TW: mentions suicide
Elena
"Happy birthday, E."
He forms a soft smile on his face but something was pulling it back from forming a bigger one. I still feel my heart beating hard against my chest, and it's not because Bea and the band surprised me out of the blue but because of how the energy felt with Harry when we were alone.
I always feel intimidated by him when we're alone, and sometimes I'll put up an act where I pretend to be unbothered but in reality, I'm highly nervous. When we first met, I felt nervous and concern that later on progressed to feeling petty and more confident over him. Now it's just straight-up nerve-wracking to be alone with him, not knowing what his next question might be or whether or not he found out the full truth.
It's all Kevin to blame for my paranoia and recently, I've just had a bad feeling.
But there's so much I want to tell Harry, from Michael's weird encounters to Kevin's blackmailing. I wish there was a better way to show him all of me or just tell him stuff about me without patronizing Kevin in the way. With him, that thin string holding Harry and me from arguing childishly and just being somewhat good friends is threatened every second by Kevin due to not knowing when he'll spill or if he ever does end up spilling.
"Elena! Make a wish!" Bea cheers, snapping me back into reality.
I shoot her a happy smile, my gaze falling onto the candle placed in the center of the small cake. The fire continued to burn the wax quickly, close to touching the cake. Closing my eyes, I make a wish without any hesitation before pulling myself back.
I look back at Harry who didn't seem too aware of the things going on which made me assume that maybe he wasn't even in on it. Maybe this was a last-minute thing and Harry was too busy making out with Beth.
I mean, he was with Beth, who knows what they did. But then again, I couldn't care less about who he does. It's more towards the fact he just kind of left me midway through a serious conversation.
Bea hands everyone out a piece of cake but I noticed Harry barely touched him, instead, he just gave it to Niall and Liam because they were fighting over the last piece so now they both had one.
Zayn was too busy texting Austin, I have no clue what they're talking about but my eyes couldn't help themselves. Curiosity got the best of me and with one glance, I was able to read Austin's name.
"So, what did you do to your hand?" Bea asked, mouth full of cake as she points towards the bloody napkin crumbled in a fist.
"I cut myself accidentally. It was dark and my battery was running out so I just started to grab random things on the counter." I explain.
Liam tenses up, his jaw dropping with the cake piece falling out. "Oh my god, what? The knife I used earlier to scare you guys?"
I shook my head, "No! No! A different object, don't worry about it." Liam sighed in relief.
Sometimes it's good to lie. I'd rather have Liam be calm and not worry about the fact that he was the one that left the knife on the counter rather than putting it where it belongs.
"Jesus. You know, this power outage wasn't even planned. It worked perfectly for surprising you though." Bea explains.
"Yeah, we planned this out earlier the second Bea told us about your birthday," Niall explains, making Harry shift slightly in his seat. "There isn't even a generator in this building."
"Yeah, or ghosts." Zayn chuckled, earning a dirty glare by Niall.
A smile forms on my face as I replay the worried look on their faces when we went into the vacant room that's 'haunted' as Niall claims.
"What exactly did I miss?" Harry avoids looking at me as he questions the group.
"Not much..." Niall mumbled under his breath.
"We went ghost hunting." Liam answers.
I nod, "Yeah, apparently the empty room down the hall is haunted. Niall said he's going ghost hunting and no one else really offered to go but I decided to tag along with him because life gets boring."
"No, you just pitied him." Zayn laughs.
Niall rolls his eyes, "I'm taking this." He reaches over the table and grabs Zayn's cake.
"Hey! Why the hell did you take my piece!" Zayn scowls.
"Please, your hand was glued to your phone this whole time, and not once did you pick up your fork." Niall snorted, taking a huge piece from the cake.
"You can have mine if you want," I offered, pushing the cake towards Zayn. He nods and takes it, finally placing his phone facing down on the table.
"Lost your appetite?" Harry says under his breath, a sarcastic smile on his face.
"I tend to lose it when my mood gets ruined," I say lowly to him, making sure the rest of the group doesn't hear. I didn't want them to think my mood is slightly down because of the conversation Harry and I was about to have.
Harry was sitting beside me, his seat not too close with me but close enough where we can share words discreetly with each other. Bea and the boys were more further down the island counter, too busy talking about Niall and his weird ghost stories.
A smirk forms on Harry's face, but it's not the signature one he tends to always have. It was more like he was pissed off, not too angry nor aggressive but just annoyed.
"You're the one with many skeletons in the closet."
I raise a brow, "What?"
Harry turns fully in his seat to face me, "Skeletons in the closet." My mind drifts to when I first heard that phrase.
