°°
Yeah, it's you, you're the one that makes me feel right
°°
Harry Styles
Harlow didn't go to the club on Saturday.
She's had a bad few days so I told her to take a day off and look after herself because she's either really sad or she's working nonstop, she never gets the time to herself and I think she needed it more than ever.
She was so exhausted, both physically and mentally, she was quiet, her smile wasn't as bright as it usually was and she wasn't sleeping well. She needed the day off.
I went to her club for her because she wanted me to make sure things were alright but I didn't stay long and I didn't drink either. Harlow was in my mind and I ended up leaving early to go back to my house and check she was okay.
She wasn't, but she told me she was.
I fell asleep before she did that night, but when I woke up at 4am she was lying wide awake staring at the ceiling with her eyes heavy and glossed over with sadness. She then told me she had just woken up with a bad dream and that I should go back to sleep, but after spending so much time with her I can differentiate between when she's 'fine' and when she's actually fine.
Her being a liar in this sense isn't a bad thing, it's just what she feels like she has to do. I wish she didn't feel that way but it's not something I can change, she has to do that herself but I will help her and I will let her know I'm here for her no matter what.
On Sunday Harlow went back to her house and thankfully her club doesn't open on a Sunday because it meant she had two days to take a break, which she needed.
Harlow stayed by herself all day and I did offer to stay with her but she said she wanted to be alone which is fine, I understand that feeling so I wasn't offended. We didn't talk much, no phone calls because I didn't want to bother her but it took a lot for me not to just turn up there, I've been worried about her.
She's not been herself at all recently.
She doesn't smile as widely when I call her birdy anymore.
I'm trying not to take it personally, because I know it's not me but there's that part in my brain that's worried she's pushing herself away because she doesn't want to be involved with me. It's not the truth, I know that because she's told me but I'm just worried.
I really care about her.
Sunday for me was spent worrying about her, whilst working with the guys in my office for the first time in forever, because I need to find out why and how Daniel is finding out so much information on Harlow and I. It wouldn't be half as suspicious if the texts came days later, but the same day, within just a few hours that I confessed everything to her I got a text saying I was brave for telling her about her relationship to the Vultures.
This isn't just trouble for Harlow, it isn't just trouble for me, it's trouble for the whole of the Pythons because if they know stuff about the private conversations I'm having with her, then they sure as hell have the power to find out anything else.
The only thing we could think of is that there's a mole and we spent hours trying to figure out who because it has to be somebody close to us or Harlow. Fortunately Harlow doesn't really have much relationships which made our job a lot less complicated, however it could be fucking anyone.
The day ended in Zayn accusing Josie of being the mole, Liam getting mad and kicking him out of my house, Niall fell asleep and Louis was convinced that the mole is one of her strippers, despite the fact we debunked that theory a million times because she hasn't had any new strippers since we started things.
Sunday night I spent writing songs, learning more on the piano and trying to write songs with the piano too, which was actually much easier than trying to learn something new. Probably because I was making up the notes, but it was actually a pretty productive evening if I do say so myself.
Of course almost every song was about Harlow, but she's pretty good song inspiration so I couldn't help myself. She just has that look about her that screams the girl from every indie song in the whole of history.
Monday, this morning, I desperately wanted to race over to Harlows house, bring her a coffee like I used to as an excuse to see her, but she told me she'd call me so I had to respect that and give her the space she needs.
That meant I spent the afternoon third wheeling Josie and Liam because Liam was convinced if I spent the day alone I'd end up telling myself Harlow hates me. It wasn't fun at all, I had to watch them be so happy and in love, it was gross.
Eventually I ended up leaving and going to Harlows, I couldn't stay away from her, I just couldn't.
I needed to know she was okay.
Her door wasn't locked and she didn't answer when I knocked, so I just invited myself in, making sure to shout so she didn't get a fright when she seen a random man wandering around her house.
Which brings me to now, standing with a rapidly beating heart after nearly avoiding a heart attack.
