“How was it?”
The door closes behind me and I just shrug, I don’t think there will ever be a session with this lady that will actually be different and Coop knows that too. I think everyone I’ve ever told knows that.
However, Coop is a hopeful person so I understand why he tries.
He gets up from the bench, his finger pressing a button on his phone, most likely sending a text before he catches up with me.
“That bad, huh?”
He has this small smile on his face for some reason as if he knows some secret I don’t. As if he’s waiting for me to catch on to something.
I ignore his odd mood and I shrug again.
‘She said I was not normal. Again.’ I mouth, our eyes on each other briefly as we continue walking ourselves towards the entrance of this shit hole, none of us rushing even though I would definitely not mind being outside and away from here as fast as I can.
His smile fades a bit and I feel a bit guilty about it since I don’t want to ruin his good mood no matter the reason behind it.
“I doubt she said that.”
She didn’t exactly say it, but it was implied. I was just sitting in my chair in her room, trying to stick with my routine answers to her routine questions until she asked me if I was okay. I mean yes of course I’m okay. I didn’t look like a wreck, I was non-speaking perfectly, I look pretty good today with my ironed hair if I do say so myself, and overall everything felt fine. I tried telling her that, even signing to her just in case she didn’t understand me and her mouth just stayed in a straight line, her eyebrows furrowed in an unconvinced way.
She said I looked like I had something on my mind and I shook my head because yeah maybe my sister is worrying me a bit but it’s not like it’s all my mind is thinking about. That would be weird. So I told her how having something on my mind would make me un normal and she wrote something down and sighed and damn it, I’m normal. Truly I am and it just exasperates me so much. What was she writing down on the clipboard anyway? What was so wrong with me that she had to write it down to file for later?
I shrug for the third time.
Coop just releases an amused chuckle which kind of irks me.
“You’re so stubborn. You know that right?”
I roll my eyes, his arm going around my shoulder as he pulls me closer to his side.
‘What are you so happy about?’ I ask, wanting to change the conversation.
His mouth kind of drops in shock at my question before he begins laughing, his head even tilting back and I begin to look around me to see if someone fell or something without me noticing.
However, not even one body is on the floor, no signs of humiliation anywhere so when I glance back at him, I raise an eyebrow and he laughs even more before he stops right in front of his bus once we approach it in the parking lot.
“Idiot, your birthday is this week. The real question here is why aren’t you happy?”
I feel my eyebrows rise in realization and I take out my phone, checking the date.
Damn.
He’s right.
It’s only three days away.
“Shit, Winn. You seriously had no clue did you?”
My hand squeezes the device as I look back up at him.
I shake my head before I open the door of the passenger seat, Coop continuing to laugh as if this is the most hilarious fucking thing in the world.
“I-I-”
He sits himself down, not closing the door just yet as his hands rest on the steering wheel.
“How did you not know? Like I mean-”
He doesn’t finish his sentence as I rest my phone on my lap and lean my head back against the seat cushion.
‘Just did not cross my mind.’
It didn’t really. And I don’t know why this is such a big deal to him. My birthday isn’t really a big thing for me. I don’t favor people giving me all of this attention and gifts just because it’s the anniversary of the day I pooped out from inside my mother. It’s just like, Hey! Today many years ago you came out of your mum’s vagina, now blow a candle!
It’s like a second Christmas without the feast and tree and I wish people would just treat it like any other day. At least for me. I just want to be able to sit in my bed and watch some netflix with Izzy and Coop while eating pieces of cake without all the fuss.
That’s my birthday wish every year, however, it’s the only thing I don’t receive.
“Well whatever. You are still going to get a proper gift from Izzy and I and you’re going to love it a-”
I interrupt him with a loud groan.
He finally closes the door and I feel him lean over me to put my seat belt on.
“Don’t groan at me.”
I do it again just to piss him off, succeeding when he rolls his own eyes.