"I-I didn't. That's not fair! You were just talking about hiding dead bodies and all I do for a living is watch crime shows!" I hissed, making Harry chuckle.
"I think you have more skeletons in your closet Elena than anyone else in this building."
I cocked my brows, "What do you mean?"
"You pretend to be part of us but it's obvious your hiding something. I'll figure it out though..." Harry drifts off, making it hard to tell whether or not he's joking.
Harry looks over at me, reading me for a bit as I sit there, trying to read him back. He reaches over to one of the unused candles, before turning it over to me.
"I think we should get your hand cleaned." Harry bluntly says before gently grabbing my wrist, pulling me from my chair.
"Wait, w-"I don't even have time to protest because by the time my mind registers what he's doing, we were both already out of our seats.
Bea shot me a weird look, but I tried giving her a reassuring one which made her nod understanding that things are fine.
Before I know it, both of us are in a different room. No sound other than the muffled sounds coming through the shut door of the group laughing and chatting.
"Lighter please." His voice comes out low, and with the atmosphere of silence and just us, goosebumps raised on my skin. I quickly oblige and pull out the lighter from my chest, blindly touching his arm and trailing it down to his hand.
He grabbed the lighter from my hand yet his hand was still brushed slightly against my skin as if he wanted to. I hold my breath, not being able to see perfectly but both of us were aware.
He clears his throat and pulls his hand away, the fiery feeling disappearing.
The lighter flicks a couple of times until finally, he got the right spark, using it to ignite the candle. He places the candle on one of the shelves, making sure it wasn't anywhere flammable.
"This doesn't look like a first aid kit," I joke but get no smile in response. "We actually don't have a first aid kit, especially in the pantry so good luck cleaning my hand."
"What do you know about Zayn's phone?" He asked without hesitation.
Doubt consumed me as past conversations with Kevin and Michael flooded in my mind, how do I know Harry will believe what I say?
"N-nothing." I cuss under my breath, realizing my voice stuttering would not do any justice for my lie.
Harry squinted his eyes, "Really? Nothing?"
I shrug my shoulders, feeling intimidated by him. I inhale sharply, "Nothing."
He sighs in disappointment, licking his lips nervously. He took a step closer to me, making my heart beat faster. I try not to avoid his eyes, hoping that would somehow convince him to drop them.
His face softens before looking down, "Okay. Follow me."
"Where to?"
He looks back at me, one hand around the doorknob with his other holding the candle.
"You didn't think I would just leave your hand like that, did you?" His voice showed concern but also an annoyance as if he's calling me out for actually believing that.
I don't say anything, instead, I just follow him.
"We're going next door to grab the first aid kit," Harry announced, the group deeply in their conversation. "Since you guys don't have one, for some reason."
I kept my mouth shut as Harry gently pulled me, placing his hand behind my back every couple of seconds to guide me through the darkroom. We look to the right to see the boys arguing passionately about what they would ask for if they ever got the chance to tour.
"No, if we ever do end up going on tour we should have like a portable pinball machine."
"Oh! And we should ask for a tennis table."
"You guys are acting as if we're gonna go on tour in the first place."
"Way to be a buzz kill Zayn."
The group continues to chat, making it the perfect time for us to walk over to the band's place. He places his hand gently around my wrist, angle his arm so it wouldn't rub against my cut.
"Hold this," he hands me the candle to my good hand. I hold tightly, praying it won't slip because of how sweaty my palms got.
Harry opens his door, the lights being off as well. The curtains were all open, probably because they weren't able to close it after sunset due to going to the party.
Their apartment had a nice window view as well. Both of our apartments had big windows but they were more spread out, capturing the beauty of the lights and the city all in one.
The lights from the city didn't light up the whole room but did create enough light to guide us through the room.
My gaze falls onto the instruments out, some still plugged on. I wanted to ask Harry if they have been rehearsing recently but the answer was kinda right in front of me because of some instruments still being plugged in.
Instead of going to the bathroom on this level, we make our way upstairs.
"Watch your step," Harry reminds me of the steep steps. Just as I was about to throw in a snarky comment, my feet slip on the edge, causing me to trip. I use both my hands to push myself up, a loud groan escaping my lips because of the pain getting more intense in my hand.
"I told you to watch your step," Harry scorned, helping me up. He looks at my hand, inspecting it closely by gradually turning it.
I pursed my lips tightly together to prevent any noise from coming out of my mouth, my eyes becoming teary.
"You're so clumsy, did you know that?" He hissed as we continued our way upstairs but this time, Harry took his steps beside me, staying at my pace.
"I don't get why your steps are so steep," I murmur.
