly exiting the vehicle. My reunion with everyone else was cut short, and I was too preoccupied with ensuring Carl was okay. I lightly shut the door and turned to face Rick, Daryl, and Michonne. They were sitting on the side of the vehicle, all quiet. All eyes turned to me, and Daryl was the first to get up. He tipped a water bottle onto a bandana and handed it to me, his blue eyes studying me. I shook my head and crossed my arms, my eyes scanning over the corpses of the dead men.
"You can't see yourself," Daryl muttered, "Bad enough, Carl had to look at you all bloodied up like that. Better for you to be clean when he wakes up." I grabbed the bandana from him and started wiping away the blood as I walked around the men. When I ran away, at least eight of them were left. I took out two, but how did they dwindle to only five? Rick stood up and rested his hand on my shoulder, his blue eyes saddened by whatever was troubling him.
"I didn't know what they were," Daryl spoke, startling me. I turned around and gripped Rick's hand, reassuringly squeezing him. It hasn't fully hit me that I found my family. I'm in shock.
"How'd you wind up with them?" I asked, my gaze turning towards my beat-up best friend. He looked horrible, but I've seen him so much worse. His left eye was black, with bruises alongside his prominent jaw. I wonder how his body feels—he must have some bruised ribs.
"I was with Beth," Daryl said, his eyes clouding, "We got out together. I was with her for a while." I took a step forward with Rick, our hands still intertwined. His touch was the only thing keeping me from freaking out right now.
"Is she dead?" I asked. Michonne stood up and joined my side, her hand gripping my free one. Could she sense the amount of uncertainty I was feeling? I was feeling a mixture of everything. It's like a hurricane of emotions brewing inside of me.
"She's just gone," Daryl muttered with his eyes on the ground, "After that, that's when they found me. I mean, I knew they were bad, but they had a code."
"Yeah," I bit back, "They claim. When someone claims something, the others can't touch it." Daryl looked up at me with surprise in his eyes.
"How'd you know?" I stayed quiet, unsure of how to respond without letting everything I've been bottling up overcome me, "They said they were looking for some guy and some chick. Last night, they said they spotted the guy. I was hanging back. I was gonna leave. But I stayed, and that's when I saw it was you three."
"You must have been the girl they were looking for," Michonne said, catching everyone's attention, "What happened, June?" I looked at her and sucked in a deep breath, smoothing over my emotions and building up that wall again.
"I went to the creek after the prison," I looked up at Rick with emotionless eyes, "There were walkers everywhere, so I couldn't stay for long. I ran until I couldn't and found a car to sleep in—that's when they found me," I looked at Joe's corpse and scowled at him, "One of them claimed me." Rick's grip tightened, and his breathing came out erratic. Daryl slowly rose to his feet, his lips in a deep-set frown as he approached me. "The one who claimed me took me in the woods, beat me a bit, and tried to rape me. I killed him before he could do anything." I looked at the vehicle and sniffled, wondering if Carl was awake, "Another one came out, asking if he could have a turn, and I killed him too—left him to turn. I know men like them. I knew they would start chasing me. So, I kept to the woods and started walking to Terminus."
The wall I had built in my head collapsed, and I felt everything all at once. My breathing came out jagged, and my eyes overflowed with tears. I leaned into Rick as my knees got weak and sobbed. Daryl touched my arm warmly, his thumb caressing the skin.
"I didn't think I'd see any of you again," I sobbed, "I-I-I thought you were all dead," Rick wrapped his arms around me and buried his bloodstained face into my dirty hair. A growling snapped me out of my episode, and I tiptoed to see the chubby man—Abel—start to rise to his feet. I pushed away from Rick with a snarl on my lips and grabbed my knife. I didn't stab him through the head last night. I kicked the newly reanimated man down and embedded my knife into his skull. Daryl rushed up and pushed me into him, allowing me to cry if needed. I embraced him tightly and felt a few tears slip from my eyes. For the first time in days, I finally felt at ease. I had part of my family with me again, and that's all I needed. Michonne slowly approached us and frowned as she reached down and grabbed my knife for Abel's head. I pulled away from Daryl slightly and yanked her into our embrace. The three of us stood there for a few minutes before tearing away with smiles.
"I really, really missed you guys," I told them, "I love you guys," Daryl's lips twitched slightly, and he pushed me away like he usually did.
"I guess you're alright, June," Daryl teased as he walked back towards Rick. Michonne and I laughed at him and hugged each other tightly. I knew those walkers all those miles back were the handiwork of this beautiful woman in my arms. We held hands after she handed me back my knife, and we walked towards the men, our lips still turned upwards. Since being reunited, I haven't acknowledged Rick. I had accepted that I would never see him again, and now that he's in front of me, I don't know how to act. Sensing the overall mood, Daryl looked at Michonne and motioned for her to follow him. I watched as they slowly entered the woods and frowned.