Harlow was sitting at the top of her stairs and I shit myself because I didn't expect her to be sitting there. Although the near miss of a heart attack was worth it for the smile I saw creep onto her face.
I rushed up, seeing clearer that her eyes are red and bloodshot, however I didn't point it out, just sat down next to her on the top step and bashed me shoulder against hers gently.
"Hello birdy" I smile down at her, "I've missed you."
Harlow smiles up at me, resting her head on my shoulder, "missed you too." She whispers quietly.
Suddenly I feel at peace, much more relaxed and that's down to just the company of her. There's something comforting about her company, something inviting, something calming and soothing.
She's made me realise home isn't a place, it's a feeling - and she feels like home.
"What're you doing on the stairs?" I ask, unsure of why she was actually sat here considering she didn't know I was coming.
"I don't know" she shrugs, "I'm sorry for being so closed off recently, I've missed you."
Her voice is laced with doubt and sadness which struck me straight in the heart. The fact she always apologises for things that aren't worth an apology is definitely her worst trait. I don't hate it about her, I just wish she didn't apologise for stuff thst she doesn't have to.
"Never apologise birdy, it's alright love." I said through a smile, wrapping an arm around her shoulder.
"You always say that." She points out with a slight chuckle.
Smiling still, I tilted my head to rest down in hers, "You always apologise for things you shouldn't. So until the day you realise you don't owe an explanation to anyone, the catchphrase is here to stay."
I kiss the top of her head, squeezing her shoulder gently as her head stays rested on mine. Seeing her smile like this makes me feel so warm, even though she's got bloodshot, sad eyes, I'm just glad she's smiling.
"I was erm...I was just about to shower." She tells me, lifting her head to look at me from his inches away, however when she's that close I can't help but move my lips forward to kiss hers, and the smile that lit up her face makes me glad I did.
I nodded at her, taking my arm away from round her shoulder to allow her to stand up, shower and get ready for night time, because I know she secretly loves it.
I love it too, that day I watched her do her makeup on her floor was so cool. It's like an actual art form putting that stuff on and I think it's so fun to watch. I know there's guys who'll hate girls for wearing makeup but I bet the second they watch them putting it on they'll be mesmerised.
I mean I never had a problem with it to begin with, but watching Harlow change from beautiful to beautiful with pink eyelids was like what I'd imagine it's like to watch Leonardo da Vinci paint the Mona Lisa.
Standing hovering in her bedroom door, wrapped in a fluffy dressing gown with a fresh towel in her hand is Harlow, and she looks nervous. She's looked pretty lost recently but right now she doesn't look like that, just nervous and shy.
"You alright?" I ask her, standing up from my position still perched on her top step.
"I was wondering if you..." she pauses, swallowing back what looked like nothing but worry, "wondered if you wanted to join."
Oh my god.
My heart rated automatically started increasing, "I'd love to...are you sure?"
She nods shyly, tucking a few stray hairs behind her ear and picking at her nail beds like I've noticed she does when she's anxious.
"Not for erm, you know... that reason, but because you..." she pauses and immediately I pressed my finger over her lips to stop her from explaining herself further.
"Hey, you don't have to explain everything you know?" I smile down at her, tilting her head up so she's looking at me properly.
"You make me feel comfortable."
Those words had my heart doing 360 spins and my stomach butterflies flying all over the place because comfortable isn't something I thought I'd ever make anyone feel.
We're not just sharing a shower, Harlow's sharing the parts of herself with me that she hasn't yet and I know that that's a big thing for her. Doing things with the light of doesn't bother me at all, the only thing that does bother me is that it's because Harlow isn't confident in herself which is sad, but her comfort is my biggest concern in those moments so it genuinely doesn't bother me.
But now Harlow wants to shower with me because I make her feel comfortable.
And so here we are, standing in her bathroom under the sunlight which illuminates the whole room. The water is running and the glass pane beside the shower is beginning to fog up, as well as the mirror beside me however I could see the worry in Harlow's face.