He sighs frustratedly, "Clumsy girl."
"The power is out everywhere and my mind is really foggy right now." I try reasoning my stupidity and clumsiness. I pause and go on my knees, taking a deep breath to recollect my thoughts. Both my knees were already bruised from that fall, and I really needed to take a break before taking more steps.
He lowers his brows in question, "We really should clean this up and put ointment on it before it gets infected."
"Okay Doctor Styles, do I get a lollipop after? You know, for being such a good girl. I cheerfully say, sarcasm dripping in my voice.
Harry doesn't smile, instead, he tilts his head in an intimidating manner. The cheeky smile fell off my face once I realize what his eyes were doing, slowly trailing them down me. My cheeks already start to burn up, especially with Harry leaning his head down to match my height.
"Stand up," he whispers, probably wanting me to go up the stairs so he can get the hand over with. Maybe even interrogate me about Zayn and the phone a bit.
My lips all of a sudden became dry and my first instinct was to lick them, but that ended up getting Harry's eyes to drop down to them.
I flushed painfully under his stare. I look at our position, realizing that I was on the stairs with my knees supporting me with Harry was towering over me. From a wrong angle and distance, it would easily be taken the wrong way.
I don't know what got over me, maybe just hormones. Harry stuck his hand out to me, signaling me to place my good hand on it. I slowly place my good hand on his without hesitation, with him grabbing it gently to raise me back on my feet.
I finally stood on the same stair level as him ignoring the pain on my knees, except he was still much taller than me. His green eyes staring throw my eyes was intense, and for some reason, it made me even more nervous.
"Good girl."
My lips part open from shock, the lust dripping from his voice was venomous. He noticed this, and a huge grin appeared on his face before he changed the lustful look on his face into a satisfied smile.
"Now, let's go clean your damn hand up. And I have a lot of unresolved questions."
I try my best to act calm and unbothered by the fact I obeyed him so quickly, and he enjoyed it. I know he enjoyed it, it was obvious by the way his eyes lit up. Sure, he was looking deep in my eyes with his eyelids half shut but it's not hard to tell that he enjoyed getting me all frazzled and I hated that.
I fell right under him and let my guard down for a second.
I tried to be cool about it, tried to brush off his intoxicating company but it was so hard to, especially with him glancing back to check how I was doing.
When we made it upstairs, my eyes fell onto the same wall where there were empty square marks on it. Again, as if there were pictures there before. With a closer look at the wall, I'm able to tell that it wasn't dusted making the empty slots pop out, but the marks and holes in the walls.
Harry uses the candle's light to find the right cabinet in the bathroom, pulling out more candles and using my lighter once again to light them up.
He rummages through the closet, my eyes falling onto the initials of the toothbrush drawers once again.
L.T
"Who does L.T stand for again?"
He pauses, taking a second to think before opening up the first aid kit.
"An old band member."
"Where's he now?" I asked. He ignores me and continues to look through the kit.
"Hello? Why are you ignoring me?"
He sighs in annoyance, "How do you expect me to open up to you if you won't do the same?"
"Do you care about me?" I mimic his tone, laughing slightly.
"Yes." He says without hesitation. "Sit on the counter now."
My smile disappears, studying his face to see if there's any crack of humor but there was none. He was serious about his response to my question and already feeling flustered, I turn my back to face the counter so I can jump onto it. I struggle with one hand, the other one too painful to even press on to get up.
"Can I touch you?"
"Huh?" My eyes widen.
Harry knits his brows, "To... help you get on the counter."
I clear my throat, feeling stupid as I nod. Harry makes his way closer to me, wrapping his hands on my hips.
"I'm heavy by the way, so if you're not able to pick me up-" Without finishing my words, Harry quickly swoops me onto the counter. The sudden picking up caught me off guard, my subconscious making me wrap my legs around him for support.
"Tsk tsk, El. Already getting frisky here?" He tuts, my legs still wrapped around his waist. I had an urge, a strong urge to pull him closer but instead, I shook that thought off and dropped my legs back down.
"Don't flatter yourself Styles," I say back.
His lips formed into a small, but barely noticeable smirk. "Don't have to when you do it for me."
I roll my eyes, looking over at the kit. "You caring for me is quite flattering, don't you think?" My gaze is focused on his ink hands, watching his rings clink together as he goes through the kit.
"I'm not gonna let your hand bleed out, especially when it's my fault."
"It's not your fault, Liam left the knife there in the first place."
"You took the blame for it though," Harry mentions. "You always seem to take the blame for things, even when it's not your fault."
"Because the majority of the time, it's my fault." I point out, watching his tatted hands rummage through the kit.
