AN: Hiya! next chapter for you. Sorry for the delay things have been weird. Following on from the scene in the previous chapter. Their night is not over yet; there is lots to hash out. I love all of the comments! They keep me interested in continuing the story xx
On a separate note, what are your favourite songs at the minute because I am listening to very lazy, comfortable music. I have just been listening to the same songs over and over for weeks and feel like I need to broaden my horizons a bit lol. Not gonna lie, I am seriously vibing with Mr. Perfectly Fine at the moment, feeling very transported to 2008.
--------
Shelby looked about one wrong word away from bolting so Toni had to choose her next words very carefully. Yes, things had taken an unexpectedly intimate turn, but Shelby had been completely trashed only a few hours ago. She was probably still a bit drunk.
From the way her heart was still racing to the way her chest tightened with hopeful anticipation at what Shelby was going to say next, it was becoming apparent that maybe Toni had feelings other than loathing for Shelby as well. But Shelby could never go long enough without insulting her to let her figure it out.
"Shelby, are you s-"
Shelby cut Toni off mid-sentence, as though she hadn't even started speaking in the first place, "I didn't mean that... what I said."
Toni couldn't help the way her heart sank. That answered that. Toni was starting to get pissed off at the way Shelby was jerking her around. She never knew where she stood with her and it was becoming an additional stressor that she didn't really need. If it was anyone else, Toni would have just walked away. Left it at that. But one look at Shelby, shaking, restless and conflicted; Toni just couldn't do that.
"Then why the fuck would you say it?" The words were harsh, but Toni could not get her tone to match it.
"No no, not that." Shelby rushed out, "I spend time with you because I want to. Because... I don't know... I can't seem to stay away. From you."
Toni was shocked at the other girls honesty. If there was any way she expected tonight to go, this was the complete opposite. Toni remembered all of the girls previous comments about sexuality when they argued, one specific detail came to mind. "What does this mean for you then? Are you gonna figure it out, or... are you gonna..." Toni could barely say the words, "Go where your friend Becca went?"
The blonde girl hardly reacted... At first. "Maybe," She muttered tentatively. "I don't want to though... I think I know... But I know what's expected of me." Her voice increased in volume until she started shouting, "Fuck! I don't know. I don't know Toni. I-" Suddenly she grabbed the basketball that had rolled to a stop near her feet and hurled it at the metal fence surrounding the court. It rattled slightly before silence overcame the court again. "I don't know," She said again, whispering.
Toni's heart clenched painfully watching Shelby fall apart. She had never really been confused about who she was. She worked it out at about 11 years old and told her friends who were fine with it. From then on every foster home she went to just had to deal with it. Beyond her friends she didn't really have anything to lose because she didn't have anything in the first place. But the things that Shelby's family could do to Shelby or, the things that Shelby could do to herself, scared the shit out of her. There was nothing she could do to help either, because encouraging her to just be who she was and lettting the world deal with it could be the complete wrong advice; but telling her to try changing didn't sound great either.
She decided not to say anything at all. Instead, she walked up to where Shelby was frantically pacing, clearly lost in her head, and wrapped her arms around her. It was an awkward hug that seemed more like she was restraining her as Shelby's arms were pinned down; but the distressed girl seemed to calm down pretty quickly. The shared warmth between them felt completely different to the sexual tension of mere minutes ago. Toni loosened her arms when Shelby started struggling against them. Instead of jumping out of her arms like she expected, Shelby simply freed her arms, wrapped them around Toni's waist and dropped her head onto the shorter girl's shoulder, breathing shakily, but slowly, against her neck.
"We will figure this out okay? No one has to know right now," Toni mumbled into her hair, "There is nothing wrong with you."
"Thank you," Shelby replied weakly.
Maybe it was the shift in their dynamic, the sympathy she felt for Shelby who she thought all this time hated her but it was actually herself she hated, or it was plain stupidity but before Toni could stop herself she blurted, "Come back with me. I'll text Carol that I'm studying at Dot's tonight. We can hang out and leave super quietly in the morning. She'll never even know I was there."
"I can't ask you to do that," Shelby sighed, pulling away from Toni. She was much calmer now. "I'll go home. The longer I delay punishment, the worse said punishment will be."
"When you say punishment?" Toni probed gently.
"No. Nothing like that I promise. Probably just some yelling, questioning and revoked privileges. All I did was skip school and miss some calls. It shouldn't be too bad. Nothing like..." She trailed off.
"Yeah," Toni agreed, "I get it."
As much as she wanted Shelby to come to hers, she couldn't help the sharp sense of relief she felt when Shelby rejected her offer. It was a risk. Looking back it seemed crazy that she had even suggested it. Maybe, if she was honest with herself, she struggled to stay away from Shelby as well, and that mutual magnetism might just turn out to be as dangerous for her as it was for Shelby.
"Okay, well..." Toni shuffled her feet feeling awkward in the silence, "Do you want me to walk you home?"
"Actually, maybe we could carry on playing? I'm not that eager to get home," Shelby laughed.
