Chapter 08
Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako pumayag sumama kay Karter. But being with him at that time made me feel calm somehow.
We commuted when we went to an unfamiliar school. Mukhang walang pasok kasi weekend. I tried to ask him why we were here, but he didn't bother to give me an answer. Nagulat ako ng bigla niyang binuksan ang lock ng gate sa hagdanan.
"Hoy! Baka tresspass tayo rito!"
"Hindi yan, friend ko si manong guard. Pinahiram ang susi sa'kin." He smirked and showed me the keys before he grabbed my hand to go upstairs.
"Bakit tayo nandito? Kailan mo hiniram yan?" Nang pumasok kami kanina, hindi ko nakita ang pagbigay ni manong guard sa kanya, o baka hindi ko nga talaga nakita?
"Kanina. You're busy watching the place kaya baka hindi mo nakita."
"Pwede ka na bumitaw, susunod na lang ako sa'yo." Sambit ko nang napagtantong kanina pa niya hawak ang kamay ko. He follow what I said.
When we reach the destination, I was in awe seeing the rooftop where the sun is slowly setting. Being in this place really amaze me, kahit ilang beses man akong makapunta, it always feels like it's my first time being here.
He pulled me towards the edge of the rooftop. I quickly took my phone to take a photo of the scenery. The mountains from afar can be seen here.
"Did you know that... I want to bring and show you my former school?" Gulat na lumingon ako sa kanya.
Paaralan pala niya 'to? Kaya pala alam ang pasikot-sikot.
"Highschool?"
He nodded. "And elementary."
"Bakit?"
"Nothing." He shrugged his shoulders and leaned in front.
Walang may nagsalita sa'min at pinagmasdan ang nasa harap. Mas lalong gumaan ang naramdaman ko dahil kanina. It feels like something inside me was picked up and the heaviness left.
I want peace and I want it the most with Austin here beside me, pero ano ang magagawa ko? Si Karter ang kasama ko, baka busy din sa pag-aaral si Austin. Even during his free time, all he do is study.
Kumusta na kaya siya?
I want to see him before my performance.
Nilalandi ba siya ni Margaux? Hindi naman siya siguro nagpapalandi kay Margaux, diba?
But, what if he likes her? Sa tagal na magkasama sila.
I don't know what to do.
Kumunot ang noo ko ng biglang hinila ni Karter ang kamay ko papunta sa gitna. I suddenly remember the last time Austin and I went on the rooftop at Giselle's.
"Iona," he called.
"Hmm?"
"Can you grant one of my wishes?" My forehead crumpled.
I noticed how his eyes talks to me like he's pleading and begging for me to say yes. This is the first time I saw his eyes being like this.
I always saw him as cold and serious one when talking to me na parang may galit, pero kapag sa iba parang normal naman. He laughs, jokes and talk in a sarcastic way sometimes, and this side that I saw him just now made me surprised a little. Hindi ko lang inaasahan.
"H-Ha? Ano ba yun?"
"Can we dance? Contemporary?" Umangat ang isang kilay ko.
I never danced with him! Never! Years of being in Giselle, never!
At yun ang iniiwasan ko.
I feel awkward to him. Minsan.
From the way he looks and talk to me? I feel awkward.
"Why?" Hindi ko napigilan hindi magtanong.
Ever since I noticed that there was something different in the way he treated me when we started to grow up, I always feel awkward. Nawala lang nang saglit na nalihis ang attention ko sa rooftop.
"Just... I missed dancing contemporary. Practice lang?" I crinkled my eyes at him which caused him to look away.
We can do it at Giselle's. Why here? Tanong kong hindi ko nailabas.
"Kung ayaw mo, okay l--"
"What song?" He seems surprised by my question.
"Thousand Years."
And since, Thousand Years is composed by Teacher Giselle na una niyang tinuro sa aming lahat na gusto sumali ng contemporary dance ay alam namin ito. There is two version of this, first is solo and second is with a partner.
And Austin is my first partner in learning contemporary duo. Hindi lang naman siya ang naging nasayaw ko sa contemporary, pero kapag sa competitions ay siya lang talaga ang naging pares ko, sa mga practice at trip-trip ay nasayaw ko na rin sina Kuya Markus, Ates at iba pang naging kasamahan.
But never with Karter.
Nanatili akong nakatayo habang hinihintay siyang ayusin ang cellphone kung nasaan ang kanta. Nang matapos ay agad siyang lumapit sa'kin at pumwesto, nakatalikod kami sa isa't isa na may kaunting kalayuan nang magsimula ang intro.
