new world
LAYING on your back, staring up at the ceiling, you, y/n l/n, otherwise known as 'Xenas', drowned in nothingness. You had infinite amounts of energy, yet no motivation to get up and do anything. You wanted to do something to cure the boredom, yet all you wanted was to lay there and do nothing. You felt so disconnected with the space around you, yet you were all too connected.
You were living in Wammy's House, or the orphanage for overly intelligent kids in Winchester, London. What the organisation did was raise the chosen children and nurture their minds in order to make one of them the successor of the current top detective. At this time, it was a man known as 'L'. The current caretaker, Roger Ruvie, was meant to ensure that this task was fulfilled. After all, man did not live forever – everyone was replaced eventually, L included. The current top contenders for the successor were the ones known as Mello, Near, and you, Xenas.
Mello was determined to become the successor, as all he ever wanted to do was definitively beat you and Near. Near was nowhere near as aggressive as Mello, and merely wanted to become a successor to impress L. L was his idol, and he knew that he was smart enough to get to the top. Though, if he lost to Mello, he would not care as much as Mello would if he lost to Near. You cared the least out of all three.
All that you wanted to do was live. You merely tested, ate, slept, and then did nothing for the remainder of the day – everyday. You wanted to be a part of the outside world and live for yourself, not for Wammy's House or for those who only wanted you for your mental capabilities.
It was due to that reason that you did nothing – that you sat in your room doing nothing constantly. No matter how much Roger tried to get you to go and interact or do something productive, it was to no avail.
You seemed like an empty shell.
When you first arrived at the house, you were somewhat outgoing, but as time passed, you became more and more distant. In both mentality and physicality, you were far from the other children.
"Xenas, may I come in?" Once again, Roger was at the door.
Taking your lack of opposition as a yes, he slowly opened the door and walked in. There you were, laying on the bed once again, doing nothing but looking up into the void, otherwise known as your ceiling.
"Don't you want to go out and play with the other kids?" Even then, there was no response.
All you did was simply continue to stare at the ceiling. With a sigh, he walked over to you and sat down on the edge of your bed.
"We're all going to the park, and you're going to come with us. Be frustrated with me if you please, but you need to get out of your room. Be ready in half an hour."
Leaving your room and closing the door, Roger was gone. Once again, you were in your own private space. However, since you were being forced to leave the room, you slowly sat up. If you weren't ready in half an hour, Roger would most likely make you test even more, which you hated. Letting out a sigh, you walked over to your dresser and picked out clothes that would keep you warm, as it was winter, and in London, winters were not pleasant.
After putting your clothes on, you went over to the bathroom to make yourself look somewhat presentable. You looked at yourself in the mirror for a couple of minutes and made some small adjustments. After being pleased enough with your appearance, you left the bathroom, and then, proceeded to leave your room.
Going down the stairs to the main floor, you kept your head down until you got to a chair. Already, most of the kids were present, with a few still coming downstairs. Near was on the floor doing a puzzle, whereas Mello was sitting on a different chair, eyeing Near out of malice every now and then. Looking over each and every one of them, you decided that you weren't going to talk to any of them.
You weren't necessarily unsociable, you just weren't interested in any of your peers or what they had to say.
Drumming your gloved fingers on the armrest, you let out yet another sigh and tilted your head back onto the top of the chair, placing your other hand on the other armrest as well and slightly spreading your legs as to get more comfortable on the chair. Now drumming with both hands, you did nothing else but look at the ceiling for a few seconds, then look back towards the other kids and lean slightly onto your left side, wondering if Roger was going to ask you to speak to any other kids – not that you would.
You'd gotten your gloves years ago. As you were growing up, you realised that you hated the feeling of other people touching you. Nobody knew what it was or why it had developed, but it was there nonetheless. Every touch was lukewarm and unpleasant, and it felt as if bugs were crawling into and under your skin. You despised it, and therefore, you constantly wore the gloves. The others knew of this as well, so they refrained from touching you.
However, in the off chance that someone did try to touch you by grabbing your hands, the gloves were there to offer a thin barrier. Though, they only protected the hand and some of the arm, meaning that the rest of your body was exposed. But because you only ever were at the park or Wammy's House, you weren't exposed to the danger much.
"Alright, everyone is present. Let us go," Came the voice of Roger.
Now standing up, you waited for everyone to follow Roger before you started slowly trailing behind. You didn't want to be in the crowd and risk having someone bump into you, so you always stayed in the back. As soon as everyone got outside, their heads drooped down as they felt the cold London air hit them.
Hands in your pockets, you watched as footprints were left in the snow by everyone ahead of you.
Specks of white made their way from the sky above to the ground below, and as you caught one out of the billions of snowflakes on your gloved hand – it melted. Eventually, it disappeared, as if it never existed and had been only a figment of your imagination.
