Contrary to the title there will be no hot smut in this chapter. It's only slightly steamy. 😘
~*~
"And if I wasn't?" Emil closes the distance between us with a smug look on his face.
What is his game? Am I really that amusing to play with?
Two men enter the bathroom and I use the distraction to get away from him. I need air. Only the air in the mall is stale and suffocating so I manoeuvre around the various tables and people in the food court until I reach the balcony. Air there isn't any better. It's full with smokers. I'm sure Emil would love it.
I find a more secluded spot and take a deep breath. And another one. And another one... I remember that breathing exercise for anxiety relief so I start counting to four as I inhale and exhale.
What is wrong with me? I can't keep crushing on my sister's boyfriend like that! This needs to stop!
I need to set some clear boundaries here. I will never get over my crush if he keeps teasing me like this!
Or was he serious? Does he really want to date me? But then what about my sister? Does he plan on two-timing her? With me? Her own brother?
And to top it all off, Drago appeared out of nowhere and started acting like a jealous boyfriend. When did my life become so complicated?
"Angel?" I feel Emil's hand on my shoulder. "You ok?"
"I'm fine," I utter annoyed. "Can you stop teasing me?" I ask as I turn to face him.
His expression is downcast, almost regretful. His steel blue eyes peer longingly at me.
I take a deep breath, closing my eyes for a second to compose myself.
"Look, we need to set some clear boundaries here," I start my monologue before thinking it through. "You either like me or you don't. If you date my sister you do not go after her brother. No lingering touches or flirty remarks. And definitely no groping my thigh in the movie theater. Or anywhere really. Just stop!" I narrow my eyes at him, hoping I look intimidating enough.
"I really like you," he mutters so low I barely hear him. "You're so..." Emil reaches for my hair, stroking the soft curls as if I'm... What? His pet? His lover? "...beautiful," he utters, gazing into my eyes.
My heart threatens to fly out of my chest.
"You can't have both," I stand my ground.
The blue of his eyes engulfs me, enchanting me in their depths. They come closer and closer until I'm swimming in their greyish cool waves, drowning, gasping for air. And then his lips are on mine. Soft, gentle... deliciously salty. Like seawater. Or the popcorn he ate not so long ago.
I feel his moustache brushing across my skin and come to my senses. I do my best to break our kiss but his hand is latched on to my neck, keeping me steady and conveniently within reach of his luscious lips.
I hear someone whistle and this gives me the extra backbone required to push him away from me.
"Stop!" I gasp before he has the chance to attack my mouth again. "This..." I choke on air, my palms firmly pressed on his chest.
He wraps his arms around me and hugs me lightly. Not hard enough to trigger my anxiety but with enough pressure to prevent me from running away. For some reason this doesn't even cross my mind. There's nothing I desire more than to rest my head on the crook of his neck and relax in his embrace. I don't though. I still have some self-restraint left.
"I'll break it off with Svetla. Just say the word and I will. I'll be only yours." His words are music to my ears. But I can't allow myself to be that selfish.
"I can't..." I step away from him, feeling cold when his hands release my body. I dare glance around us and I wish I hadn't. A little child is gaping at us in bewilderment while his mother is glaring at me, seconds away from speaking her mind. I notice familiar faces in the crowd and I hope the ground could swallow me whole. I've never kissed in public before. I'm not used to the attention.
A girl is recording me with her phone as I storm away from the scrutiny of others, almost banging my head on the glass doors as I leave the balcony.
The stale air of the food court is welcome now, almost pleasant. I breathe easier the further away I am from those people. I just need to leave the mall and find some quiet place where I can be alone.
But the bloody escalator couldn't be any slower!
Breathe! You'll be out of here soon!
I feel like every person I pass is judging me with their eyes. I bloody hate people!
I bump into Goran on my way out but I barely register it is him. I don't even mumble an apology. The exit is just so close... I'm almost there!
I think he grumbles an annoyed "Hey!" but I'm already too far away from him to care.
Air! Finally air!
I breathe as a drowning man who just surfaced out of the water.
I haven't had a panic attack in a while. Does this even count as a panic attack? I'm better now, ain't I? It doesn't matter. It's in the past now.
It's over.
I can breathe again.
People around me are still looking at me weird but I pay it no mind. As usual.
I'm back to my calm collected self, my heartbeat gradually returning to normal.
I walk away from the mall, breathing in the cold air.
The boys that saw me kissing Emil on the rooftop were from my school. We don't have classes together but I've seen them around. I guess I'm officially out now. By tomorrow everyone would have heard the newest gossip. It would only keep them entertained for about a week though so maybe I could handle it. The questions, the unwanted attention. I hate it all. But it will pass.
I will be ok.
~*~
Exercise mentioned above is box breathing, or also called four-square breathing. You inhale to a count of four, hold your breath to a count of four, exhale to a count of four, hold your lungs empty for a four count, and then repeat.