Mabagal kami naglalakad patalikod hanggang sa naramdaman ko ang presensiya niya sa aking likuran. Both of us turned backwards to see each other faces, we move our body like a pumping heartbeat, eyes are staring each other before my right foot did a tendu, while he did the same with his left foot.
Hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero habang nakatingin ay may kung ano ako nakikita sa kanyang mata.
Sadness.
Fast,
Colors and promises,
And with the use of my right hand and his left hand, we lifted it in a horizontal way in a graceful manner before we did a tendu and bent in order to close our position and turned.
Karter did axle jump, while I slowly bent my knees until I lay down on the floor to do a shoulder roll. Right hand is open horizontal way at the right, while left hand is above my right arms. I lifted my legs to the right side and when I did, I met Karter's eyes as his hands held my chin to lift it up slowly. My hands are supporting my body.
How can I love?
Sabay kami tumayo habang hawak pa rin niya ang panga ko. May iba akong nararamdaman sa titig niya kaya napaiwas ako ng tingin imbes na dapat nakatingin dapat sakanya.
When I'm afraid to fall,
I did a demi plie before I turned to the left side, hands are in fifth position at bumalik mula sa kanya upang masalo niya. He held my waist while I'm leaning on his arms.
Watching you stand alone,
He slowly trace his hand on my arms to find my hand and when he did, he immediately hold it and I slowly straighten my body to stood straight before I made a turn, his hands are still holding me.
All of my doubts,
Certainly moves away somehow,
Pagkatapos ang aking pag-ikot ay dahan-dahan nito binitawan ang aking kamay. I stayed where I am, while he slowly walk behind me, like smelling my scent.
The awkwardness I felt became bigger when I felt his breathe on my neck. Nakahinga lang ako ng maluwag ng pumunta na siya sa tabi ko.
One step closer,
Isang hakbang ang kanyang ginawa habang hinarap ko siyang nakayuko. Ramdam ko ang init sa kanyang mga palad ng hawakan niya ang kanyang pisngi ng dahan-dahan.
And when I lifted my eyes on him, my awkwardness grew bigger and bigger that I wanted this to stop.
But the way he looks at me gave me a reason to go on. His eyes are sadly pleading, that's what I understand when I look at his eyes.
The sun rays flashed on him, the reason I saw his brown eyes with long eyelashes connected with his hooked nose and thick eyebrows. Unti-unti nawala ang sinag ng araw ng unti-unti rin ito napalitan ng dilim.
When he slowly move his face closer to mine ay mas lalong kumabog ang dibdib ko dahil wala ito sa choreo. Nakahinga ako ng maluwag ng dumating na ang chorus.
I have died everyday waiting for you,
Mabilis ako tumalikod sakanya at isang hakbang ang ginawa. Hands are in a fifth position, but this time it's below, slowly turning to reach the top of my head when I felt Karter carried me.
I slowly bent half of my body to see his face. I wrapped my left arms on his neck while the other one is tracing his face and he slowly put me down.
We put a distance to each other, still facing each. Both of us did the same step together.
On my left hand I reach his shoulder and he did the same on his, but instead of shoulder, his hands are on my waist, slightly touching. Mabilis namin binaba iyon habang sa kanya ay tinaas with a small bent on our knees and turned. He's on my recent position and vice versa.
I stand still, hindi ginawa ang dapat na ginagawa. When he did a tendu on his left and streched his left to form a circle, his body swayed together to hold my hand. I was suppose to do some little act like kilig, but no! I'm awkward.
He was suppose to bend his knees when I speak. "Ok na 'to, Karter." I smiled and looked away.
He sighed and stood straight. Pumunta siya kung nasaan ang cellphone niya at tinigil ang kanta.
None of us spoke after that. Inaya niya akong umuwi na siyang pinagsang-ayunan ko. Hinatid niya akong umuwi kahit hindi naman kailangan, but he still insisted. I invited him inside when we reached home dahil mukhang ang sama namang tignan na hinatid niya ako tapos hindi ko man lang siya mabibigyan ng pagkain o inumin, but he turned back my offer. Agad din siyang umalis.
When I went inside ay nagulat ako ng makita si Austin na nakaupo sa sofa habang nanonood ng mga sayaw.
Finally, after a month or so ay nakita ko na rin siya ulit.