"Okay, just straighten your back a little and look over there. Perfect." The photographer stood a few feet away from (Y/n), directing her and giving her instructions for his shot. A small smile curved his lips as she took the pose and he captured the scene. "Good." He murmured more to himself than to the female. "That will be all for now. Thank you !"He announced, satisfied by the result.
(Y/n) let out a relieved sigh as she finally relaxed her posture, rolling her shoulders and shuffling with her puffy organza dress, the lavender fabric twirling around her legs. She looked at her reflexion in the mirror, a small smile curving her lips as she played around with the fabric.
"Agreeable right ?" Jean approached her, a satisfied smile adorning his features, his painted nails reaching over to smooth over a small wrinkle on his striped shirt.
"Yeah, I really like it. Light and easy to wear, comfortable yet fashionable..." The female answered, offering him a kind gaze. Not the kind of dress she'd wear everyday though.
"This dress is terrific. But I know what you just thought, dear. Too fancy for everyday life ?" He queried, adjusting the straps over her shoulder with a light frown, mumbling about how he should perhaps change the fabric for silk instead of cotton. More comfortable.
"Well... Yeah. People could though, but I think I'd keep this dress for special occasions like parties or celebrations." She clarified, observing the male in the mirror.
"Mmh... You are too good. Or maybe I am too funky, who knows ?" He chuckled at his own statement, taking a step back and seizing a measuring tape. "I think I'm going to let you keep this one. It suits you really well and I like the idea of you showing off the brand at a student's get together." He affirmed, taking a last look at the dress before sending the girl a friendly smile.
(Y/n)'s eyes widened, she turned around quickly, facing her older friend, "Wait, really ?" She queried, barely hiding the joyful smile adorning her lips.
"Yes, really." Jean chuckled warmly.
"Wow, thank you."
"Well just make sure you wear this fabulous creation of mine to one of your parties !" He gave her a closed eye smile.
'Mia and... Her.'
Nathaniel stared at the (h/c) haired girl a few feet away from him. He hadn't been able to get her out of his mind.
Her bright smile, luscious locks, soft (c/s) under the moonlight on this night they spent together on the sidewalk, her voice and her laugh... Everything about her sent his heart swelling in his ribcage, like a balloon full of helium. He never felt like this, about anything or anyone, but he didn't quite catch the intensity of his feelings and their nature until a few days ago, when Mia told him about their relationship.
Of course a small part of him was happy for his best friend, he had rarely seen Mia this happy and she deserved it. But a bigger part of him would cringe and twitch every time he'd think about his friend's lips on (Y/n)'s, how the two girls would hold and how Mia would place a gentle arm around the other female's waist. Now his heart throbbed, a dull pain resonating through his chest and making it hard to breath.
Usually he'd have no reasons to be jealous of his friend, he respected her too much for that and he had nothing to be jealous of. Even though he never had a stable and long term relationship, his various flings and one night stands kept him on his toes. He never felt the need for any romantic attachment, that is until now. His heart beat for (Y/n), painfully so, and it had since the very moment he had set his eyes on her.
His lips pressed in a thin line as he caught sight of her soft smile, wondering if Mia was the reason. How he'd like to be the reason for her smiles, to be in her thoughts night and day, just like she was in his. He could still remember the way her (s/c) cheeks had blushed when he first greeted her in Jean's office, how he had mistaken his feelings for artistic admiration...
But yeah, just wishful thinking. The two females were obviously very happy together and he couldn't betray his friend like this...
However in spite of this thought the male found himself walking over to the girl, a mysterious force pulling him in. A small gentle smile curved his lips as he observed her twirling around in the light dress.
"Jean's right. You look beautiful."
'Dress or not.'
But he didn't say those words aloud. He couldn't.
A vivid pain cursed through his veins as she turned to him, a bright and angelic smile adorning her lips.
"Thanks." Her voice sounded like music to his ears.
He had intended on departing right after these words but somehow his voice got the better of him as he found himself asking, "And what's with the daydreaming today ? Anything good happening in your life ?"
