We were in Recovery Girl's building. The sun greeted the evening and the light of the moon shone through the window of the hospital room. The quartet hadn't left my side since they found me, and neither had Aizawa. My mom only left momentarily to collect clothes for me to bathe and get dressed in the new showers of the nursing station. I spent my time partaking in CAT scans and MRIs so our school's nurse can note whether the Earth truly allowed my body to recover.
Jirou insisted that it would be better if I had a moment alone to recollect myself and get ready before seeing the rest of class 1-A tomorrow morning. Izuku and Denki took it upon themselves to catch me up on every single detail since I vanished. I listened intently, laughing and continuing the conversation when Izuku mentioned how Kirishima lost a bet to Sero and had to run through the hallways of the dorms, scaring my mother to the point where she nearly threw a pan at him. I noticed the way Bakugo frowned at Kirishima's name, toying with my wrist as he complained about how Todoroki wouldn't "shut up" about me.
"I can't wait to see Shoto, he's probably got lots to tell me." I mused to myself, stretching out my legs while Recovery Girl took notes on my health.
I paused when I heard no responses, lifting my eyes to see that all of them were glaring at me. What the hell did I do? "What's wrong?" I asked, looking at Aizawa to see him watching us in amusement.
"You didn't say you couldn't wait to see me." Izuku mumbled out, crossing his arms and looking away with a reddened face. Bakugo scoffed, "Forget you, Deku. Why aren't you jumping for joy like a shitty girl to be back in my presence?"
I bit my cheek to keep from laughing, I noticed that all of my best friends became clingier and blunt in the few hours since I awoke. None of them held back on showing affection or saying words of endearment, Bakugo was the exception. He refused to let go of his grip on my arm when we walked through the forest and into U.A, but he finally released me when we entered the building, throwing a hissy fit and insisting that we would talk privately when I finished getting settled back here. I relaxed into the typical groove of their behavior, but I couldn't shrug off the constant cloud of paranoia.
"Florence, your body healed completely, except there's a strain on the abdominal muscles of your stomach." I looked to Recovery Girl in surprise, "Really? Is it severe?" I was beginning to get worried, Aizawa stood next to me, as if he could shield me from anything Recovery Girl would say.
"Yes, if you get injured in that area again like last time, I'm afraid you'll never recover. If you continue being in the hero course, focus the attacks away from your core, the scars won't leave but your bones and muscles seem fine, anymore harsh strain on those too and you'll also be unable to fight for good." She signaled for Aizawa to follow her out the room, it seemed that they needed to discuss something privately. I watched the two, feeling my lips turn down slightly at the news. It seemed I would have to be extra careful with my body, but that didn't sway me from deciding to stay in Japan and in this high school. I stood, walking to the mirror to stare at the scar that dug along my neck. I traced over it, recalling the specific dagger that Toga used to create it.
I don't think I'll ever be able to forget the way it felt, my skin slicing open and the warm waterfall of blood dripping along my collarbones. I couldn't interpret the sensation in that moment because I was forced to look at the screen for so long, but now every cruel detail of those hours stayed imprinted in my mind.
The door to the nursing room slammed, I spun my head, jumping at the noise and feeling my two arms harden with layers of stone. It was Bakugo leaving. Why'd he go? I showed my confusion, looking to Izuku but I saw the way his eyes were glued to my arms. He approached me carefully, lifting both my limbs as he whispered, "We'll get through this, together, okay?" He must've understood what I was thinking of when I studied my scar. I sighed, giving him a smile as I ran my hand through his curls quickly. "That's why you're my best friend, Deku." He blushed, pouting before pulling a strand of my bangs. Our moment was interrupted with my mother walking in, eyes flitting between Izuku and I as she narrowed them. She's probably going to force a discussion about this and Bakugo and I hugging earlier.
"I got your clothes, go shower, Florence. I'm going to start preparing dinner at the dorms, since it's already a bit late and I know the kids are hungry. Midoriya, let's go." She walked towards me to give me a quick kiss on the forehead. I raised my eyebrows in surprise, not at my mother's words, but at the way Izuku listened, both of them chatting randomly as they left. Since when did my mom get along with other kids? I was only slightly jealous because I also noticed earlier that Bakugo had the exact same reaction towards my mother, what scared me was that he seemed to respect her, not only that but my mother was comfortable and unbothered when Bakugo called her "shitty woman" repeatedly.
