Xiao POV ( TW I guess 😀)
I was carefully wrapping my arms in bandages. Ganyu was coming over because she wanted to talk about something, so I needed to clean up. Yes, I had just gone through a depressive episode during the middle of the day. Hopefully this one wouldn't last for weeks. The whole week I had been trying to hide this phase from everyone. Suddenly I couldn't take it anymore which caused what had just happened. I was currently in front of my bathroom mirror bandaging my wounds. Suddenly the doorbell rings and I put the razor back in the cabinet. I walk out of the bathroom and go get a hoodie to put on. The walk to the front door seems longer, I dreaded every second of it.
I didn't want Ganyu to see what I had just done to myself. Nobody could see. Even though I desperately wanted someone to say those 3 important words "Are you okay?". But that's never going to happen. I slowly opened the door to see Ganyu with a determined face. She pushed past me which was unexpected because Ganyu was pretty timid. "What is it that you want?" I asked angrily before closing the door. All she did was walk to the living room. It was currently 6:05 in the evening. "I need to ask you something Xiao." Ganyu said softly as she sat down on the couch. This was unexpected but I decided to listen to what she has to say. "Go on." I say to her.
She suddenly became flustered. She seems nervous? For what reason would you be nervous to talk to me? "Well If i'm intruding into your personal life, you can tell me and I'll stop.."Ganyu said before trailing off. She was clearly nervous and if I didn't comfort her she'd probably have a breakdown right there. I sighed and sat down next to her "It's okay Ganyu just spit it out." I said a little too harshly. "Well . . . Why don't you push Venti away" Ganyu said observing me to see my reaction. It was true why didn't I push him away? The only one I let help me is Zhongli. And I vowed to myself that no one else would come into my world. So why did I still stay close with Venti? I saw Ganyu's eyes trail to my body as if she were looking for something. Ignoring what she was doing I went back to my thoughts.
I definitely didn't hate Venti even though he was annoying as hell. But for some reason I didn't want him to leave. Like I said when you find someone that is worth keeping, what do they do? They leave you and never come back. It doesn't matter anyways the person and yourself soon will die one day and no one will give a damn about your struggles. So why does it matter? But for some reason I wanted to stay and see what Venti has in store for me. He seemed different from everyone else. "I actually don't know. . . He seems different" I say in a whisper to Ganyu. I saw Ganyu staring at my sleeves. "Um are you okay?" I asked, confused as to why she looked lost. Suddenly she grabbed my arms.
I flinched since the cuts were still fresh. She lifted up the sleeves with no hesitation. Suddenly I realized why she had been acting strange. I quickly tried to pull away from her grasp but I was too late. The bandages were now out in the open. Everything that I had tried hiding was out in the open. We didn't say anything when Ganyu suddenly let go of my arms and stood up. She turned away and didn't meet my gaze "I'm calling Zhongli" She said softly before taking out her phone. How did Ganyu find out? Why does she know so much about me. How come she realized that I was self harming?
She put her phone back in her pocket.Snapping me out of my thoughts. Ganyu slowly turned around and sat next to me. She grabbed my arms again "You're fine Xiao. Don't feel bad we're here" She said softly smiling up at me. I stared back at her shocked. Why would she care for me? Everyone is cruel no one cares for anyone but themselves. So why would Ganyu care for me? "Why?" I asked her. It took her a second to think about her answer. "Well you're family and my friend as well. I don't want anything to happen to my family" Ganyu said with a sad smile. When Ganyu was only 5 years old both of her parents passed away in a car accident. She had no siblings to take care of her. My mom's sister couldn't get pregnant and have children of her own. Then my mother said to her
"You should go adopt a kid. That way they won't be a disappointment." At first this made sense to me. Pick out a child that you like. Then I realized her statement was targeted at me. So my aunt went to adoption agencies and found out about what had happened with Gangu and decided to take her in. We were both 6 years old when my aunt adopted Ganyu. So she immediately threw a party to welcome her. My mother told me that I would have a new cousin and I was to treat her well. When we finally arrived at my aunts house every one was there.
My parents left me with Ganyu out of nowhere and ran off to go catch up with friends and family. At first I didn't like Ganyu she was too quiet and timid. Everyone welcomed Ganyu to the family and the party went on. When the party had come to an end my parents suddenly got a work call. They had to go on another week long business trip. So my dad asked my aunt if I could stay with them and she happily agreed. After my parents left me and Ganyu got closer. Since I was spending a long time at her house. Then I became old enough to take care of myself and didn't need a babysitter. But my parents were obsessed with Ganyu always praising her. They insisted that we went to the same school.