A blush crept onto her cheeks, a bashful smile curving her lips as she tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear.
"Well... I met someone and... We're together now." She explained quietly, still unused to the words and the fact she had Mia as a girlfriend.
The male gulped, trying to keep his raging heart from beating out of his chest and spilling onto the floor.
"And... Who's the lucky guy ? Or girl." He questioned, like he didn't know the answer already.
Should she tell him ? (Y/n) hadn't yet told her family about this and swore to herself she'd let them know first... But Nathaniel was safe right ? They were friends. And considering the near zero chances of him ever meeting her family, him spilling the beans to Julia and Yuu before she could were inexistent.
"It's a girl. Her name's Mia." She revealed, her eyes softening ever so slightly at the mention of her crush. She likes how her name tastes on her tongue, like sweet melted chocolate.
"Let me guess. Wild green hair, talkative and fan of science ?" Nathaniel queried, trying to get the revelation from the girl herself. If she told her, maybe he'd finally realise that she couldn't be his and maybe he'd get over his feelings with more ease. He hoped so.
The girl only stared at him with wide (e/c) eyes, mouth slightly open as if to formulate an answer which wouldn't cross her lips. The boy chuckled, sitting down on a chair and crossing his legs.
"That was a wide guess. Never expected it to be the truth." He sent her a kind smile, giving nothing away of his bitter feelings.
"How do you know her ?" (Y/n) took a seat beside him, observing her friend and interrogating him with a tilt of the head.
"We're childhood friends. She was there before Peter himself." He confessed in a chuckle, a hint of nostalgia creeping into his voice. Yeah Mia and him had been together for a while now. She saw everything, every one of his phases and accompanied him throughout the highs and lows, supported him through all his choices without ever once judging him.
"Wow, I had no idea..." (Y/n) answered in a gentle voice, her (e/c) eyes shining in recognition. The world was a small place. "She didn't tell me about you... But then again we haven't talked about our friends or family much yet." She continued, hoping this wouldn't hurt her friend's feelings.
A low chuckle fell from his lips; eyes on her, "Don't worry, it's fine. She doesn't talk about me much in general, just like I don't about her." He clarified, sending his partner a kind smile to try and sooth her nerves.
And for a moment they just stood there, smiling at one another, eyes locked together and sat a few inches away from one another. For Nathaniel time had stopped, the world had come to a halt for a moment as he got lost in her eyes, wondering how she'd react if he slowly snaked an arm around her waist, pulled her closer and placed his lips on hers. How would her lips feel, taste against his own ? She probably tasted sweet, her kiss like the finest of delicacies and the purest of sins.
But his pleasant thoughts got interrupted by a buzz in the pocket of his jeans. He blinked, shaking off his daydream and excused himself as he reached for his phone. He froze at the sight of his new message, calling him back to reality.
Yesterday night was amazing. Forgot my heels at your place though ;)
He had almost forgotten yesterday's one night stand, a model he had worked with a year ago and who came to town for a few days. What was her name already ? Rika ? Tasha ?
'Trisha.'
Yeah, Trisha. A beautiful woman who didn't bother with emotional attachment. Just what he always went for.
The male loved having a good night, seducing and then spending some time with a nice girl. But he always made sure they were on the same wavelength when it came to their respective desire. No feelings and no see-you-again type of relation. And usually he loved the morning text about his performance but not today. He felt dirty, stained and... Unfaithful ?
How could he have feelings for (Y/n) when she was so pure and he was so... Perverted ? What would she think about him if she knew ?
'Not just your sexual activities. What would happen if she knew everything ?'
Would she accept him ? Mia had. But he didn't want to take the risk of (Y/n) disliking him, seeing him as someone else. But he also wanted to build something true with her, and the best way to do so would be to open himself and be honest.
'Yeah. Let's do it-'
"Hey, are you alright ?" Her voice cut through his thoughts. He looked up, the worry on her face both like a caress and a tug.
