What is this? An unexpected update on this tremendously old story I wrote.
The reason for this update is because Surviving Cancer just hit 1 MILLION reads! That's wild guys. I mean for those that have pestered me enough that we've become internet friends (😏 love you) you know how cringy I find this story. I get it, I wrote it years ago, when I was young and naive and still finding my voice as an author. I suppose we should still celebrate this enormous milestone though because it is pretty awesome that so many people have read it.
So without further ado, I'm giving you a little (probably awful) treat. I casually started writing some additional scenes to one of these characters lives and I'm going to share them. Just keep in mind, they are completely unedited, not in any sort of chronological order. Basically just me free writing to see if there was a potential story. But regardless here it is.
The following is mostly told form Skylar's POV. Oh also *Trigger Warning* there is self harm and suicide themes in the following.
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Flashback of Matt
I should have saw Matt coming. Which only pissed me off more. He was so fucked up.
Matt was definitely more Jared's friend than he ever was mine. I felt like I was always trying to impress him, make him think I was cool. But really even then I was drowning. And I knew Matt was too. It was obvious, I could see all the signs. Jared couldn't.
I remember one day out of pure desperation and fear of my own thoughts and feelings I told Matt. I told Matt about the dark hole I was falling into. I thought maybe, I don't know, he'd care. He'd admit he was too. We'd help each other.
But not Matt.
Matt just told me to get it over with. He was gonna.
A week later I watched him die.
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Calls 911 on himself
I felt drunk. Everything a little hazy. Fucking exhausted.
Was this what it felt like for everything to disappear. For the constant fucking battle to stop. My eyes felt so heavy, I could just shut them and never wake up.
The thought sounded kinda peaceful really.
My head fell to my side, my phone vibrating in my open hand. I couldn't open my eyes, the pills doing their best to pull me under. It went off again, I could feel my eyebrows raised an attempt to get my eyelids to open.
One eye cracked just long enough for me to see Jared's name on the screen, the picture of Bella in the background staring back at me.
Panic tried to rise within me as the gravity of what I'd just done hit me. My eyes closed, my breathing slowed. Fuck.
Bella. She was so young.
Jared was gonna fucking hate me.
I forced my eyes opened, everything blurry through the little slits. My head felt foggy, my limbs heavy. It took all I head to get my phone to ding with the sound of Siri.
"Ca..ni..won..on."I mumbled.
"I'm sorry, I did not understand, please say a command again." Siri asked.
"Call 911."
"Calling 911."
I was fading fast. And there wasn't shit I could do about it.
"911, what's your emergency."
All I managed to say before the pills won was "help".
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Comes home after od to Jared
Lance steered the car into the driveway, Jared's POS parked off to the side. It always looked so out of place in the driveway, alongside my moms Beamer, and the two Audi's.
I knew Jared was going to be pissed. Shit I was fucking pissed too.
He was sitting on the steps of the front porch, a gray Trent Construction hoodie pulled up over his head. His jeans were dirty, his work boots halfway untied. He'd clearly come straight from work. I hadn't thought that I might have been interrupting something when I texted him. And knowing Jared he probably left immediately and been parked on the porch the past few hours.
Lance killed the engine, my mom turning around in the leather seat to look at me. She smiled softly, I hated that fucking smile. The one she always gave me that wasn't actually a smile because she was always trying to hide her tears. I was broken. I was always going to be broken. Why didn't she get that?
"Want me to tell him you're not up for visitors?" She asked, her voice too sweet.
"I told him to come." I muttered, kicking my foot into the door panel of Lance's car.
The door shoved open, I unfolded myself from the backseat, my phone clutched in my hand. Jared was already up from the porch, marching toward me.
"Hey..." I said, wondering if maybe that was too casual. Maybe I should have started with "I'm sorry" instead.
But without even stopping, Jared swung, his fist landing square in my jaw. My phone clattered to the ground.
"FUCK YOU!"
I winced reaching for my face, my headache spreading down to my jawline.
"I'm sorry."
"Fuck you Skylar! Fuck you!" He shoved causing me to stumble back a step or two.
"I'm sorry." I repeated.
"You don't get to do this to me too." He shouted.
I finally looked at his face, his eyes bloodshot and red rimmed. He'd been crying. The hoodie I had on balled in his fists.
"I know." I told him.
Because for the first time in a long fucking time I understood. I actually understood.
"You're an asshole." Jared mumbled, his rage fading fast but he didn't let go.
"I know."
