june 2020 : 3 months ago
Liam climbed the stairs to Lily's second-floor apartment, hoping that she was awake and would want to see him. The hot air, already uncomfortably muggy even though it was but nine in the morning, clung to him like a second skin. He was already weary of summer despite the fact that it had just started—it didn't hold nearly the same appeal now as it had every previous year of his life while he was a student.
She hadn't answered any of his texts since last night. That was usually an indicator that something was bothering her and she was trying to think through how to talk about it in a productive way, but he suspected that he already knew exactly what was on her mind. They had been arguing yesterday afternoon. Again.
It took almost a minute for him to get a response once he knocked on the door. Unsure if anyone had heard him, he was on the verge of trying again when Katie finally answered, looking uncharacteristically fatigued with her hair thrown up into a sloppy ponytail and a sleepy glaze in her eyes like she couldn't quite focus on him. She opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted by an unfortunate retching noise that Liam could inexplicably tell was coming from Lils and not Izzy.
"Did you guys get drunk last night?" he questioned cautiously as he stepped inside, immediately certain that today wasn't going to turn out like he thought it would.
He had thought about buying her apology brunch and taking her and Moosey to the dog park, but she wasn't going anywhere anytime soon by the sound of it. It didn't make a whole lot of sense that she would be hungover—he knew that the girls planned on eating out last night, but none of them were usually interested in going hard on the alcohol. And Katie seemed totally fine, albeit tired.
She shook her head. "No, she had some bad sushi."
He felt his lips turn into a small frown as his feet instinctively brought him to the kitchen to pull a glass out of the cabinet and start filling it up with water to bring to Lils. Katie followed.
"Was she up all night?" he asked.
"More or less," she sighed. "She might have fallen asleep for a couple of hours. Izzy and I went out first thing this morning and got some Pepto, but I don't think it's really done anything."
At the mention of Izzy's name, it occurred to him that she was notably absent. "Is Izzy here?"
"She has a weak stomach," Katie explained with a soft shake of the head. "She can't really handle the sound of-"
More heaving. They both grimaced at the sound of it, but Lils deserved an award for her comedic timing.
Realizing that he accidentally let the cup overflow, he quickly shut the sink faucet off. "I don't mind staying with her."
Katie loved Lils to death, but he wouldn't have blamed her if she wanted a reprieve. Listening to someone throw up for hours wasn't much more enjoyable than being the one throwing up.
"I'm fine," she shrugged and wandered to the pantry to look for something, clicking her tongue in disapproval after a moment of fruitless searching. "We should have grabbed crackers or something for her at the store. I might go back out for those."
Liam simply nodded and headed down the hall towards the bathroom. He knew she probably wouldn't want him there while she was getting sick, but he couldn't bring himself to not check on her at the very least. Fortunately, he had never been that fazed by vomit to begin with and his days of always hanging around people who drank a little too much a little too often only further desensitized him to it.
She was bent over the toilet – obviously unable to acknowledge him at the present moment – when he opened the door and slipped inside. He immediately noticed that her hair was haphazardly swept over her shoulder and carefully set the water cup down on the counter so that he could quickly comb through the drawers for a hair tie, surprisingly to no avail. Weren't girls supposed to have like five billion of those things? Then again, Lils was constantly losing them. Liam could have sworn she tossed a new pack of them into the grocery cart every time they went to the store.
He finally spotted a rogue one on the white tile floor and snatched it up. When he knelt down behind her, his fingers swiftly yet delicately divided her hair into three sections and started twisting them together out of force of habit even though the current need was simply to get it out of her face. Lily flushed the toilet just as he was wrapping the elastic around the end of the braid.
"Why didn't you text me?" he murmured. "I would have come last night."
She refused to look at him as she hoarsely mumbled back, "You don't need to see me puking my guts out."
It hadn't felt right yesterday to ask her to delay her evening plans so they could talk out their disagreement and they usually preferred to have a little bit of space to sit with their emotions first, anyway. But now he was regretting leaving things on a sour note—her attitude towards him was impossible to read in her current state of being miserable through and through.
He tentatively proceeded. "Are you sure that's the only reason?"
Lils finally turned to look at him and his heart ached at the sight of her. Her cheeks were missing their usual rosy hue and her eyes were dull. Defeated. Underlined with crescents of purple like she'd gotten no sleep.
"Do we have to do this right now?" she asked pitifully.
Guilt tugged at his conscience. Just work on one problem at a time. "You're right. I'm sorry."
Her eyes broke away from him and drifted down to the floor tiles instead. "You can go. I'm fine."
She obviously wasn't fine. Liam softly exhaled, torn between his combatting desires to take care of her and leave her be.
"It's no fun to take care of yourself when you're sick," he said quietly. "I really don't mind."
He didn't get a response because she was retching again. He tried to make himself useful by grabbing the water cup and a washcloth for her to wipe her mouth on when she was done. She took a weak sip and whispered a little thanks to him but didn't attempt to speak further after that.