Harry turns towards me, a gauze in one hand and alcohol in the other.
"Really? So, the time you took Oxy on the beach and ran away, almost killing yourself in the process was your fault? It wasn't Kevin who peer pressured you into taking those drugs?"
My lips part open, "Where is this coming from?"
"Ever since that day, I couldn't help but think about it. I've witnessed many people in my life go through phases of drugs. There are people who experiment with it, people who have an actual addiction, and people who stopped taking it only for their streak to be ruined. My dad's a pharmacist and I've witnessed many of his friends go downhill."
My lungs tightened, the bathroom feeling much smaller.
"I..." I was lost at words.
Harry pursed his lips, "There's just so many unanswered questions when it comes to you. I guess one of them was, why did you take it? I was told you used to take them before-"
"Who told you that?"
"Kevin." He answers without hesitation.
A huge lump forms in my throat, "W-what? Did he tell you anything else."
"What, n-" he stops midway, facing softening once he realizes my reaction. He tilts his head, "Why? Is there something else?"
"What, no." I quickly spit out.
Harry slowly nods, "Right. For some reason, Kevin seems to know more about you than I do for some reason."
"Can you stop?"
He puts the alcohol onto the gauze again, the other one drying out with us distracted.
"Stop what?" He questions.
"You keep saying I never open up but I gave you a piece of me at the party once I told you that story of... the church. You keep making me feel this guilt about never opening up to you when I told you one thing that Bea barely even knows about."
The mention of Kevin stirred up more anger towards the bottle full of unexpressed rage. Harry kept coming at me for not opening up and it really started to get me angry.
"I... do open up to you."
"Really? When?" I snap back.
Harry bites the inside of his cheeks, "The night... the time when..."
"The time you showed up at my door in the middle of the morning? You came in Harry but did not express any piece of emotion but instead just sat there for a couple of minutes, talking about rehearsal before leaving. I mean, I don't mind - like I'm not forcing you to open up to me and all but you can't keep coming at me for... doing the same. Especially after you ditched me at the party tonight to be with fucking Beth."
"I-"
"You dragged me in those handcuffs to the party and the whole time, you had the keys. Who knows whether or not you would've told me if it wasn't for Beth."
"I just... I don't know..."
"Was this a tactic?"
"Tactic?" he flips the alcohol into the gauze once again. "Let's just get this over with and then we can talk. This might hurt."
"I actually have a pretty high pain tolerance," I mention proudly. "After all, I'm used to being stabbed in the back."
He sighs, looking surprised by my sudden outburst. Without any warning this time, Harry pressed the gauze onto my cut, making a loud moan escape from my mouth. Embarrassment rushes to my cheeks as I replay the last few seconds, my good hand over my mouth.
Harry pulls away from the gauze, a puzzled look on his face. "Did you just moa-"
"Did you hear that?" A random voice echoes through the creak. Harry and I share a mutual confused look before looking at the door attentively, trying to listen to the voice.
"Hear what?" A familiar voice responds.
"I swear I thought I heard a girl moan," the woman scoffs. Harry looks over at me, his brows raised in an amusing way while I was panicked due to the unfamiliar voices.
"There's no way any of the boys are here, I thought they were throwing a surprise party for that chick."
"They are, maybe I'm just hearing things."
"Who-" Harry cuts me off by putting a finger near my lips, not exactly touching it but warning me not to talk anymore.
"Check everywhere. If we go back empty-handed to Zeke, we're done."
"You check there, I'll check between the couches."
Harry looks panicked, making me panicked as well. Who the hell is in their home?
"Do you think anyone's here? I'm telling you, man, I heard someone's voice."
"I'm positive, if you're not sure, check around then."
"Fine."
Both Harry and I share mutual worried looks, looking around in this frenzy situation. I quickly reach over to the candles, burning them out with my fingers. I bite my bottom lip, trying to prevent myself from wincing loudly.
Harry quickly pulls my hand away, "What are you doing?"
"If they see the candlelight, they'll know smoke ones here."
Harry shakes his head quickly, "You don't have to burn yourself when you can just blow them out." Harry didn't blow them out, instead, he was clever enough to cover it with the lids. If he did end up blowing them out, then the smoke would've given it away that someone was here very recently.
Thank you crime tv shows.
"I'm telling you, I heard something." The woman states again. "I'm gonna do a quick check upstairs, maybe they're hiding the drugs in the rooms."
"No help me over here."
Harry quickly jumps behind the shower curtain, while I continued to sit on the counter. He shot me worried looks, begging me to go next to him but I remained in my spot and tried to listen to them.
"Okay let's go."