‘I don’t want you to get me a gift.’
Coop and Iz always go through so much to get me something memorable and great each year. Last year they gave me a new pair of headphones and this five thousand piece puzzle that was a giant picture of Hello Kitty that said Fab Girl right in the middle. The year before that I received a dark blue T-shirt that said You read my T-shirt. That’s enough social interaction for one day in bold white letters along with these limited edition Avengers trading cards and the year before that a new lens for one one of my professional Canon cameras.
The problem isn’t that I don’t like the gifts, because they are actually the highlights of my birthday each year, but that they spend money on me. Their mum had to get this job where she travels almost every week just so she can be able to afford Izzy’s treatments. They don’t have enough to just throw away on their friend that loves them unconditionally with or without a present. Even if they did, they should spend it on themselves. They should go out to a fancy dinner once in a while, go to the theater to watch a film, have Celeste buy a really pretty dress to wear for a future date with a nice man, or to just have for a rainy day.
However, they never listen to me and when I do complain, especially in front of Izzy and Coop, they ignore me completely and continue smiling as they tell me how much I’ll treasure the thing they picked out.
Now’s one of those times.
“It’s really awesome, you know?”
I take a deep breath and he buckles up his own seat belt, turning on the ignition.
“And I was planning that you, me, and Izzy can go have a nice lunch at Mc Donalds or something, I’m buying of course, and we can give you your gifts there and then go to the retirement home place and sit in the park a-”
I rest my elbow on the side of the door where all the buttons that control the window and doors are and I just rest my face on my hand, a smile appearing on my lips as he continues.
It won’t be so bad. I know that. No day with them is bad ever and besides, I know that this will make Coop and Izzy happy. They need all the happiness they can get and if I can give it to them this easy by just appearing with no complaints whatsoever, I’ll do it.
I grab my phone and I open the app, not wanting Coop to have to look over at me while he’s driving.
“Can Danny come?” The voice speaks for me, my smile widening once I glance over at him, seeing how much happier he is by my simple request.
He nods.
“Yeah. Yeah of course. I mean if you really want to. Like don’t just do this for me. I mean if he comes then I’ll have to make the lunch somewhere more private and I-”
“Yeah. I want him there too.”
The device’s voice is dull and boring yet Coop acts as if it’s now his favorite sound, the glow in his eyes warming and iridescent.
“Okay.”
He let’s out a small joyous laugh.
“Yeah. Okay. I’ll ask him as soon as we get to my house.”
…
It wasn’t a bad day today really. Other than this morning with Kanwell, everything else was splendid to say the least.
I hung out at Coops, him finally being able to take a break from Danny for a while to chill with us. I like Danny. He’s funny and outgoing and everything Coop deserves, but it’s just nice to see him once in a while with us like the old days. I know one-hundred percent that he will never forget about Izzy and I nor ignore us if we ask him to take a break for once because we miss him. He’s just that caring of a person. However, Izzy and I will never do such a thing since we both enjoy Coop enjoying things so we savor every chance we have with him as much as we can.
Like today for instance, he cooked this vegan pizza. It wasn’t necessarily the greatest pizza I’ve ever had and did not look like the picture, but Iz and I ate it with joyful smiles on our faces.
My birthday situation was brought up again and when Coop suggested the Danny coming over thing, she instantly agreed and we all began planning out where we can eat and hang out together that day that is private enough for Danny to not get recognized as well as comfortable.
After about seven minutes and a few bites of vegan pizza later, Coop shrugged and said he would ask his boyfriend, realizing that Danny might not even be able to go that day if he has practice anyway.
I shrugged at that as well, telling him that whenever Danny’s free, I will be free as well.
He smiled at that and I took another bite of food.
We all played Monopoly for about two and a half hours, the music from Izzy’s phone playing on shuffle to help motivate her even though each song was a soft indie melody that made me calm instead of motivated. I didn’t say anything though, letting her play her music without complaint.