He wished he could do more than just sit there with her, lightly rubbing her back with one hand and refilling her water occasionally, but the annoying thing about food poisoning was that you just had to let it run its course. Poor Lils was so exhausted that between the bouts of sickness that she would just lean over and press her cheek against the cool porcelain rim of the bathtub in attempt to claim a moment of rest. When he realized how feverish her skin felt, he ran a clean washcloth under the cold water to hold against her forehead and briefly left to retrieve one of her pillows for her.
They stayed there all morning until she eventually flushed the toilet for a final time and curled up against him instead of the tub, winding her arms around his torso and resting her cheek against his chest. He allowed his fingers to trail along her back but resisted the urge to wrap his arms around her as tightly as he normally would so that she wouldn't be uncomfortably warm.
"I don't even like sushi," she croaked. "Remind me not to be adventurous ever again."
He was relieved that her tone sounded like it was beginning to lighten up, but it didn't diminish his sympathy for her. He tried to distract her from her discomfort. "Did you guys have fun pre-sushi?"
She feebly nodded.
They wordlessly remained in that position for several more minutes. She was too tired to move and he was waiting to see if her stomach definitely seemed to have settled. Although they were well past the point where sitting on the hard floor became uncomfortable, he still started to become a bit drowsy as he listened to the faint hum of air coming out of the floor vent and his thumb repetitively drew little circles on her back.
"Do you want to go lay down?" he murmured.
"Give me one more minute," she whispered, her lips barely moving.
Lily took in a deep breath, then another, trying to gauge if standing up was going to make her queasy. She maintained this rhythm of steady breathing for a moment before she spoke again.
"Okay, I think I'm ready."
She crawled out of his arms so that he could stand up first and carefully help her to her feet, not wanting to pull her up too abruptly and accidentally make her dizzy. While she rinsed out her mouth and brushed her teeth, he carried the trashcan to her room just in case they had an emergency and arranged her pillows in a stack so that she could prop herself upright against them. Once he was satisfied with his work, Liam laid down on the other side of the bed.
She silently slipped under the covers and turned onto her side, facing away from him. He hoped that she could get comfortable enough to fall asleep, but after only a minute or so he heard a tiny sniffle and realized that she had started to cry.
"Shhh, it's okay," he tried to soothe her, propping himself up on his elbow and gently rubbing her upper arm with his free hand. "I know it hurts, but you're gonna be okay, I promise. Is there anything else I can do?"
Lils shook her head and rolled onto her back, her brown eyes brimming with tears as she helplessly looked up at him. "Why have we been arguing so much?" she whimpered.
He was unable to answer her at first, his throat tight from seeing that heartbreaking look on her face and knowing that he had caused it. They had gotten into a handful of minor spats over the smallest of things during the past couple of weeks and it only now dawned on him that he hadn't paid careful enough attention to how they were affecting her.
"Tell me we're okay," she sniffed. "Please."
Liam moved his hand to delicately brush the tears off her cheeks. Feeling her skin, still so feverishly warm, made his heart crack even further. "We're okay, Lils," he promised softly. "Life is stressful right now, that's all. Arguments happen sometimes."
She gave a tiny nod like she was trying to convince herself that his words were true. He believed it was true. He believed it with all his heart. He wanted her to believe it, too.
"We're gonna disagree about who took the dog out last or what we want for dinner," he acknowledged, tucking aside the tiny strands of hair that had fallen out of her braid. "But the fact that we even have a dog or cook dinner together to begin with means we've gotten to be with each other for a pretty long time."
He saw the corners of her mouth curve ever-so-slightly into the hint of a smile. "I guess you have a point," she mumbled. "I'm sorry for all of it."
"I'm sorry, too." He leaned in to kiss her on the forehead, letting his lips linger there and his eyes fall shut. "I know I'm a day early," he murmured. "But happy anniversary, Lils."
"I didn't mean to ruin things by getting sick."
Liam shook his head and pressed another reassuring kiss onto her skin. "You can't ruin it before it happens," he pointed out. "It's not like we've made any plans. We'll do whatever you feel up to."
"Okay," she nodded meekly and wiped the remaining moisture from her cheeks. "I love you."
"I love you, too."
After giving her one more kiss, this time on the cheek, he rolled onto his back and closed his eyes. He kept himself from staying right by her side in case she was still feeling uncomfortably hot, but the last thing he felt before he drifted off to sleep was her reach over to wrap her fingers between his.
Liam's eyes slowly opened as he felt Lily stir beside him. She rolled over to look at him. Her braid had fallen out halfway and the dark circles were still prominent under her tired eyes, but he was relieved to see that she didn't look like she was in any pain.
"How you feeling?" he asked sleepily, his brain still working to wake up.
"Better," she told him. "Still worn out, but better."
"Did you actually have anything you needed to do today?"
She shook her head.
"Then I don't see any reason to make yourself move." He didn't feel like moving and he wasn't even the one who was sick. "You should let yourself rest."
She pondered this and then quietly asked, "Can I come stay with you tonight? I wanna see Moosey."
He nodded, studying the expression on her face. Even amidst her fatigue, her eyes brightened like they always did when she was thinking about the dog. "Did you want to go see him now?"
