CHAPTER 28,
BETTER ADVICE THAN THE THERAPIST
✦ · · · · ──────────── · · · · ✦
THE PAIR SLEEP peacefully with the blanket tangled around both of their bodies and provided them warmth through the chilly night. Keela's head rests comfortably on his chest as she snuggled into his side, while Bucky's right arm is wrapped around her waist to hold her close. To anyone that happens to be passing by, its evident that they look extremely relaxed while in the arms of one another.
The sons of Sarah (AJ and Cass) can be seen nearby as noises escape their mouths to replicate how they think a fight scene would go — judging from movies, that is. The Captain America shield has been pulled out from its beige bag and passed between them both to take it in turns to play with it. It's like they're trying to copy their Uncle Sam, looking up to him with pride that they're related.
However, the sounds they are making doesn't come out as hushed as they had assumed. This is most likely due to the fact that they got too distracted in their playful fight to realise their surroundings. This also awakes the two resting on the sofa bed nearby.
"Hey." Bucky greets, giving them a small wave.
"Put it back!" AJ hisses.
Cass swiftly shoves the shield back into the baggage they found it in before turning and running off down the hallway. AJ had attempted to help his younger brother but stopped himself at the sight of the shield slipping down the wall and hitting the ground, deciding its best to leave it. He too then disappears around the corner too. Neither of them had meant to wake the adults, nor do they want to intrude.
Keela rubs her eyes awake as a small yawn escapes her mouth. Bucky smiles as he pulls his gaze away from the two children and glances down at the brunette snuggled back into his side. The pair have always used to love the idea of starting a family together, often talking about it as they plan their future together. But that all slipped out of their grasp when they unwillingly parted ways and became Winter Soldiers.
"Morning." Bucky whispers.
"Morning. "Keela mumbles back, still half asleep and barely functioning.
Bucky leans down and presses a gentle kiss on top of her head. A smile spreads across her face at the small action, tilting her head up and kissing his jawline — not in a sexual way though. He only returns the smile as his arm tightens around her so that their bodies are closer, allowing him to hug her.
✦ · · · · ──────────── · · · · ✦
Keela had just completed her tasks of helping Sam finish up the boat, Bucky joining them both once again since they have nothing else to do and it gives them time to bond more. Sarah had actually went over to them and told them off for trying to replace part of the boat that clearly didn't need fixing. This led to them being pushed to the side and asked to do something else in the meantime while she focuses on the rest of the tasks.
So, currently, the three friends find themselves standing outside the backyard of the house. Multiple mat's have been tied to the barks of the trees to provide protection and prevent the possibility of it being broken. This is due to the fact that Sam is training with the famous Captain America shield while the couple stands nearby and gives their inputs. Keela and Bucky watch as he throws the vibranium shield towards the trees, only to have it bounce back and be caught then held in his grip once again — they too would often step in and have a go.
"Feels weird. You know, picking it up again?" Sam speaks up, glancing over at them both. "The legacy of that shield is complicated, to say the least."
"When Steve told me what he was planning, I don't think either of us really understood what it felt like for a black man to be handed the shield. How could we?" Bucky tells him. "I owe you an apology, Sam. I'm sorry."
"Thank you." Sam replies.
"I understand why you handed it over now." Bucky continues, pausing. "I guess I was only thinking about myself because that shield is the closest thing I've got left of Steve. He was family, you know? It just made me feel like I had nothing left, especially since Keela and I weren't in contact. It made me question everything about my life."
"Bucky..." Keela begins as she trails off, voice gentle as her gaze softens while looking at him. "I'm here now and you know I'm not leaving. Plus, you still have his book so that should count for something."
"Yeah." Bucky replies as he glances down at the book. "I thought maybe if it worked for him, it'd work for me."
"I understand." Sam says. "But Steve is gone now, and we have to accept that. This might come as a surprise but it doesn't matter what Steve thought."
Bucky frowns. "What do you mean?"
"You've got to stop looking to other people to tell you who you are." Sam states. "Are you still having those nightmares?"
"All the time." Bucky admits, voice quiet and almost ashamed.
"Even last night?" Keela questions.