His shoulders shook, his eyes broken as they stayed on mine. I'm not sure how we ended up doing it but his arms fell from my hoodie, the two of us colliding as we hugged.
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Runs into Maci
I pulled the record off, sliding it back into the sleeve before I put I new record on. I placed the needle down, music once more filling the speakers of the store. I picked up the other record, turning around to put it back when I stopped in my tracks.
"Hi Skylar." Maci said as causal as ever.
"Maci."
She looked great. But really I couldn't remember a time when Maci didn't look great. Even in high school when she was sick she was still beautiful.
"How are you?" She asked.
I shrugged, continuing on with putting the record away. I had my back to Maci allowing me to hide myself. She always was too good at reading people.
"Good, you?" Fucking formalities.
"I've been good." I could hear the smile that came to her face as I fingered through the records and slipped the one in my hand back in place.
"Glad to hear."
I busied myself with nothing important, flipping through the rows of records like I was searching for something. I already knew why she was here and she didn't come to just say hi.
"How...how is he?" She finally asked.
I'd been waiting for it. I knew this day would come when she would blow back into town.
I couldn't help the snort that came out of me. "How do you think?"
I turned around, folding my arms across my chest as I leaned back against the shelf. It wasn't that I hated Maci. I didn't at all. I was pissed at her for sure. She fucked Jared up big time. And I still wasn't sure he was going to come out of it yet. Some days he down right scared me. Other days I saw a glimmer of hope. But so far not a single day had I been positive he'd get over her. But I still didn't hate her.
"Don't be stupid Maci." I continued. "You know he lost his shit."
She nodded, dropping her gaze. Her loose brown hair fell in a wave across her face. "Yeah, I know, you're right."
She blew out a breath, turning to look around the record store. I watched as she walked to the shelf, her fingers running over the edges of the stacked records.
"I do love him still. You know that right?" She asked.
I didn't know. I didn't even know if I believed in love.
She faced me again, shifting her purse on her shoulder. She smiled slightly, not that breathtaking smile she gave out so often but a small sad smile.
"Will you tell him I said hi?" She asked.
"No." I answered immediately. "I won't do that to him."
"Right, you're right. Sorry." She nodded her head, her big brown eyes full of emotion. "I should go. It was good to see you."
I nodded. "Take care of yourself Maci."
"You too."
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Jared POV - 25 years old
I walked up the stairs, making my way to Skylar's room. Whitney and I had given him plenty of time. I pounded my fist on his door. He didn't respond.
"Skylar!" I shouted.
I heard some rustling. At least he was alive.
"Skylar either get out of bed or I'm coming in there."
I pounded on the door again, giving him a minute to think about it. I stared at my feet, my ear just about pressed to the paneled door. I counted to five and then waited another couple seconds.
"Alright, you left me no choice. You better have some shorts on." I yelled.
I pulled the Allen wrench from my pocket and jammed it in the little hole in the doorknob. With just a roll of my fingers the door unlocked. I stuffed the Allen wrench back in my pocket and shoved the door open. Skylar had the shades drawn, making the room just a touch lighter than pitch black. He had clothes everywhere alongside old food and bottles of water. I ignored the mess for the timing being. It wasn't the most pressing issue.
"So." I said, standing in the middle of his dark room. "Why'd you come off your meds?"
I had been keeping track of how many pills were in Skylar's Zoloft bottle. He wasn't clever enough to throw a pill out each day.
"Well the reason you've been sick is because you just up and stopped them. Also the reason you don't want to leave your bed is because you're depressed." I explained even though I knew he knew. "If you stopped taking them because you thought you were better hopefully you realize that is clearly not true."
He grunted.
I sighed.
"When's the last time you went to therapy?" I asked, I stuffed my hands in my jean pockets, fingers wrapping around the Allen wrench.
Skylar didn't say anything. I wasn't completely sure but I thought it was a month or two. I made a mental note to ask Whitney.
"I'll right I'm calling your dad."
Skylar's dad was an asshole. Effective at getting Skylar to straighten up but an asshole nonetheless.
"Don't." Skylar muttered from somewhere in the mess of blankets on his bed.
"Good god he's alive." I said, my voice flat.
"Don't be a prick." Skylar snapped.
"And sassy." I added.
Skylar rolled in his bed. I could just make out the outline of his profile.
"So exactly how long has it been since you took your meds." I asked.
The blankets moved, I took it for a shrug.
"I don't know. A couple weeks."
"You need to start taking them again. Where's your phone?" I asked, walking towards his bed. He didn't answer me but I located it on his bedside table along with a bag of half eaten tostitos and a bowl with old dried on salsa, I hoped anyway. "Call your doctor."
