Leonardo
A while back
My mother was more excited about Zemira's move than all the world combined. She even got me involved in the mundane task of selecting guest room furniture. Within a matter of a few hours, my apartment flooded with useless items - chandeliers, vases, and a coffee table so clean and shiny, I was reluctant to touch it.
"Why are you bothering with any of this, Mom?" I asked when her untamed excitement spilled again while setting up a newly purchased coffee machine. "You know this is a year's deal, right?"
Just like Zemira, my mother loved rolling her eyes at almost everything I said.
"And just because it is a business deal doesn't mean you treat her like an invisible entity."
"Mom," I resigned myself, already knowing how this conversation would shape up. "I told you, Zemira's role wou-."
"Lalallala... I can't hear you." Palming her ears, she brought her childishness into play. "Whatever it is, can't you treat a woman right? Don't be like your dad..."
"I am not like him."
My tone spiked, hitting the roof and raining back on her. She flinched when I took a step closer, cowering lower, and revealing the magnitude of my father's viciousness.
"Mom," I lowered my tone, my knees curled to meet her stooped position. "I'm not going to hurt you." Carefully, I stretched my arms around her, drawing her into my embrace. "I didn't mean to make you feel scared. I promise I'll be good to Zemira."
Mom gripped my shirt, exhaling relief-laden breaths. As a child, I had seen her being disrespected by my father.
However, the verbal abuse was only the superficial layer of his affliction. There were issues, unknown to me that cut her so deep, a spiked tone scared her.
~
When my roommate's belongings arrived, Mom squealed with excitement, directing her luggage placement like a music conductor at an orchestra. She scuttled when Zemira showed up.
I stood a silent onlooker to their subtle interaction. They clung onto each other, swaying on both sides. Neither of them wanted to leave, interlocked not only physically but also on some deeper.
Not long after, Kiera made an entry. She evaluated the area, owning everything her eyes fell upon, drifting from one room to another.
I followed her for the tour only to realize the trap I walked into. Inside my bedroom, she stood, arms folded over her chest and exhaling loudly.
"If you dare hurt Zemira, I'll hunt you down, Leo."
Her voice carried a certain vibration, an infrasonic sound that could only be felt. In an animal kingdom, it was a way to mark territories and declare war. In the human world, I was yet to learn the implication.
"I mean it," she grated. "Don't take it lightly."
Unsure of the reason for her vague threats, I nodded, reminding myself that she was looking out for her best friend.
"I have no intention of hurting her."
Kiera walked around me in circles, a proud lioness evaluating her prey. I felt my tissues stretching thin, sinking deeper into my body to escape her intense, frying gaze.
"I'd believe when I see it," she said, tapping her left foot on the floor, her right side tilting under her weight. "Right now, all I see is her heartbreak that's written all over you."
"Listen Kiera. I don't know what you read about me or what resentment you fester, but I'm being truthful. I won't hurt Zemira. That's the only thing I can state for my defense."
"That's all? That's too less to convince me." She tilted her head, trying to evaluate her experimental specimen.
"I can't help it. I'm a man of few words."
"Really," her staring intensity brightened, subjecting me to the third-degree torture of a best friend. "Your 'not so few words' landed Zemira here. In trouble..."
"And I am living with that guilt every day." Palms outstretched, I had no other way out than to seek mercy. "But I promise, during her stay, she'd not face any issues."
I was faking assurance and promising ahead of the timeline to satiate a woman, hell-bent on burying me under guilt. Kiera wrapped her hands over mine, giving it a reassuring squeeze.
"If that's the case, then my work here seems to be done," she said, patting the sides of my shoulders.
Her smile, bright as the day, engulfed her stoic expressions. She walked out of my room cheerfully. A wave of relief washed over me, having passed her scrutiny. Before leaving, Kiera pulled me closer, unspoken words dancing at the periphery of her lips.
"I know," I said, blinking like a cat and patting her knuckles. "I'll ensure she's safe with me. Trust me, I'm not Anto to do anything stupid."
~
By evening, our company lawyer delivered the agreement to my apartment with Dad's instructions on a sticky note. 'Both of you need to sign it.'
To avoid another altercation, I did as asked. Zemira scanned through it at a lightning pace that had me worried about the way she must be reading any legal document.
"Leave everything. I'll take it from here." Her commanding tone directed me once she signed the documents.