That was how you thought of the world. Every single person in the billions of people alive had a beautiful start, but they as well had an ugly finish. If one got too close to something they were trained to stay away from, something that burned them, their end was earlier than others. However, in the end, they all amounted to nothing. Eventually they would be forgotten, and nobody would know who they were or what they did. Eventually, not even the world itself would remember their name.
"We're here."
Looking over, you realised that everyone had already reached the gates of the park. You were about to walk past it because you were so deep in thought, but Near had realised soon enough and had spoken up. He had been glancing over at you every now, and when he noticed you not walk into the park with the rest of the group, he spoke up quietly.
But, in truth, he had been studying you for years on end. He saw you as an enigma – one that he needed to solve, as the future top detective. Yet, because you were so distant, he didn't try just yet. He was waiting for his perfect opportunity.
Walking past Near into the park, you muttered an " I guess we are," and once more looked down at the snow that was flattened underneath everyone's footsteps. Then, looking up with your hands in your pockets, you let out a deep breath, watching as the vapour transformed into white mist.
Now looking around the park, you saw the other kids running around the playground and interacting with one another. Sometimes, you imagined what it would be like if you had the energy and will to do the same, but because you did not, you never fretted about it for long. Social interaction was tiresome, and it only ever led to awkward and unwanted circumstances.
Walking towards one of the unoccupied corners of the playground, you sat down and laid your back against the freezing metal railings. Crossing your legs, you looked down, took off one of your gloves, and placed it in your pocket. Then, you grabbed some of the snow with that bare hand, your arm recoiling a bit because of its freezing temperature. However, once you had recovered, you let it all fall to the floor once more, flattening it with the palm of your hand. Then, you traced your finger through the snow, making words and shapes.
"You're going to get sick if you just sit there in the snow."
Looking up from the snow, it was Near. He looked down at you, and then sat opposite you, pulling his knees to his chest and sitting hunched over. After sitting, he looked up and held eye contact with you, not saying anything else. Hoping that he wasn't going to annoy you, you looked back down to where your hand was messing with the snow, not bothering to give a response. Near let out an inward sigh, as he knew that he would have to carry out the interaction, even though he truly did not want to be the extrovert in the situation.
"Where's your other glove?" Though he already knew the answer, he had to keep your interest and attention somehow. Though, it seemed as if his plan worked, as you lazily pulled out the other glove from your pocket and showed it to him.
Now, he was going to attempt to proceed with step two. This step was a gamble, as nobody had ever attempted it before, and he did not know you well enough to figure out how you would react.
"Can I hold your glove?"
That seemed to gain your attention greatly, as you quickly looked up and at Near. Nobody had asked to touch your gloves before, so you didn't know what to say. Would it make you feel the same way as if someone touched your bare skin?
You didn't know.
So, instead, you analysed Near. Though it was a bit hard because he was a monotone person, you were still capable. Realising that he was doing this on purpose, and that he seemed to be acting out something he had planned prior, you were ticked off the slightest bit. But, since you as well realised that he seemed to hold no ill intention, you slowly handed the glove to Near.
Realising that his plan had worked, Near reached out for the glove, making sure not to touch your hand. When he had the glove in his palm, he looked it over for a bit.
"Do these help? You wouldn't wear them if they didn't, but how much solace do they really offer?"
Pausing your hands' movement in the snow, you stopped and thought about it.
"Don't know. Nobody's touched me since I got them. They probably don't, but the thought that they do provides some comfort."
Outstretching your bare hand to Near, he realised that you wanted your glove back. As he handed it over, you grabbed it and slipped it back on.
Then, you grabbed Near's hand with the one you just put the glove back on.
His eyes widened, though not enough to be extremely noticeable.
You, the kid who refused anyone's touch, grabbed his hand on your own. Though, the warmth in his face and surprise in his chest from your touch was short-lived, as you quickly recoiled and covered your mouth with your hand. Your body was visibly shaking, and though it was cold out, you were sweating. Your eyes were slightly watering, but you quickly blinked away any possible tears. Taking a couple of deep breaths, you returned to your normal, careless state.
"I guess they don't work."
Standing up, you made their way over to Roger to ask when they were leaving, as if nothing had happened. However, Near knew better. He could see your legs slightly trembling, and while others may have written it off as just being in the cold for too long, Near knew that it wasn't, as you hadn't been trembling before.
-
Finally, the group was leaving to go back to Wammy's House. Because it wasn't far distance-wise, they walked to the park – meaning that they were walking back. Once again, you were in the back.
You still felt nauseated because of the feeling of Near's hand in yours, yet you were attempting to get over it before everyone got back. After all, it was only in a concentrated area for a split second, so it wasn't as terrible as it would've been otherwise.
That was the first time that you had almost broken down since before you got your gloves. You felt slightly embarrassed that somebody saw it, but it was just Near, who wouldn't necessarily care. Therefore, you tried not to care.
"Hey, you."
Stopping in your tracks, you turned your head to check if somebody was calling out to you from behind. Indeed, they were. Turning fully to face the mysterious man, you made sure to keep an eye on the group in case anything happened, as there was a large chance that this man was a pedophile.