"Yeah, sorry. A girl I slept with last night who forgot her shoes at my place." He declared as calmly as possible, crossing his fingers in the hope that his moral action of being honest would somehow be rewarded.
"Oh. Do you need to go then-"
"No ! Not now, she'll come and fetch them tomorrow." He hastily discarded her doubts. Truth is, he didn't know when Trisha would come but he didn't care. It won't be today, or at least not while he could still spend some time with (Y/n). She only nodded, remaining quiet.
"Sorry, maybe you didn't want to know that..." He murmured, scratching the back of his head and averting his eyes, not daring to look at her anymore.
"It's fine. To each their own. I personally don't really see the appeal in one night stands but I don't judge those who do either." The female reassured her friend, sending him a kind smile. She had probably noticed his uneasiness.
"Okay, this is a relief. I kind of feared you'd take me for a fuckboy or something." He let out a sigh of relief, looking down at his fidgeting fingers. Now was the time to be honest.
"Truth is I didn't always like it. In fact there was a time I never thought this would be my thing." He started to explain, throat already dry in apprehension. The girl looked at him quietly, waiting for him to continue. And he did.
"I've always had a terrible relationship with my body. We were never meant to be friends right from the beginning. " He swallowed thickly. "I was born as a girl. My body didn't feel or looked like my own and to make it worse I couldn't bear to look at myself in the mirror." He let out a heavy sigh.
"Or some days I'd spend hours looking at my reflection, wondering what was wrong with me and why I couldn't be like other kids, why I just wanted to tear my body to the seams and fly away.
"Me being overweighed at the time didn't help either. Children would laugh at me and say all these terrible things... Yeah, this surely made me hate my body more and myself along with it. I just felt... So powerless, you know ? I didn't understand. I started dieting with the help of my mom. But it didn't make me any better.
"And one day I told my parents about how I felt. About everything. " Nathaniel's lips curved in a light smile at the memory. "My mom had never been a perfect mother, but this day she certainly acted like one and supported me all throughout my change. She proposed sex reassignment surgery. It was scary at first, but I decided to go with it." His smile broadened, now sprinkled by a hint of nostalgia.
"And here is the new me. After the surgery I slowly started to love my body more. I felt at home, like myself. " He grinned, the taste of victory he had once felt assailing his senses all over again. (Y/n) remained quiet once again, only sending him a kind smile to let him know she didn't judge him in the slightest and placing a comforting hand on his own.
"But I guess I never felt truly confident in my body, even now. And to be honest sex kind of came as a way for me to conquer masculinity, to make sure I wasn't a joke and to reassure myself that I was worth it." A lonely tear fell from his eyes, rolling down his cheek.
He did it. He told her everything.
(Y/n frowned sadly at the sight of her friend's tearful face. She pressed his hand, placing a finger under his chin and gently lifting his face to lock her eyes with his. She smiled softly and murmured in a gentle voice.
"This must have been so hard for you. And you've been really really courageous." She wiped his tears away with her thumbs. "And I don't know if you realise it ; judging by what you just said you probably don't ; but you are so so worth it, Nathaniel. I can't say anything about your quest for masculinity because I don't know how it feels and won't pretend I do. But I can assure you you are worth it. And I am so grateful for meeting you, and your sexuality or your past or anything about you won't change that." She finished, still as gentle as before, her hands now cupping his cheeks.
Nathaniel looked at her, a huge weight having been lifted off his shoulders. He had never confided in anyone like this, other than Mia. No one had ever bothered to hold him and tell him, honestly that he mattered and that he had value. No one had ever taken the time to shush the voice in his head and to quieten his fears and insecurities.
And as he smiled gratefully at her, tears spilled from his eyes all over again. Not from sadness but from relief, happiness.
"Thank you. Thank you so so much for listening and for being... You."
'I love you.'
But he shushed these words.
And just like that silence came back, comfortable and easy. Embracing them as Nathaniel held onto her and she held onto him, rubbing small circles in his back as he cried his emotions out.
That's when he knew he couldn't go back. He couldn't stop his love for her. But the question was, what would he do about it ?