Rick stood next to me and nervously grabbed my hand. His face was now clean and had no traces of blood, but his hands still had a slight reddish hue. Rick caressed my face, his thumb tracing my cheekbone before slowly lowering to brush my bottom lip. My heart raced in my chest, and my stomach somersaulted at his touch. Tiptoeing, I wrapped my arms around his neck and brought him to my level to kiss him. Our lips lightly touched in the gentlest of kisses. Rick's hand stayed on my cheek while the other one wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer to him. I deepened the kiss and tangled my hands into his wavy hair, enjoying the moment. I thought our last kiss was when we were behind the bus, but I was wrong. I'm happy to be wrong for once.
"I love you," He whispered as he pulled away, his forehead resting against mine. I opened my eyes and looked at him, a smile spreading across my lips.
"And I love you," I responded before kissing him again. The car door opened, and Carl stepped out, a low groan escaping his lips as he looked at us. Rick and I pulled away from one another with smiles as we stared at the boy.
"Can't you guys do that somewhere else?" Carl groaned, "I rather not see my parents' suck face," I smiled at his words, honored to be looked at as a parental figure. Rick and I shared a look before tearing apart and approaching Carl, kissing him on either side of his face. Carl let out a low noise but let us kiss him. When we pulled away, Carl wiped his face with a teasing smile. Even though he was smiling, I could tell what happened last night weighed heavily on his mind. I didn't expect him to be 100% right away. Daryl and Michonne emerged from the woods, their weapons in their hands. Michonne was smiling at something Daryl had said, but Daryl kept his usual stoic face.
"No animals out there," Daryl muttered as he approached us, "June must've scared them all off," I turned to him and cocked an eyebrow at his statement.
"Funny, 'cause when I was out there, I saw rabbits and squirrels," I quipped, "They're probably hiding from your smell," Rick, Carl, and Michonne laughed as Daryl and I teased one another. Daryl rolled his eyes and wrapped an arm around me, his fingers flicking me on the forehead. I pushed the smelly man away and stuck my tongue out at him before retreating to the woods, where I left my backpack.
"So, we heading to this Terminus place?" Daryl asked as he grabbed his trash bag from the ground. Would that still be necessary now that I've found my family? It would be better to have walls than stick around in the woods. After my run-in with that man and woman, it proved that people would do anything for supplies. I can't expose Carl to that, not again.
"It'll be what's best," I said as I hitched my backpack up my shoulders, "We need walls." I looked up at the sky and saw the sun still climbing. It has to be early morning, "We start now; we'll get there today," Rick grabbed his pack and slung it over his shoulders, his hand landing on Carl's shoulders.
"Let's get going," He said as he took the lead. I followed and winked at Carl, watching a smile spread across his face. I stepped in time with Rick and looked at him, worry starting to consume me. He's been fine for the past few months, but now that he's out here—there's no telling if he'll snap. I reached over and grabbed his hand, my thumb stroking his knuckles. Rick gave me a small smile but said nothing as we walked hand in hand.
It felt good to be here with them again. I was scared that once I reached Terminus, I would shut down and become a shell of who I used to be. Sure, I'm not the same woman I was in the prison. Too much had happened in the short amount of time I was alone. We continued to walk for the next hour in silence and followed the tracks diligently. Rick and I continued to hold hands as we walked, exchanging small smiles here and there. Rick pulled me in and wrapped his arm around my shoulders, his eyes full of worry as he looked at me.
"Are you okay?" He asked me lowly. His grip tightened around me. I nodded at him and tiptoed to kiss his cheek, more worried about him. He smiled at me and kissed my forehead—Rick is fine. I can see it in his eyes. "I am, too,"
"I know," I responded and wrapped my arms around his midsection, proud of him. What happened last night was pretty big—he killed Joe by ripping his throat out with his teeth, but he seems fine. He doesn't seem like he's losing it like the last time. Rick looked at me and pursed his lips, his fingers trailing to my lips so he could trace them. I shivered as his fingers trailed down my front and paused at my neck, his eyes darkening. With curiosity, I touched the skin on my neck and frowned as I felt nothing. What's upsetting him?
"You killed him?" Rick whispered, "The guy who did this to you?" I frowned and swallowed, my head nodding. From Rick's reaction, I can assume I had bruises on my neck when Derek bit me. I knew my lip was split and healing, but I had completely forgotten everything else.