"No, I was okay last night. I'm not sure if that's because I was with you, but you did make me feel safe." Bucky replies, pausing. "The nightmares just means that I remember, that a part of me is still there. Which means a part of the Winter Soldier's still in me."
"If you want to climb out of that hell you're in then you've got to do the work." Sam informs.
"I've been making amends." Bucky reminds.
"No, you were avenging." Sam corrects. "You were stopping all the wrongdoers you enabled as the Winter Soldier because you thought it would bring you closure."
"Sam told me that I needed to prove that I've changed and make them feel better. He said that I couldn't just go and say sorry because sometimes actions speak louder than words. I mean, I would still apologise but then I would show them that I can be helpful and that I'm of service." Keela explains.
"Those people need closure and you're probably the only person that can give it to them." Sam states.
"Probably a dozen." Bucky mumbles.
"That's fine. Just start with one." Sam tells him.
"Do they really help with nightmares?" Bucky asks as he looks over at the brunette.
"They helped with mine." Keela replies. "Not completely, but it'd just be more rare. The trauma will never go away because thats something we've experienced decades of, meaning that there's a lot to unpack. But you just have to learn to cope with it."
"How do you cope?" Bucky asks.
"It's been a rollercoaster for me so I wouldn't necessarily say I've learnt that yet." Keela truthfully replies. "What Sam told me to do helped out a lot. I think the problem was just that I completely isolated myself after all that. This was probably the cause of my panic attacks because I was left to my thoughts."
"You still struggle with anxiety?" Bucky questions, almost paining him to hear that since he hasn't been around to help.
Keela nods. "Yeah, it got worse once I got my mind back because of all the built up trauma. But I'd say I'm okay now. Actually getting out the house and inviting myself on this mission helps me stay distracted from a panic attack."
"I tried getting her out the house almost everyday, even if it's just a small walk." Sam informs.
Bucky stares down at the brunette and notices her avoiding his gaze as though she's ashamed to have felt that way, even despite everything she's been through. Reaching out, he wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her into a warm hug as he presses a kiss on top of her head. Keela immediately hugs him back before titling her head up towards him, rising to her tip-toes and connecting their lips for a brief moment.
"Thank you for helping her when I couldn't, Sam." Bucky says as they pull away, flashing him a smile.
"Don't worry about it, man." Sam replies while nudging his arm playfully. "She's a friend of mine so I couldn't turn my back on her."
Bucky pauses. "I'm going to take your advice."
"I'm glad we can help you, Buck." Sam tells him. "You know Karli won't quit."
"You call me when you have a lead and I'll be there as soon as possible." Bucky tells him.
"So are you guys friends now?" Keela questions.
"No, but I can tell that you two are more than that now." Sam comments with a smirk.
"I hope one of your bird friends shit on you." Keela fires back in a playful manner.
"I wouldn't even call us a team because we're not that good." Bucky adds.
"Definitely not." Sam agrees.
"We're professionals... And we're partners?" Bucky suggests, sounding unsure.
"Co-workers." Sam corrects.
"But we're also a couple of guys with mutual friends." Bucky states.
"One friend is now gone." Sam reminds.
"So we're just a couple of guys with one mutual friend." Bucky concludes.
"I can live with that." Sam replies before pausing to look at them both. "Thanks for the help, guys. It means a lot to me."
Bucky smiles. "Of course."
"Hey, Keela?" Sam calls, receiving a hum in response from her. "I think you should take this trip with Bucky. I know how hard it was for you and it'd be nice for you to help him through this."
"Are you sure?" Keela questions. "I don't want to abandon you just because I'm with Bucky again. You still mean a lot to me, Sam."
"I know, and that's not going to change by you going on this little trip." Sam states. "I think it'd be nice for you two more alone time so that you don't have to separate again."
"Thank you." Keela replies with a smile.
The brunette envelops him in a warm hug where he just laughs in response before wrapping his arms around her too. Due to Keela's head being on Sam's chest from her smaller frame, the laugh sounds deeper and has a vibration which only makes her laugh lightly too.
Then, the friends say their goodbyes to one another before the couple turn and walk away hand in hand. Off to another trip they go to.