If only I had woken up sooner, I wouldn't be so left out with everything that's happening.
Denki's teasing voice broke me from my thoughts. "Flo, I've gotta confess something."
"What is it, Denki?"
"I fell out of love with you only because your mom has captured my heart." I choked when he said that, coughing loudly as Jirou burst out laughing, patting my back to help me regain my breath. Her and Kaminari were by my side, Denki wrapped his arms to my hips and pressed his lips to my ear, "I think she feels the same way." I dismissed the goosebumps that appeared on my skin and squeezed his nose between my thumb and index finger.
"Start counting your days, flea."
I was in the shower, scrubbing off all the grime and dirt I felt, surprisingly there wasn't much but still, I needed to wash off all the events that stained my skin. I took my time, letting the warm water drip down my body as I finally cried quietly. I muffled my sobs so Shota and my mother would remain unaware. As relieved as I was to be back with the people who made me happiest, there was a shadow teetering over my shoulder, laughing cruelly as it reminded me that I couldn't ignore the aftereffects forever. I tried keeping my eyes open for as long as I could, every time I blinked, I'd see the events of those few days. Will I ever feel completely sane? I wondered.
The universe and some higher being must've gotten front row seats to my horror show of a life and they only laughed when the curtains began to close on me, crushing my frail body with the weight of a broken past that seemed to haunt me wherever I went.
You can't show that anything's wrong with you, I told myself as I squatted on the shower floor, pressing my hands against my head. It was already grueling enough when I realized that my friends were suffering with my absence, they all showed it with the occasional glances they thought I wouldn't see, the anxiety and sadness could rival any ambassador of pain. My mother and Aizawa were no different, their eyes were glued to my body, frowning at the scars as I realized that I burdened them once again, even after I vowed to myself that I wouldn't be a nuisance to anybody.
Just act like you're fine. They need to stop worrying.
I found the strength to push myself back up and grip the railings, I watched the bubbly sods drip down my arms and stomach, I wrinkled my nose at the nasty scar over the abdominal region, wishing that my body would stop looking so disastrous.
Katsuki's right. I am an ugly girl.
Rinsing off the rest of the shampoo and soap was easy, I dried myself off before stepping into the changing room. I looked at the clothing my mother brought, smiling at how well she knew me. It was a thin, long-sleeve shirt that covered me completely with simple loose pants that did the same. I got dressed, brushing my hair and patting it dry as I stepped out into the nursing room. I lifted my eyebrows in surprise when I realized that Shota, my mother, and Recovery Girl were all sitting on the hospital bed, waiting for me.
"I take it you guys want to talk?" I asked casually, sitting on the seat Izuku had.
"Yes, there's a lot of things we need to go over and explain to you." My mother responded, signaling for the nurse to began speaking.
"You see, Florence, Bakugo told us about the breakdown you had shortly after they found you in the forest. After the scans we did on your brain, it's obvious enough that you've developed mental disorders from your experience with the League, some scans show that it's been around for longer, so I can also assume it stems from your childhood. We need to assess you and see where your mind is at right now before we can move forward with other discussions."
Snitch, I thought to myself before nodding. "Alright, please feel free to interrogate me, I'll answer whatever you need to." I tried sounding calm about it, but in reality, I was scared to admit the lethal ideas lurking around my mind.
"Let's begin," Recovery Girl cleared her throat, "What are you thinking of right now?"
"Dabi using his flames on me, he made me stare at a TV screen with Shota's face on it and he kept shouting that he hated me, that I shouldn't trust anyone."
Mr. Aizawa stared, horrified and stunned. He glared at me, but I knew his anger was directed towards the villain.
Recovery Girl jotted down something in a notepad before continuing. What is this? A free therapy session?
"Do you think you can be a hero and save others without having episodes like the one you were described to have in the forest?"
"Of course, what kind of person would I be if I let my trauma hold me back from moving forward? That's exactly why I want to stay here, to make sure others don't suffer how I have." I held my fist and pressed it against my open palm, before looking back at them. My mother gave me a supportive smile and Aizawa sighed.
"What if you hurt someone in an episode?"
I pondered Recovery Girl's question. Would I ever hurt anyone if I relive those moments mentally? I wouldn't want to, I don't even think I have it in me to hurt anyone that way.
"I'd rather hurt myself before anyone else." My response allowed surprise to flicker through Recovery Girl's face. She coughed before speaking, "If you stay in the hero course, you do have to speak to an adult about your feelings, holding back won't spare anyone because we can tell that you're suffering even if you act." I narrowed my eyes at her words, even if I spoke to someone, nothing would change. For the benefit of the doubt, I agreed with a nod.