Footstep sounds faded away and finally, it seemed as if they were gone.
"Who the hell was that?" I whisper, still afraid if they're around.
Harry shook his head, "Not sure, it might be Zayn's 'buddies."
Buddies? "Like... drugs?"
Harry slowly nodded, "Yeah. Drugs."
I look at the door, thankful in a way that it was creaked open so I can hear clearly but also nervous because of the same reason, not knowing if they would barge in.
I turn back to Harry, "Time for you to get out." I hop off the counter and make my way towards him, ready to open the shower curtain fully.
"Hey, maybe it's in here." The voice was loud and very clear, causing panic in both of us.
"Maybe it's time for you to get in." Harry rushed to say before pulling me in with him, pulling the curtain back slowly to avoid the sound. He snakes his arm around me tightly, his other hand pressed firmly against the wall.
Heavy breathing and heart beating filled up the quiet room, Harry's arm resting on my chest where he was barely grazing the marks on it. I push myself closer to Harry, feeling the texture of his skinny jeans against my bare skin. Immediately all the blood rushes to my face, a feeling overcoming me I haven't felt in years. Both the mixture of anger from the previous conversation and the sudden closeness after no apology, my body was betraying me in every single way possible.
Maybe I should've changed out of these pajama shorts after the party.
I feel Harry's breath hit against my bare neck as someone walks into the room, listening to his breathing slowly calm down. I tried to slow down my breathing as well, but I was too panicked at this moment - not knowing who we're dealing with. The name Zeke rang a bell in my mind, and after what I heard about him, the last thing I wanted was to get involved with them.
My body was tense and Harry seemed to pick up on this. I feel him slightly move, making it more comforting for both of us to be pressed together in the small tub. Although he's behind me, a sense of comfort was filled in me once he started to rub his thumb in circles on my chest, just above my boobs.
"Hey, first aid kit here. Perfect, I needed a bandage for this painful cut."
"You literally got a paper cut from the envelope, calm down." The man scoffs.
"It still hurts like a bitch." We listen to the lady look through the kit.
Harry's grip gets tighter, the rubbing of his hand calming me down.
"I doubt Zayn would have it in here, this is literally the perfect place to get caught by the other boys. I say we check his closet."
"Already did, maybe he hid it in his car or the apartment garage? What's a place he can access that the boys can't?"
"Ah, I have an idea. Follow me, make sure to lock the door behind us."
We continue to listen to them look through the stuff before finally leaving, shutting the door in confirmation that they are gone.
Harry doesn't budge, his arm was still wrapped around me securely.
"I think we're safe now," I whisper.
"Do you feel safe right now?" He challenged.
Honestly, with you, in a way.
I shrugged my shoulders, slowly distancing myself from him. "So, was it a tactic of you to use those handcuffs on me to get information out of me?"
Harry opens the curtain, "No. You're the one who clipped those cuffs on us in the first place."
"But you had the keys the entire time. I had to go to the party with pajamas."
"I'm out of here, I got my shirt wet." He murmured, quickly taking determined steps out of the tub.
I follow him, feeling the drops from the showerhead where he was standing not too long along.
"Hello? You didn't exactly answer my question." I call out behind him, taking the other candle and following him through the halls.
Harry groaned in frustration, "You know what, I originally came here in the hopes that maybe we can talk about the Zayn and phone situation but somehow, everything but that came to play."
"So, not to help me?"
He stopped walking, turning to face me. "Elena, either way, I would've helped you. But with the first aid kit being here and a better chance to talk in an empty place, I thought it would've been better for us."
"I'll tell you everything."
His eyes wildered a bit, "Everything?"
No.
I nod, "Yes. I mean, everything involving... your unresolved questions. Only if you actually believe me."
His alluring green eyes pierced through me as if they were reading into my soul. "Believe you? Why wouldn't I?"
I rolled my eyes, "Because you didn't believe me about the thing I told you about Michael the time we got stuck in that closet."
"Maybe because I didn't know at the time whether you were actually being sincere or another crazy fangirl." He simply makes a good point.
My eyes dart at the room behind him, the same room he locked himself in to avoid talking to me before in the past.
"Fair point. But we know each other in some ways. How about we finally talk... about everything in that room."
Harry looks back, "Why my room?"
"Why not? Do you have skeletons in your closet?"
He chuckles sarcastically, "Cute. Using my words. Fine, but no avoiding any topic and no leaving out any important things."
"Fine with me as long as you trust me."
Harry opens his bedroom door widely, motioning his hand to signal me in. "Elena, there's a difference between trusting versus believing someone."
***
I have the next chapter typed but not finished :)