"Why?" He asked as I shoved his phone in his face.
"You're stupid." I stated. "Call him."
He groaned again but grabbed his phone from me.
"Make the next available appointment." I ordered.
I shoved a pile of clothes on the floor so I could sit on a chair. I kept my eyes trained on him, my hands resting in my lap.
Skylar wasn't stupid. I had no idea what provoked him to stop taking his meds. He went through hell and back in high school after his attempt. It seemed like it took forever to figure out what worked and how much of it. He had also tried stopping them a handful of times and each time he slipped down the same nasty dark path he stumbled down after Matt died.
This might have been the first chapter
The garage door opened.
Lance was leaving for work.
I rolled to my side, clicking the screen of my phone on so the time flashed across it.
Yup right on schedule. 5:45.
That meant my mom was on her second latte from the over priced coffee machine she had to have that sat on the counter and took up way too much space.
My phone buzzed, signaling a text.
It was probably Jared. He knew I wouldn't be sleeping. He was probably getting ready for work. Fucking overachiever.
It buzzed again.
I'd been laying in the dark since four. Staring at the ceiling. Not really willing sleep to come but also not fighting it off. The middle of the night was when I was at my best. I wrote the best melodies then, lyrics flowing out of me. I liked the night too, for more than just that. Everyone was asleep. No one there to bother me but my demons.
They were always there.
My phone buzzed again.
The drugs helped. Even though I hated taking them.
They quieted the crazy inside me. But I also didn't feel like me.
I rolled back over, unplugging my phone as I held it above me. My eyes screamed in protest at the electrical light that blared out, infiltrating the black space of my room.
It was fucking Jared.
Jared: I'm picking up Maci and meeting Levi. You coming?
Jared: I know you're awake, fucking answer me.
The corner of my mouth twitched up in a smile. Bastard.
Me: I don't know yet.
Jared: come on, don't be a pussy.
Me: more like I don't want to be a fifth wheel
Jared: pussy pussy pussy
Me: 🖕
Jared: but seriously come on it'll be fun.
Me: I'll let you know when I wake up.
Jared: fine
Jared: ttyl
It wasn't that I didn't want to go. But sometimes it just seemed like too much work.
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I shuffled into the bathroom around 3 pm, my eyes shut to block out the daylight. Groaning at the sheer satisfaction of empty my bladder after hours of sleeping. I let out a yawn, deciding a few more hours of sleep wouldn't hurt and headed back for my bed.
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I woke to the sound of my phone buzzing. I groped for it blindly, yanking it from its charger. I cracked my eyes, trying to minimize how much light assualted my eyeballs as I looked at the screen.
5 missed calls
22 text messages
I went to the texts first.
Jared: I'll be off an hour
Jared: you coming?
Jared: wake up
Jared: answer your phone
Jared: I'm coming over
Nick: I can't do practice this week, mini sess tomorrow night?
Ethan, Nick, & Patrick:
E: booked us a gig
P: when?
N: where?
E: end of the month at the Soggy Bottom
N: nice, who else is playing?
P: are we the openers?
E: another kind of hell, purple animals, Jon Marks, and us
E: we play third
E: where's Skylar?
P: don't know
N: probably sleeping
N: you guys good for a mini practice tomorrow instead?
E: works for me
P: yeah sounds good
Christy: I'm going to the grocery store, call me if you need something. Your dad called. He wants you to come for dinner this week. Give him a call.
Levi: Jared said you're being lame. Don't be lame
The missed calls were mostly from Jared, one from my dad. I dropped my phone beside me, rolling over as I pulled the covers over my head. I'd deal with everyone later.
I was just about to fall back asleep when I heard the front door open, followed by "SKYLAR!"
Jared was here but I made no move to leave the cocoon of covers I was nestled in. So instead I listened to his voice carry through my house, before his footsteps pounded across the floor and up the stairs. And a moment later my door swung open, smacking into the wall behind it with a thud.
"What the hell man?" Jared said.
I didn't answer, thinking maybe if I pretended I was still asleep he'd just leave. I knew better than that but one could hope.
"Get up."
"He still in bed?" Levi's voice entered my room.
"Of course he is. I'm counting to three and then I'm yanking his ass out of there." Jared responded.
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Alright now that we all survived (😂) that, you should definitely go check out my other stuff. It's way better.
And thank Rensk3N 4everIwillPraise Flyingfree773 for this. They bullied me 🤣.