The nurse looked at Shota, "It's up to you to decide if she can participate in the provisional license exam next week." My eyes widened, Aizawa decides? What about me? I looked to him to see that he was deep in thought, toying with his chin while he thought over his decision.
I need that license, if I don't get it, I can't save people when the time comes.
"Sir, I know you probably don't trust me right now, but let me train this week and prove it to you, I'm capable enough to test for the exams and I'll show that I'm fine." I pleaded, giving him a longing look to demonstrate that I was serious about testing. I missed out on a month's worth of school and my own personal life, watching my mother forge connections with my best friends in my absence. I can't afford to to lose any more time or effort towards my main goal. I tugged on my bang the way Izuku does when he's nervous, pulling at the strand to ease the pain that floated around in my brain. Currently, I was thinking of how Shigaraki shoved my head into a deep bowl of freezing water, even if I wouldn't voice those thoughts aloud.
Mr. Aizawa huffed, "I'll sign you up for the exam, only because the people of Japan are asking the Hero Commission to give you a license without testing since you saved all those people in Kamino Ward. For formalities, take the test, but the probabilities of you getting it is really high."
I was startled. "Wait, the people just want the Hero Commission to give it to me? No, if I don't pass the exam and get it the hard way, then I don't want it. I don't want my classmates to think badly of me." The idea that Izuku or Katsuki shrugging off my license because it was a gift terrified me. I moved my fingernail to my lips, chewing on it as I waited for Shota or my mother to speak.
"Fine. Do it that way, kid. Be glad I'm allowing you to participate, we should go back to the dorms because it's getting late." Aizawa gestured for all of us to exit. Before walking out the door, I turned to Recovery Girl and gave her a light hug. She chuckled and patted my head, "Don't thank me, Florence. I'm glad you're back home." I smiled at her words.
We were strolling through the new version of U.A High, the street lamps casted a dull brightness in the dark and I heard my mother telling me how she was going to be leaving back to America after my provisional license exam. I was glad that I at least had a week left with her before she went. Aizawa and her were also discussing details of meeting weekly with Midnight to mule over the events of the kidnapping in order to relieve some personal trauma for me, I suppose they were considering it as counseling of some sort. I studied the moon craters, wishing for a brief second that I was just a spirit floating about the surface there and watching life pass on without me.
I shook off the depressing notion, eyes training on a figure who stood by the entrance to our new home. I squinted my eyes due to the lack of light in the building and finally made out those familiar ruby eyes. That's right, he wanted to talk to me.
My mother kissed my forehead goodnight and said she would wait for me in my dorm. Aizawa motioned to mimic her with a peck to the top of my head, and that's when it sunk in. "Sir!" I squeaked, swatting his chin away from me lightly. He rolled his eyes, "The whole class knows I'm your guardian already, Kid. I basically adopted you." My face burned while my mother barked out a loud laugh, "I guess we're co-parenting, Shota." Aizawa chuckled and they both left me to face the only person there.
I stayed quiet for a few moments, not because I was particularly annoyed or angry, I just didn't know what to say to him. He broke the silence by stepping forward and pulling on my cheek as I lifted my hand and did the same to him.
"Let's go to that bridge." He demanded, pointing to a small, wooden passageway that hung over a large stream. I hummed, following him as we reached our new destination. He said nothing more as I placed my elbows on the railings, looking down below to see the beautiful red and white fish swimming by. How cute, they look like Shoto's hair. I'm gonna have to point out that obvious fact to him.
"Bakugo." I spoke his name, tugging on his sleeve before turning to see that he was already staring at me with sad eyes. I pulled my brows together but ignored his expression, pointing towards the fish, "Koi."
"I know, ugly girl." His voice was as rough and low as it's always been, surprisingly, it soothed me.
I couldn't shake off his words, though. I giggled painfully, "Mhm. I really am ugly, now more than ever." I laughed louder, quickly slipping my fingers by my eyelids to discard the real tears.
Quieting down, I rested my head against my hands. "What's wrong?" He asked, fingers gliding against my cheek once more. "Hm?" I raised my brows, feigning confusion.
"Don't act dumb." Bakugo snapped, and I straightened myself out to look at him. "What did you want to talk about, Katsuki?"