Toni shrugged, "Why not." It was a risk. But everything she had done tonight was a risk. With both Carol and Shelby. "Are you feeling a bit better now?"
"Yeah, thanks Toni. I'm so sorry for the horrible stuff I have said to you, it was pretty unforgivable."
Toni was suprised at the apology. This has been the most productive conversation they have ever had. "It's fine." Toni smirked, "I've never been someone's 'only other option' before, had I known it was such a sexually charged friendship role I'd have started befriending loners a long time ago."
Shelby laughed sarcastically, throwing her hands up, "Okay, okay. You can have that one." her tone became more serious, "I really am sorry for saying that... And all of the other things I said."
"Shelbs, you don't have to keep apologising; I'm not gonna hold it over you. I get it. But just, I'm on your side, okay?"
The guilt and sorrow in Shelby's eyes were palpable. "I'm just sorry. It won't happen again."
"You bet it won't." Toni replied nonchalantly before jogging over to get the ball.
--------
They playfully joked around and played ball for another hour, even playing an incredibly uneven game of one-on-one before they ran out of energy. Or, at least, before Shelby ran out of energy.
There was a whole other side to Shelby that Toni had only seen a handful of times. A side that was warm, carefree and much less stuck up. It was so easy to be with Shelby like this, where she was able to, just for a moment, take off the mask of perfect, straight laced, pageant queen daughter. Toni knew that it probably wouldn't last though. Shelby would go home to her homophobic, strict family and, by the time Monday rolled around, everything would be like it was before. She didn't want to let herself hope for a different outcome; she'd spent half her life hoping for impossible things which just left her hurt.
Shelby abruptly dropped to the floor, tipping her head back with her eyes closed and breathing heavily. Over the course of the hour both girls had stripped their coats and gloves, the exercise making them overheated.
"Ooof," Shelby huffed, dropping her head to her knees. "I'm done. I can't physically lift my body from the ground now."
Toni laughed and sat down on her ball, rocking back and forth. "Well, you've improved... But to be honest there really was nowhere to go but up."
"Oh shush, everyone's gotta start somewhere," Shelby defended herself light-heartedly.
"Okay, okay. You basketball skills are now... Adequate?"
Shelby looked scandalised at the implication. "Come on! Really? I got it in the hoop and everything."
Toni threw her hands up and sniggered, "It's really the best I can say... I was proud at that one shot though." She caught Shelby's contented expression. "A few weeks of this and you'll be a beast." Her smile dropped when she registered her words. It slipped out without even thinking. The insinuation of it becoming a regular thing. She waited in nervous anticipation for Shelby's response.
If the other girl heard the indirect proposal, she didn't show it. She crinkled her nose. "A beast? Is that meant to be a good thing?"
A breath of relief whooshed out of Toni. She was pleased that she didn't make a big thing out of the suggestion. She simply cocked an eyebrow at Shelby's question. "What would you prefer? A whizz?"
"Ew Toni!" Shelby exclaimed giving Toni a small shove; almost causing the brunette girl to fall off of the ball she was still perched on. "That is not what that word means...Is it?"
"Think so."
"Well, no. I'll be a master in a few weeks, thank you. Not a beast or a whizz."
"Hell yeah." Toni stood up and reached her hand out to Shelby. After a moment of hesitation, she took it and let Toni help her up.
Toni didn't let go.
"Shelby," She smiled timidly. "Truce?"
Shelby looked at their clasped hands and shook her head. Before Toni could even feel disappointed, she dropped her hand and wrapped her up in a short hug. "Absolutely. Yes. Truce."
Toni was starting to get used to that. To Shelby and the comfort she brought. It was a dangerous game.
They separated and located all of the clothes that had been rather dramatically stripped off during the game.
"Right," Shelby said, adjusting her hat. "I guess I better get home."
"I'll walk you."
"No, it's fine I feel like you should get home. I'm worried... about your foster mom. Are you sure you're going to be okay?"
Toni was starting to worry about Carol as well. She felt alright about it when she left with Shelby over an hour ago but now, the imminence of returning home to God knows what, was starting to terrify her. As much as she wanted to avoid going home by walking with Shelby, the other girl was right, she really should get home.
"Okay," she forced out. "I'll be fine. I can handle Carol if anything happens."
"Well, please just... Text me, okay? Oh damn, I have your clothes! Do you want them?"
"No, I'm fine keep them. I'll get them back from you eventually. And, you too... Text me. Good luck with everything at home."
With that, the two parted ways.
The air seemed lighter on the walk home. All the shit with Shelby was finally under control. Most of the shit. The feelings between them were still a mystery. Toni had no idea what to do with what she felt for Shelby, especially considering Shelby's home life. Or Toni's home life for that matter. But at least they were in it together and could actually have a proper adult conversation about it.
The sense of foreboding and dread that normally washed over her when she walked up to Carol's front door didn't occur. She was too in her head thinking about the night to even register her actions. Before she knew it, she was standing in the lounge; standing in a cloud of cigarette smoke. Shit.
Carol smirked from where she was lounging on the sofa with a sadistic glint in her eye. "So, where the fuck have you been?"