Afterword, Coop decided to take me home. My dad found some new documentary he wanted to watch with me and Sylvia said she was going to cook cheeseburgers with sweet potato fries and how can I miss out on that?
Coop and I said our goodbyes, telling me to text him later and I nodded before we both went our separate ways.
The house smelled of beef and grease and I wanted to melt along with the cheese I imagined was cooking right on top of the meat and just damn, I could’ve stayed in that spot all day as long as that smell would still be in the air.
However, my mother took me out of my thoughts, welcoming me back with a tight hug and welcoming smile that seemed a bit rare yet beautiful on her all at the same time.
I walked with her to her room upstairs so she could kick off her heels and grab her slippers instead. We had small talk, conversing about the weather and how nice the day was outside and it wasn’t really as awkward as small talk conversations about weather actually are and it was just pleasant.
However, something did seem off about her and when I saw her suitcase laying on the floor right beside her bed, I felt my smile vanish and she noticed it completely, her feet sliding into the comfy shoes before dragging me back downstairs to our family’s civilization.
Aka the family room.
My father was in pajamas, laying on the couch in the same spot he’s always in and when he spotted us, he got up and gave me a brisk hug, my smile still vanished and I think I even scowled since he suddenly looked alarmed by my expression.
“So, I’m guessing you saw the suitcases.”
I didn’t say anything, his hands on both of my shoulders and he sighed.
“Why don’t you sit down.” He said.
My mum’s hands were holding each other, her smile had grown forced and nervous and I sighed before obliging. I sat beside him, his hands still on my shoulders and my mum just walked herself closer to us. I eyed her a bit, still unsure what was happening until my parents stared at each other, speaking in this secret language with their eyes and I was beginning to grow agitated.
So I cleared my throat, as obnoxiously as I could so they could just get to the point.
“So as you may well know, it’s your birthday in a few days.” He began, his attention landing back on me.
I continued being still.
“Yeah and so your sister Gene came to us today with such a splendid idea and we thought that it wouldn’t be bad.”
I continue gaping at him, trying to figure where he’s getting at as well as trying to figure why Gene even went to them in the first place.
“You’re twenty-one now or going to turn twenty-one and you’re a fine lady now and your mother and I both trust you and your sister very very much, yeah?”
His statement was weird and uncomfortable sounding and I could tell that whatever he was going to propose, he didn’t agree with at first. That he himself was doubtful of this idea that my sister had created that obviously is going to involve me.
‘Yeah.’ I mouthed, finally responding in some way even though it was little.
He cleared his own throat and my head turned to my right, my eyes landing on his hand that was then squeezing the top of my arm.
He noticed and quickly loosened his grip, bringing his hands to his lap.
“She wanted to have a party for you. One with your companions as well as her own. A sophisticated gathering with young people to celebrate your birth.”
I felt a bit taken back, my eyebrows scrunching up together once I processed his words again. Then I wondered why my mum hadn’t spoken yet and then wondered why the hell Gene wanted to throw me a fucking party when she can’t even greet me without gagging.
Besides, what fucking companions do I have other than Izzy and Coop? Izzy’s mum is definitely not going to let her go to a fucking party filled with eighteen year olds who are hormonal and even cruel at times and Coop rather eat a whole damn cow than see Gene socializing with her ‘frost giants’ so I didn’t really know what to say.
Then I turned to look at my mum since I hadn’t really seen her take on this, especially since her words were silent.
She looked afraid. Afraid that I would decline or introvert myself away from everything again and that made my chest feel terrible.
It struck me and when I began to think about Gene, I felt stricken again.
She looked sad, has been looking sad for quite a while and maybe this was the only way for her to do something for herself, to help her feel free again in her own home and how could I say no to that?
She’s my sister, no matter her feelings towards me.