We both stared at each other with arms crossed, knowing we had the other at a standstill. My time spent with Bakugo was never awkward, never uncomfortable or heavy with emotions we couldn't speak about.
This was the first time I felt odd being in Katsuki's presence.
He huffed, moving his arms in the air and it took a second for my mind to process what he wanted. He could've just did it first, leave it to him to make me work for it. I rolled my eyes, moving closer to him as his arms settled around my hips, thumb moving up and down the bone. I laced mine through his back, fingers moving up and down his spine as he sighed in content.
"I hate you."
"So do I, Bakugo."
I felt his face pressing against my hair, the tears piercing my scalp. I'm so sorry, I thought, tightening my grip on him.
"Aren't you gonna kill me? You said you would if I left." I attempted to tease, and he lifted his palm to briefly swat my head. "I should, also because you said some stupid shit when you called me." I felt my face reddening.
That's right, I told him I loved him.
I cleared my throat, mulling over the way he called it "stupid shit." Is it really idiotic of me to express the way I care for him? He is my best friend.
"Did you mean it?" Bakugo asked quietly. I stiffened, too humiliated to say the truth. Should I tell him? Did I only say it in the heat of the moment because I swore every molecule of my body felt as if it was going to rupture and severe and I wouldn't exist anymore?
That's not true. I mean it, even now.
For some reason, my stomach was beginning to ache in a way I never felt before. It was like the muscles there were being tugged at lightly. This wasn't like the horrible throbs of torment, it was different. It made me feel as if I was in the midst of a rollercoaster ride. I squirmed, and Bakugo's grip loosened on me as I placed my hands on his shoulders and stepped back.
"B-Bakugo, I... well I mean, I don't lie and stuff so like why would I lie now? Anyways, I'm not feeling too good! Being underground for a month and all with the only nutrients being minerals from roots and stuff can be kinda straining, I don't know, but I'm feeling funny so we should go inside and call it a day, besides we've got all the time in the world right?" I chuckled, moving my hand to scratch the back of my head as I used the free hand to grip the edge of my shirt.
"Stop rambling. It's a yes or no question, Florence." I winced with the way he said my first name, this bastard never calls me by that.
Glaring, I decided to stand up for myself and his hounding on that particular question. "Pft, you don't deserve an answer you prickly blonde cactus," I paused, feeling my cheeks burn intensely, "I mean, you didn't even say it back! You just said 'ditto.' What kind of response is that? Imagine if I died knowing you just said ditto?" I finished the rant, breathing heavily as he only stared in anger.
"What the hell is wrong with you, crybaby?" Bakugo questioned, studying my frame as he stepped closer. I moved back and he only stepped forward once more. We did this for a few seconds, he refused to widen the gap between us. He gripped my shoulders, shaking me as he began to yell.
"When are you gonna understand? Why are you acting like everything's normal now? Do you know how fucking difficult it was not seeing your ugly ass face everyday? Knowing that your sorry ass took my place when they wanted to kidnap me?! I had to replay the last image I saw of you when you were in that clearing damn it! I wanted to fucking kill Shitty Hair for holding me back because something was wrong with you, Florence! You didn't sound or look like yourself, you looked like shit, they hurt you didn't they? Didn't they, Florence?! Tell me!" He was screaming so loudly, fingernails carving into my shoulders as I said nothing about the slight pain.
I cupped his face, leaning close as I let the tears slip from my face, matching his forlorn expression.
"They did, Katsuki. They did, but if I had to do it over again, if it meant looking out for you, I would."
Bakugo pushed me back and slapped my hands away. "Don't give me that shit, Reyna. Your childhood was already fucking bad enough and now you've gotta cope with this? I fucking hate you for taking my place. You should've never done it. I hate you."
His words weren't playful or light, his eyes were serious, so powerful and deadly, practically begging me to argue back and reciprocate the deep bitterness he displayed.
He really does hate me. He does think I'm ugly and shitty, that's why he says it constantly, that's why he's so mad, he probably thinks he owes me now.
I lowered my eyes to the ground. "If you think I'm so ugly and you hate me so much, then just stay out of my fucking way, Bakugo. Say what you want about what I did, but it's not going to change what happened. I never expected anything from you and if you think you owe me cause I took your place, you don't. I just wanted to be your friend."
He looked wounded by my words, I wondered if I looked the same way by his.
I sighed, walking past him, brushing his shoulder with mine before saying one more thing.
"The answer was yes."