I pull the shirt over my head and let it fall into the bathroom floor and then walk over to Harlow, cupping her face and delicately kissing her lips so she knows I'm not trying to turn this into just sex, because that's not what this is at all.
"Want me to get in first? Or you?" I ask her, caressing her cheek with my thumb.
"You," she swallows apprehensively "if that's okay."
Placing a kiss on her forehead I chuckle to myself, "that's absolutely fine birdy."
I removed the rest of my clothes, leaving them in a puddle on the floor and then I stepped under the warm water. Separated by a pane of fogged up glass, Harlow stands on the other side looking nervous.
"Harlow I think you're beautiful." I tell her, rubbing the fog off of the glass so I can see her. "You want me to close my eyes or something until you're in? How do I make you feel more comfortable?"
Harlow smiles and her nimble hands make their way down to the piece of fabric tying her dressing gown shut. Slowly, she began to undo it and then she slid the fluffy material down her shoulders until it had fallen to the ground beside my own clothes.
With caution, she walked around to join me in the shower with her arms folded in front of her chest and her thumb picking the skin on her lips. Her cheeks have flushed pink and after she let out a deep sigh, she lifted her eyes to meet my gaze.
She is perfect.
I reached for her wrists, prying her arms away from her body and pulling her closer to me. I slid my hands up her arms, up her neck until I was holding her face with my wet hands.
"Don't be nervous." I tell her softly, "You're perfect, absolutely flawless."
She dropped her head down, shaking her head in disagreement but immediately tilted it back up so our eyes were staring into eachothers. Her eyes are so beautiful, however right now they look exactly how they look when she's scared and I don't like that as much.
She shouldn't be scared around me. I know I'm not the nicest guy to walk this Earth, but Harlow is the only human to ever make me want to be a good person. There's not one inch of her body that she should be ashamed of. Not one hair, not one scratch, not one bruise...nothing.
Harlow has me whipped and she doesn't even know it.
I literally hate everyone so it's scary how quickly I've managed to become so infatuated with her.
"You're so beautiful. You're like a golden pheasant." I smile, wiping the water out of her eyes.
Harlow looks confused, she's smiling but she's confused. Her smile is fucking heavenly and that little look of confusion is so pure, makes me want to squeeze her which is weird...definitely really weird, probably shouldn't say that to her.
A Golden pheasant...guess Liam's inner David Attenborough really is rubbing off on me.
"Apparently golden pheasants are the most beautiful birds in the world," I smirk proudly, impressed with my own knowledge.
"How'd you know that?" She chuckles, wrapping her arms around my waist where the water is flowing against me back.
"I love birds." I wink jokingly.
I love birds...
Harlow let's out an innocent giggle and that somehow had me giving one back because of the infectiousness of her smile. She stood up on her toes and wrapped her arms around my neck, pressed our bodies together and then our lips just briefly.
The water was now flowing between us and Harlow's hair is now all damp, those random curly bits at the front of her hair have become straight and her eyelashes are clumped together with the water. The white walls only see, to make her eyes look bluer and I'm staring at my reflection in them, realising I don't look half as good as she does right now.
This takes intimacy to a whole new level, one I don't think either of us have experienced.
The fact she's standing here naked in front of me is so fucking impressive because I know how difficult it is for her to be intimate. However the fact she's standing here in the shower naked with me, and wearing a smile on her face is even more amazing, I'm so proud of her,
Leaning forward, I drop my forehead onto hers and let the water fall over the two of us. It's oddly comforting being this close to her and not just physically, but emotionally too.
It's quite an overwhelming feeling and I can't describe it, but I've never felt it before and being here with our bodies gently pressed against each other whilst standing in each other's embrace feels like a dream.
"Does that mean you stop calling me birdy and start calling me a golden pheasant?" She asks, brows knitted together and lips teasing a smile.
She went up on toes for a few seconds to kiss me and slowly I wandered back so my back was hitting the cold tiles below the shower, smiling at her sweet and innocent expression.
Somethings telling me she's feeling whatever I'm feeling too.
"No," I shake my head, smiling still.
"You'll always be birdy, my birdy."