I began to then think about how maybe she was using this as a test to see whether or not I would do this for her. To see if she should let me in again, let me be her sister again and even though it’s a bit fucked up, I couldn’t nod faster.
My dad gave me a soft smile while my mum released a breath of relief, one she seemed to have been holding in for quite a while now.
So far I had made five people happy today, and it’s the best fucking feeling ever no doubt in my mind.
They both nodded, agreeing with my agreement and when they began talking about the rules, I realized what the suitcase thing was all about.
“So no worries, I told her that no drinking or alcohol is allowed. No upstairs business if you understand what I’m trying to say. If you smoke, make sure you don’t throw any of the cigarettes in the trash or anywhere flammable. Make sure everyone puts them in the ashtray a-”
‘You guys are not going to be there.’ I interrupted, my father looking once again at my mother who finally decided to speak as she walks her self right next to my father, his hand gripping onto one of her calves.
“No, sweetie. We trust you and Gene enough to do this all by yourselves. Which means the planning is on both of you as well as the cleanup. Your father and I are going to stay at a hotel for about two nights so you can maybe even hang out with your sister the day after with no interruption. Sylvia will assist in the cleanup as well if you like.”
Her voice was soft and content and when she wrapped her arm around my father’s shoulders, I saw how excited they were for all of this. Not just for their alone time but for me and Gene to bond for once. I can’t even remember the last time Gene and I hung out together longer than half an hour, and that’s not counting dinners or family parties.
I nodded and after they spoke a bit more about the rules, we all watched the documentary on vikings that I wanted to see a few weeks ago before all gathering around the kitchen table to stuff our faces in the most delicious burgers ever.
And as I was chewing on a fry, I turned to the empty chair and began to wonder where Gene was again.
When we all finished, I helped collect the dishes and silverware, placing them in the sink to help Sylvia out a bit. She gave me an appreciative smile which I returned before finally departing up to my room, my hand grabbing out my phone immediately from the depths of my pockets.
I grabbed a scrunchy quickly, putting my hair up lazily into a low side ponytail before dropping into my bed, humming a bit to myself when I felt my aching back finally relaxing upon my mattress.
I got four messages, two of them from Izzy who was fangirling quite ferociously about Dylan O’ Brien which I completely understood, one from Coop who was asking me about this Dylan O’ Brien Izzy won’t shut up about, and the last one from Louis who was talking about the subject of the day.
I answered my two idiots, speaking in all caps with Izzy about the actor’s adorable beauty marks he has all over his skin and sending about three pictures from Tumblr to Coop, showing him why this cute yet incredibly hot male has caught the eyes of his sister and best friend.
Then I turned to Louis’, and now I’m re-reading his message again.
From: Llama Tomlinson
So I realized that this week is your birthday.
I text back.
To: Llama Tomlinson
So I’ve been told.
From: Llama Tomlinson
Oh so you’re aware?
I roll my eyes, laughing a bit at his response before typing again, smiling like a complete moron.
To: Llama Tomlinson
Yes. It has come up in a few discussions today.
From: Llama Tomlinson
I sense a bit of sass.
To: Llama Tomlinson
Must be you.
From: Llama Tomlinson
Hmm. Well my dear, Winifred then I guess I can’t inform you of the great news.
I feel my stomach turn a bit and not just because he used my name as well as the words ‘my dear’ in the same sentence (Which I of course am not freaking out about).
To: Llama Tomlinson
?
From: Llama Tomlinson
?!!!
Jerk.
To: Llama Tomlinson
Tell me.
From: Llama Tomlinson
Hmmm. Idk. Should I?
To: Llama Tomlinson
Louis… :(
From: Llama Tomlinson
Okay. Okay. Since we’re almost done here in America, I’m going to have all of next week off.
My stomach turns even more, and I begin to bite my lip, briefly ignoring the incoming messages from Coop who seems to be drooling over the pictures I had sent him.
I can’t give myself high hopes though.