We drifted apart when we were in middle school. I was caught up with my mental health and Ganyu was caught up with studies. We still talk but not as much as we used to as kids. So I can see why Ganyu would want to protect me. It felt nice to have someone there for me. She wasn't afraid to speak up and ask if I was okay even though she was timid. Suddenly we heard knocking on the door. Ganyu stood up and walked over to open the door. I heard muffled voices from the front door. Then the voices came closer signaling that they would be approaching the living room any second. I suddenly became more nervous to see what Zhongli would think. Would he be mad at me? Disappointed?
I held my head down deep in my thoughts when I saw Zhongli kneel down in front of me. Slowly I looked up to meet with his eyes. His eyes weren't filled with disappointment or anger. They were gentle and kind. It made me feel safe and secure a least for this one moment. Ganyu walked to the nearest bathroom and got out bandages. She came back and sat down next to me. Zhongli stood up and took the bandages from her. "If you don't mind can I view your cuts?" Zhongli asked with caution. I nodded my head yes and began to remove my hoodie. I extended my arms and removed the bandages. Looking around to see Ganyu and Zhongli staring at me intensely.
The bandages slowly fell to the floor leaving the cuts out in the open. I heard Ganyu gasp from the left side of me. There were 8 cuts exactly. I kept count of how many times I cut. Zhongli suddenly stood up and walked towards the bathroom. "Does it hurt?" Ganyu asked softly. To be honest feeling the stinging was relieving. Seeing the red around the cut of skin felt nice. I looked up at Ganyu to see her tearing up. Suddenly guilt and sadness washed over me. Ganyu realized that I was full of regret and quickly went to wipe her tear. She cleared her throat "Lumine and Venti went to get a gift for Aether" Ganyu said trying to start a conversation. I grunted in response. "Venti will go shopping for Lumine with Aether since its almost their birthday"
(Idk when their birthday is so imma just say August 24th)
"That's nice" I responded crossing my arms. "Do you consider Venti your friend?" Ganyu asked curiously. I thought about this for a moment. Seeing that Zhongli and Ganyu cared for me made me have hope. Maybe Venti would be the same way. "I guess he'll be worth a shot" I said looking at Ganyu. She nodded and smiled when Zhongli came back with the razor I used to cut. He sat next to me and held my arms. "Do you need anything? Maybe some tea?" Zhongli asked carefully taking out new bandages. I shook my head yes. Some tea would be nice right now. Ganyu stood up and went to make some tea. Zhongli finished wrapping my arms in bandages when he grabbed the razor. "Why do you cut?" Zhongli asked in a reassuring tone.
" I deserve the pain and I want to have control over something in my life. So why not be in control of when I bleed?" I said. It was true right now I was in control of nothing happening with my mind. So cutting and feeling my pain was something I had total control of. At first it felt good and relieving. Later on I would feel the guilt and fall into a depressive state. Then the cycle would start over again. It was never ending pain and I had total control. Suddenly Zhongli handed me the razor " If you want to cut, take my wrist stare straight at me and leave as many cuts as you desire" Zhongli said staring at me intensely. It took me a second to process what he had just said. Looking over I see Ganyu standing by the doorway with a nervous gaze. Was he insane? "I can't do that to you!" I said standing up quickly. Zhongli stood up as well "Why?" He asked looking at me as if he was looking for a certain answer.
"I can't do that to you. I can't hurt you-" I said angrily when suddenly it hit me. How could I hurt someone? Especially when that person is me? I plopped back down on the couch avoiding Zhongli's stare. Suddenly guilt surged through my body. I felt the couch sink in ever so softly, to my right Ganyu had sat down. She ran her hands over the bandages staring down at them. I stared down at them as well. Ganyu and Zhongli care for me. They're pretty much my family. Both of them had shown more support than my parents who are rarely home. Suddenly I realized that tears were falling on my bandages soaking them slowly. They weren't my tears, I looked over to see Ganyu crying ever so softly. Reaching over to put my hand on her shoulder. She looked over at me, and I gave her a reassuring gaze.
I looked up at Zhongli to see him not upset or mad at me but to see him smiling. Ganyu stood up wiping a few tears "Excuse me I should go get the tea now" She said before walking towards the kitchen. Zhongli took a seat next to me. The silence made me feel comfortable, as if it was all okay. Even though at this moment everything felt okay it wasn't okay at all. I knew I had to do something about my depression and the problem of self harming. "We have a lot of things to do Xiao. If you don't mind I'd like to go see a therapist for you." Zhongli said smiling softly. I nodded my head. I was glad that someone was finally helping me. At that moment I felt a sense of relief. Everything was going to be okay. As long as I had Ganyu and Zhongli supporting me I'd be fine.
:)