However, what happened next, was something that you didn't calculate. His eyes started to tear up and he held a look of shock on his face. Then, he started walking towards your small frame and engulfed you in a big hug, both of you falling to your knees.
You immediately let out a small scream, as this stranger had fully engulfed you in their gruesome touch. You could feel him all over. You could feel the bugs all over. They were worming their way into your skin – into your bloodstream and your organs.
Immediately, Near, Roger, Mello, and the rest of the group turned their heads. Seeing the man hugging you shocked them, and both Roger and Mello immediately started to run towards you and the strange man. At this point, you were completely shaking, with tears falling nonstop from your eyes. Your body was completely tense, and all you could do was let out shaky breaths as you internally begged someone to get the man off of you. You couldn't do it anymore. You were burning alive.
That internal prayer was heard by Mello.
"Hey! What do you think you're doing to Xenas?!" He came first far in front of Roger and Near, kicking the man in the face with his shoe, making him fall backwards and release you.
Mello waited for you to get up and away from the man, but you didn't move. Your body was trembling, tears were still falling, and your hands and knees were starting to burn because they were being pressed into the freezing snow for so long.
"Mello, slowly grab Xenas' hand and slowly bring them towards the group."
Shocked that Roger was telling him to actually touch you, Mello hesitated. But, seeing the kid who was one of the smartest in Wammy's House, and the one who never really reacted to anything break down like this, stirred something inside of Mello. He was mad – really mad. This man had made you cry. Whether he meant to or not, he was furious nonetheless.
However, regardless of that, he had to take care of you first. He slowly reached for one of your hands, and though you tensed further, you didn't move your hand away. Taking this as a sign to continue, he lightly grabbed your hand and slowly pulled you towards him to make you stand up.
However, upon realising that you were still frozen, he crouched down, wrapped one arm around your waist, and pulled the arm closest to him over his shoulder.
Slowly standing up, Mello supported you, as you were still breathing unsteadily and shaking tremendously. Your body was tense, and you could tell that Mello's body was touching yours, but your body was already overridden with the feeling of that man encasing you in his touch.
Roger quickly moved in front of the man as a barrier between the kids and himself.
"Excuse me, but you cannot go around interacting with children that aren't yours, and you especially should not go around touching them. I am going to call the police right here and right now for attempted kidnapping."
"W-wait a second mister – don't call the police! Ya don't understand... I'm their father!"
Everything was silent after the strangers outburst. Those who came to Wammy's House were either orphans, or were given up in order to allow the best possible environment for their gifted kid. Nobody had reunited with their parents while in the house, so this was a first.
"Sir, I'm the caretaker of this children. I know the records for every child here, and I know who their parents are. You certainly aren't one of them. Now, get away from these kids while I call the cops."
After Roger's threat, the man stopped crying and slowly stood up. Wiping his tears away, he let out a chuckle.
"I guess ya saw through my act. Yer right, I don't know any of these kids... but I will. Now, hand over one of 'em," The man then pulled a gun out of his jacket and pointed it straight at Roger's head.
"Or I'll blow yer brains out."
Gasps and cries were heard from the children and Roger's eyes widened. However, they quickly shut as he let out a deep breath.
"Kids, I care for you all like you are my own. Now, I want you to turn around and run as fast as you can back to the house. Don't look back, no matter what."
Mello was about to start protesting, but his attention was quickly diverted from his words when you yanked yourself from Mello's grip and ran towards Roger and the man. Hearing footsteps, Roger opened his eyes to see you now standing between them – still incredibly shaken up.
"I'm going," You whispered.
The man smirked hearing your answer and quickly pointed the gun at your head instead.
"If anyone tries anything, I'll shoot yer cute little friend right in front of ya."
Seeing you start to remove your gloves, the man quickly turned the safety off of the gun, getting it ready to shoot.
"Now what do ya think yer doing?"
Eyes boring into your trembling figure, he shoved the gun into your head harshly to show that he wasn't playing around.
"Can I just... Give them my gloves, since I'm going with you...? Please..."
Thinking it over for a moment, the man saw no harm in letting the kids remember the friend that was taken right in front of them. In fact, it'd bring them even more pain, so who was he to object? Removing the barrel from against the side of your head, he motioned towards the group. Now completely taking both gloves off, you threw one towards Roger and one towards the rest of the group – which Mello caught.
"What do you think you're doing, Xenas?! Your gloves! You need-" Cutting mello off, you spoke to him plainly.
"I don't need them," You then looked at Near only for him to already be looking at you with both confusion and fear present in his eyes
"After all, they don't work."
That's when the man tucked the gun into his jacket, hidden from passerby's eyes yet still a danger, and he tugged you by the hand along with him. Even though he was touching you, you tried your best to hold the bile in, as your life, as well as everyone else's, was on the line.
The receding figure of their peer, along with the dangerous man beside you, marked the last time that any of the Wammy's House kids or caretaker saw the one known as Xenas.
edited 07 08 23