Lils admitted that she did. She didn't bother to change out of her tee shirt and flannel pajama pants and didn't need to do any significant packing since she already had some spare clothes and toiletries at his place, so once she grabbed a tote bag that was dangling off her closet handle and quickly shoved a couple of extra things that she wanted to bring into it, she was ready to go.
He drove as slowly and smoothly as possible to avoid triggering her nausea again. She did fine in the car, but by the time they got to his front door, Lily looked visibly drained just from the effort of walking the short distance. She went straight to the couch to lay down, kicking her shoes off as an afterthought, but smiled when Moosey came over to her for attention.
"Do you need anything?" Liam asked.
She debated it for a moment. "Do you mind if I take a bath? I feel gross."
He had no problem with that but hated to make her move the second she got settled in. "You want me to run it for you?"
Her tired smile widened. "You're the best."
It was impressive how many different products she had already invaded his bathroom cabinets with. He grabbed the bottle of rose-scented bubble bath and poured a small amount in once he started the tap, waiting to see how much it foamed up before adding any more and accidentally creating a giant bubble monster. He went ahead and set out her fancy schmancy bath bomb thing within arm's reach of the tub in case she decided she wanted that, too. Although he never fully understood the appeal of those, he supposed that if there was ever a time for Lils to treat herself to a nice bath, it was now.
He returned to the living room once the tub was nearly full and saw that she had lowered herself onto the floor to give Moosey a belly rub. Liam sat down next to her, knowing that their dog would want attention from him instead once she was gone.
She gave him an appreciative kiss on the cheek. "Thank you."
"Mhmm," he hummed. "I'm just gonna do chores, so take all the time you want."
Once she had retreated and he heard the bathroom door click shut, he decided to take Moosey outside for a few minutes and then cook himself some dinner. He was only now realizing just how hungry he was from not eating all day but made sure to save some food for Lils in case she got her appetite back and felt like eating anything later. There were other tasks that could be done – organizing, mainly – but he decided to let himself be lazy for the rest of the night since it was their anniversary weekend.
Liam pulled his shirt over his head as he walked back to his room, ready to get into something clean and comfortable. It was mild inside despite the heat outdoors and his room tended to be the coldest one in the apartment, so he opted for his comfy sweats and plopped into bed.
It was entirely possible that he would fall back asleep before Lils was out of the bath if he didn't pick something to occupy himself with, so he grabbed the remote and started scrolling aimlessly through movies. She eventually emerged from the bathroom with her hair wrapped up in a towel, carrying the scent of rose with her as she came over to the bed to cuddle with him. She tucked herself under the blankets and into her favorite position, laying on her side and facing towards him so that he could kiss her on the forehead and lightly glide his fingers along her back.
They found themselves in this very same spot all the time, yet it hadn't gotten old. There was something special about finding a moment of silence together at the end of a busy day, about simply asking for each other's presence and nothing more. About doing something that wasn't reliant on their feelings because it didn't require their words. It only required that they showed up for each other and they always did.
Lily eventually murmured to him, "Are we watching a movie?"
"We don't have to."
"No, let's do it," she mumbled. "I haven't watched a good one in a while."
Her hair was starting to slip out of her towel, so she tossed it aside while they shifted positions in order to see the TV. She rested her head on his chest and the moisture of her hair dampened his skin, but he didn't mind. The familiar scent of her shampoo, stronger now that her hair was loose, relaxed him. Despite the fact that she had just gotten out of a hot bath, her body felt a lot cooler than it had earlier in the day.
Liam wasn't sure that she was going to have the energy to stay awake for very long, but they watched whatever movies caught their eye all through the evening and into the night. Both of them were drowsy by the last one. Lily was on the brink of sleep, her eyelids falling shut every couple of minutes. He reassured her that she didn't have to stay awake, but she was being stubborn. She wanted to make it to midnight.
He simply admired her for the last couple of minutes, noticing how soft her fingers felt wrapped up between his and the smooth gleam of her hair when it caught the light of the screen. She was still beautiful after a total trainwreck of a day. Looks weren't everything, of course, but he never stopped being grateful that he got to be with this girl who was just as lovely on the inside as out.
They watched the clock turn over to midnight. She didn't magically gain the energy to shower him with kisses or go off on a long spiel about how much she loved him and why. But she held his hand a little tighter. She looked up at him. And she looked happy. She smiled.
"Happy anniversary," she whispered to him.
He placed a kiss on the top of her head. "Happy anniversary, Lils."
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Didn't know when I started writing this book that I'd ever be on thesaurus.com looking up synonyms for vomit but here we are
Just 2 updates left! It feels weird to be this close to the end after working on it for so long but I'm excited to share the rest of it with you guys. To those of you who are reading along as I post, there should be another update coming at the end of this week or beginning of next week and then the final chapter + epilogue coming next Thursday <3
I also posted a preview for my next book and would love for you guys to check it out! It's called The Dream Before the Dark and tells the story of how Henry's parents met and fell in love, but unlike this one it works as its own stand-alone book :)