"I did," I reassured Rick. We continued silently for the rest of the journey; our eyes peeled for signs of walkers or people. It makes me sad that we can't trust people anymore, but I had known this was a long time coming. History has proven countless times that humans will turn on each other no matter what. It's just sad to see it happen. This is the way the world is now, though. We can't let our guards down for a second when we're out here. I looked to the left and saw a torn-down post with Terminus. We have to be getting close by now.
"We're close," Daryl said as if reading my mind, "We should be there by sundown." Rick nodded and kicked the down post, his eyes scanning the area.
"We should cut through the woods," I said, "We don't know these people,"
"I agree," Rick backed me up and looked into the woods. I grabbed the straps of my backpack and stepped towards the trees, my eyes searching every crevice around us. Carl ran up to me and held my hand, his nervous eyes darting around us. I wrapped my arm around him and kissed his cheek, silently reassuring him. I know how he must be feeling right now, and I wish I could take all those emotions away. No one should feel like this.
Daryl took the lead, his crossbow drawn and ready to fire at a moment's notice. I shivered against the cold air and pushed my sleeves down over my hands. It's getting pretty cold, and I don't have a sweater or jacket. Carl frowned at me and slung his backpack around, his hands digging inside the pack before he produced a gray sweater. I smiled at him, and he handed it to me, thankful for this boy's kind heart. I shrugged the sweater on and kept my eyes glued forward, my lips pursing as the fence to Terminus came into view. We all ran ahead and peeked through the holes in the fence, observing the building beyond. Rick turned to us and whispered,
"We all spread out, watch for a while, see what we see, and get ready." I looked at the building with the words Terminus, which seemed oddly silent. "We all stay close." I nodded at Rick and started to walk away, my hands twitching to grab my weapon. Carl passed by me, and I flashed him a small smile and a wink before turning my attention to the building. A warm hand grabbed mine, tearing me out of my daze. I looked and saw Carl, a frown across his handsome face. I squeezed his hand and pulled him into me, hugging the boy tightly. Together, we started to walk, our eyes on the building before us. The silence between us was tense, and I could tell something was on his mind.
"Carl," I whispered, nudging him, "What's wrong?" Carl looked at me, and his frown deepened. His bright blue eyes were dull, and they had a hint of fear.
"June," Carl finally croaked, "Do you think I'm a good person?" I turned to him, confused about where this was coming from, and forced us to stop. Why is he questioning whether he's good or not? I stared into his eyes, searching for an answer, but he kept his fears close to his chest.
"Why do you ask?" I finally murmured. Carl shifted his weight from one foot to the other, his eyes filling with tears.
"My dad told me the other day that he was proud of me," Carl looked down at his feet, his sheriff's hat tipping slightly, "That I was a good man. I'm not."
"Carl—"
"I know more now," Carl whispered, "About what he wanted from me, and I tried, but I still have these thoughts." Carl looked at me with tears, his lower lip trembling, "I'm not what he thinks I am. I'm just another monster, too." I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to comfort him. How could I explain that these thoughts are normal in this new world? He's a product of this world, and there's nothing to be ashamed of... he's still my Carl. I couldn't formulate my thoughts into words, so I embraced him tightly instead. I played with the tips of his hair and kissed his forehead, holding him longer than necessary. Once I pulled away, I wiped away any tears on his face and smiled at him.
"I love you; you know that?" I whispered to him. Carl wiped his face and nodded, his lips turning upwards, "Nothing, and I mean nothing, will ever separate us again. Your dad was right to be proud of you, and I am, too. Don't ever think you're anything less than a good man. If you're a monster, then I am, too." Carl smiled and hugged me again, his face buried in my hair.
"I love you too," Carl whispered.
"Sorry, I'm not too good at this," I chuckled, my hand finding the back of his head. Carl shook his head and laughed, his lips turning upwards against the skin of my neck.
"You're perfect," Carl smiled. I let out a breath of relief, happy with his acceptance. Carl and I have always bonded since I walked into camp—I've always treated him like a son. That's exactly how I see him. He's my son—my baby. He better not hear me call him a baby, though.
"Let's head back. There isn't much to see." I said as I turned towards the building once more. It was still pretty bare from where we stood, making me nervous about how quiet it was. You'd think we'd hear some people talking or even a kid screaming or crying, but there's nothing. It was even like the animals stayed away from this place! As far as I could tell, no birds or insects were around. Carl and I walked back to where Rick, Daryl, and Michonne were and watched as Rick buried the duffle bag of weapons. Rick placed his python in the bag and looked at us.
"We stay together," He ordered before scaling the fence.