He has a week off. Doesn’t mean he’s going to want to come to spend that time with me. I mean he has other friends, he has his family, he has the world wrapped around his finger and I’m not sure he would give that up for even a few days to be with a mute girl that really likes weeds and rain.
So instead, I write just a simple message, nothing too exciting or hopeful.
To: Llama Tomlinson
Yeah?
He texts back almost immediately.
From: Llama Tomlinson
Yeah.
I don’t know what to say, so instead I just wait a bit more, seeing of he’ll continue on and stop with all of these cliffhangers.
He does.
From: Llama Tomlinson
So as you may well know. I miss you. Like on the list of people I miss, you’re up there.
I’m now grinning even more, my stifled giggles no longer hiding as they release and I even feel my cheeks heat up a little.
Fuck.
Why in the hell am I acting like this?
To: Llama Tomlinson
I’m up there huh?
From: Llama Tomlinson
Well. You’re kind of number one. But yeah.
I giggle more and more and I begin to pray that my parents can’t hear me from down there because I must sound like the biggest psychopathic idiot at the moment.
To: Llama Tomlinson
I miss you too.
From: Llama Tomlinson
Yeah. We’re just two dummies missing each other haha.
From: Llama Tomlinson
So like I really don’t want to miss you anymore. For at least a while so I was wondering if I could just like fly over there for my break and we can hang out. You know if you want. Like even for one day if you want. Or even two.
Before I can even answer, he sends me yet another text, my mind everywhere.
From: Llama Tomlinson
If you want. Of course.
I giggle again and I just sort of shake my head for some odd reason as I bring my knees close to my chest, my smile still wide.
To: Llama Tomlinson
One day is not enough. Not even two. Nor three. Nor four. Nor five.
To: Llama Tomlinson
Why don’t we just hang out all week? You know like everyday unless you don’t want to. Like I mean it’s your break so I understand and stuff.
From: Llama Tomlinson
You would really want that? Seven days with me?
My cheeks are burning now. Completely and I don’t understand what I’m feeling. It’s overwhelming and intense yet pleasant and I’m reminded of smoke for some reason
To: Llama Tomlinson
Louis, I would teleport you here right now if I was able.
From: Llama Tomlinson
So I’m taking that as a yes.
To: Llama Tomlinson
Definite.
From: Llama Tomlinson
Okay. Great. Awesome. I know it’s not on your birthday though, so I’m sorry for that.
To: Llama Tomlinson
It’s okay. Really. I completely understand.
From: Llama Tomlinson
I’m still going to call you on midnight though. So expect a call from the one and only.
To: Llama Tomlinson
Alright. :)
From: Llama Tomlinson
It’s late over here like really late and I’m getting kind of sleepy but I wanted to tell you before I go to sleep.
To: Llama Tomlinson
Okay. Thank you for that.
Good night Louis.
From: Llama Tomlinson
Good night my dear Winifred.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
HEY GUYS!
Yeah so I know that I kinda have been ending the chapters in texts and it may seem annoying since it's repetitive in a way but for me ending the chapter with them two shows you more about their relationship. Shows you the importance and trust me it's going to be important. Anyway, I also wanted to make this chapter a bit light hearted since the next one is going to be intense. Like realllllllyyyyyyyy intense and not in a fluffy way (Sorry) but in a omg poor Winnie way. The next chapter is going to be kinda raw and maybe even a bit scary since you're going to be taken into dark places in Winnie's head for a while. Maybe. Possibly. Yeah.
But the chapter after that udhgslufhluhfsudlf I think you guys are REALLLLYYY going to like that one for reasons that include reunions with a certain blue eyed singer ;) I'm starting to write the chappy now so you may or may not get it today, tomorrow, or monday night :) Really excited for it hehehe.
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This chappy is dedicated to my amazing sissy who is just the greatest writer who you should all check out because oh dear me her as well as her writing are enchanting.
Love you guys! <3