The shift in her temperament occurred faster than the speed of light. One moment she was happily procuring my help to arrange her room and in the next, I was dictated to leave. The promise I made to Mom and Kiera trapped my feet from walking.
"Are you sure?" I asked.
"I'm sure." Her mocking tone, her head tilt and the fluttering agreement left little for interpretation. Still, I trod with caution.
"If there's something on your mind, why don't you tell me?"
"Tell you what?"
"Tell me what's bothering you?"
"You," she pointed at me with flaring nostrils. "You're what's bothering me. Why are you here? In my room? Go do your work or whatever it is that you'd be doing otherwise."
Why couldn't women answer a simple question straightforwardly, without twisting it up? The complex, grumpy being that stood ahead of me wasn't Zemira but her lookalike, miffed at something I did.
"Zem, if you'd want me to leave, I'll go. But I know, something's troubling your mind."
Unspoken words converted her turmoil when her vision lingered over the signed papers.
I collected them from her bed, bringing them to her focus. "It's this, isn't it?"
With a lowered gaze, she nodded. Watching her tackle the strings of her hoodie, an urge to enfold her in my arms arose. I tipped her fallen chin, meeting her darkened eyes. Kiss her. My heart pumped harder with that thought. Subdued logic flared in defense.
In the past, reckless decisions had cost me dearly. One wrong move and I could lose her too. I moved a step back, unwilling to gamble on us.
"I'll take care of the contract," I said. "Tackling my father with logic is my forte."
"You mean to say this wasn't your idea?" Narrowing her eyes, she asked. Her feeble tone plundered my restrain.
How would I spend every waking moment with her, if the first few hours themselves were taking a toll on me?
"Why would it be my idea, Zem?" I asked, fixing my steps in place. "Why would I propose an NDA, filled with irrelevant clauses?"
She twisted her face and shrugged her shoulders. Unknown to the effect she had on me, Zemira continued her pulled her hoodie strings. My steps and my thoughts flaunted the orders to avoid proximate interactions. Moving closer, I ruffled her neatly set hair.
"Hey." She pushed me away, chucking at her reflection. "Never mess with a woman's hair."
"Woman's, sure. Yours, nah."
She looked through the mirror, poking her tongue out. "You mean to say, I'm not a woman?"
I clicked my tongue, walking away from the one woman who could unravel me with a smile.
~
I tossed and turned in my bed, jostling the reminiscence of our first night. My mind ran convincing scenarios, it nudged me to walk back into her room and take her in the middle of the night. The moth that was my body wanted to dance around her flame, knowing I would be turned to ash.
With the tornado of thoughts that kept sleep at bay, I moved out of my bed and over to the terrace for some fresh air.
There, I saw her sitting on a bench, wrapped in a blanket and watching the moonless sky.
"Do you mind my company?" I asked.
Zemira gasped, a hand resting over her chest. She smiled and slid over.
Maintaining a careful amount of distance between us, I sat beside her. With my untamed mind swirling up the thought of kissing her, I avoided looking at her.
Zemira leaned closer, her head gravitating towards my shoulder. A gentle, crisp breeze ran over, trailing gooseflesh in its wake. Nuzzling closer, she glued her eyes up to watch the starless night sky.
I secured her body completely inside the blanket, drawing her nearer to my chest. Her tranquil gaze made all my urges disappear, leaving behind a smile on my face.
"Leo," when she called me softly, I looked down upon twinkling eyes. "Do you think true love can happen more than once?"
It was a profound question for which I didn't have an answer.
"Are you high?" I asked, trying to distract her but the truth was, I was distracting myself.
Could I fall in love again? A simple question could inflict me with pain, toss me back into the web of memories I couldn't detangle from. I held that question as a shield against every woman I encountered since Sofia, telling them I wasn't looking for love.
In reality, I was looking for an escape. Running away from all possible versions of my life that may lead to happiness. My father was right, I was a coward. A weakling who couldn't face the souring reality that Sofia was gone, that I had to move away from the ghost I still loved.
"I don't think it happens twice." Zemira stirred in my hold. "We only live once. It's the same with love."
Maybe, she too was convincing herself.
"I couldn't have said it any better."
~^~
There you have it. Two heartbroken scared people, staring into the night, wondering if they would ever heal.
Let me know if you ever felt something profound. Felt as if love can't come knocking...